finally. got this new blog template up. i just thought the picture i did was cool. muaarhahar. and just edited it from a wallpaper to a blog template lar. i know i have to get cracking on the business proposal lar. eeks. cause it seems i'm quite cuaght up with my own stuffies. getting over arhahar. some thingies.

but anyways, i guess i'll be good from now on. like what sam soon said "if only my heart was made of stone" arhahar. that'll be great isn't it arhhaar. oh wells. so yeah. guess after starting or working on the business proposal i'll get back here to upload some pictures of the outing yesterday with Jin Hui + Ling Li + Janna and Vanessa and yeah. share some smiles over here and some cute green stuffy toys. =) makes me smile though. so for now its shower time.

muarharhar. its friday and i'm blogging at work. apparently cause arhahr this job's pretty cool. mending the shop but at the same time doing the things u want to do. then came the sudden urge to just want to head down here and just blog arhhar. partly cause i wanted to do it last night but i ended up doing some bit of exercises in my room and making a couple of post at the forums, reading the papers and heading off to bed.

anyways for now i'm just gonna be posting up this coldplay pic i edited. muarhhar. put it in my mobile when i get home lar. somehow i'm feeling hungry despite having quite a hearty lunch boo hoo. working here makes me munch arhahar. for now its the last day arharhar. and BAG's gonna be starting tomorrow. something fulfilling to be doing arhahrar. =) yeah. taz for now.
coldplay makes me high and feeling good on a friday afternoon. i still have another lemme see. another 7 hours kind of thing arhahar. and then i'll be home and having my own time. arhahar suddenly feels good to be looking forward something all to myself at night ahhar. brings back memories of working at clementi last time over at hang ten arhahar. oops =X arhahar. but yeah i was walking by auntie anna's place just now down her block while i was heading to work but arhar. didn't see her. wonder why somehow when you wanna avoid some ppl, last time but i keep coming by this area. arhahar. but honestly, i've gotten over those hurts but arhahar. to less complicate matters i just dun go up and say a hi or something arhahar lol. =)

>>How to smile

to get a perfect smile. practice this. i promise you, you'll get a ear to ear, near perfect smile. in no time. he taught me to. =X

*faints. in any case, as you can see i'm trying really hard to keep my mind off some matters. but i thank God for giving me and my mom a great time out today at orchard. just walking around, sharing opinions. i was quite suprised over some comments she made but made my point that the him was a past thing. arhahar. yes, i used to sing high praises of him but arhhar. it wasn't going anywhere anyways. so might as well let it go. arhhar. so she went "find another one lor". arhhar. right if it was ever so easy. place the man of my dreams like the one above or the other one on my desktop? i wouldn't mind but in any pure sense, its impossible arhharr.

like at times how much i go about wondering, why do i hold on so tightly to that set of beliefs? arhhar i guess its just the way i am. it makes up who i am, when faith and some opinions and some perceptions of your own very own, sincerly joyce all come into play. hoo. i end up sitting alone and wondering like a cycle that never stops. somethings i can't compromise on. never will.

i could just sit in front of the teevee and watch Jamie Oliver all day long. get inspired on designing your own very house with all the morning shows, i sit in front of the couch in the morning to watch and wow at every single thing that can amaze me. i wonder. but its a field that gets my mind thinking. the sight of lines, colours and placement, focus. amazes me still. and i'm wondering when am i ever gonna be doing what i have an interest in. so lost in a way once this poly thing ends i tell you. when mom is already telling me "aiyo. so scared of cold how to go and study in australia?' and i'll run away with this going "can do it locally do it here lor" that's one part of the story, it doesn't matter really where is it gonna be as much as i prefer it here. i wanna spent the best times of my life with the people around me. but i doubt and i really don't know. arhhaar. boutful of doubts but i think the main question is "joyce. what do you really want to do!" call me a flicker. *sigh i always hate this point of time when you are asked on doing what you really want and this time it has to be the one because. its gonna be your rice bowl. make it or break it. so full of questions of doubts it can go.

>>unfaithfulness.

the song by Rihanna - unfaithful has caught on the ears of many many followers. even the young ones. often wonder if they do understand the meaning of the song of they simply like the catchy and winding tune of the song. maybe they do comprehend the lyrics. i honestly wonder what's it like being unfaithful. me. i. arhhaar.

today, it was the movie "unfaithful". not the best resort to pass my time on a saturday night but there wasn't anything else for me to do while the chinese movies were really crappy. didn't catch the first half of the movie. only joined in when the plot really thicken. *grins. the front part trying to make some main statements was really long. almost died. so was just pressing the remote randomly.

richard gere. the malcom in the middle small kid. a wife. a handsome young hunk. a married woman, with a complete family. beautiful house. a car. a successful husband working as an engineer or an architect i think. whose closest bunch of friends are 3 woman. a divorcee. a woman who yearns to have a "private license" so to speak. while this her, connie. is already having lessons privately. now in this movie it merely means the license to sleep skin to skin with another man. and that man is the young handsome looking model that comes into this cafe where all 3 are seated on a table. while one looks at him with all her dreams in her head, the divorcee warns. its only gonna get yourself really hurt and the people around you just like me. connie already knowns this gorgeous young man and har. course, having private lessons wif him.

this american edition of what happens when one gets stucked in a love triangle, especially when the 2 main players [edward + connie] are married simply gets on the wrong side of things. edward gives everything for his family, and connie merely doesn't see her dear husband's commitment to the family and efforts and that he does really really love her. too bad he doesn't express it well to connie, connie gets really bored.

in between being at home for breakfast and dinners, she's up and running like your usual wife in the morning. preparing lunch boxes for charlie. feeling their pet dog. cooking. while edward i guess comes down drinks a cup of orange juice before rushing off to work kind of thing. till charlie leaves for school. she takes up her car keys and drives up either to the other man's apartment or to hang out wif her best buds.

within the span of 2 hours, she's undressed and lying skin to skin with the other guy. just when she's starting to enjoy the time spent, she realises she's late from picking up Charlie from school. charlie sits by the staircase, waiting beside with his teacher all sad and tired. she rushes down to schoool. heads home and tries to prepare dinner for the family.
-tomatoes sliced randomly
-the other pan frying some chicken, turning from well done to readily cooked. to charred. when charlie sits on the table waiting for his food, reminds his mom cautiously "mom. the chicken"
-the 2 pots oozing and bubbling with water waiting to overflow and spill the entire stove. charlie goes "mom, its overboiling." mom goes "thank you dear" and heads down to the stove and carries the two pots into the sink.

when everything seems to be downhill. when multitasking seemed like such an easy chore has suddenly turned on the level of difficulty mode. when your mind is filled with someone else and it appears that that someone is a person whom she should jolly well not be thinking off.
her relationship wif the young man seem to be getting on well. only to find that he had been cheating on her in the later parts. He WAS a married man, seperated with his wife but at the same time of seeing Connie, there was another woman he was going out with.

issues ironed out, edward comes into the later part whereby he learnts about the affair. after getting a PI services and pictures showed. he got mad. kept his cool till he approached the young man at his doorstep. chatted from the kitchen which proceeded to the bed when it was the last of straw. seeing the snow round glass musical ball becoming a gift from him to the young man from his wife. he just took it and whacked and murdered the young guy.

how in the later part this couple sort of defended each other although finding out the truth that there was murder. starteed loving acts to each other, but above all was the heartache of knowing that her husband might be leacning her one day. being all alone the insecurities in a woman.

show ended with a frame of the fmaily in a car, how each other embraced each other beside a police station in a traffic junction but it stops there. i like this part as to it lets you decide if Edward went in to confess. or it was a decision they decided to keep up with their mexico and refugess plans. very very reflective movie. i loved bout this.

Randomness\\ I just feel like . .

Honestly, I don't know what am i doing now. arhhar. its much stress free. nothing to think about nor is there anything for me to fret about. since attachment ended, i should be free-er. but ok, there was a week of work for me to do. did it, and suddenly all seems so empty. arhhar. like i'm so free or something. don't know is it due to the fact that i'm used to being busy, or i can't stand lazing around or something. but i just feel totally weird. maybe i'm used to working during the holidays or is it. something else? arhahar. still trying to find out the reason.

cause the only thing that i've done proud this week has got to be the entire cycling experience. the rest of the days were just spend slacking around, on the guitar, on the keyboard. arhhar. its weird. like i suddenly had so much time to myself or something but my mind's running around. and since i'm so free. i'm allowing it to run and i'm asking myself to find and grab it back again. maybe its just that "aimless" sort of feeling, without any goals that ahhar. find myself really weird now. *sigh. but i know the cycling trip has at least cleared some of the air within myself. tire out myself and just try to keep that mind of mine blank or something. arhhar. its a funny feeling. lol.

its a familiar feeling in a way, i know i get this when i have my mind running all over the place. arhhar. watching "seperation" gets me all emo-ed in a way. Now i really hope i don't end up in Geun Young's place. NOOO. arhhar. YAH! Joyce, what am i thinking. aharhar. "now i'm slowly beginning to feel. i'm really breaking up with you" arhhar. lol. erm ok enough. aharhar. something's wrong with me. arhar. i know i got over him, arhhar. keeping all those silly feelings for that person arharhar. when its time for me to quit having those feelings for that person arhar. and yes i'm reliving this pattern and i wonder should i quit having those feelings soon arhhar. that feelings arhhar, lasted for some time man. ahrhar. oh wells. muddleheaded me. =X

caught in such a dilemma but i guess, har. its also better this way. you know watching someone from afar. not that much of feelings involved, so all you have to do is just snap out of the whole entire thing. ahhar. but matter is when i wanna snap out of this hahar. i know it won't be anytime too soon.

but whatever. just sat down to find myself some jobs to do. ended up playing with the pictures on my phone. instead of uploading them one by one i just thought just placed them all together. =) with a reformatted comp, my fonts are gone and my brushes. so irriating. =( but whatever. i'll start from scatch. do something else ahrhar. but i still end up doing same stuffies. so anyway, i'm just so gonna roll around my bed or something arhhar. definitely great chatting wif Hwee Boon arhhar. secrets* arhahar. can't believe i keep meeting people with simliar experiences but this time arhhar. can't differ anymore arhahar. oh well. thanks dear =)

i feel silly all over. arhahar. *shakes head. perpetually checking my mobile phone just to see if there's a message from you. for the initial part when the night cycling started arhahar. till i got sick of it i quit looking at my mobile. [that's why i wear a watch to tell the time and not look at the mobile? lol] in the first place, arhhar, i doubt you would anyways. =)

i knew i needed to get my mind of these things again. arhahr. it keeps happening! what in world is all these are happening. two in the same row. arhar. hate it and its totally a not nice feeling to be in. certainly not one to dwell on. but i think 2 or 3 more times later, I'll get immuned to it. arhhar.

so i was really all for this night cycling. partially i just knew i needed the winds blowing at my ears and to speed down your bike at night downwards the slopes at high speeds. couln't be bothered if i fell. i knew i just wanted the winds by my ears. in the beginning, i kept looking at my phone. till a time whereby i forgot to zip up my waist pouch and the contents were all left hanging as i paddled. but good thing none of them drop out [the things are destined to be mine?] came to a moment of time i gave up looking and just paddled on

on and on the legs got really suan ahhar. but i still kept going. if its gonna tire the hell out of me, i'll still finish the entire course. arhahar. as long as the winds were blowing at me, i just kept going. till the finishing point at bedok jetty to the bicycle shop, such an outburts of energy. i nearly gave up at Changi Village to Tanah Merah, arhaar. but the zooming of the planes on my right was just too fun and i'm just glad to have gone through the entire race. with really nice Uncle Henry + Joel behind me. ahhar. i know i was right behind arhhar. too tired to have moved but ahar. they kept cheering me on, arhahar. Joel kept pushing ahahar. so i just went and went. whar reaching tanah merah was a feat man arhahr. the endless runways. arharh. but was rewarded with wonderful stars in the sky to admire. it was really beautiful and the waves coming up already. i think i saw a shooting star, was really fast. arhahr. faster than that of what you see in the shows lar. that one still got freeze time frame but arhhar. couldn't be bothered to go make a wish or something. nothing to wish for in my head.

arhhar. winds charged me up again and was ready to make the run to bedok jetty for the sun rise whahar. i had some pics on my mobile on ppl around the jetty watching the sunrise ahhar. they're blocking the whole view and arhahr. the sun was also blocked by the clouds. tired and panting but all ready to give up on what my heart is telling me. ahhar. think with my head. arhhar. i'm just really glad to have gone for the entire cycling trip. i'm suprised i didn't fall off my bike whilst cycling and thinking bout all these stuff arhahar at certain periods of time. arhahar. 40 clicks. = 40km all done arhhar. feat to me but not to the professional cyclists. ahhar. chicken noodle for them =) but thank God for the great experience i felt alive. i felt myself. i felt the wind. i felt God making those night skies. i felt what it was pushing my own limits all over again. things i thought i couldn't i just pushed it further. i went up that pyramid too. i know i had fear of heights. arhar. got further alittle bit arhar. Jacob was like go go. arhhar. Evan taught me how to descend. arhhar. Joel taught me how to hold on and not to be afraid of deliberate shakes arhhahar, =) very very fun. tiring but fun. man, give me a vespa. ahahr. or that honda gyrox. now u know why i wanna ride. sometimes. =) its this bicycle feeling. only the bicycle goes at the max 10-15 km/h. bikes can go much more then dat. arhhaar. cars is different feeling as much as it can go fast. i want the wind blowing at my ears. ahrhar. that sound. =) that familiar feeling. thank you Glenda + Andrew for organising. and all those who stayed behind till 0930 for the shop to open and return the 22 bikes. i was home sleeping by then. took a cab home with Clare + Lydia + Kerstie cheap =) when u share cab. i just dozed all the way. IT HAD TO RAIN i tell u. i wanted to just go home and lie on the floor and sleep. i had to get caught in the rain arhhar. so no choice lor. dragged to the shower. ahahr and came out. flopped to bed=)

//move out. shift. get out

why are humans so contridictary? or is it just me. ahrhar. i don't know. i just had the sudden urge to move out and be on my own for a moment of time. its hard to on the music on the louder side in my room at night. when my bro comes home it'll be even more impossible. *sigh. just wanna indulge in a little music. arhhar. i like to listen to the bass. so naturally i up the volume of my speakers. and mom came in "you're so noisy"... argh* now for a moment of time, i wanna be alone, do what i want with the speakers.

arhahar. i don't know what am i up to either just been on the guitar and playing on the keyboard. arhhar. figuring out songs on the classic and the windstruck ost. cause there's no sharp notes in there. arhahar. white notes are easier to play =) anyways. i think i just need to keep myself busy or something or my mind will start to run. somehow, i know i have alot of things i wanna do and wanna work on wanna say. but ahrhar. its not coming out and the sense of "bloated"-ness kind of stays in me.

i just want to indulge intensively in some dramas ahhar. seperation indulged in a little today. couple of discs. but its hard to go on, cause i only wanna watch Min Jong oppa in that show. i might just have a bimil re-run. its really intensive. i like it. its those build up ascending upwards. kind of thing. i lurve it. and thinking of choi young ming. and hee jun. i really wanna watch it all over. can fight my record over watching All About Eve. Bimil Rocks. *sigh. something to jerk those tears out arhhar. and give me a reason to cry arhhar dramas =)

said i wanted to go for the night cycling with the young adults in church and told my mom bout it. thought she'll say "have fun". probably i guess i expected too much or something. she went "7 month..." =_=+ dunnoe lar. fan fan fan. go awway. pretty much moodless. i was really high last night actually. cause its been a long time since i had such free time to myself. i like the idea of being free. nothing to fret about. but ahrhar. i sit down in my room and i start thinking bout some stuffies! ahahr omogosh i dunnoe wad is wrong with me arhhar. emo emo emo. jiu wo. arhhar. i'll get over this arhar.

We waited 7 years

God it has been a whooping 7 years. since we last met. I wonder why at times we didn't meet during our secondary school days. BUT Class of 6D of 1999 couple of us lemme see. 15 including Miss Bala that'll be 16. came together and fellowship. probably i was late, didn't have enough time to gel with all of them but i think the best thing I could bring home for now would be, being able to see how each other is getting along and as to where they are studying and what are they studying.

honestly, i don't feel that anyone have changed alot, apart from each of our individual's appearance, the inside that is on the inside of us haven't seen to be changing alot. as to what I feel. the shy and quiet ones still do remain that shy and quiet. but i think they made the effort to talk =) so its fine. apart of the activities that we do now differ a little slightly more. heh. and we sat as we all did 7 years ago. the people that remained close 7 years ago still seemingly looked close together. i hope they all do keep in touch with each other. arhhar. i'll try, they're a pretty yuppie bunch. hoping they have a great time clubbing together =) i'm so out of that. arhhar.

arhahar, i wish i could hear each one of them tell me more bout them. i wished we were at the esplanade, but i think a nice place to sit and talk ain't everyone's agenda. arhhar. but arhhar. what more could i ask for seeing each other's faces =)

definitely whacky to have serveits [however you spell that!] as an acting piece of paper and we all write on it like we did 7 years ago. passing notes to one another. but personalising it with their names right smack in the centre. should have done more, arhhaa. but that is what that could only hit me on the head when Miss Bala went "no gifts to exchange? no notes to each other" arhhar. gotta do something arhhar. and yeap. went to the booth to get a whole stack of tissues and ball point pens Miss Bala gave to each one fo us, and write notes for each other. chiu seng. after doodling and writing short notes for each of them arhhar. but definitely worth it. just hope it will mean something small for everyone of them to bring home. =)

thank God for today, ahrhar. the time we spent, the people present at that time. for the place. for everything arhhar. i'm just glad least we met up. finally. took a long time but i think we eventually made it. definitely enriching arhhar. and fun =) same hopes for me, stay happy and bubbly and healthy always!

so screwed now. having tummyache. it hurts! darn. dunnoe wad did i ate, but it was fine till i came home. ouh, and did i share about this cute taxi driver that took me home. since waited for everyone to board the taxis to their next destination, arhhar. went on to stroll down to 2 bus stops down from PS to take a bus home. arhhar. i missed the last bus. sillily waited somemore when the time on the board said 1147. arhhar. so just took another bus nearby to tiong bahru area to catch a cab home to save money. arhhar. i was sms-ing but at the same time "God send me a bus" arhhar. nooo. God didn't send me a bus.

Instead, He sent me a taxi, which didn't have its meter working. arhhar. i was like "???" cause i got in the taxi, thinking he was pulling some prank on me. he winded down his window and was like telling me "my meter huai le. where you going?" i was like "pasir panjang". he was like "ok, never mind, let me send you home". arhhar. don't ask me but i always meet really nice taxi drivers when i catch a cab round this time.

the last time i met, uncle was like "pay me what you have", i didn't have enough cash for the long ride home, but he didn't mind. arhhar. course i ran up and get money for the sweet uncle. this one was no different. they all give me the feeling like they just want to get you home safe and sound. they don't tell it straight in your face but u can just feel it. =) really really thank God for all these nice uncle cabbie drivers.

he was like "let me send you home". i was like "sure, okay". he was like "anyhow pay me lar". arhahar. so funny. he was chatting with me the importance of furthering my studies to at least a degree, otherwise how hard it will be to get a job. and that he has a son of the same age like me arhhar. ask me what age lar. telling me what his son was doing. arhhaar. where's he studying. interesting arhhar. but afterall the nice chit chatting, i got home, i was like "uncle, let me pay you 10 dollars ok". arhhar. he was like "nonono. 6 will do" its soo sweet of him. arhhaar. really. cause it is supposed to be the night surcharge. oh man. so sweet and it was like totally, bless this man man. =) he's awesome arhhar. made my day wor.

so much so for today, i'm pretty beat now. so many things i want to say, like how work was this week and how attachment at IBM is now officially over and that it is now holidays. what i wanna do, and stuff. but i'll keep them all for another day. i nid slp. thank you people for today. =)