Hah, another irony that happened was being told by your supervisor that when I return from my trip, would be added on thingies to do to my job scope. AHAHHA. I seriously don't know if I should " Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" ahahah. Oh, and guess who I took the quote from? Its quite funny how timely things works and I pondered about it, I guess, I should be happy :)

But in any cases, in moments of extreme coldness and inactivity and the temptation to doze off gets extremely high after a meal, I start thinking alot after that, after waking up from my sleepy consciousness. So there's quite suddenly abit of thoughts going in, but I guess, anxiety has just said hi to me.

And after hitting the "Publish Post" button and reading the things I leave on my blog, just under the banner, I thought to myself, where has faith gone. If faith is the assurance in the things unseen, and the conviction of things unseen, i'm reminded again of not just living a life based on what you see with your physical eyes, but be reminded what I should be fixing my eyes on once again. The promises, the goodness, that at times are just so easily overlooked once the boat gets rocked and hits a little bump, its so easy to hit the panic button. I laugh at myself at times, how easy it takes at times to just cause a ripple effect in me. And it reminds me once again, what I should be doing. Its simply running back to him cause its just how inadequate I am, and how sufficient he is.

I think I've wrote on this a billion of times, but I must say, funny how I was younger, I always wanted to be bigger, older, earning my keep, cause it seems so good to have the ability to get what you want. Then as I got older, I'm praying or rather hoping that growth stops at my current age, that I don't want to know anymore. AHAHAA.

So while I was returning home on Monday evening, I was having these thoughts in my head. Was I too naive to have believed what adults have made believe, or has the adults been too convincing and real to have made it seen, being a grown up was a good thing or the place or person to be.

Lately, I'm being reminded alot of the things I've said or thought and believed, since I was young. Cause I'm now seeing them all come to past, through the passage of time, and through the process of maturing or growing up. When life gets tough, or it becomes undesirable, one just want to revert back to the way where life was much simpler, where it was much joy-filled, play all day, worryless and pretty much effortless in that sense.

I start to respect many for those who have been working for some 20-30 years of their life, and often atimes, always ask "what keeps you going? what now? how did you manage to?" And the reply I often get "you just do it", "there isn't much of a choice".

So I concluded that the younger generation nowdays, we love making choices. Making the choice to decide what we want to do, go about our lives, where every nitty grittys requires our attention to. But often a times, we like to think there's a choice to work, probably because many comes from pretty well-to-do background, that doesn't require you to work for survival.

Seems like when our needs are based on different requirements (eg. think marslow), our motivating factor or driving force to work and how we do differs greatly. At times, one wish your situation didn't give you a choice, so your everyday then would have passed much easier, cause you don't figure much, you just work and get by it to have food on the table and enough to pay your utilities. Then again, life would have been way harder, cause it barely leaves you with sufficient to get what you want or likely eat the many yummy food that costs more than $2-$3.50 for a meal.

So above everything, having joy and living through each day, brings much more meaning. That it helps for me, knowing the promises and the callings He has called upon years and years ago. It makes me smile that I thank God, that I can really do what I really desired.

I've been thinking alot about my current job, is it time to move on or whatsoever. But I realised what this jobs gives me, alot of freedom. Freedom at the back of my head to think and figure in between doing my tasks, conversing. That actually the moment I head home, I actually do have alot of energy left to do what I really want. Like of late, its going back to designing again. I left it so long time ago, but its now back. I left it on the shelf 2 years back, deciding that its probably not for me.

But I've suprised myself in coming out designs that I like (which is quite rare). I found the fonts, the feel I always wanted, that I found it out accidentally while hitting the Bold for TW Condensed. Its a cute look. Certain things doesn't change, my love for red, orange, white and black when they all come together. But certain ways of doing it has changed, that I've learnt on my job here from my Director. Of using guides/rulers around to help in the alignment :)

And I was just messing around at Loo Mt, when I was thinking, how far do I wanna go on this free-lance. Staring at photography / design. The possibilities are really endless, and its really up to me to go and test and see how far this two loves go. I realised, often atimes, I'm just too lazy. But a little nudge/poke/spank does a good job. A reminder to who I am, what I love, and what i love to do. Can't feel more alive than anything, reminding myself of my desires.

its honestly quite sad that i sold my htc touch 3g to get a qwerty phone, cause i missed the feel of buttons.

I got a samsung b7320 and within 3 weeks, it was lost. I lost all my contacts and the phone. Now, it just seems like i lost all interest in one, and all it seems, is that i want a phone that has qwerty, has wifi on it and a decent screen. Sigh. I need a new love though i havent chance upon any I fancy. I'm tired and i'm heading to bed.