It happened again. Day seems all fine not till the end. Mom bought beancurd fer me. i didn't eat it till todae. soOo i took it to eat todae.. Wif omma.. She didn't want to have hers. I ate alone.. left the container there.. Watched my fav show fer now.. Gallen Lo. "golden faith"..

Till da show ended. and den, i went down but i forgot bout dat container. and to dat container. I was trying to be cheeky or something. but the joke got a turn and i think i became the joke. When i mentioned "dad". and somehow some kind of "correcting" came from my mom. I noe I was wrong. but God noes lar. somehow everytime da word "dad" gets mentioned. I shy and place myself into this corner and blurt everything out dat i'm feeling.

Mom: U forgot the container.
Me: Leave it there fer daddie to see i had beancurd todae.
Mom: U sound like daddie dun buy food fer u bak..
Me: Duh. well. he doesn't noe wad i like unlike u.
Mom: can't blame him... *yada yada*..

And i think i said the ultimate part. "money can't buy everything. and money can't build relationships". dang. I think it hit my mom hard as to how i was feeling this time. its not dat she doesn't noe but i think. she probably dun noe it dat well till todae. guess she sense a hurt-ed. child. oh well. Its when i'll retreat to my room and realise wad i just let my words go. [kind of realise the tongue is reallie an evil thing.] and run to God and tell him wad i've just did. and feel bad bout the entire thing. sucky feeling.

Get Lassie wif me.. not in any particular mood to be on the phone telling him dat. soOo yeah. alone.. dat's wad i adore doing i think. listening to Tim's voice. awesome. And run to my heavenly Father and tell him wad in da world have i just done.. time's telling me i'll do better after having a good rest. which i think i'll do soOo soOn. Go run to "daddie's arms" and like a kid. just tell him every single thought. every single feeling i have. and i'll just have the great feeling i'm being listened to. and go to slp in his arms like a lil kid..

Wonder y i feel dat way bout my own dad. and i seriously wonder.. did elder sis and bro think the way i did when they were of my age. i never reallie got to noe how much they feel. think of dad. i noe one thing is dat we all try to avoid him by doing our own things in our own room. some kind of fear or was it a sense of unfamiliarity we have bout our father.

Could it be. due to the scoldings and stern face he always pulled. i had the image of him as a fierce. unfriendly papa. i noe he was always busy. i remembered dat one. since young. I'll always question omma. Why he doesn't come home fer dinner like other "usual" dad does. why he comes home late. till i just stopped askin one dae fer i noe the answer omma told me was.. "he's busy working. daddie's a busy man u noe".

till the dae i grow older i noe he was still dat busy man. but harhar. U get older u see more things. understand more things and see there's more to actualli meets the eyes. could be i'm still holding it against it fer doing those things. things u wish u didn't noe. stay a kid and dun hear those fact. but i guess hearing ain't as bad as compared to seeing it wif my own 2 eyes. den. hahar.. i'll just be away from home fer a while. to the beach. u'll find me there. finding peace and calmness all alone. but yeah. facts are facts..

How manie years has passed. 18th burfdae gone. another year. i'm getting a year older. and soOo is daddie. hopefully get to call him "daddie" willingly. wif words dat i reallie mean to him. i reallie hope i'll be able to do dat. Its amazing how different perception i have of my mom. dat i'm just soOo attached and lurving her tons. just a big difference. i'm just soOo full of respect fer my mom. and lurve fer her.

Okie. enough of rattling off here once more. least i let wad i was feeling fer the moment out. does definitely makes u feel better and yeah. i'll just head tonie to a bed of rest. tired.

WhEeT. Work's done fer me and harhar. I've gotten my life back on track. just the way it was. [oh well. erm. wif a tad difference] and i just had a superb weekend. Heading out wif my dearie. wharhar. as in. *coughs* my cousin. yeap. kimyee lar. wharhar. The day started off slowly cause there seemed to be like a piece of ice block in front of the both of us. its like we were like frenz like dat. but as lunch went on. we eased out and started toking and harhar. laughing and all like the weeks b4. we've haven't met up like in a months time alreadi. and it was reallie a pretty long time but somehow caught up wif each other.

Spent the time walking. shopping whereby she got herself a new baggie and i got myself a new top. which i realise i've been getting soOo fussy dat buying a top fer myself takes alot of effort. cause i'm soOo picky. harhar.. and den we went over to the supermarket to grab some tidbits and head home to have a good full meal of cream of mushroom soup. mommy made spagetthi. and i made toast to have wif da meal. ahahar.. soOo cute ar my cousin. should just seen her eating. makes me laugh always. and well. had some drinks. arhahar. light alcohol and dang was it good. entirely on me. aharhar.. just didn't mind spending the money on the both of us having such great fun. from young till now. nothing seems to change. harhar.. and the fact. she slept before me. harhar. but we held the record time of heading to bed round 4. harhar. she said. "i bet u can't wake up fer church tml". I was certain dat i would be waking up but it turned out she was rite bout me. i missed church todae but i reallie intended of heading there to thank how much God has blessed and looked after me. dat his love and his grace is totally in abundance and he has made me felt it all. i'll promise i'll do it next week *smiles* ARgh. God's awesome. =)

Partially i still haven't gotten my bubbly nature back. i'm still on a low. harhar.. still feeling larthegic here and there. and well. me and him have gotten on a new turn. arharhar. whereby i noe i wasn't committing the way dat i should be committing to him since weeks ago. i left him a mail there. to his inbox. argh. i do have feelings fer that person but is just the thing dat. i think i noe him. and he thinks he noes me, but realie how much do we noe bout each other. i reallie want to get to noe more bout him. before we like went on further cause times. we are proceeding fast. harhar. i wanna slow and easy. wharhar.. like tortoise~! well. hopefulli he sees it cause i think he's gonna see it as some kind of thing dat is bad. i dunnoe. i just hope we give each other more time to take a step back and to think and learn more bout each other. =) i realie wanna noe him more. bleah. *shrugs* i just hope he doesn't see it as something bad. u noe me. i entirely love studying bout someone. harhar. and if its someone i reallie like. i reallie study bout them. wharhar.. =) oh well. maybe i'm just soOo weird in life. hahrar. funny character and all. God noes. =)

WheE. tml heading out wif jojo omma and Agnes again. =) wharhar.. harhar.. exciting. its time to meet Khim and Wai Yi soOn man. miss all of them. lalala. =) and hopefulli get to catch Lily omma. Internet mummy~! Goodness. i miss all of them . take care wor. *crosses fingers* may all things turn out well.

Argh. SoOo yucky lor. i left a comment on kimyee's blog. and dat STUPID server. failed. argh, and tut tut blogger doesn't have a function whereby when u click back. at least the comments still show and all u have to do is simply to resend ur comments up there. oh well. sick.

Forget it.. Kimyee ar. i write here okie. dun worrie lar my dearie. u're not alone. how tired u are.. i oso tired wor.. think whenever ya standing. i oso standing wif u. harhar.. u lift things must be careful. dun do that 90 degrees bent and lift that things up. otherwise u'll end up like me wif back aches and all wor. must take care and wharhar.. JIA YOU.. *fighting* whahar.. May God grant u strength and renewed body every single day as u head off to work. Tok to him lar. he's amazing. he's the one that makes me tahan until todae. hahar. [erm. got another person toOo lar.] both of them just makes me look forward to one dae to another.

But fer this week. i'm just soOo looking forward to heading out wif u on saturdae. whahrar.. how coOL is dat cause its been quite a long time since we went out together wor. we'll do it once more again lar. i think the last time we went out together and whereby u stayed over at my place was during last sem's break wor. hahar. we watche "ghost" together. or was it "stairways to heaven". can't rmb which one but i noe u slept first. wharharhah.. now i just got a newer version of "island village teacher". dat running show around wif Min Jong oppa de. yeap.. got it as a b'dae gift. harhar. soOo yeap. the fan asked me to enjoy it wif u. cause she noes i always share shows watching wif u de mar. whahra.. =)

Okie lar. long time nvr blog. feels kind of weird. hitting the words off the keyboard as the words hits my head. harhar.. typing speed has slowed down a lil but hahar.. its still the same habit of hitting the keys wherever i feel like it toOo and always comes up the wrong alphabets. and usually hit the backspace button rather frequently.. whahrar..

Oh yeah. Fridae's soOo coming nearer. I soOo can't wait fer work to end. i wan my life back. working at HT is reallie eEeeE. i simply got no life to do the things i soOo love to do. i miss the teevee. i miss time off the comp. i miss time wif my mom. i miss time wif the ppl online. i miss time wif my frenz. aiyo. soOo manie things that u've kind of taken it fer granted when u were not working lar. harhar. u reallie learn to appreciate much more things lar its wad i can say..

Okie. soOo the new changes on me is i just got myself a new pair of glasses. whahar.. yeah. makes me look diff. harhar. feels like the glasses look apparently much more "hippy" than the user it self.. whahrar.. but har. nice =) and waiting to head out out out. wif mummy.. and kim yee and my frenz. if glennie's K-boxing is still on fer the morning. harhar.. =) Fun fun fun.