I have been having a lot of time to myself, initially was just getting myself used to routines again, adjusting my body clock and my every being to handle people all over again. Work being work is a series of tasks that may seem challenging but in actual fact, it is the actual working with people and the relationships at work that brings the whole challenge of work to another scale.

It started as honestly as just sleeping or resting - not doing much, till finally, I managed to do a nice journal entry today!

The notion whereby your entire mind is emptied, not because you psyched yourself up, but it is just to take myself away from the motions, the worries, the thoughts and to make way for the One, where I can just position myself for Him, as cliche as it is, to just really feel or hear His presence and then I heard this:

"Romans 8:24"

It was kind of fun as I flipped my bible to wonder what He wanted to tell me,

24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?
25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Ya right on the dot and just what I needed, I do lament daily - ahhh just how difficult it is, you wished for an easier route yet knowing if I settled for
anything else, I will not be as fulfilled as I will love to be.

So I suppose I must be this silly muse, as contradicting as it may sound, it is the voices of my heart and mind going through their daily conversations when they don't seem to be in agreement.

My logical mind enjoys saying just how difficult and crazy the things that I am doing or about to do, are.

Given time, another convincing voice of my heart will settle the voices of the brain, saying this, "joyce, there is nowhere else you will love to be or want to be. This is it", and my brain gradually understands and gets what my heart already long understood ages ago and is trying to get Mr Mind to go along with Mr Heart, teaching him the language of my heart and how to see with my heart (since Mr Brain thinks he knows it all), the things that convicts and moves Mr Heart, he wants Mr Brain to understand, be convinced and gradually be convicted about it!

So what I think is this (this is SY's favorite phrase to think of it), that the voice of my heart is actually perhaps and probably what the spirit is saying and doing or thinks. Of course it is a process of getting our heart and His aligned but takes a continual effort to stay in line and online with Him.

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

Quiet time should be redefined, that if we have just ruled it to just merely either one or the other, then I think we may have forgotten that we actually do have an honestly, very brilliant God who is also one who is really playful if you like it that way, or the common term they use is, creativity.

Lol, it is all about perspective I suppose, what do you want to see and would like to see?

Quiet time could be a myriad of different things put together, (i wanted to have someone read me Romans 8 on demand, I do have the audio bible but i was a chore to switch on the comp and go through the folders!) that I think the importance wouldn't be focused upon the medium but the whole heart an notion of just emptying ourselves or freeing our every part of our mind, space, time, worries, angst, tiredness, emotions and just laying it aside to just be still and to hear or listen to what comes next or just be fully attentive to the silence that comes thereafter (that can be at times intimidating or scary) but that often will be an immediate reply what our heart is already longing for and feeling, or wants to say or in that sense, is already "praying" to Him while our brains continues to be baffled by our time wasting habits.

I ain't no lunatic who carries 2 voices but just wondering and thinking about just how we were made or wired - perhaps at times we just need to give ourselves more time to better understand ourselves and treat ourselves better :) Being alone needs to be remarketed, or perhaps, not have a tag that it is only for the losers but I believe at times, they are the hidden treasures because they often have perhaps threaded and pondered upon very interesting things that what you think your mind has seen it or know it all, "how cool can this person be?", have your mind blown when you start having common topics with these introverts and see how they unfold and realize we really all have something very interesting up in our brains and within our hearts.

oh and what I realized is that there is something to discover inside of us and I believe more and more convincingly that really, perhaps the answers we want and desire to seek for, lies within the depths in each one of us, if we would listen harder to the voices of our hearts and have it aligned to His.

When it is both aligned, to me it is like some form of perfect symmetry or an orchestra of music going on, beautiful and all magical, and suddenly the beauty of this life becomes clearer, because our paradigm, values, attitudes and mindsets just got blasted and you just discovered what you do want to do, with your days on earth and your life has a whole new focus. So brilliant la.

I have been wanting to write for some time, or rather in weeks, but apparently haven't got down to writing in on journal form and since that is the case, why not do it the keyboard style. Getting down to write often takes quite a lot only because it takes time to gather up your thoughts and for me to take another look at what my thoughts contains.

Perhaps the greatest part of my thoughts often thinks about the feasibility of walking down this path that I have chosen, without much bearings but with one certainty of a promised word and here I am. Processing and journeying again, isn't one easy to do task but I do my best to journey through this. Then again to come to the realization that humans are intriguing creatures only because we tend to always find the grass greener on the other side, regardless of where we are, or if that is a sign of our weak minds that we never seem to be quite contented at where we are huh.

Through the nights of thoughts and emotions that ranges from frustrations to helplessness to an entire sense of despondence that perhaps you should just forget this entire thing and just be another off the mill - where it is easier, get through life the way it should be.

As conflicted as it may sound, however I may feel, I know a part of me refuses to allow my emotions to tell me what to do but I make my stand to persist, and see this through. I do regardless of how I feel, hoping at times the motions will sink in and help you better but I know with assurance that His grace is always sufficient for me daily and I am tiding through and making it through with Him.

I thank God daily for these kids that I meet, to ruffle their hair and to guide them along, hug them whenever they come towards you and whenever they call your name or my favorite part of holding their hands and just walking wherever they feel like, just watching them, reminds me constantly that trust and obedience is honestly all you ever need, as you look into the eyes of a child, who is constantly in awe and in wonder of all things, I know why He takes such an attraction for these little ones, who really are "small but mighty".

Always reminded to stop for the one and many a times, right now at the kindergarten, brings so much memories of the time in Timor, a portion that reminds me to not forget the lessons learnt and taught but yet at the same time, the value of these little ones and how they hold so much in each of them. It is my favorite age where I connect to, these 5 years old that brings me back to a lot of my memories that I can remember so fondly, of myself when I was 5. Kids these days are honestly so brilliant :)

the need to slow down when you talk, to think before you speak, so the words that are formed will be fuller and contain the entire meaning of what your mind and thoughts has. Going through the beauty of forming the thoughts in your head and getting it communicated, where words become worlds and to realize the extensity as to how much power lies in the depth of our words.

I always felt led to write this entry out upon my return back to Singapore, I somehow, despite being back home for nearly about a month now, never got down to doing it and I think I finally feel like I can get down to doing this.

To all things, closure is an important process that one will have to go through after every new beginning and the closure to this entire East Timor reminds me again what He has been for me and what He will be for me in this transition period and time ahead.

For all those who popped by and have been reading the Timor entries, thank you for being faithful and I hope it has blessed you as much as your thoughts and prayers has been going out to me! I know I was covered well in prayers because I could sense the covering, and so I am ever grateful and thankful to you.

Of course, if you have experiences of how the entries have encouraged or inspired you or your thoughts in anyways, do leave your comments behind or simply email me @ pinyijoyce@gmail.com, will be happy to listen, share and be encouraged together:)

That aside, after all the hype and commotion with just how many are thrilled and excited over what I have done, as much as it has been such a fun trip on the outside, I must say that there were actually a lot of inner struggles and decisions that I had to go through on the inside. It won't be wise to say that I know and have the answers to all, but the entire journey and built up to this trip had a very strong emphasis on rooting and focusing myself on learning how to capture and know where His heart is and learning how to enjoy and join Him in what He is doing or inviting you to go on this journey with Him.

I have always been such a destination obsessed lover, that worked from the end in mind, while it all sounded good and far sighted, I had to go through some major calibrations to adjust my mindset, attitudes and values unto placing utmost importance and heart into getting used to processes.

Living in such fast paced societies and cities these days, we often end up going through the motions because half of the time we are trying to earn a living or just survive through our day to day activities that takes so much of us that leaves us spent and little left on anything else we would love to do.

We end up being like hamsters on a wheel, scurrying from day to day, trying to make it out alive, have a day where we will try to avoid tough and difficult situations and all we aim and do in life is to get by the day by having to get through the least hiccups, will sound like a good day to you. To just end off the day perfect and with an icing on the cake, is to either spent it all on yourself on the things that gives you the greatest pleasures that could range from having a good meal or attaining the next material possession or quality time with your family or loved ones, will makes it a great day.

I never quite understood why the heart of a matter, would matter so much but as I discovered and knew that He wanted me to know and discover the depths that laid in knowing the heart of the matter, grants me the greatest joys and pleasures when I discover what are the things that matters to Him, makes me happy as I find out more about Him - the things that mattered to Him, mattered to me and the things that matters to me, mattered to Him.

Through this process of renewal of transformation, I really can't say I am the same anymore only because of the way I carry myself in a manner now that when I used to think about it then, will only be something I will be working forwards to a near future coming by.

The reality of the impact and power upon meeting Him in an encounter that changes your life and not just on a one time mere visit, but one that reminds and draws you to focus on becoming that dwelling place where He can come and dwell and stay, because He is such an addiction.

Passion becomes the next natural expression of your life, because regardless of what you do, when everything you do is full of heart, that is where you find your propose and where you find the greatest meaning, satisfaction and joy!

When they all merge together in perfect symmetry, you will realize your design, how and why you were created in a certain manner and as you discover, realize what you were born to do. From then on, I believe you are pretty much set for life.

So find your heart and take heart, it doesn't matter where you are right now. and as you struggle along, I hope we will keep striving to find Him, I hope we will press into the things that He has placed in us, to find that voice inside of us that He has created in us each and individually, that we will learn how to carry ourselves the way we were created to be, not trying to be anyone else but ourselves, and be yourself and proud (if x-men believed in being mutants and proud), there is a song inside of us that we are supposed to sing.

Otherwise, learn how to enjoy the processes that we are going through that often doesn't seem to make sense or understand it all, choose to trust and obey and to keep persisting on the things that He has called you to.

After you have finished the period of refining, you know you can look back and wonder and be in awe of this grand weaver who has got it altogether, in perfect strokes, color and timing, all in perfect unison and harmony, and enjoy being captivated, awed and marveled by this awesome One.

"And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit."
2 Corinthians 3:18

It is amusing to unearth what lies within the thoughts we have in our heads, while reading and taking a sip of hot tea, the thoughts of a surrendered heart, appeared out of nowhere and completely unrelated to what I was reading! I could choose to shake off the thoughts and define it as random, but I do enjoy chasing my random thoughts and realized it was beautiful enough for me to pen it down.

A surrendered heart is one that has decided to submit fully to a notion, person or a thing that is greater than itself. Possessing the full ability to trust willingly at all times and cost, without any doubts, in full confidence and security that whoever you are giving your heart to, is worth every bit of the “dying to self” moments, for more of the greater things and less of your own desires and ambitions.

A heart that is completely surrendered to a cause is utter foolishness or insanity to some, as they count their costs and wonder if being possessed by a mere thought or a idea is worth losing your “sanity”, as the battle begins in the mind, for one to decide how much to push or give themselves up towards an idea, or to stay within the certain boundaries of what is defined as safe and sane.

All things or actions done out of a surrendered heart, is deemed as brash, emotional and irrational to the logical and rationals. A laid down lover has no qualms in trusting or in pushing the logical boundaries that so bind our minds, because they are assured in the nature of the receiver of their love, regardless of the process or outcome, they know it will always be good.

Faith and obedience comes easy to a surrendered heart, for it is always trusting and rooted in love, there are barely any rooms for fears, doubts or negativities to grow. Steadfast, passionate and persevering is the nature of a surrendered heart, who does not sway at circumstances or in rough times, because it always trusts and obeys.

Perhaps it is the transformation of our hearts and minds, a realization of who we really are, after the initial rude shock of just how ugly one can be, that is masked within the worldly definitions of “greatness” or “helping one another”, to the realization of a need of finding someone out there who is affirming or loving enough to see past all these flaws of ours and to know that we are loved.

Does this Lover exist at all or possessing a surrendered heart a possibility or is it a mere fragment of my own vivid imagination - It is a choice we all make, to decide which world we intend to live in and from. Perhaps to some, I’m only a dreamer but I certainly do enjoy chasing down the roads of my random thoughts, to realize the way I was made, designed and to enjoy the way I am! How everyone was made unique and different, I came to a conclusion that once again left me in awe and splendor of this great and grand weaver, who is ever so visionary.

I think about this oncoming wave of laid down lovers, one can’t wait but to marvel, behold and get all excited about discovering what lies within each of us - every single one of us and it is exciting times indeed!

Whoops, I just checked the last update, and realized Iʼve been not updating since the New Year, so Iʼve been asked what is life is like up in the village or how does East Timor actually looks like.

Life in Liquicia is a little different from life back at Dili. (Top left: A house in the village and the mountains/hills in the background)
Market Day is once a week, unlike how it was in Dili, where it was way more convenient where I could get my vegetables on demand, a stone throwʼs away.

Teaching English remains, from the youths and young adults to these Sec 1 students in school. Tables and chairs are better here and I actually have “special guests” that follows me around school. This is Blacknose (I have doggie company here), he actually walked me from home to the school and into the classroom, which was hilarious as I introduced myself and him to the class, on my first day of lesson to the students, like a prop?

Kids program is also conducted for the children in the community, where they sing songs and learn some English through stories or through pictures and drawings.

One of the most fulfilling part of teaching English that I love apart from creating my funny cartoon drawings, is teaching young toddlers how to hold a pencil and to write. It is totally empowering to watch how these tods how the pencil in complete concentration, in attempt to complete a “Aa” exercise.












Iʼve actually picked up a new hobby here while attempting to cook my 48 meals here and have finally perfected my art of my “veggie/minestrone soup” copy in Uncle Kim Chyeʼs kitchen that Iʼve discovered the joy in cooking (with good knives and Tefal pans and great pots and stove), is quite like music - practice till you get it right and be creative in your ingredients mix eh?

My housemates (ཬն๨ included) for a week, we relived good old classic times of playing board games - Mastermind anyone? If you ever intend to get SY to talk more, play Mastermind with him.

Life in the village goes back to a little good old classic days. Blasting “Jacky Cheung” on the speakers to bring a little Chinese feel in another land, wishing everyone a Blessed Chinese New Year!

Some things to pray for:

- Pray for continual strength, good health (there is a flu bug going around back in Dili :/) (Iʼve got a 4.5 hrs of lessons straight for my first lessons to 3 classes for me and Luis tomorrow!), grace and love to unite us (the bunch of Indonesian missionaries and a local here), as we go about continue serving the community through the English and Children Programs.

- Pray for the remaining time in Liquicia, though a short one, to be a time where people will be able to catch a glimpse or experience His love for the people and children here.

- Pray for less power outages, it can be quite disabling living without lights and electricity due to the long periods of outages or the frequency of it.

Thank yous and with love, Joy Joy

PS: The title suppose to be in Chinese, didn't appear.

Greetings and a Happy 2012, with the start of another year, I should start the updates again, after December 2011 came in a jiffy and I was on my way to Liquicia on Boxing Day.

December had tons of visitors, with teams from both Kum Yan Methodist and COOS and with my sister, appearing as special guest of a speech judge and a prize presenter to the coloring contest, Shih Yang as the guest photographer for the kids graduation ceremony, it was really good to see how everyone contributed and served the kids around the community, regardless of where we were from.

The children had programs focused upon the theme of “I am Special” while the teens had the theme of “Princes and Princesses” for the boys and girls respectively.

The highlights of the program had to be the segment of a reconciliation between the bigger brothers and the younger boys, where there was a time of healing and forgiveness, as our male teachers stood in proxy of the younger kidsʼs older brothers, as they hugged the younger kids.

The younger boys tend to get picked on or treated roughly by their older brothers, and I heard so much stories and testimonies about it, such a wonderful time!

The girls managed to get dressed up as princesses, and a time for them to feel and look good about themselves!







New Yearʼs Eve was spent with a feast at Uncle Kim Chye/Aunty Jennyʼs (yeap, thatʼs him holding the Ketupats), together with the Indonesian missionaries who are working in Liquicia, sharing a meal together and watching Thor projected on a big screen and a great Skype/call sessions I had with my beloveds.








So what am I doing over at Liquicia if some of you are wondering?! Children and teaching English still remains, as I now work with the Liquicia team over here. Interestingly, I finally got a chance to observe, study and use the Cocoon Module that they have developed, to teach English at an introductory level, since Iʼm now teaching the Indonesian Missionaries with the module too. It does make me wonder from time to time, how on earth did I pick up my English, that learning it and trying to now teach the concepts of it is another ball game altogether - but all is good :)

Will update more with pictures of how Liquicia looks like and some of the cute

Meanwhile, prayer pointers continues!

- Please do pray for continued good health and good rest (yes, again! the dogs/chickens are quite something here!) I have just recovered from another bout of fever/flu again!

- Grace, favor and wisdom as I work with the Indonesian Missionaries that are here, as we share our lives, teach, learn and work together, pray for a spirit of love, humility and unity to bind us altogether, even though Iʼm here for just a month!

- Pray for the children and people of the community, that as they come into contact with the team, that they will experience His love and see a transformation take place in Liquicia

- Will be teaching English to the Liquicia youths soon, pray for good bilingualism (Tetun- English, English-Tetun) and a good time together!

That will it for now, thank you for praying! Loves,
Joy Joy