i must be bored once again. Playing with keith's mobile blogging once more. Its quite fun to come to think of it. And i think i'll never need my laptop once again. Heh. But i wonder what will happen to gregory house. Its not too hard to be a bimbo after all blogging all day. Lol! I've got myself a new pair of huge audio techs for myself, in loving memory of my finishing of school. Turn up the music! Hanging out at the wong's household. In a room infested with males! There's gab, keith, bi, da, darius, clare. Ah

i'm trying to be a real bimbo here blogging on keith's mobile. A e51 wifi at the hong kong's airport. Niftty stuff eh? Better than a free car wash connection? I'm not gonna be doing paragraphing cause this is a phone. I'm still waiting to check in and am surrounded by chinese originals. I've cleared my exams and am super grateful for god's providence. Continue later when i get back home.

To the bunch of 2E2's to Hendersonians, many of you will remember Third Place. Don't know how many of you do, but i still do. And i hold it closely to my heart, with the hours we spent in there, learning how to play pool from the boys, buy a can of root beer over the counter @ $1, then the lovely lightings and sofas and couches and the stage! The hang out and the place to chill after classes and, a place me and Janna went to mug during our O's HAHAHAH.

Its got a great sound system but pathetically, back then I just wasn't into music that much yet, couldn't play any instrument while i remembered uncle jamie playing the bass, teaching students the angles to the game of pool.

SOOOO MANY YEARS have gone by i still do remember Unlce Jamie, many a times when i pass by the place i do think about dropping in and catch how's the cool dude doing. But it seems like the place is either gone now i think. I still have his mobile phone number in my phone, ahhaha funnily.

So then today, this same man who hunged out with us was in a musical today. I was like "where have i seen this man?" For he seemed far too familar, his ascent, the way he stood, the hairdo. Then it dawned unto me, "uncle jamie!!!" ahahah, yes dudes, this guy sings with all the vibratos, and harmonises well with the rest of the crew in today's "The Promise". He made my jaw dropped in the opening 15 minutes, too impressed with him, i was like "eh when was he a presbyerian?" AHAHAHHA!

So mid way through the show i just texted him to test my luck if he still had the same number, which i didn't get a reply till i left the UCC ahah! And hold and behold, Aunty Chris + Gan paps knows him! This world seriously can't get any smaller and he's pretty closely related to gan-paps. Never expected to meet him face to face, but i just took the chance to just say hi.

"hi, did you any chance used to hang around at third place long time ago?"

"yes"

"uncle jamie?"

"YESS~"

Ahahahah, it was so comforting to know it was him and i'm sooo surpised he does remember my face. (The delinquent) LOL! Yeah with my strange hairdo he was saying and how i've grown up. Ahaha, feels so funny! It was such a small world honestly speaking but its good, just seeing him doing well after so long and still being the cool dude cause he hangs out easily with the young people still really well. 过然没有矢手.

So that was just today's entry and all i ever wanted to say, was meeting uncle jamie after so long! =) thankful for the chance to just say hi, and reliving those good old after school days. ahhh. if it could have changed a little, i just wished i was on the guitar earlier, and we could be singing all together, at the third place. Little campfire feel. Ahhh. Lovely, and i miss the good old school days. My geeky hair, my glasses, my big baggy skirt, big blouse, red tie, mushroom shoes, low low, jack wolfskin backpack, worn real low to my butt. Taking 176 daily, it was only yesterday. Grr. =)

Leaving for Hong Kong, Janna was so sweet to have text. Gonna have fun like what Jacob says :) I'll miss you, silly ASSORTED DONUTS. Ahahha, looking at Grebit makes me think of you all the time.

And Jacob asked a very good question "why you so shy talking bout him?". Ahaha, i'm shy, cause its just him, and yah. Him lo, the one that makes me blush. Its embarrassing really, as in talking bout him will make me blush =X I don't know why, so i'll try to act really cool bout it, but i'm blushing all over. AHAHHA, so no one will really catch me in the act? LIke get him talked over done quickly, just showing all the left over expressions just really makes me wanna hide my face. I look silly! heh. So pretending you don't care really is the best cover. ahahaha!

Really like a 16 year old in love. Yeah, i guess somethings never change!

ok meanwhile while i upload some old pictures on facebook (i'm too free) ahahaa, and since the upload function was pretty useful.

just being quiet now, after spending a massive weekend (weekends have been so much more happening as compared to my weekdays). With Burning Bush on Friday, Sharity Preparations on Saturday, Sunday was the real thing on Sharity.

Its been a blast on Saturday, was so much fun, jamming with shaun + chass + vin + myself. Its the most memorable times, with 4 acoustic guitars, just worshipping God. Sensing God's presence in our midst as we lifted our praises and voices. The harmony, the combination was such a blast, and such a pleasant, sweet tone that was so God-high, you could feel and touch God. Thank You Jesus!

To have more of those sessions would be a plus plus plus. And the sharity session on Sunday, ahaha, i look so CHUI in the pictures, but i was seriously tired but it was worth every bit of concentration, playing and pressing of frets.

For all the music that was played, I just was thankful of being able to sense God's presence and peace once again, something so subtle yet so important to me. Then the night was spent at Chass's place, muahhaha, doing a cover, in front of her macbook. It really makes a mac so desirable, thinking of all the usage it has =)

Then spent the night at a room of my own, spending some time quietly reading the word of the Lord, just enjoying the windy breeze coming from the windows, really lovely, and chit chatting with the girls! It was really fun.

And finally today! Pure nua-ing with Sam at Chass's place. Ahaha, with meals and showers and tv and internet all provided. We just slacked with the owner of the house out. Playing Wii and yay, look at the Mii character I came out with, while Sam helped pointed the control to the screen (i honestly can't do that, like the controller doesn't respond to me? =/ ) Heh.


Shaun came too! Had teochew muay together, (oh my favourite) which is real yummy and fun, just sharing a table and having a meal together, with coffee treat later and chit chats again. Its been really lovely! With Shaun's antics. Its like seriously hilarious!

And a pic of the beloved Pooh bear =D

This feeling of me stucked at crossroads all over again, isn't something new. 1.5 years ago, i was going through this, the feeling of hope, to the feeling of disappointing, to picking myself up and running again, to persevering, to reaching the end. I probably got there (that's if all goes well). An end marks the beginning of another start. Life. Countless of them.

I spent 2 weeks hiding and immersing myself into a behaviour of an utter child like-ness i believe none saw. Immeresed in my little handheld games, that brought back memories of me as a child. I love rpg, i love the cute graphics, running around, levelling up, storyline games. In the end, as usual, i got stuck, left it there. Picked up music and rhythm games, got stuck ahaha. It was like, crap, i couldn't run anymore. Ahahaha. The games lost its little security and fun and wasn't all that addictive anymore.

But through it all, it is me in the making and working in reacting to the happenings around me. It started off okay the moment the exams ended, just intended to just kick back and enjoy before dumping yourself into the countless cycle of the working life. It is not fun. But not as if you have a choice to the working life, but the only saving grace and choice, that would make working life feel better, is in deciding which job you'll be putting your hours into.

But mid way through the kick back fun, i believe the realisation of responsiblities and being a "grown-up" to least face them and take it in a graceful manner should be the way to go. Then someone comes in with a series of remarks that made you feel as guility as charged, needless of any defence, you're charged.

I took it for it wasn't anything new, and much less, not very much unexpected. The hardest point is that after living for 21 years, i doubt she's understanding me pretty much. And suprisingly, during the downest of moments, i woke up with a call from indri, how lovely. I was still sloppy and sleepy, chatted for a brief moment to catch up what each other is doing. She's been sick for about 4 times over and over, i guess. And i was just saying how i'm done with school. This time round, i guess both of us are down but we could still say we care bout each other. Her phone call was pretty comforting enough.

This is one of the hardest debate i'm trying to convince myself and her. Or least express it, which i'm not at all confident. Pleasing others vs Heading out there for your heart desires. I thought i've faced it, and have all figured out i can do it. Only to meet with a stumble and fall, that maybe i haven't quite got that part out.

In all due honesty, all i've ever learnt in my life was living for others, that i've been wired to do it, cause it was just easier. I wasn't happy doing it, it was joy for me. Or probably what joy was made up of, helping others so much that when the spotlight turns and lights at me, i'm lost for words as to what i want to do. Or probably i already have the answers to what i want to do, but i lack the supernatural courage to do it. And i have to find it, this is it. I'm never gonna do it now, i'm never ever gonna be able to do it.

Crossroads sap the living daylights out of me. I've been alternating between my book and sleep nonstop. My head's spinning and my mind in a whirl. I question if i'm over doing things. I just lack the courage to be frank to her, of myself. I made myself scarce in front of her today. I don't want to step on a bomb that triggers off another round. I've enough of arguing or proving my point, cause it doesn't ever go down well with her. Yes she may listen in time to come, but the process of it suddenly seems too daunting for me. Running away seems so lovely, but i can't go on another day of running ahhaha! Cause its not me.

In times like that, i wonder where my faith went. Missing or left it back at lalaland? My prayers are simple. "to everything may it be to Your will, on earth, as it is on heaven." - I'm not settling for anything more or less. Just on it only. I ask of nothing more than of strength, grace and mercy to get through this, that your will becomes more evident. and living. To see this unfolding, i hope it leads to what You've said. Its not that i don't trust You, i don't trust myself.

The weather has been lovely. Thank You =) and in times like that, i couldn't ask for anything but for him to hold me, hold my hands and tell me in my eyes. "you'll get by this, we will". Or his insistent him, of asking me to just hush. and just be quiet and silent. and enjoy the presence of each other. You're missed, and i hope your eyes will be fine. Don't worry, we'll get your eyes fixed!

In times like that, i'm reminded of the goodness of the Lord, He has blessed me abundantly with. <3

To say that I am NOT tired, honestly is lying through my nose. I honestly haven't had a good, decent, rest to recover from my insistent, hardcore, mugging over the past couple of weeks. Well least till my darling, dubby reminded me and asked if I was enjoying myself, chilling out. It was like HELL NO, i've yet chilled out.

After the last paper yesterday, was a frantic scurry down to church to get the song booklets, then hitch a ride back to the East-West line up to Queenstown on Gan-paps car, with a little chitter chatter. Then ride up, bus ride up, with dinner at paya lebar, singpost, then yes to the home. The AG home, it was ok, just really having 3209483 girls coming towards you, hugging you at random, chit chatting, screaming, shouting, doing a gazillion things can get really overwhelming.

But what i realised what i really needed and missed was actually space away from people, into my own corner. With the clutter, i needed time to be quiet, to be myself, sit down just either watching the world go by, or just enjoy the book i've been wanting to spend time with, BIll Johnson's or just time spent with my conversations or quiet time with God. I was really unused to not having that particular day to myself, which is usually before I sleep. Ahaha, was totally strange. So there was the practice i promised with the girls on their anniversary. Hoo.

It felt like hitting my head against the wall, when i missed the count up to the US elections today, when i've been looking forwards to this morning, its Nov 4th over at the US but over here's, Nov 5. I've been looking forwards it since weeks ago, before my exams started, which was one of the motivating factors to help see me through the weeks of preparations. To sit down on the couch and just watch the polls numbers run.

It didn't happen, as I was still at the home :( ahaha, I decided to get home, but yes, as usual, dilly dally, i just decided to just heck it (oh yes), and just get home and watch whatever was left. With the dubby messaging me bout noon time to say "OBAMA WON!" ahahaa, with the number of seats won, i was about walking back, after trying in my failed attempt to head to the nearby hawker centre to grab some rojak home (cause I was craving for turnips in sweet sauce with my yu tiao). Before I rejoiced and screamed yay to him, i actually wanted to head home and catch some bits of the actions first before I actually replied him! HAHAHA. =D

But i think what was all worth the entire wait, was actually watching the victory speech made by the president-elect Barack Obama, i was on the verge of tears. Ahaha, somehow that tad bit of tears of relief and joy and happiness for the guy himself, knowing somehow, everyone's voices being heard, the promises being said and what's to come. Seeing the mass and sheer number of people just coming together, looking at the scene, was just truly a sight to behold, and with the many people shedding those tears too, i just couldn't help either

*grins* I just felt at that moment, WOW. Least there's something for the Americans to cheer about surely, after 8 years, of news of deaths, the 911, the war against terror. Just what is it there to rejoice about? I felt at that very moment, there has been a reason for the people to cheer about, despite the looming and gloomy recession. What was the best note for the Amercians, was really the spirit of humanity, which is to come together, sticking together, uniting together, and standing up and pit yourselves against the odds.

I love things like these, to see people coming together, to fight together for a common cause. Its what I live for. =) Happy to see that these 2 years of efforts of getting people to vote for the Democrats wasn't just a mere case of it on itself, but to remind many people that above all, it was for all Americans, to come together, as one, and have their voices heard, rally together and RAH-RAH together lah! It was a lovely sight really to see people shouting together in one voice "OBAMA - OBAMA" to the "YES WE CAN" sheer highness i tell you.

Obama brought to me recollections of the way he spoke, in comparable to the late Martin Luther King, the same kind of power and authority they command whenever they speak. The kind of charisma that oozes out, with every word spoken, every reaction from the crowd either comes in intense stares and focus on the speaker himself to unison replies or screams back.

It isn't whether Obama was black or white, democrat or republican. It was just his power and ability of being able to bring people together, to least know that they're not alone in their struggles, and everyone's trying their best to get out of the mess. But above all, i believe in one thing he had that was the cutting edge over Mc Cain. His walk with God, his faith in his God and his faith in prayers! Aahaha, if there's ever an interview with Mr Obama, one should ask "do you ever soak your events in prayers?".

To everything God wills, may his works be done on earth, as it is in heaven. There couldn't be anything better, i'm ever thinking if Mr Obama ever went evangelical and spoke to crowds, he's gonna bring the message of higher hope to many, just how many people are gonna be saved! Just thinking bout it at times, does blow my mind, everytime he speaks, turn up the volumes of your speakers and note the lips on the people in the crowd. They go "AMEN!" ahahaa, which is actually exactly what i did and said today too.

I hope he continues seeking his advice and counsel apart from the many advisers and people, above all, seek God =D Like what Mr Obama always go "God Bless You and God Bless America". What a great sign off. PRAISE THE LORD heh heh for the victory!

I do have this picture taken from my mobile through the tele, of this picture. It just captivated me, the people and the man himself, speaking. WOW. To see this finally unfolding to many, sheer elation. Its sitting on my mobile wallpaper <3 style="font-style: italic;">revival for America. Its gonna come sweeping at you.

Hitting the sacks now, in all ever thanksgiving mode,

I've been real tired since Friday, or since the exams have started, that in the midst of toiling and being faithful in doing the things you have to do, i had a little good nap and a slower and quieter Sunday than normal, I thank God for the ride on Shaun little vehicle, taking a little ride, just looking at the ECP as he drives along with Chass on it, its just really relaxing.

And as the day dwindled down, i realised that at times the things people do, without thinking much gets really, really annoying. Times i wish i needn't have to see it, be through it to see how you deal with matters. Its not something new, so its not a new feeling.

"只知道. 我永远不会比得上. 不打算比. 但你做的一切. 我真的看够了. 多次, 我只想离开这地方. 带着我的包包, 一个人海过天空, 无忧无虑. 那样也就够了. 不管我做甚么, 就是得不到你的同意或满意.一辈子为别人而活的日子, 我也该受够了. 长大, 学会独立. 学会活着, 不是因为你, 而是我的神. 为别人的期待或期望活着, 不是活着, 而是忘了你自己该走的路, 或生存的原因.

我并不是大家所想像中, 眼里的千金小姐. 表面上像就好. 至少骗得了你们所想像的"我". 真真的我, 不是很多人看得到, 了解得到. 平凡人, 简单人, 看得出就好. 骗得了你就好了.

我会往一天, 将我离开的比较久一点. 也许你会了解我地比较好一点. 我真的需求, 还有, 我的空缺. 我一声的呼唤, 你是听不到的. 只因为, 你只是往你所愿, 所希望的方面上想. 真正的千金小姐不是我. 是你."

anyways, yes. that's my feelings. all written out. and i'm lately in love with Cantonese worship songs ahaha. and i happened to chance upon this joshua band, a chinese worship band! nice nice. time to eat. i guess! and mug after i've let out my self expressions here. I know the Big One hears me. Always had, and i'm thankful for the one above. As for you, you'll never understand what it is.

十字架上-約書亞【榮美的救主】

高高立起的十字架
父將我罪掛上
從此以後只需仰望
罪就得著釋放
I am Clean I am Clean

你是我靈魂的救恩
從今直到永遠
拒絕惡者控告謊言
宣告我今公義
我相信 我相信 I'm Clean

＊
我不會忘 十字架上
你永恆的愛 天天帶領我
脫離羞恥與綑綁
我不會忘 你無條件的愛
使我充滿盼望
憐憫降下 恩典永流在全地上


耶穌 感謝你
賜我新的生命

At times i just wish i was an american, only for this period of time. AHAHARHAR. Head down to one of Obama's rally's and see him RAH-RAH the people. Man he's an awesome rah-rah-er. Being able to bring people together, connect with people, and communicate his ideas down to the many usual, me and yous.

I was just okay with him, till joyce ho was reading this book on him. I was curious bout him, with him making the headlines, and yes, she chio-ed me to go watch one of his videos, and yes. I have to admit, i do like the way he speaks. muahahar! and from then on, was history, i <3 obama! =D I wanna see the way he works in the coming months, from a senator to, say the president of the United States? Heh, his book i've got but have yet read. Since last semester's exams to my current semester's exams. Guess i'm going to do it soon, and read it WHAHAH, how enticing. To have uninterrupted time to enjoy a book, have the images playing in my head, some good music around, and just have nothing on my mind and just enjoy the book, is a real luxury in life, i feel as we get older. Uninterrupted time is so hard to find. I hope if what mommy always say is zhun. I was asking the other day "Mommy, do you ever think Barack Obama will win the elections?" She went "Of course lah, then that McCain meh, Obama sure win one" I think i felt like a 5 year old, of my many insistent questioning of "why's and do you think's" I've never grown out of it and my mom still entertains me. AHahahar, big overgrown kid over here. But i'm really looking towards the elections and finalise this entire thing, that lately as I mug, the thing that intrigues me in between my time away from my number crunching session is time reading the newspapers, and reading crosswalk online, which is the time i spent online. Nope, its not the digital life intriguing me, nor the Urban, nor the lifestyle section, BUT the particular 2 pages of news on the american elections, and the count down that shows the numbers counting down to D-day. Apparently, too busy with my past few weeks with work and revision, haven't had time to nail on the juiciest bits that BBC has to offer. Harhar, just some nail bitting stuff but i'm keeping my hands and fingers crossed. A wise man's whose counsel is from the big man above, is gonna make a load of difference. And i think that's what is enticing. I'm quite awed by this fella really, just having 5 minutes to talk to the people, to get them listening, to get the to cheer and feel as united as the states should be. Palin - You're just totally annoying and bimbotic, i can't stand her really! She's like desperate housewives on national tv. AHAHAHA. Ok enough of commercial breaks i need to move my papers!

and i forgot to add, the D day to the elections day is on the 4th of NOV, which coincidentally falls on my last day of papers, OMIGOSH. I hope i'll be able to have time to watch it, i think =)

Whaha. Mugging has been done,and business finance is coming straight at my face. ahaha thanks to Emily, I've went to check the portal ahaha there's hints for the finance paper, so better get them right. I really wanna get by this paper, so here it goes. Thank you God for the hints, ahaha so more work to be done :) Gotta get by this paper grr.

Had a time destressing on the yaggersblog, adding some posts, doing up a picture. hah! bit of tad fun, some music, quiet time on the laptop, ahahah! New age technology, its quite a new feeling, and I'm getting used to daily :)

so its been a funny day today, when i complained and shouted out loud "OMGoodness, its soo hot here, its so hot like shit." Ahahaha, and said it probably upteen times, the next thing i know, the clouds came in and it became cloudier, less sunny. Less hot and stuffy, that i was mugging and when "hey what what happened to the heat". =X I really think the big one up there heard me and i was like "oops, so rude!" ahahaha. "paiseh paiseh." ahahah!

Mummy's been cute and she seems to hear my innate calls for new food, she bought kfc today back for me, savouring it like a child! Ahahaa, and she bought 12X PACKS of kinder bueno packed in that jumbo size packaging. ahaha. I thought it was ALL for me and said how sweet, ahaha she went "sorry is share one" which means its for whoever. AHahah, chey! but whatevers, FINDERS KEEPERS! ahahaha. Like a child really me. Who can ever stand me, getting excited over chocolates. I've been saying i wanted to eat it for so long, so here it is! haahah. i want tao huay zui now. ahahah~!!! ok lah better get back to mugging soon :) and the dubby's been sooo cute and sweet lately. or maybe its just me. ahaha!

I'm happy today, of being able to bless Carol with a box of doughnuts. She's so sweet to call and ask if I was dropping down today at her place, after meeting her on friday, when she came over for dinner, and she stayed over and we watched Walle together. Its her first animation movie but looks like she liked it!

Saturday was a time of being in church for a lot bit of work, i was sooo tired after the entire thing, got a lift home nearby from Shaun who's so sweet, get a bus nap, and had a real sleep home for an hour. Dubby came over, with dinner and we watched walle together, cause he haven't watched it. ahaha, i love looking at his expressions of how engrossed he gets when he watches shows. Very cute! Ahaha, and no lah, I was nice, didn't try to distract him too much cause he was pretty much distracted with his food!

My eyes swelled up lately since friday night briefly, after a mosquito bit the left eyeback area. It swelled but went down. Then the same thing happening to my right eye on saturday after my nap. I lied to my boyfriend that "i got punched". he's like "WHO PUNCHED YOU?" ahaha, so funny. Who would ever punch me! Ahaha couldn't hold it any longer and just said it was a mere mosquito bite. How unexciting, thinking a little drama would be fun. T.T Ahahah, but the right eye swelled up so bad, my eye turned into a single eyelid looking eye, smaller looking eye, and a swollen, red one.

Placed some ice and thank God it was fine after consulting my home nurse, called my mom =) But Sharon still said my eyes still looks a bit swellish, and yes i think it still is a tad. But glad its alright, ahaha, otherwise ppl thinking i'm weeping at home.

Today's sessions with Ed Pousson is one whereby I think i've been asking God "What now?", ever since of what Dad said in his drunken stupor i believe on friday night, when i was chatting with me and mom. I don't think it was funny, but there was this message of him wanting to exit from the business. And calling someone to take over it or something, which i asked i thought is the son? Strange but yeah. He talked real funny, and then again the big word of "M" which i don't really like. called money. Not something i'll love to hear at this time, and not something that is pleasant.

Times when mom believes in wholly concentrating on studies, enjoy. Dad probably believes in the part time work or what have you. I don't know how to please everyone but from the way things hears of what he said, it just felt he just wanted me to work or contribute to this family. But the funny thing is that the beloved son of theirs isn't contributing man. And just thinking of being rushed, when the son was in Australia having pure fun, as he took his studies. Times i don't understand why it has to be me where things gets shortlived. I'm probably even expected now to work and study, when my siblings went through pure studying life. I don't wanna understand and i don't wanna think. Its just at times wayy unfair, and thinking about it doesn't make anything get better.

I had it. And i'm just gonna focus on my papers, get it all done. Graduate. Then see what comes next. And i'm seeking more directions as to how to get this done and I thank Pastor Edwin for the prayers today :) May this be something of what that was initially or rather already planned.

Gonna spend quiet time with God, and throw Him some of my spare pointers i have in mind. I just wanna tell this ONE person. to love yourself. to stop being soo immature and treating yourself out there, and doing all these things to apparently "numb" yourself or release yourself from your apprent problems which you have seem to lock yourself up in this box of self pity and assume you're the only one going through your bout of difficult situtations.

I really feel that I've lost you and things aren't the way they were as much as we were from the way we were small. The only thing that is constant is carol, and i'm thankful and glad for her.

I hate it when people think and box themselves out there thinking they're the only one going through some "adultish" problems. In their high and mighty world, think that they have got everything and know so much more things, that there's alot of things that a pure 100% full time student has no 1 clue about. I may not know, but the plain one difference between you and me is that we seek different cousel. Our pillars of counsel and souces of guidance just differ probbaly as far as the east is from the west.

I can repeat myself over and over again till the day i die and i'll still repeat this one line to many. There's nothing you can do to make God love you more, or love you less. So why are you doing the things you're doing instead of seeking Him. Till now i don't know why people still run from the fact that many a times, you can run and think you never need a God. Think again.

This word comes to me so frequently these days ahaha. I always call myself that during the mugging period. Thank God for Janna mugging with her has always been so productive (I charged my IPOD liao) ahaha and our occassional chats during lunch before we start and after we end!

Chit chatting, and share our random thoughts =) very lovely, ahaha!

ok after watching Kingsley's crew video, i'm quite tempted to start dancing, after ANOTHER dancing topic after I was unwinding today watching Bernice and Steven Ma on Steps. But i'll always remember, I can never seem to remember the steps ahhaa that's the problem, can't put them together in order, which dance requires, good memory, foot work and timing ahaha. and i finally realised what makes dancing soo cool. The coordination of every team member! Makes a dance tight and really cool.

Oh wells, and today me and mummy had teochew ber again! Muay or whatever dialect. Ahaha she couldn't believe how cheap it is. I order like free one LOL. But i really love it!

Aunty Lee Fong (my another darling), called me that this morning! Harhar when i woke up this morning, not doing the work i was supposed to have handed up to my BOSS. So yes, i woke up, started the computer, and started doing the edits to the covers, resize some couple of pictures (they never seem to end) ahahaha. And I've become like the resizing auto-bot. *beeps*

So its all done, just editing one more family pic, then facebook to do something different from yesterday, view at pictures, looking at Miss Kaur + Miss Norlinda, i'm too used to still calling them miss. heh! Mdm Linda already having a kid, bout say couple of years old lah hur! Lovely house, fitted in tatami feel and WHAT. A BIG FAT APPLE IMAC DESKTOP sitting there. SO BIG, you couldn't have missed it. sigh, where's mine? (*hints the dubby) AHAHHAA. Poor guy, all my toys that i love to tends to get bit high end hor ahahah! Just kidding lah.

So with my new name, The Lazy Burger and the updated version of lubby its cuter i think. AHAHAHAH. So much so for starting off this week on the sunday night whereby he interrupted my rest time, ahaha PEK CHEK leh, ahaha. Saying my goodbyes on msn, turning off my laptop, left to turn off the lights to sleep, my phone sings *viva la vida* intro, it totally jolted me up from my sleepy mode. LIKE WHO IS THAT?!!!

Was so tired but i really had fun on sunday night, the teochew ber, (its opposite HSS) ahaha, with the fellowship lunch with say, hernie, daniel, chass, clare, lyd me then dinner with Chass's Family + Vin + Lydia. It felt so cg like, feels so ah. Nostalgic really. =) Melissa is hilarious and i wonder do i have this affinity with Melissa's. They tend to find me amusing, but they're funny themselves too! Hee hee.

By the time i reached home i think i would have collasped. But I think i went online to break the duck of the entire week of barely being online i suppose. Ahaha, to say hi specifically to CHASS! ahahah. She's lovely really.

Chatting with winnie briefly, she always makes me smile with her antics. ahaha and her sweet sweet entries. Ahahaha, how come I hear D call me, i don't go AWW. Jialat! ahaha, must switch mode from that day's incidence of The Rude Awakening back to The Sweet Awakening or something. I'm cliche.

And yes, life for me has been nothing but waking up, having my lunch. Tv, then Mug. Then guitar, then tv. Then computer time then mug again. I could chant it like anythings. Life is boring during study break. and i think next week is gonna be more of a killer, like studying for finance. Good luck to myself. AHahah!

I think the joke of today is me eating this huge apple, I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A PICTURE OF IT. IT IS SOOoooooOOOOOOOOO huge. ahaha, i was already 3/4 full, when i just bit like 1/2 round the outside of the apple! Its huger than that usual fuji apple size. First, getting a bite onto it was such a chore, for its huge size. Then just slowly chomping it as i watched the 7pm Channel U's Korean drama, that 19yr old girl, poor girl. (I used to detest the drama, till maybe my mom convinced me, since we eat dinner in front of this show before she runs up to watch her Father, Sons show) - SEE i said it was good. Then her drive of life. - Again. THERE'S MIU KIU WAI, and Cai Shao Fen!!! Sure good, and the 3 brothers lah hurh. So yes, i skip all of those. Done watching them lah! But end of the day, I FINISHED THAT APPLE. But not without msging dubby (God even his nick starts with a D) T.T

"I wished you were here to help me chomp this huge apple up. i'm tired from munching". hahahar, i must be so wu liao hor? But the memories of him lately is him eating apples leh! That sunday, was me sharing with him the apple i ate in the morning at the bus stop, its so fun just eating whatever I want and just offering him the rest which he usually goes "no lah, you eat lah you eat". And i'll go "you eat lah". and he goes "you eat lah. your breakfast". and i love this favourite line of mine that goes. "well if you don't want, i'll just throw it away, cause i'm full" ahaha. and then u see him chomping away! Muahhaha. Sooo funny.

Ok time to figure out what Sherman Chin has been teaching. I had 3 days of global marketing and my oh my. ITS A LOT OF THINGS TO READ. MY GOODNESS. Ok coming up. *gorge with paper in my mouth* Tatas! and i'll see you Janna tomorrow morning, ahahah! sooo funny, our studying together periods are so seasonal!

ok decent break to everything, there's a time to everything so nope. driving has to go for a 3rd timing and i'm taking it in my stride. failure is the root of success (shi bai shi zheng gong zhi mu). not the way i would have loved to but what else can you do is what my mom tells me.

so its time to hocus pocus and focus on my upcoming 4 papers. Finance is going to be tough but take aim and get armed well. The rest still gotto do the best. But finance really can be a worry man!

anyways its been a hella of a week. alot of self doubts but have gone by, and its time to hit the books. Not totally for it, but what else can I do? Mug joyce. Keeping all those mugging in prayers! Hold on lah!

Janna See, can your blog have a tagboard. Adding a comment is sooo ahaha. *coughs* Long, tedious! Ahha, I can simply imagine your reactions to hearing S.H.E + AH Mei + Sammie together, I think you'll scream until your hou long tong! Its amazing your loves never change, never fades overtime. Very jing pei!

So i've just been done creating another wallpaper by request. Its been a long time =) I should come back and do more, well least till I'm finally done with school. Since my final year of poly, i just haven't had that much of time anymore. Then Uni came, i got no idea what's clocking up my time these days, since i spend much lesser time as i used to, on the forum boards, in front of the tv. I'm still wondering what am i doing, and probably its more time with the guitar, singing, out late nights, chit chatting.

I don't know man, when my boyfriend is a storeman, we don't spend week nights together. I really do ponder what on earth do i spend my week nights on. Aahaha. Its a mystery, but i think its really more time being alone in the room, or being at church. And i wonder is church taking up that my time? Ahahaa, i really wonder! I only remember this sem is yes more of church. Last sem was, projects and tvb i suppose. ahaha FADS. But one thing has remained, i think i spend a lot of time just being in my room, singing with my guitar, that i'm quite sure has been on. AHAHA, ever since corty came into my life. Tv has lost is interest. Reading papers and sleeping? God ahaha i wonder.


Jacky Cheung on the wallie! So cute. aaha i've been loving this picture, i actually already have this picture on the wall.so yes here i am, tomorrow is one more practice before my second take at another try at TP. I shall not let fear take over my head, and still stay calm and focus, on what God has already done a miracle, another one please?! AHahah!

And i've been mugging, hope to have more discipline to pull more through! And thanks to my darling, who's been sweet (though being accused of using the word "Aids" on him, man i don't know what he hears, but it really wasn't) - Forgiven. Ahahaha! Who returned the stupid textbook back to the school's library, i needn't make a special trip down tomorrow before driving =) So i'm really thankful, i was telling God "haiyah, i don't wanna head down to school specially!" So here goes! He is an answer to my prayers ahahah =D

and i forgot to add. House is pretty factual, there's an episode on Grief. and the 5 stages, i chanced across it today. My God, i'm feeling tired again, i've napped. I'll just sleeep!

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, in her book, On Death and Dying, notes five stages of grief:

• Stage One: Denial and Isolation
• Stage Two: Anger
• Stage Three: Bargaining
• Stage Four: Depression
• Stage Five: Acceptance

aunty dot came down from malaysia, she normally stays for a day or two, on a business trip down there. so yes she said i still look the same, nothing changed. Hahaar, so i asked about her kids Neil + Nic, 17 now. Asked her how they're doing, so they're doing their A levels, before completing them and heading to Australia for more studies.

Then there's Aunty Dorina's kids, Jea Tsen and Jeu Ann, already in Australia, she's doing Bio Chem at Melbourne University, big wow lah. These kids really do really well, ahaha, looking at myself, can feel zi bei. But the ultimate zi bei, is the kids are all driving already! At 17, they're driving. My god, and I look at myself, ahahaa. 21, real diu lian. Flunking TP test once and going a second round. ahaha and yet have learnt how to drive.

I start to wonder lately why I've never bothered to learn driving much earlier, since the age was 18. Why i never bothered to learn how to drive when I was doing my Poly year 2? WHY?!! Hahar, I got no idea, but thinking back what I was busy doing, was actually doing part time work, to kill time, to fund new toys and gadgets.

Now that i'm older, have seen and looked at the need to drive (for the many late nights happenings actually), and there, time has passed me by, i'm 21! Still trying to upgrade from the Provisional Driving License to a real one. Ahaha, feeling a little pathetic here.

Time to time, i do question my existence of doing my Degree over here locally, than going to Australia, I really do wonder if it would have been any difference. Taken the alternative route of doing the entire 3-4 year course over there. When I hear of all these, honestly the grass does seem greener over there. I really wonder, but not that i'm regretting my decision. You just ever wondered the consequences of just thinking of the OTHER decision.

man, sucks, ahaha, ah joy being 21. Its not the first time being laughed at for not being able to drive at my age, (by my bro's friend) an aussie friend, its kind of like unbelievable to them, i suppose, due to the efficient transport that Singapore has, an excuse would be there really isn't much need for it.

Now that i'm seeing it, aahaha, i'm 21! Does feel abit pathetic, but i'm just tugging on, and holding on, and seeing this through. Finishing up this last lap of studies at SIM, I keep talking to people, bout what I am doing, how long this is, and what discipline it is. Its the same feeling, of yes, its just another paper, less branded, maybe its called the Giordano brand in comparison to the national unis of the Topman/Topshop - River Island. Then meet the Guccis and Armani of a lovely degree from Australia, say from University of Melbourne.

Can't help feeling a wee bit desponded. when you see high flyers around me. Don't mean to do any comparison, but just looking at the way the state of things currently are.

Had fun at dinner with Andrew, Clare, Jacob, Glenda, Lydia and Chass. our little mini farewell for our dear star, Andrew who's leaving for Aussie for training. May God bless him, keep him safe, so we could have more Ukelele and walahwalah sessions? Its really a nice feeling coming together as a cg, it really brings back good old memories of us together as a cg, thank you =D IT was hell of a chicken stuffing session. ALOT OF FOOD!

And as much of everything, I just wanna thank God for being so faithful and seeing me through these weeks, of massive things, awesome project mates, clearing the datelines and meeting criterias one after another, and lastly, the finance test! Despite my own failings, of failing to study like one main chapter or it, i'm glad I still made it on the dot. Hopefully, this goes on i'm praying for the upcoming exams. and the coming TP on friday, let's just get all these over and done with, please? Quite tired of doing the same things over.

my eyelids are shutting, ahaha the bed calls out to me as I yearn for it. (ok, too much of danielle steele in my younger days) - NO wait, thats only less than 10 of her books ahaha. But i just wanna shut my eyes and just get through on with the fun, and minus out all the work, there's still strategic and sherman's requirements staring. Despite clearing sales.

Its really never ending that all i wanna do is watch retarded shows on tv, like "I survived a japanese game show". I just wanna sleep my butt off if everything permits, but that really is running away. I could really hardly wake up today this morning. Alarm went off at 9, it wasn't till 9.53am I started getting my butt. Telling and lamenting to God how I really don't wanna go to school, see that fella's face. Not keen at all. The main man who chairs the entire lecture.

so last night, heh, i went to take a glimpse at Janggie, and Min Jong oppa. ahaha, i really do have that fettish still for dorky cute guys. ahahah, janggie as usual still as man and min jong is as boyish as ever. (Then the boy went "i shld get a brown pair of glasses", just thinking bout it, i'm curious how he looks on it, though i went "you're gonna look old". wait i look like MEI MEI(young sister) how?) ahahaha.

and i was just hearing this "yoboh" word on the korean drama, 7pm on channel u. ahahaha i was thinking dear and darling are just plain boring ahaha, how bout "yohboh" for him next time ahahha *chuckles. caroline's hair is soo gonna stand!

AHHH. *screams* i don't wanna move my brains i feel like hitting the sacks. damn.

Its been pretty a good mix of fun and work. Having done yesterday's Sharity Food Fest thingy, with alot of art attack on the banners. Which were simple, but the colours were pretty. God, ahaha guess where did the yellow cloth come from? AHAHAH =X So much so for table cloth turned banner eh? Ahaha, and black paper made available from Gan-paps table ahaha. It was really just nice, the paper amounts ahahha. Look at the 2 funny guys at work, that's Jia Wei + Darius. Sticking the alphabets on. (urh, i drew the A-B-C's out, cut 3/15 of the entire letters on the banner) - and yes, I can't do "S" it takes me forever. The rest pretty fast. Its my infamous bubble fonts i did since i was in primary school, and continued to be painted on my aesthetic club's room cupboard. Still exists in some parts of me I guess, and the years of practice =X Ahahaha.


The team did 2 banners! Pretty amazing and the other one was the floor ball cloth ahahhaa. The boys did really well, you'll be suprised that boys can be pretty neat, (after working nearly all the time with girls this is one of my debut times, working with guys who can cut and stick pretty well) But sticking wise, JW wins ahahaha, we were niaoing at Darius "wei stick properly!"Wallah! And so this is the finish product! Alot of tape and paper ahhaa. And then night was chill out at Gan paps place again with the entire family, and there's the 2 boys. aahaha, with dinner and later, some faith talk and urm, Balloon twisting session. I was freaked out. I don't like the popping of balloons! And so i was with Ah Bi hugging at one corner ahaha.

So here i am sharing some bits, after working done on the portion of the sales communication and strategy report. really annoying! So i think i'll slack around and chomp some grapes. and yes some time spent with the boy, its been pretty lovely!

and winnie's really cute and generous with her remarks! =) we'll meet up really soon, i can't wait for friday! *sssh* hee hee!

Give it up. Ahaha, I just can't stick to Arial font. So here it goes, its Trebuchet. I'm sitting on my comp, pasting fonts onto my load full of pictures, I think I too ENG ENG CHENG already. Actually not really, I do have my portions of the group assignments to do. In which I think I'll be working really hard after my dinner and after posting this entry. BO SI KAN LIAO. So its choo choo. Get my butt moving but in all due honesty, I'm relunctant. All I wanna do is wait for time to fly me by and wait for these projects to just pass me by? Ahaha, dream on joyce.

So maybe i'm on stress mode. So on stress mode, apart from listening to her OH-SO-EMO korean tunes, I'm doing all these barang barang, twidling and fidgeting with my pictures. And I realised something, the better taken the picture, the WOW effect upon adding the fonts gets even better. As much as I keep complaining I do wanna change my mobile, but my current mobile honestly speaking, is decent in terms of picture wise. ahaha. I'm so contridicting. So here are some random musing.

My driving instructor was sniding me to some sense "You come inside circuit alot of times already hor". ahaha, yes. Can't seem to hit some "perfect score". Tend to miss one out of the five. SIgh. How ah TP? LOL. Circuit's like waiting for me to screw up. ahaha, either up that crank course and mount the curb. Gee.

And I think I shall reward myself with a good breakfast tomorrow at Tiong Bahru Market (SO I better work hard and finish up some work!) Now that I realise that I am quite a capable procrastinator too. AHAHHAHA.

And fried prawn balls (they're really yummy) the one that the ad goes "Oiashi!!" Yah that brand LOL. I'm an addict. Heh heh. And its coming to my tummys near me.

For humour sake: I got a chicken puff from polar and was walking back together with a pack of Vitasoy (that's my lunch at 4pm) after driving and my bus ride home. ahaha, I was chomping the entire time and when i wanted to slurp, I couldn't find the straw. So poke a hole on the top of the packet, and squeeze and drink it up like... RIBENA. AH. WAHAHHA.

the itchy tech bug in me is reviving. I saw cool gadgets. one's the pinnacle that geoffrey (my lecturer) was talking about. its not whoopingly expensive some 199+ i think, seeing it in the hardware magazine. its cool, who needs a dvd recorder, and he finally shared how he gets his video. I always thought he had some blue ray dvd recorder at home. AHahah, its the pinnacle! =) He always shows us cool clips from the tele. Seriously, what am i watching? But watching too much of the things he watch also really no life leh. So business minded and brained. -_-

oh, then i'm just giving myself a new excuse to get a new mobile phone. Its starting to auto shut down nowadays, when i connect and make a call. And during a call, if it gets a little bit cranky, it starts sounding like space like. ahahah, reception bar gets cranky. so yes, that's my phone ahaha. but my tastes as usual, so high end, otherwise i'll go "then change handphone for what" if i'm just getting another upgraded phone with a higher mp camera? No sense. apart from aesthetics. But yah, i suppose there'll need to be a wifi purpose "FOR WHAT?" Not as though wireless sg is so song, but its just a good alternative. And must look sexy. ahaha that'll be the next phone. I'm thinking of the samsung innov8 leh. so chio, or the g900, or the i770. whahha, i dunch noe. After playing with the iphone, i realise i don't really like screen interface, though they look cool. I miss the feeling of pressing buttons. AHAHAHA!

Then I saw cheap cheap DSLR. As though so cheap. AHAHHA. nice hor. HEN MEI HOR (*nudge jin hui) ahaha i like that line now. It comes with lenses too (Then i was thinking what's it different from my current canon?) SIao liao, nowadays cannot find reason to buy new things, cause really its not much different. AHHAHA. apart from the ease of control to readily change settings, and the ease of more control over the lenses. grr.

Then hor, i also looking at bags again. NEW BAGS> whahaha. I think i got the sin of loving tech stuff and lately bags. siao liao, mummy say why want another one (cause she took my agnes B bag and made it hers, so techinically i'm entitled to one more ma) LOL. I was looking at the longchamp one. The sling one! I find it classic, all cause it reminds me of the green checkered of the ralph lauren one. GRR. But honestly i still love the bags in Hong Kong. Piang my heart still sits with the ralph lauren big tote bag, leathered, with a big fat silver horseshoe sticking in front of it. MUAHAHAHA. 1K + SIAO! ahahaha. Put a bag vs an DSLR. I take the DSLR, can capture all the moments and capture the bag lah hor. Just stick to my agnes B lah hor. I got no idea why i have a fettish with the brand, together with marc jacobs. Just something bout it.

Sian. Oso dunnoe why i like all these mi gia. HOU GUI ORH. ahah, if you're wondering what that was. Its supposedly canton. my totally raw and unbaked version but grr. MAHAL SEKALIAN? LOL. Itchy itchy for a new bag. Grr, just make do with my current ones. ahaah, i just got a new pair of shoes. Flats, canvas and its grey. LOL. I only hope it doesn't fall apart!

And latley, i've been sleeping like a pig, playing my guitar slacking. Singing cheesy songs. Chris Brown - With You. Quite COOL. Then that NEW SOUL. OMG. I need a capo, my capo HILANG? Its lost, can't find it. Kiss another $20 buy, $18 exactly. Anyways i do need the clip on ones, the screwing one is hilarious. I've seen a very good cover of Alanis, Ironic. I lovee that song... whahaa and soo well covered. The Jackson 5's Back to You is gonna take some aeons. Sooo many barre can? Barre never mind, trying to get the clear sound. GRRR.

And yes, i'm bycotting swee lee. Its expensive for accessories, apart from if you're not looking guitars, but yah i think my next guitar should be found at sinnamex lah hor? =X I still love my cort, so not yet for a taylor. Least for now, and sticking to everything, till least it falls apart. I'm still attached to my mobile phone. Thank God i wasn't a garang guni.

And.. I sleep for 8 hours, and work productively for some good 2-3 hours. I'm pathetic. I need new music... Chinese pop is not amusing me. My current playlist is getting a bit bored. K Love's getting too US SOUNDING, i'm having enough of it. I'm just too fussy.

I don't know what on earth I am feeling. This sense of helplessness, nothing-you-can-do, and nothing i can do to make me feel better kind of thing. That your phone had to die, and when we were supposed to meet, i waited 4 hours for you. Its ok if you tell me say you can't make it. No answers no nothing, i was left hanging. (No this is not my boy). Its also someone dear to me, Bak Tuti.

I can't say anything, i can't blame anything. I just went on with the day. I packed my feelings and emotions up, i was praying to God, please don't let me see you at my place. (Till mom called me "Wei, where are you? Tut's down here") I was like "ok." I was so afraid because I would be too upset to face you, I'll splurt hurtful things out. Thank God I didn't. But when I saw your shoes. It tore me up. "What do i have to say, and what is reasonable to behave in front of you". I only splurted "wah, kamu masih di sini yah." you went "tunguh kamu" i went "buat apa". It made no sense to me at all already. Mom got my message "Wah, why like that. To chit chat lah". Of course it was obvious but no thanks, not after all that is happened.

I saved space in my tummy for lunch together like how we always do. We planned this together cause its been months since we met. You're always busy, ok i understand. So how about this week? I wished you said "no" to me earlier to spare me from my agony now. I could wait. and wait again. Its ok, afterall I've been waiting. I'm not new to the idea that you can't make it.

Then i went up for the shower, to least bring me to the 4 walls and think and logicalise my feelings. Why am I feeling the way I do if I say i'm not angry at her, if i wasn't going to meet her, its not her fault, its the phone that died. I blamed NO ONE. I blamed myself. For being sooo silly and crazy to have waited there. I was with people, least it helped made the wait easier, but my heart wasn't there. My heart was with the phone, redialing to your number, if the meeting was still on. I can take rejections. I can take "sorry, i can't make it". I'm not new to that, its ok to get turned down.

What irks me alot alot of times, is being left hanging in mid air. Oh God. To me its the most senseless things that can happen. Its like taking no decency for the person waiting for you. I just thank God Mummy called, so thankful. It ended my endless wait. When the kids had to go home after jamming, it was like "that's it man joyce, head home". I've been asked my chass again and again "joyce, wanna leave?" I just wouldn't leave. Sam: "Joyce, you coming?". I would have said yes to everything else. But here's everything. I'll wait till the cows come home for people to turn up, if it takes for me to wait. Ok, wait. If you're that special someone, it means waiting till kingdom comes, i'll still be there waiting.

If anyone wants to put me through this test, try. Just don't like it when tests of devotion or loyalty comes into play. I'm glad I didn't let myself down. I'm glad I waited. Though the result was something else. I have nothing to say, no one to blame. No anger thrown on anyone. I just want to be alone, suck this entire thing up. Crying doesn't help me get better. I cry, cause its my form of release. Could be the disappointment, could be just "how could you leave me there waiting?". Leave me there dangling in mid air - watch me there. Thank God mom realeased me. I just felt released when mom called. Thank God she called, and thank you mummy. The call meant alot to me.

I've got no answers. no one to throw the blame on or at. I lock myself up in the room, alone. And just have it all to myself. Its shiok. releasing, but it gets my nose blocked up real bad. Hard to breathe but i'll get this out. When you repeatedly say sorry. I wish you could say more to sorry. But there really isn't anything else I guess you could say. and "the phone died". As facts often has it, it hurts. And i'm facing the reality of it. Walla Walla. Once again it has proved my theory right. "man fails, that's why we all need a God". I really don't know how am i suppose to react "rightly". And i still haven't found an explaination to my profound cry babyness today. I think of you, the tears well up. You sent an sms across to say sorry, i type my reply, the tears seem to well up again at my eyes. WHAT AM I SO UPSET ABOUT! ITS JUST SO RIDICULOUS. I don't know man. Maybe its just disappointment and kids that just go back to their rooms and be on their own. Give them time they'll be fine as per normal again, and be all hah heh hoo.

Thank God for Gan-paps. I didn't even know I was not sounding like my normal self ahhaa. No wonder i asked the question a good 4-5 times. "is the thumbdrive with you?". I thought it was you not being specific. Waiting for the train home, i realised its me. Me not getting the point "yes your thumbdrive is still with me". -With you = its with you at your side now.

I was on "dumbfounded mode". Nothing goes unto her. I really didn't realise I probably didn't make sense. I still probably won't be making sense till for a while now. But thank God, God's been good. Glo-bus, results really is not bad. He's provided, and thank God for lovely group mates for the game. Thank you thank you. God get me through this.

A big fat finally, to at least see the church directory coming to terms, its funny receiving comments like from Elizabeth saying how active/involved I am in church. Then Joan was asking "Wah, bring laptop, doing projects ah?" I was like "No, not projects leh". And she went "ouh, church huh." Jiatlat. Ahaha, for that moment I had flashback of Lavonne, back at IBM, she's always working on her church stuff, and i always go "church stuff ah? Wah very involved at church ah". To see it come the other way round, really is deja vu and pretty much I also don't know.

For certain, its just like suddenly i'm popping up or something. Ahahaa, I laugh and wonder why did it take me so long to get to where I am today, got no idea. But all I can say, I believe I'm no longer held back by the doubts of "wah, what will people think" or the feelings of being constantly watched when you're in the vision of many people. I've always loved to be low profile, after being high profile at school for far too long, I've taken a break ahaha, a LONG break. Slack, watch and observe. Know how constantly one can just passingly pass comments as to the way things currently work, but no one really wants to get out there, step up and do a better job.

Yah, now i'm up and running, lately, its been the church directory. Not starting it from scratch so its all not that a big effort, but mere editing (: Its almost done, but I think I really enjoyed the entire process totally, cause of the time spent in the church office, I get to mingle with like the entire pastoral staff. And really, what my intentions of who they seem to be and who they really are, are entirely different!

Aunty Lee Fong is like the coolest dudette, I call her "darling" and she shudders, but is gradually accepting it. Abel calls her my slave driver. LOL. Then there's Pastor Edwin who I love to just poke my head and disturb him, cause he'll be doing some cool stuff, surfing cool websites, watching arty christian videos that WOWs me. Pastor Enouch is there to tell COLD CHINESE JOKES. OMG. ahaha, its really fun when the entire things just gel up, Abel is the english cold lame jokes fella. Pastor Sunil smiles around, politely. Gan-paps treats me to milo peng (i think the entire world soon knows what my favourite drink is), have lovely chit chats and giggles. Ahahha. OH! And there's the amazing Pastor Keith. I've never really talked to him cause he had the label "SENIOR PASTOR". I scared leh the kind of authority, but really he's so lovely! Working with him is one smooth operating journey, taking a video of him, he's cool! How professional he really is, and how warm and attentive he is to details. I've never stepped into his room for more than 10 seconds, but yeah, lately, I just keep going to his room, disturbing him, with his toys, playing with his toys all sitted around his room. He loves kids!!! I'm really am amazed by this entire team and just being there, of course, i'm the chah si nang fella that goes around poking my nose into everyone, smile smile, say hi =) And lame around. hee hee.

The journey up of doing this directory has taught me stuff man, and it really is discipline. Take photos, editing the photos, to do with joy =) I never knew my photoshop quite not bad one, as in speed wise. AHAHA, i'll always link back to the time i'm so into my korean actors, Janggie, Kim Min Jong, Jung Woo Sung, that my boy before dating me, labelled me once "idol chaser".

I see it all come to past. For the belief I've held on that I really wasn't just chasing them, but looking at the way the koreans go about their magazines shoot, fashion, culture. Learn from the magazines, and at the same time, try to imitate their simple, yet elegant non sophisticated feel. I think that's where all my designs actually come in. The photoshopping I picked up entirely from forums of soompi, their wallpaper designing. To think I started off from powerpointing. And all the encouragements, from Minjong.com/forums, i got my most practice there. Hah, see it all come together, is amazing. I'm still going to give back to the forums still =) The start of everything. I just have been busy with everything else, I haven't got time to manipulate and play around with the new photoshoot pictures of the many beloved actors. I will start it back, get school over and done with, then got more time to sulk and enjoy my dramas. My MKW, Min Jongie, poor thing. Coming coming! I need uninterrupted, total concentration.

Thank you for the encouragement of the directory, definitely encouraging to see people accepting the entire ideas with open arms. i just hope people will flip the directory more often, find someone they wanna pray for. Or keep in touch with. I'm gonna do up another wallpaper again, i just saw a totally cool picture again while surfing for pictures for the directory. The noob designer at work ahaha. And try to get my PEST on Vietnam done, gundo me, went to do a swot. (I never knew the work I was ever gonna do apart from my leisure circle, at my free time, is gonna be for other purposes and its God's purposes. Seeing it come to light now, wows me.)

Somethings that is blatantly famous to all those who's ever seen me act with them, play with them, make voices with them. Yes, i've a soft spot for soft toys, but not just anyone, the ones that I seemingly feel I can make some connections to.

This is Grebit. This IS NOT mine, but my boyfriend's. Heh heh, its from me, given some time back, he brought it over from his room. AHAHAH, quite funny, (Its not the first time) ahaha that Grebit travels in his HUGE bag, or sleeps in my porter bag while we watch ZHI BI, with Tony Leung. Its here to visit me again, cause he's away. This toy is rather amusing, it just makes you laugh when it moves, thanks to its long hands and ears. Should see the grebit dance. AHAHAH, of course, coordinated by me lah. Just destressing after some time of crunching numbers. I guess next time if i'm away, i'll let him sleep with Da Tou. ahaha.

So here I am, just adding up another entry, to show G R E B I T' S face. Switch on the comp and listen to K-love, while I do another round of short revision or something. Work's coming *crinch* not the best and the most enjoyable, but gotta get around this.

Last entire week has been such a blast. Activity running up one, after another. School, then the 2 usual free days, I just wanted to finish up the directory stuff (there's still more pictures coming in) so least I could clear up my work and free myself this week to least study, for my finance paper coming next week. Then burning bush from friday, equipping sessions on saturday, sunday service. whoaaaa.... Ahaha, I think I've spent more time at church this week than anywhere else.

Thank God He provided for everything else and my encounter on Sunday night. Freaky but good stuff.

Also, finish up on my work, there's the research to be done on the China market, glo bus quiz. Can finally feel the heat of school and to whack my butt to start moving now. It starts now. Gonna try to clear the quiz now.

Driving lessons to get into action, to prep up for the test too again. I hope I'll be able to make it this time. Wah, never felt so busy wor. ahaha =)

Had a GREAATTT time out with the buddies yesterday. Oh Janna, we're evil people. ahaha, and I think I'm becoming more auntish. Jin Hui! Its so fun to hang out with you, i think you me same same leh. AHAHHA. Ling Li is the full fella. Poor Vanessa at home, get well soon!

I'm honestly supposed to be working on the church directory, than working on my own personal wallpaper. I was bored, trying to find inspiration while i tried to do up the cover of it. So I ended up surfing and tadah, this picture sitting on the front page of Nike's webpage just caught my eye. After using my Hugh Laurie wallpaper for some time, I do welcome a good change.

And honestly, for the first time, this is the first one of my own works being more christian theme (How horrible). Come to think of it, I never thought of it, or doing anything being more christ like. AHAHAH. BUT being the all american basketball olympics team of 2008 that brought back the Gold medal to their country, I can't help but feel at the end of it all when they got it, as the players placed their hands together, they went (apart from being No. 1) - Thank You Lord. its all over the place especially by the Americans, the African Blacks had the habit of looking up to the skies, kiss their cross and will probably go "Oh father, bless me, or please pray for me" or something of that sort. I can't help it but how many winning atheletes actually dedictated their wins to God before and after a race/match.

I should do it too huh. Seriously, I'm really just seeking some ideas. I've got something with the African Blacks and especially with their God. It is the same God we do believe in, their outright thankfulness attitude, dictating their wins, "I thank my God in heaven" is always their opening line. I grew up listening to their music, boys 2 men. Muahaha. The soul and r and b music which influences the muchly talked about K-pop music. Think about it, think Rain, Se7en, Brown Eyes, Tim and Brian or Fly to The Sky. Guess got their influences here. Its pretty amazing.

Ok before I start rattling on, class 95's having some good old classic songs. So old school. Yummy. (Better finish up my work I planned on doing man)! And I really wanna watch wall.e. I HOPE IT BEATS STAR WARS AT THE BOX OFFICE. Why? OH COME ON, move over star wars, enough of it. Say hi to pixar, get some fun into your animations thanks.

*and the theme is edited once again, done much faster than the previous time. All because I got annoyed of the colour scheme that was before, the red words couldn't be seen, visibility is really horrid. The power of white. Its kind of nice still no doubt. Rotating between white and black, I can't get any boring =)

i just realised i've got two comments. ahahaha, and i'm thinking is it that funny, uncle. who doesn't love to be called uncle. *squints squints* HELLO YOU.

ahaha, but in any cases, yes sales comm. is finally over, now that i can finally breathe alittle. i've been catching up on a book called "The 5 Love Languages of God". Its is really an awesome book, gonna intend to bless some people i can think of. hee hee.

the globus game is staring at my face, a couple of hard decisions this time round lah. but we're learning.

bag's homework undone. got a meeting for the globus later on. having dinner with the cousins later i believe.

just got my driving test date again. 10/10. ahaha i was laughing at the date but it brings back alittle uneasiness in me. i hope 10/10 shall bring me 10 demerit points only. ahaahaha. circuit's haunting me sia. jialat. "oh give me style and give me grace" - Coldplay: God Put A Smile Upon Your Face.

*hugs my teddy bears* screams + jumps around. no one hears me. i'll just stuff my mouth with cai dao kuey black style. my brunch and slurp tao ni zui. my favourite especially when its warm!

i miss my buddies, i miss the pooh bear. i miss my siao char bohs cousins. i miss bak tuti! haiyah!

blogger's apparently has got a new interface. just going through blogs, looking at each other's writing style. i put myself in shame ahaha. cause it shows how disorganised my trains of thoughts are, or either how terrible that i can't articulate myself.

either i love rambling on and on, that no one can have a clue about or what so ever. i think i'm just tired.

and i think i'll be tempted to quit blogging long entries, or does it depend on my mood. i'm too much a random and mood based person from time to time.

time has been tight, trying to not get stressed (I know, alot of people will NEVER believe I'll ever be stress) ok, lets use the word pressured. it is a pressure cooker of late, getting to handle the commitments i agreed to do, and being the typical me, is to do everything well. now that in a few days time, my sales comm individual assignment is almost due, i'm midway through i can say, i hope i'll be able to deliver.

so i've been feeling tired or larthegic of late. either i'm telling my brains i need more rest, or to recuperate, or simply just give myself an excuse to slack and not think about the million things to do. to feel free. then again, quit dreaming, wake up. ahaha time to work. i gotta get by these couple of weeks. go go, and God bless.

ahah. was taking self shots of myself this morning. for the picture, and. i'm gonna learn the ropes to the property market. God knows how's things gonna go. but i suppose its no harm learning more. since it is sales and marketing. now i'm starting to wonder if this is soo crazy. ahah. hope i'm gonna have fun lah. i'm so gonna paste my big fat face up here. i like this shot ahaha.

and yah i think i finally got a picture of myself for the church directory ^. i like the angle. whahahahaa. and school's starting to set in, and busy busy ness is so gonna find me soon. can't wait to get this over. and hello, business finance is sooo. not easy. but least the lecturer is trying to make it manageable. *gasps.

and i failed by first driving test. ahaha. NOOB. for being a noob to actually crank up the curb front wheel. man i'm quite sore that i should have just reversed. so now its waiting again for another test date. grr. but thank God for the failure, given me faith that I can do it =) i couldn't convince myself to do it (after receiving tons of thrashing from my teacher), so much less convince the instructor that i can be ok on my own. just gonna try harder next time round. but i think it was a decent attempt! =) hee hee, and i'm proud of that.

july is a month of birthdays (there's glenda, alvin, ling li, raqqie) - happy birthdays ya all =) all 21. muahaha, we're aging rapidly, so yah you're not alone. (i'm starting to feel olddd)

i'm thinking what am i gonna do on this saturday. there's lessons at 2-5pm. then there's rusty russell in the morning. 9-12am. thing's that i'm thinking bout cg. and its the last cg. go on friday, then my steamboat dinner with the whole bunch jialat. i wanna be at both T-T huu huu. school's coming soon AGAIN. grr.

hellos bloggie. shifting to this new site, and layout ahaah, i realised nowadays i blog much less. ahaha i just keep it in my brains and live another day. or maybe i just got lazier by the days and my blog entries are actually getting shorter (or maybe it depends). and i start to wonder what on earth do i do nowadays. i'm a much quieter person! or rather its spent on the tele, books (read, papers lah, books lah, mags lah), spending time with my music (listening and on the guitar), sleep.

i actually stopped surfing much on my minjong and dong gun oppa somehow. things just stop on the forums and ppl on mjnet does wonder where on earth am i. i wonder wad on earth am i doing. i just don't surf that much anymore actually. so funny, then what do i do ah? ahaha. chit chatting online too. i think i'm just aging rapidly it is. i used to do more, like do everything that i stated above and add on to the forums reading and catching up. i guess i'm sleeping earlier nowadays... oh ohs.

anyways, this week has been rough. when relationships face the test of time, it is the ultimate test of each other's character. and no like i asked mom "guess who's making me worried and bothered this week?". she went "the one standing in front of you lah. (which was darius apparently)." he went " *hands raised up* no no no aunty, that was 2 weeks ago" ahaha it's really funny. i went "he's right, its not him. its the other 2."

like what hwee boon said to me today, it was like a revelations of my situation with jinyi. till today sui yi talked to me, like how our relationship between the both of us shouldn't be affected cause of 1 guy. i was silent ahaha "uh." response, listening.

1. i think both our relationship was already different from the moment you went into full time work. we were different. you wouldn't share your deepest anymore. ok that's fine with me =)

2. and the most important and basic basis of all fundamentals: it isn't bout the one guy, but its about your attitude that i see it in you doing it to me, and it seems to be reflected to him. the way you treat me, just feels you don't trust me anymore. or maybe we shared different ideals already, i will never seem to understand you today as of NOW. you're all grown up, and i'm still a full time student. by all means. i don't argue when i don't see a point in it.

3. now that we go your way, work to your ways. you share as and when you feel like, giggle and laugh as and when you like, i don't ever mind. do whatever you're happy now, i won't budge or give you advices to seem like i'm nitty gritty-ing bout everything. i respect you now, and you do what makes you happy, as long as you're happy.

4. things seems to be a big problem now. but lets face reality, it was already a problem i saw long long time ago. it wasn't a problem for you last time, now that it has become. i tried to do what i can still, but then again, if only i recognise a problem, isn't that making me a bitch of being a problem maker? ahaha. things can go for a change now maybe, now that you see there's a problem.

5. i'll clarify for the last time again. whatever i've done this week was purely on the basis cause i cared. and that i had no and zero agenda on trying to tear anyone up, cause confusion or anything. a listening ear to anyone in need even if it means going out of the way, applies to practically everyone. check my records, it really is for most ppl who knows me.

6. i'm glad both of you are out of the rut and things are going a-okay. keep that going, cause this way, both of you really are happy this way. when both of you are not okay, you both really are not happy at all.

through all this time, i'm thankful i've a great guy sitting beside me, (after the $2.80 incident) ahaha, it's amazing how the week after, we spent time talking and just realising and acknowledging one point. there's really no one that understands each other, than the both of us. that the days of late has been amazing in a sense, the kind of level of trust and belief in each other went up a notch. its amazing and i'm glad and happy and just really enjoying the passage of time and life with each other. funny how things got this far, like soul mates feeling. like best friends but like the bestest of friends ahahah!

he's been amazing today too. he led worship today, "i was really trying not to laugh". ahahah, like the long pauses we had, and how the rest of the young adults just took it in the stride, have some laughs, he tried teaching a new song today. ahahaha. not bad lah, and i was his back up guitarist. he takes 80% credits lah. 20% mine, to the little guiding lessons on sat night wor and the day itself, ahaha. i was trying very very hard to like "joyce, darius is leading' ahaha. i think i'm too jia lat, i lead too much by feel liao. he goes by "ok this way, this way" ahaha. i do remember there was 1 part we contradicted, but in the end somehow things just went his way for once and mine at the end or sort of. for being lost in a new song and finding the way round it. glad it was still nonetheless good. bringing the point across, that he wanted something "NEW" and "Fresh".

jacob went "dont scold him ah" i was like "no lah how to scold, he boss today." ahahah. but more than that i realised why (being the usual typical perfectionist me too) was fine today. i've seen his efforts and his struggles up to the day today. i'm very very proud of him =) cause for my case, it took years, he took months. and it was lovely spending time listening to christian songs sitting together, as i shared the songs i listen to when i'm bent on my knees praying for him (and of course when life gets hard) before he became a christian. how i used to break, and keep questioning my desires. it was just great, being able to have a partner to share God together, talk God. Love God and serve God together. is my greatest joy and the prayers of my life. course thank yous God but also to the darling. he's been a darling =)

and apart from the darling, there's jacob and glenda, JJ today, for being such encouragements. it was like a total booster of joy. so worn thrown insults. i'm glad i was given grace to take it with a smile, not cry, not break and still have manners switched on. to take insults at my face with grace, move on. cry not. is me. Shaun antics adds smiles to your face. Pastor Keith, for remembering our little sharing on missions. i tell you, this God is amazing.

taking photos for the directory teaches me to quit wallowing in my little worries. ahaha and do it and encourage ppl to smile! its fun, taking photos especially for the elderly. how appreciative they are, just touches me.

be running circuit tomorrow again, and my teacher's attitude is a test of my character as much as it is of his. lets try this again. oh god give me style and give me grace. - Coldplay: god put a smile on your face. he needs it man. ahaha.

and thank yous winnie, you're really really amazing. what will i do without you? God bless you, lovely.

and i tell you my current favourite pastime, is to sit in the hall. with the speakers at me, listening to my pod. man it is life and watching house on 42" hdtv. such life of pleasures to me, (its funnier when there's the darling beside me? he's all tense and like "ssshhh!!" and i try to blab with 100000 commments to distract him hahahah) sharing same loves, ahahaha. and how he provides me with my pleasures, of house. GOD. i'm blesssed really.

too beat to say anything, or write anything out. as for today, i'm totally zombed. partially because of the things i had to do today, photo taking can get physically draining. then the early mornings talk, totally trying to explain $2.80 to darius took literally the living daylights out of me (plays muse - time is running out) "you will be the death of me..." really really tiring, and it doesn't help in itself when i'm actually focusing my thoughts onto other matters.

explain, and today morning, trying to get into the problem definition phase. i was really wondering what was going on, why he was behaving the way he did (if that is called understanding). theory is, its easy to just get discouraged and sit back and moan and say and feel and think as though you're the only one on earth feeling the way you do. as much as i try to talk him out into "don't give up", "put in your best", "try again", "its ok". only could do so much, i'm limited in my means for i myself am trying to figure out and think on certain matters.

i came to a conclusion that in alot of times, as for myself as a learning lesson, sometimes and alot of times, things ain't going to what we perceive it to be, doesn't equate that things are not working. if only we learn to open up and see more options, maybe we'll get to understand things more, see things better, deal with them more effectively.

somehow i had this sense of just letting everything go, ahaha. stop pursuing, stop trying to get him out of his little rut hole all over again. let him do what he wants if he's comfortable in being in the rut then so be it. i'm like really zombed coping with my own things, ahaha. for the tough couple of weeks ago, at home with mom. now that things are better-ing up, like a source of her release of anger, she feels better. i'm patching myself up in a sense of rethinking everything i'm believing in on, working on, and putting it out onto actions. the entire process of things, what have been done right and what not.

seek comfort that i tried my best, and even if i fell flat on my face and failed, i know i always tried my best. =) like what my darling winnie said, feeling so drained and tired today, of the sum of the physical and emotional toil going through. I'm fine =) just totally in need of sleep NOW ahaha. rest rest rest.

with everyone saying i went down again, i'm like oh no. did i? ahha, i've been eating! hard to explain no matter how much i say, i believe ppl are thinking i'm suffering some eating disorders. ahaha NO!. i love food, but its just i haven't got that love as much as i used to, and i'm totally fussy over food these days. (want bread - find the right sandwich) - and i wonder ahaha how much of nutrients im eating and getting into my system!

anyways, today's been an amazing encounter with God. with what JJ said, worship during YA, and the slow walk to my cousin's place where it rained, and turned to a drizzle. amazing. spending time being quiet, taking the pictures and looking at the youths getting around their retreat program was definitely therapeutic, that it makes me focus on the things i can do than to the things i can't do a thing about =) fun and makes me feel soo old, hanging out with carol lim siang joo. she's insanity defined all packed into one. have to sleep, my eyes are gone. =.= to equal signs.

alright, finally with the new posting and a new look. after trying it out on the yaggers blog, i thought i should do it on my own blog. its sexy, feels wordpress, pretty much the same. After debating for some time, i'm just staying onto blogspot for old time's sake. its 4 in the morning and yes, gotten to everything i want, the looks, the feel. pretty much, only thing that is lost is the pictures on the side, but for a change to all those faces of my favourite stars, ahaha, its new widgets on the side.

yes i've been away for a godly long time, too many things happening, can't have time to narrate each and everyone thing that has happened. but on the overalls, june first two weeks, has been caught up at church camp at malacca, then to hong kong. i will by all means claim malacca was a more fruitful trip, spiritual wise, getting to know more people well and God was there, and most of all, experiencing the presence of God. Worship was one of the best of my life, being able to play for God is 1, and secondly, the entire atmosphere, no kidding.

Hong Kong was a mere scenic trip, apart from the peak and madam tusseud which i enjoyed, the hotel room, tv, making my daily observations, food. that was pretty much it, yes shopping shopping shopping but mainly, was high end stuff. as they say, too much of a good thing becomes boring. the only brand i love. starts with the a. agnes b, that's bout it. ahaha, i bothered. too upmarket, no clothes to match, no look. pass baby.

end may would be busy with the preparations with the church camp booklet. after coming back from hong kong, was driving, meeting up with friends and the usual. its quick my holidays are coming to an end, and to a real different beat, i didn't work this time round, part time wise. which is unbelievable.

gotten myself a new baby. =) my new cort guitar. its been around for weeks but i just feel too many things to blog, don't know where to start, can't be bothered. and the stacks of things to blog is in my head, but no efforts in writing them out. pictures, alot. abundance. but no way man, uploading on blogger one by one is a real killer. facebook's got great photo uploading capabilities, one of the smartest i've seen so far =) will see, if i'm in the mood. it takes me aeons of years to upload pictures.

been up to singapore flyer, took some great shots all with mom's compact camera. gotta get it from her, prolly later today, cause its 4.15am. The boy just messaged, cute boy. woke up to just message me he fell asleep after dinner, but hey hey, i'm cool. tired just rest, ahaha, i'll still be around isn't it? =) sleep tite you.

so that's all i've got there, for this week's been busy with all things guitar. after having a hard and painful time with my baby - the guitar. (i gotta name it man, but i haven't got a clue). cause of the action of the saddle being to high, it needed adjustments. so thank God for a professional you can count on, who works from home, did my guitar, its all the way at hougang. so a day, delivering it down there. another day down to pick it up, had dinner with jayson (his treat) - being i'm totally broke this week, on splurging on this baby. so he paid, how sweet. hee hee, and me, thick skin lah.

then was another treat last night, by Agnes. Jojo omma went to Japan to meet MJ! what on earth, some hell of an experience. and mj.net ppl asking for me, yes i've been dead. honestly, not that i've lost interest, but time online to surf and read and be updated, hasn't been on the list. where i'll spend it watching more dramas, read more stuff (i'm into political stuff of late, especially all things obama and the presidential election between the republicans and the democrats) nifty stuff no doubt, and great english. then there's my guitar to attend to, and my boy to attend to, and church. sounds busy huh, but i seem to be able to fit all things in, then there'll be time for school, school work, church, and friends and what have you. forums haven't been on my head (apart if i'm gonna buy/sell barang barang).

and before i leave, i must share how sweet this friend of my brothers, (how not close i am to him, we barely talk) and how well i talk with his friend. HE IS SO AMUSING. Name's michael (seems like a common pinoy name) he's half pinoy and dutch! chit chatting with him this morning, he's saying how my ascent is amusing, speaking english but with some chinese ascent. DO I? eeeee. but yeah, a guy who hangs around with alot of girls, and loves shopping and window shopping and is a guy who looks after his skin alright. i think its the mixes, cause he says he mixes with korean and japs in australia! (keke, and reads a japanese NWV, its the new world version, yes he's a Jehovah Witness) -only realised it today morning after chatting today. ahaha, oops. i just chanced upon it. he's on a stopover and flying off to japan soon. what a life. sigh, i'm really really envious of him.

and yes i must say, go australia and make a living. part time there earns at least $15 an hour in a kitchen (which is the lowest paying jobs). WHAT ON EARTH?!!! thanks man. i earn half of that over here per hour, and say hi. to the pathetic pay we have over here. he's strange, he eats spicy. LOL. NOT AUSSIE. man i wanna go aussieland and japan tooo. but first of, korea!!!! dang. he says i can if i save up. i think not on my life, now? LOL. maybe its a thing when you grow older? whatevers. its raining! tucking in like. NOW! niteys people. (and to Jin Hui, Vanessa, Ling LI, Janna - Stop quoting "Its been an amazing week!" its no longer anymore muahaha) - and sorry i couldn't be there today, i really would have, but the guitar restringing and cleaning was really tiring. yes, its the classical, i learnt from scratch, and clean some good 3-4 years of dust on it, its my second round, cleaning it. sigh. what a day and week man.

ps. the posts are bit messy but some of you may see why. its linked to the other pages along this blog. so ignore them =) it'll be fine with a couple more posts and edits. i love this new page.