hellos bloggie. shifting to this new site, and layout ahaah, i realised nowadays i blog much less. ahaha i just keep it in my brains and live another day. or maybe i just got lazier by the days and my blog entries are actually getting shorter (or maybe it depends). and i start to wonder what on earth do i do nowadays. i'm a much quieter person! or rather its spent on the tele, books (read, papers lah, books lah, mags lah), spending time with my music (listening and on the guitar), sleep.

i actually stopped surfing much on my minjong and dong gun oppa somehow. things just stop on the forums and ppl on mjnet does wonder where on earth am i. i wonder wad on earth am i doing. i just don't surf that much anymore actually. so funny, then what do i do ah? ahaha. chit chatting online too. i think i'm just aging rapidly it is. i used to do more, like do everything that i stated above and add on to the forums reading and catching up. i guess i'm sleeping earlier nowadays... oh ohs.

anyways, this week has been rough. when relationships face the test of time, it is the ultimate test of each other's character. and no like i asked mom "guess who's making me worried and bothered this week?". she went "the one standing in front of you lah. (which was darius apparently)." he went " *hands raised up* no no no aunty, that was 2 weeks ago" ahaha it's really funny. i went "he's right, its not him. its the other 2."

like what hwee boon said to me today, it was like a revelations of my situation with jinyi. till today sui yi talked to me, like how our relationship between the both of us shouldn't be affected cause of 1 guy. i was silent ahaha "uh." response, listening.

1. i think both our relationship was already different from the moment you went into full time work. we were different. you wouldn't share your deepest anymore. ok that's fine with me =)

2. and the most important and basic basis of all fundamentals: it isn't bout the one guy, but its about your attitude that i see it in you doing it to me, and it seems to be reflected to him. the way you treat me, just feels you don't trust me anymore. or maybe we shared different ideals already, i will never seem to understand you today as of NOW. you're all grown up, and i'm still a full time student. by all means. i don't argue when i don't see a point in it.

3. now that we go your way, work to your ways. you share as and when you feel like, giggle and laugh as and when you like, i don't ever mind. do whatever you're happy now, i won't budge or give you advices to seem like i'm nitty gritty-ing bout everything. i respect you now, and you do what makes you happy, as long as you're happy.

4. things seems to be a big problem now. but lets face reality, it was already a problem i saw long long time ago. it wasn't a problem for you last time, now that it has become. i tried to do what i can still, but then again, if only i recognise a problem, isn't that making me a bitch of being a problem maker? ahaha. things can go for a change now maybe, now that you see there's a problem.

5. i'll clarify for the last time again. whatever i've done this week was purely on the basis cause i cared. and that i had no and zero agenda on trying to tear anyone up, cause confusion or anything. a listening ear to anyone in need even if it means going out of the way, applies to practically everyone. check my records, it really is for most ppl who knows me.

6. i'm glad both of you are out of the rut and things are going a-okay. keep that going, cause this way, both of you really are happy this way. when both of you are not okay, you both really are not happy at all.

through all this time, i'm thankful i've a great guy sitting beside me, (after the $2.80 incident) ahaha, it's amazing how the week after, we spent time talking and just realising and acknowledging one point. there's really no one that understands each other, than the both of us. that the days of late has been amazing in a sense, the kind of level of trust and belief in each other went up a notch. its amazing and i'm glad and happy and just really enjoying the passage of time and life with each other. funny how things got this far, like soul mates feeling. like best friends but like the bestest of friends ahahah!

he's been amazing today too. he led worship today, "i was really trying not to laugh". ahahah, like the long pauses we had, and how the rest of the young adults just took it in the stride, have some laughs, he tried teaching a new song today. ahahaha. not bad lah, and i was his back up guitarist. he takes 80% credits lah. 20% mine, to the little guiding lessons on sat night wor and the day itself, ahaha. i was trying very very hard to like "joyce, darius is leading' ahaha. i think i'm too jia lat, i lead too much by feel liao. he goes by "ok this way, this way" ahaha. i do remember there was 1 part we contradicted, but in the end somehow things just went his way for once and mine at the end or sort of. for being lost in a new song and finding the way round it. glad it was still nonetheless good. bringing the point across, that he wanted something "NEW" and "Fresh".

jacob went "dont scold him ah" i was like "no lah how to scold, he boss today." ahahah. but more than that i realised why (being the usual typical perfectionist me too) was fine today. i've seen his efforts and his struggles up to the day today. i'm very very proud of him =) cause for my case, it took years, he took months. and it was lovely spending time listening to christian songs sitting together, as i shared the songs i listen to when i'm bent on my knees praying for him (and of course when life gets hard) before he became a christian. how i used to break, and keep questioning my desires. it was just great, being able to have a partner to share God together, talk God. Love God and serve God together. is my greatest joy and the prayers of my life. course thank yous God but also to the darling. he's been a darling =)

and apart from the darling, there's jacob and glenda, JJ today, for being such encouragements. it was like a total booster of joy. so worn thrown insults. i'm glad i was given grace to take it with a smile, not cry, not break and still have manners switched on. to take insults at my face with grace, move on. cry not. is me. Shaun antics adds smiles to your face. Pastor Keith, for remembering our little sharing on missions. i tell you, this God is amazing.

taking photos for the directory teaches me to quit wallowing in my little worries. ahaha and do it and encourage ppl to smile! its fun, taking photos especially for the elderly. how appreciative they are, just touches me.

be running circuit tomorrow again, and my teacher's attitude is a test of my character as much as it is of his. lets try this again. oh god give me style and give me grace. - Coldplay: god put a smile on your face. he needs it man. ahaha.

and thank yous winnie, you're really really amazing. what will i do without you? God bless you, lovely.

and i tell you my current favourite pastime, is to sit in the hall. with the speakers at me, listening to my pod. man it is life and watching house on 42" hdtv. such life of pleasures to me, (its funnier when there's the darling beside me? he's all tense and like "ssshhh!!" and i try to blab with 100000 commments to distract him hahahah) sharing same loves, ahahaha. and how he provides me with my pleasures, of house. GOD. i'm blesssed really.