Processing and Journeying

I can't say as my leave to East Timor approaches nearer, the sense of anticipation comes along with the feelings of the bit of nervousness, worry and a little reluctance to live certain people and relationships behind.

Yes, God says do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worries for itself, but being a human and returning from Melaka, I cant help but realize the emotions that was stirring inside of me.

I know I had to get down and start processing my thoughts with Him since I didn't manage to do much of it when I was away from my room. I realize I do enjoy time to myself and it is important to me to have that window to myself before I sleep, it is like those private times that i can have my own freedom and space to do what i want to do without the hassles of not being under any watchful eyes. No private time out makes me grouchy. Funny though that I am able to spend most of the time with people for the day but must have my dose of private time to unwind before I turn in.

Perhaps the greatest thought at the back of my head is not about worrying what is going to happen in the next 6 month but what is going to happen after I return. While I have some brief ideas about what I will be doing, with the happenings on the global economy, I wonder what is going to be like. It does make me wonder and think about the things to come, to learn, to realize and to see.

 Does the human race only learn in a given set of circumstances that we can only see and realize things when we are being pushed to a corner? Is hope only found when we are being challenged and faced by an impossible or difficult situation that will drive us to our knees to seek and cry out for a God out there who truly cares and has the ability to love us despite our many shortcomings and grant us that courage, strength and tenacity to overcome the odds that we face that we realize we are at our wits end that no science, maths or logical formulas and solutions can solve and that we realize we are not that great and in situations like these, realize the frailty and fragility of humans and our lives - "oh we are not as strong, as we think we are", Rich Mullins.

So I sit and ponder upon the rise and triumph of the human spirit that bonds and stirs our hearts as one together, that touches each other and gives strength to one another, to draw hope from one another to face the many tomorrow's courageously and full of faith regardless of what the odds are. Perhaps that is the beauty of humans - overcomers! The notion of families and communities, to genuinely care and love one another, to help and encourage one another. The stories of bravery, heroism, pain, sacrifice and rags to riches examples that causes us to still dream that these dreams can still be a possibility.

I know in times of hardships and uncertainties, the greatest men and women are formed. When we are placed in a world that the days seems hard to progress, we look upon someone around us who has that spark, passion and fuel that seems unnerving and honestly, someone to respect and admire because he or she possess something inside that we lack of and we see something we like and want! The inner sense of calm and peace in the midst of the storms, the sense of courage to stand for something they believe in, the sense of joy and hope that they possess and their acts of love to love the many around who are hard, difficult or neglected.

When a world goes so dead, I guess we need a revival that will not just wake our physical minds and bodies up, but one that will cause our spirit man to awake. One that will not be a momentary visit, but one that will seal you for eternity, when we awake and realize that aching void has a filler and we can be full and wholesome again. To realize, learn and to see things and matters in a different light, not to psyche yourself up for another day, but to see the needs that should matter above and beyond ourselves. Why certain things should matter and I somehow am going through why certain things should matter and that if it matters to me, it matters to Him.

Humility

While chatting with Jie Jie, I realized another important virtue one should possess - humility. Above all, why God said we should fear Him apart from the obvious loving one another as Christ has loved us.

Humility is vital if we are ever going to develop or walk ourselves in that fullness of what He has desired or planned for us. If we are ever going to think that we have gotten it all, or know it all, is when the spirit of stupid has taken over us and we have just upgraded ourselves to a level of foolishness to ever think we have gotten there.

Humility promotes teachability that enables us to learn from one another, as iron sharpens iron, it is a two way relationship, that as we give and teach, we also receive and learn. If we will never humble ourselves, we will definitely miss out the greatest lessons from the people you would never ever think is able to impart or teach life's greatest lessons. At times, the greatest lessons of loyalty is taught by my favorite four-legged furry friend, Lassie and humility is taught by my many Indonesian helpers, but one stands out - Bak Indri.

Humility enables one to put others needs above one another, to lay down our lives for one another, to recognize that everyone, regardless of our age, race or nationality or walk of life, is able to contribute something to the body of Christ. We die to ourselves and recognize and look at one another, through the lens of His and treat one another the way He sees us, even when we hardly look like it currently, but because of the environment of hope, love and faith that has lived out now, we grow more and more like Him eventually as we journey on and eventually what was said and declared as a prophetic act becomes a reality, and we literally live a piece of Heaven, right down on earth.

Humility keeps us small, and humble so we will never forget who we are and who He is. So often we try to be this someone else, who's shoes always tends to be so big that we often end up feeling so disappointed because we never end up as close to what we thought or imagined. The demands and expectations that was built upon the mix of our own experiences and from the people that we deemed as important, end up hurting and haunting us and we end up settling for God's good plans instead His best.

Humility gives us strength and courage to move unto another day, since we know we are all still in the making, we are all imperfect. When we realize we are all still leaning, we all make plentiful of mistakes, it grants us the strength and courage to show grace to one another, to love one another even when we have committed some mistakes that might have hurt us, , forgiving one another becomes easier because we realize we are all still learning.

"If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and forgive their sin and heal their land.

Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayer that is made in this place.

For now I have chosen and consecrated this house that my name will may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will be there for all time."

- 2 Chronicles 7:14-16

If we could only see past ourselves and realize who we really are and who He is, and realize we really aren't at all that large but small.

If we could admit we need help and cry out for help and seek Him than pretending we could ever make it through without Him.

If we could put away our past hurts and judgements that we made and that were made against us, perhaps we could see things in a different perspective of what we were actually meant for.

If we would realize that the destination is not the point but just another point of a journey, He planned with you, so you could take a ride with Him and learn that the greatest beauty and purpose of men is to enjoy and glorify Him forever.

The beauty of Him still leaves me marveling at Him at the things He teaches, and reminds and the timing and how He does it, never fails to amuse me and a note to myself to never ever be full of yourself, but be filled with Him and the realization of just how much more I need of Him. 

"Pride separates us from God and from each other."