its been a long time since i last blogged. like ever since skool started I haven't really been blogging cause arharharar. apparently nothing has been of interesting enough for me to be blogging. arhharhar. whoops.

Well, yes, I do wanna load some pictures up of Jarrett. He's sooo cute. and adorable. arharhar. let me rattle on on how cute he is. he never fails to listen to whatever you are saying and arharhar. i like the way he asks, "Yee Yee going to Julia Gabriel with Jarrett?" arhahar. you can never refuse saying no to a child. hee. been spending my saturdays with my sayang nephew except from last week for being down with a high fever. arhharhar. he's sooo cute. but he looked great in yesterday night's wedding dinner. will post pictures again. cause its such a hassle attaching wires to the USB port and waiting to open and then wait for the slow host of blogger to work. maybe i should try loading it to nettiez's "cyworld". arhahar. haven't been in there cause it looks "bare". can't do edits cause you gotta pay in order to do more edits!

Well, its coming 3am but thank God has blessed me with good Mondays cause lessons starts at 1 and ends at 4 in the afternoon. and apparently i'm still up today cause arharhar. somehow I'm getting used to having Brother back at home. More or less, I've been leaving alone on this "level" of my house and yes. used to living with just me and parents. lassie and lilik. but that's bout it. arharhar. not suprising someone's getting the "star" treatment. first. I gotta tune down the volume of my music and arhahar. i'm getting used to that. oh well. let me brag it out here. from young me and my bro do have difficulties coming along cause we bicker a hell lot. never got along as well as i got well with my sister =) and we've grown up but I wish at times he'll be more sensible with his remarks. honestly, cause i'm always been gracious to him. not to pick on him alrite. but oh well. he always does pick on me. soOo aigo. let him say till he's fine with it. and i'll be thinking of just one word or some short replies to keep him mum. arhrhaar. lol. some things never changes.

And oh yeah. I had a really good chat wif Kim Yee and .... wharhar. Her mom! yes yes. sharing about the "happenings" in the house. Both humans and the non existants. arhahar. bout u know spirits. arharhar. yes. and touched on growing up. how i grew up. to be honest i can remember quite a bit of what happened to me when i was young. for now.. cause for one thing, Brother was coming back and erm. its the usual thing. Parents going the extra mile trying to pick him back and when somethings don't work, like the teletext not showing the details of bro's arrival, you get it in some not so nice manner. that's the sad part man i feel. feeling like i'm like needed as and when and dumped when not required. arharhar. how "sexist" my family runs. no one can deny that. but arhhar. thank God I got used to it. something which just you have to make yourself understand.

Talking to Kim Yee's mom, whose a close sister of my mom. Telling her the changes in mom, happenings at home. she shared bout herself when she was younger, the experiences and on the part whereby when i was young. cause me and my bro fought alot. i remembered how if me and my brother were to go to the parents office, when my mom went over to Kim Yee's mom place, she wouldn't ever bring me along. she'll drop me off back home and she and bro headed off to aunt's place. i remembered how hurt i was, thrown off like a toy, cause of all disputes, that i was put in punishment for everything bad that happens. Its amazing how my brother could be given a treatment and i left off to be "punish". As if all disputes were to be started off by me. but i can say. Till today. I never ever find fault with my bro unless provoked. it still happens today. Comments like "Dunnoe whether you're a girl or not?" Gee. u have to choose to ignore. i never got along wif him cause i never understood his point of view and seriously, to me. he's never a sensitive boy wif his words.

oh well. anyways, Aunt told me mom shouldn't be doing that cause its not fair to me. cause first. however does disuputes not occur between brother and sister? and cause she worked from monday to saturday, i rarely actually interacted with my parents and she did that to me. I heard that, ahrhar. somehow, some part of me just felt some pain, self pity for myself. the hurts just seem to arise. i felt a little wet in my eyes.

Aunt believed in mom bringing me over to her place to interact wif her other kids. somehow she believed in me in being understanding kid. arharhar. cute aunt. cause there was her daughter, Kim Yee, and yes. its only one of the other cousins that i'm close in terms of age wise. never did they know the 2 of us will become really close cousins till today. One thing I just had to thank God for blessing me with a lovely aunt like Kim Yee's mom. If without her, I will not be conversing in chinese [cause when i chat wif her, its in chinese, wif a wee bit of english there]. Not knowing more about my mom and most importantly, not having to taste her lovely meals and gotten to get along and knowing both my cousins, Kim Yee and Caroline. =) we 3 grew up together. arharhar. ones which made my sundays a tad different from the rest of the days.

I look back at my days, times I wanna cry for myself in a way, it sounds pathetic but times if i were to think in a pathetic way. I feel pathetic. But nar. I look back standing amazed at how God has looked after me, blessing with me with wonderful "maids" [i call them aunties], which were the "moms". I remembered how each one doted on me, celebrated my birthday, brought me out. and most importantly was to comfort a kid who was just trying to be. me. All da aunties always sided with me, whenever there was a quarrel wif me and my brother. He always made me cry! arhahar. i remembered one time whereby bro deliberately spite me, flung my toys all over the floor. and i picked up the pieces one by one cause they were my "livelihood". my aunt really got mad at him and threw a piece of chopstick at my bro. She got a real scolding from my mom cause mom had to be called in but yeah. i always remembered how my aunts stood for me =) and dote on me, arhahar. and my elder sister tOo =)

So as i got older, i realised alot of things. a respect and love grew for my mom as i got older. for one thing. Somehow, i never held anything against mommy. somehow. arhahar. but something still holds against my dad at times. marriage takes a back seat on my mind sometimes, cause in a way, i never want my child to be going through what i did till today. how much to wonder what is a human's father's way of loving a child. in a family i see in a church, which i'll doubt to see it happening on me. but simply the importance it is to be having similiar beliefs and running towards a kind of goal both mom and dad can share.

I just in the midst just wanted to write it out. write my entire life story out not to gain sympathy from readers but simply for kids. youths facing in similiar or somewhat same situation will feel they're not alone. to inspire kids to live life with that constant joy and happiness they can feel in their lives and be a blessing to the ppl around them. somehow i thought how amazing i went through all these things, cause every single time i remembered how hurt i was. i cried out to God under my sheets to sleep. Praying it'll be better day tomorrow. i felt heard and to see how God brought me up. I marvel at how much this Father's love for his children. The fact He never wants you to go through some things, but if you have to. He's with you. And i still never fail to marvel at how much this Father loves us. He still constantly watches over me i believe. and helps me hold on. =) *fighting ah joy* and i hope this joy of mine will continually live in me today. tomorrow and for the many tomorrows. you're never alone =) *tears* (=^^,)v

hmm. *aaaah* testing. testing. arhhar. kidding. just laming out here. leaving a note here before i leave off to finish off my unfinished work. of thinking questions of tml's interview for SAND. erm. its not the sand in the sand and sea. it means. System Analst and Development. some lOoong. and "chim" word but anyways, urh. its new to me. and that means.. more read ups and listening? teacher [mrs Y**] is a good experienced worker in the industry but erh. she can't really teach for peanuts. [i dun mean to bash]. but its hard to understand her lingo. she can tell u the entire problem scenario. but u still dun get a thing. cause its in her lingo. hard to understand the subject enough and it adds on trying to understand what she's saying. well. i guess i need to tune into her frequency. cause she looks like she's speaking greek to me. she likes. chop chop. snappy answers. dun let her wait. she'll bites. she's the one which u call. career woman. she's one example. trying to learn from her. though hard. arhahrarhar.

Alright. anyway. I served God today for 2 entire services. arhrahar. clicking and clicking and clicking. whoa. endurance. but Pastor Keith made it all bearable. sOo funny lar. it came out wif the LOTR video in the presentation. it ended and i clicked which in powerpoint method supposed to proceed to the next slide but it replayed the video i had to search for the "page down" button to exit cause of the sound. he went "she's alittle excited over the video. maybe we'll watch the video after the service". he's funny.

alright. thank God that I'm fine. whahar. and alive now. thou shall wonder how high 40 degrees is. double the things i was feeling. arhahr. anyways. big CHOY. but erh. it mades 2 points known to me. That Thou shalt have to watch what i'm eating. and Thou shalt have to sleep early and wake up early. its a habit i'm still trying to switch. sleeping around 12? oh dear. i only do it when im sick lar. but anyways. since i made a promise to "mummy". it shalt be it. arhhar. and to omma who always asks me to "sleep early ar". its her "chant". soOo yeah. gonna do work. and head to bed already. drowsy medicine taking its effect. but its not as effective as Dr Han's medicine. My family doc's medicine is a killer. knocks u out within few minutes.arhhra. explains the difference between a private doc and a public one and yes. i waited around 2 hours for the entire procedure of seeing the doc and taking my medicine. compared to a 45 mins in a private doc. arhahar. oh well. workey time.

Duh. school has started. first day of school today after 2 months of holidays. and ok. i'm gonna write this down.

- The first "rude shock" i got back to school first thing after setting into the school compound. arharhar. Was a rude awakening cause i haven't got used to the fact of seeing such a large number of people all dressed really well. The in trends. the latest and the vibrancy. That's Temasek Poly but yeah. arhahar. I think I was just used to seeing simplicity casual dressing. After coming back from Cebu, I'm still getting settled in terms of the people around me. arhhaar. can't help it. =)

- Second shock. well. arhahar. difficulty level of the work in school has gotten much harder. its becoming soOo industrial base. I feel like i am undergoing job training in school. arhharhar. big time. but you know what. Supposedly the prospects of the IT world is RICH. big time. Was doing my assignment of searching what a System Analyst does. Whooping very tech-y but but. the pay was like 120 pounds per hour? [there ain't a pound sign on my keyboard] but whoot. just look at that. anyways. I'm just feeling the heat of school cause honestly the subjects this semesters as compared to last semester is less. but the difficulty level has risen to quite a bit. arhahar. time to UPgrade. pleah. the thoughts of projects. eEe. arhhar. coffee and ur dear computer. sounds like you're working already. i get bored thinking about what will happen to me in a mere 10 years time. working. full-time. erh. arhahar. sounds lifeless. i just hope i land myself a job i love. arhhar. then u won't feel you're working a day in your life. ahrhaar.

Cause reading an article in the papers was sharing opinions of actually not rushing into finding a job as soon as you graduate. and also another one was that. hmm. bout ouh. influx of graduates into the industries that there isn't enough the market to accomodate to the graduates. that businesses gets to choose the cream of the crop, graduates from distinctive universities but the less known universities gets a harder time getting a job locally. arhhar. move abroad? yeah. part of me tells me i wanna go abroad and work. another part tells me of my omma. and the food. and the friends. arh. arhahar. =( anyways. that's later anyways.

Okay. Know what's the part about the new timetable. arhharar. I start school 3 days a week at 9am. and which means how early i gotta wake up? huu huu. some 6 plus. just like my dear secondary school days. Omma was laughing at me. "well. just think of it as you're going to school back in your secondary school". I was like "thanks mummy.." arhahar. soOo funny. And she keeps telling me to. "Go sleep early ar..." She's soOo cute. arhahar. that's my mummy. and yeah. I ate a fish bone for dinner which left me coughing like mad. but it didn't come out. see. i shall be developing a phobia for fish? but nar. ahrhar. i like ikan goreng!! I feel dumb and careless sometimes. like soOo careless. anyways. i feel "dumb" don't like to talk cause I dun like the jutting feeling at the side of your throat. arharhar.

OKie. enough of whining over here and close my eyes and head to bed. tuesdays are seriously long days. oh my gosh. and the CHINESE radio station UFM 1003 is playing real oldies. It goes. "whoever hears this. I love you". I heard that song before in some karaoke songs my mom used to play and sing some long years ago. but its not that bad to suit the nite. quiet moods. oh. and i wanted to say. God made lovely blue evening skies out at my place today. I love walking back from the bus stop to my house everyday. crossing this big roads. with the over head flyer building works going on. and the deep blue skies and the clouds. and the wind just blowing at your face occassionally and 2 sides of the road with cars and vehicles passing you by at quite a speed. i like raising my arms a little bit out. to feel the gush of the wind passing you by. its awesome. that's called. Just another day out. =) in school. Gotta sleep before i can't wake up tomorrow! God bless.

*screams* time has seriously pass me real fast. to be exact. today later in the afternoon at 1pm will be a school day. New time table states for monday. I start lessons at 1 and ends at 4pm. arhahar. One thing I think I've been blessed this semester is a shorter time table as compared to last semester which was hell of a hectic one. =)

Holidays has been a fruitful one this 2 months basically cause of the Cebu trip which has been marvellous for me. In a sense of rejuvenating myself. More of God over there and to see the world in my eyes. it has certainly changed me. In a sense. I have become a person to seriously be contented with what I have. suddenly things that i have wanted. seem sooo unimportant. things that i used to chased for in a sense, the things that i used to call "precious" or "important" in my sight has changed their significance. and suddenly all dun seem the way they were before. its like what has been said. Lay down your all. ur possessions. everything. ur life. suddenly made sense to me. amazing revelation.

Anyways, soOo much soOo for that. But apparently I've been feeling a little sleepy and larthegic somehow. ain't got a clue as to why that is soOo cause i realised that i do get the sleepy feeling whenever i get home. arhhar. nothing to do or unoccupied? i dunnoe but all i hope i get my energy level on a high. kind of looking forwards to school rather than bumping around at home. but one thing is that. i dread about the deadly projects week and the exams but arhharhar. dat's life of a student. u get fun + alot of time to yourself but one thing is that there is the stess and pressures of what it is to live a life of one student. arhaharhar. but ain't much to fear. one step at a time. its amazing how time flies honestly. cause today i realised almost 2 years since i last took my o'levels. and Jessica is now taking her exams tomorrow. wif keith. they're cooOL. arharhar. that they still head to church though tomorrow's their big papers. prayers and bless them. I feel old suddenly . arhahar. and the big 20+ years old is gonna reach soon. and no time 30s? EeeeEks. one thing is sure. I'm aging. *shrudders*

Pretty groused out today over the guest's speakers topic and GRAPHIC pictures that he showed. topic was on abortion. and yeah. it is a good thing in a way to show and introduce to the youths what it is to choose the path of abortion. It was really. Oh mi gosh. it was bloody. gore-y. and seriously. puking feeling in a sense. it showed all sorts of foetuses getting aborted at the various stages of pregnancy. Speaker could be funny at any one time with his jokes and sound effects to lighten up the mood but the pictures sent a very strong message down to the crowd. that whether it is in religion's point of view or in a person's point of view that it is really wrong. talk about baby abnormalities. and whether you'll abort the baby upon knowing the fact that the baby was going to grow up not the normal babies "way". its pretty scary i feel. cause i know that babies are cute but the responsibilities and the entire process of the pregnancy does scare me off abit. and today's abortion pics were. eEew. big time.

In early stages or later stages of abortions. u could see the forms already of the foetuses. grown. alive. living. breathing being fed wif saline solution [i asked Jessica wad was dat. salt stuff =O] burning the foetus all into black stuff. and then. take the forceps and twist the legs first. so now that the foetus is turned. it kind of breaks the legs. then the forceps is inserted to its neck. piereced. twisted to break the back of the foetuses and if that is not all. the forceps is used to remove the brains of the foetuses and the head of the foetus will hang loosely. totally dead. God. and it is removed by an expulsion movement. and if that's not worse enough. if a mom decides to abort the baby at 36 weeks [whole entire pregnancy perioid is 40 weeks] soOo the "doctors" no. they're called murderers or abortionists. basically breaks every parts of the baby and remove the foetus out of the womb. cant imagine the excruciating pain that one young baby. have to go through. *sigh* why did someone or anyone invented with the process of abortion? suppose its the same as getting the baby out of the womb when baby is delivered. =( i just crinch and as i visualise in my head what it was like. i'm totally freakee.d. anyways. the bottomline here was that. no freaking pre-maritial sex. that was the tagline if u wanna ever get the risk of abortion way out of the way. and the only solution. its a life at stake. darn it.

Okie. i just found a song i wanna leave the lyrics here. Its an Irish singer. Damien Rice - Blower's Daughter. Actually I found this song off Chui Kang Hui's ["seperation"s lead actress.] Cyworld. =) and i thought it was real nice. found the song. here's the URL.

http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/closer/site/The%20Blower's%20Daughter.mp3">Damien Rice's Blower's Daughter

Damien Rice - Blower's Daughter

The blower’s daughter and so it is just like you said it would be life goes easy on me most of the time and so it is the shorter story no love no glory no hero in her skies I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you and so it is just like you said it should be we’ll both forget the breeze most of the time and so it is the colder water the blower’s daughter the pupil in denial I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes…….. Did I say that I loathe you? Did I say that I want to leave it all behind? I can’t take my mind off you I can’t take my mind off you I can’t take my mind off you I can’t take my mind off you I can’t take my mind off you I can’t take my mind, my mind, my mind ‘til I find somebody new

If you want more downloads from Damien Rice. Try this website. Search engines are nice =) arhhaar. he's good. with a unique voice. I like that grainy voice.

The site

And now. I'm gonna tuck myself into bed now. Its 2am and its time to sleep. I'm tired honestly. =) Nitey.

and for more Cebu pictures. Try this place.
My nettiezZz

- Look under albums =)