The build up till today has made me realise who and what are the things that wrenches my heart and drives something to stir from within that literally drives you to your knees and cry out to Him. I've never felt anything like that but so far, I know there isn't alot of people who are able to do that in me.

As I was walking towards the bus stop that was near Collyer Quay, with the chill wind blowing around, my emotions were surging on the inside. I don't think you ever know if you have the ability to make me feel the way I do. I struggle, cause at the end of the day, we do share something going on. The times spent, the stories shared and the thoughts and heart felt emotions, they were real.

Before it reaches to deeper depths to the relationship, it takes a beating and situations happen and things changes. Hoping things would return to where it were but I guess as much as the time invested and poured out into the relationship, to hoping what are the things that one could expect out of it right now, isn't going to reap any outputs out.

Everything starts from ground zero again and everyone's on the floor now, picking each other up. Times have passed, situations have taken place, perhaps some parts of understanding we have of each other will be required to either be updated, realised and understood so we're able to pick each other and carry each other and run off again.

Perhaps if it was never to just be the way it was before, the relationship was not as deep as it is supposed to be.

It is the question if we are ever going to let each other in to each other's lives again and how deep is it going to be. It is never going to be very easy cause the next time round if we do make a chance and an invitation, you have known what the brunt and pain and the amount of hurt it is capable of will remind you of what a close relationship is suppose to mean.

This is the defining moment, we can all take time off for each other to heal but at the end of the day, the question still comes of where do we go from here after you do feel better and how far do you want to go from here.

No one can do this alone and we all are struggling. Being humans, who doesn't doubt when one experience pain and where pain is prevalent, sometimes you would love to make the easiest decision of just sitting by and watch, choose to be a bystander cause there isn't anything you can do to change anything, we stick to status quo where it is safe and comfortable and no further damage is inflicted onto each other.

You wonder are you the chosen one really, who's given the ability to speak into each other's life - can the relationship take it? If it isn't able to take it, it often leads to shattered pieces, disappointment, anger, resentment, broken hearts, hurt and someone has to come in and pick up the pieces. So is it the reason why groups needs overseers? haha.


-You are only able to love to the same extent you feel pain -Kris Vallotton

I remember we said we were suppose to walk each other through, how we got excited sharing about what we saw each other, and that very thing that drew us together would be the very thing that we argued about.

"How can that person say who he/she is when they are acting that way they are now".

No one can understand if we're gonna look into things in the physical eyes and make our very own theologies and assumptions cause our beloved limited mind cannot comprehend the magnitude of the promises that we have and kept in our hearts about the person.

Perhaps this is a transformation of our minds of each other, only then may we really learn to love and grow in maturity the way we should.

The only very thing that is going to work now is to focus once again on the things that brought us back together initially and start sharing what He is doing in our lives to rekindle again the love we have for Him and in each other's lives that we valued so much. There isn't any fast antidote but I believe the power of coming together, declaring, proclaiming and worshipping together as we always did would have done it. Mere dinners just have something missing.

It is when we stop talking about Him that we start filling our voids of other subjects cause being humans, we are relational.

It is when we know there is nothing we can do but everything a God can do. May we one day meet again and share the same passion and love for Him and one another again, to realise we do share the same goals and perceptions have never changed and live out the very promise that we said to each other and to share the greatest joy of walking and journeying each other on our exciting destinies.

I still remember who you are, and you are really going to be amazing, each and every one of you, cause you were born to rock.

I value your comments and cause of what you said, I didn't watch the movie, cause heh. i do believe what you say and shared.

When we prayed for her, it immediately brought back fond memories of TMT09 and I smiled cause it was the very thing that brought us together and what we shared.

Hillsongs - This is Our God album reminds me alot about you. Its the album we talked alot about. The Stand/You'll Come were like our theme songs. Nothing but the blood is always significant.

You live the reality that you believe, so which do you want to live in? We.

Life has gotten alittle bit tougher in the mornings when I wake and before I sleep. Feels from time to time that I have been slammed by a flat, foldable chair on my back, that make you want to cry out in the morning or perhaps think twice before you start your day or perhaps think about what are you living another day for. Still surviving but the bus trip home made me really feel like I was going to collapse. A supposedly short ride home seemed to have taken a longer time or was it just me that I manage to plug into my iPod and rest for abit, and make my walk home. Decided to have some porridge for dinner though I thought heading straight for bed and sleep till tomorrow morning seems to be a nice idea.

I guess now that I'm done with dinner, downloading a couple of ads to read on what is going on with the world, unwind to some soaking music, I should be tucking in soon before waking up early tomorrow morning and do what I need to do. Weekends pass really fast and I thank God I neednt need to work this weekend as to what was planned. Good to spend good time with my love ones. Ones that always makes me want to hang out longer with them and never say goodbye, wished the day doesnt need to end.

Guess I'll turn in now and somehow I'm thinking of mr when dreams becomes reality, what else can you be living for. Hope you're ok man.

:( I'm soo sad today. soo soo sad, I think it's time to say goodbye to Tiffany. Sigh, I can't imagine how I just misplaced it just like that, all to do some dish washing and I can't exactly remember if I placed it into my pocket or above the microwave area.

No news from either side, it's been 3 days. Perhaps you're gone, perhaps this is some kind of closure for me, I realise I hold my bracelet/necklace very dear to me. If ever you do come back, I'll promise I'll keep you in my bag the next time round sigh. God, I want my bracelet back! :(

Everytime I look at the time passing and it has past September already, I've past my one year at SII, survived a year of work life and passed it. Things that were deemed impossible, where it was so hard to walk through the first 6 months of it, I'm glad I got through it, every single day, pulling myself out of bed to work and trying to give it my all and understanding it all, where I was where I was and what He was trying to teach me.

The entire year of experience has been - being faithful with whatever you have and no matter of how much how little/small you think it is, watch how He works and multiplies on because of what you have and what you will to Him and how He grows purely because of your act of obedience and faith.

He honestly hasn't failed me at all, not for the entire year but He hasn't failed me at all for my 23 years of my life and how many times just due to some difficult circumstance, we suffer a momentary memory lapse and forget His goodness, promises and faithfulness.

I sit and ponder what on earth burns inside of me or wonder what is it gonna be like in the next couple of years. It's honestly all sketchy but I know it will be fun and very exciting (of course expect some knee jerks and hard circumstance) but journeying with Him doesn't make it at all too daunting.

Perhaps all I need is more faith and perhaps all I have to do is to trust Him even more and take the first step and dive in deep and watch what happens. It is very exciting times we're living in. I should draw more faith and yes, it is still in me and I still cry everytime I hear/watch of people coming into His presence and being in His presence, that majestic presence that makes you fall at your feet and that soft touch that you yearn for that when He comes and touches you, you become a pile of jello-mess.

I caught a glimpse of Your splendor
In the corner of my eye
The most beautiful thing I've ever seen
And it was like a flash of lightning
Reflected off the sky

I've one more worship list to come out with, and so what is gonna be on this list.. Hmm. Time to grab some food, I'm hungry again!