i feel like an idiotic joke at times. dunnoe how come sometimes soo stupid. dunnoe how many instances i must be stupid lar. anyway, joyce!!!! you were silly once cannot be silly anymore. set your mind straight.

guess sometimes when you're tired arhhar. erm hmm. =D ideas start plonking out on having some fun arhhar. okok. wait. maybe just tired of the same old shit faced every single day lar. that at times, i just wished i could stick myself in this protected little cosy, lavendeer or purple room of mine. and unwind and destress. be alone, be quiet, doing the things i adore doing in my room. little guitar, alittle music, alittle msn, a little.. sleep alittle ps2 arhhaar. like a kid. get this year done with and this semester.

arhrahar i oso dunnoe how to write this entry lar. leave it the way it is. no mood nothing no ideas on how to express the thoughts i have. so lets just place it as moodless and expressionless. mr flu go away.. arhhar. and say bye to the throat soon cause its irritating me. sheesh* i can never be caught drenched in the rain cause i've got a weak immunity system. quick weekends!! arhhaar, i miss seeing CG6's faces. arharhar. sunday quick come and restore some normality around.

sorry gurls, didn't meet you all today. still recovering and ha nor. cannot enjoy wif u all, as much as i'm really looking forward to today to least catch a movie =( sadded ah joy. *sigh. lurve u all. hope ya all had fun yar =) must have been fun. arhhar. =) take care and dun get caught sick by this weather. sheesh. nitey. where's wruff? arhhar.

i hate growing up. you know as you get older, you get to do less of the things you love. arhahr. and you tend to sleep less, cause you're wired in such a way that you don't need the sleep. ppl get older, get on with their lives, you get on with yours.

but man, i really really wanna watch movies you know. get sometime out and try watching some movies and reflect. oggle at some handsome, like daniel craig in James Bond, coming after PIerce Brosnan as the next bond. the last bond movie was 4-5 years back? arhahar. and it was being watched with you. i still have fond memories, its what keeps me going. and just today whilst i was just letting my mind run wild alittle, i actually realised how selfish i actually was, that i seemed to be always hoping and hoping and wasn't listening and listening or probably giving more than what i could do, in a sense do more but i didn't. arhahar, serving the school used to top priority, running this and that on saturdays, choosing to return back home early and all. i felt bad arhahar and sorry but arhhar. its alright, we had some good old memories, arhahar. kept somewhere special. hope you're doing well all these years =)

anyway, happy feet looks like a must watch for me, i've got a picture dangling in ym room cause mumble looks damn adorable. and i wanna watch denzel washington in Dejavu and then there's andy lau's mo gong i think. then. then arhahar. the list goes on arhhar. ouh wells, time seems so tight! hope to see the daylight soon. running thin. that times you finally probably understand the meaning behind "ignorance is bliss" =) lurve u all out there, falling sick plz, refrain from all those heaty things. drink more water. and in this crazy weather, please bring a umbrella with you so as not to get drenched. and to get ample sleep, stay healthy and happy please. =) *lurves.

lemme rant alittle. arhahar. get some things off my mind. to be at ease. afterall, i'm sitting in my room and on my bed and it is suppose to be making me feel at ease. but somehow some alarm in me is ringing the emergency bell which is kind of annoying. trying to snooze it meanwhile, as i try to sort this mind of mine out. arhahar. its like going on emergency mode and i got no idea. trying to calm my own mind down *calms. take a breather.

watching Prison Break is supposed to calm me down or something. but arhha i was like in a daze. i think i'm just pretty tired. arhhaar. aigooo. need to get a life man. arhahar. and learn to nap and make sure i wake up after 2 hours kind of thing? lol. JIA YOU.

running thin. you get tired. you just feel ok. thats it. pack up your bags and decide to leave. but you can't. and the reason is all cause your feet is stuck in this puddle of mud, with your leg stucked in it, 3/4 of the way. Lose, break your leg, or wait for this rescue rain to come and wash or lossen up some of the particles out. You wish to leave but you can't or rather. there isn't a point in giving out now when your 3/4 of your way nearing the finishing line.

it gets annoying at times. you get a little angry at times, but till a time whereby you turn immuned and dry and used to every single thing that has been going on where my favourite line goes "what's new?" and you just wait for more stunts to come approaching. hahar.

maybe i've been running too much on my own strength i pressume. but what i know is that during trying period of time is the time whereby you'll see a person's true character. it makes it or breaks you. you either come out stronger, better more refined than you ever been or you lose your shine and just end up like another piece of normal metal. what it is also termed as regular. ordinary.

or another way, it just makes you stronger in the things you believe in every single time hard times come you by. it doesn't just come for a reason, but i guess it toughens you up. through sweat and tears will you look back and smile at yourself, for you deserve that pat on your back. and share your experience with others and encourage each other when they are down or discouraged. the wonders of the human spirit at times works at its best during periods of trials and obstacles.

i'm hoping i'll leave satisfied for i did my best and that's it. arhahar. didn't know at times working at this rate of this sem can be rather tiring. arhahar. maybe you underestimated what a couple of projects loaded together, the impact of what it can bring to ppl. arhahar. you'll either see the good or the ugly side of a person. or it made you realised things you've never think you would. sometimes, i guess its always wise to keep your ears open and keep out for what the adults have to say to us greenhorns. listen for awhile, and you'll probably learn some of life's greatest lessons arhhar. they just don't say things for no apparent reason.

and during this period of time, will you find strength and hold on to each other as each of us feels the heat. keep running, keep encouraging, we'll get there. i hope arhhar. i think i'm blabbering too much or do i even know what am i blabbering about? all i know arhhar. i need slp arhahar. i'm napping or slping i guess. and you realise that the early mornings are one of the most beautiful things to wake up to with the freshest air. at 8.30am it seems to be one of life's charge of brand new energy seeping into you. you feel you can run forever only to stop and realise that you're only human and that you get tired easily too. take a breather. take a step back. =) lurves.

humm. i think i'm getting even more used to this emo-ing process of writing and have this self written therapy that i'm doing here mostly reaching the end of a day and the beginning of another day. which means it usually starts towards 12am. arhhaar. i lurve that timing. signifying mostly the end of a day and the start of another.

which mostly means for the past couple of days of this week, mostly just feeling really tired. wishing for a new day to come, hoping and praying that tomorrow will be a better day. this entire hope process is pretty much a vital start to getting another day right, or least help you jumpstart the hardest part of the day which is to simply to give you enough strength to get you out of bed, which i so don't want to. its like my place of refuge. a place of rest and a place for me to just cry out for divine intervention. the place where i realise often a times how blessed i actually am, and start thanking and start reflecting on the things done well, done bad, on improvement ahrhar. my bed is seriously the place i lurve. i look forward to every single day. my room. the settings, the colour, the pictures, the guitar. which the bed just makes me want to lie on it.

i'm just wanting to keep sleeping and sleeping since thursday. some simple pleasures in life which you don't realise it is one of them till you just have this mindset that you're tired all day long and the bed seems like the place to be. body hurts after working and doing that napfa tests. my test number. arhhar. i took it. its to remind me how unhealthy i am. well arhahar. yes in a way, cause after the first station, i just realise how i suck in doing sit ups. arhhar. and how my back hurt like mad after that but still gotta finish up the other 5 stations. arhhaar. i adore my sit and reach station, my pet event. and i didn't know i can jump an extra 10-20 more cms in standing broad jump. addded some more seconds to shuttle run, chin ups were ok. RUNNING was bad. only goes to show arhahar, how lazy or slack i can be. i missed the passing rate of like 1 minute plus, then you could probably earn yourself a bronze but arhhaar. i think it says "thank you for participating" now. how unhealthy you are. arhahar. that's bad. maybe start running more, after i get past all this aches around my body.

you just don't realise how wonderfully your body has been made. to bend and reach things and to climb stairs, sit down and cross your legs without worrying on a normal day. but arhahar its been a chore doing it these couple of days, and my face just crinches. playing with lassie becomes what you call "physically demanding" and doing every movement seems to take you forever! and i feel so larthegic man. probably what i call rapid aging man. hoping to get pass both this physcially tiring stage and soon the mental part. its wearing me down someway. but i think it should bring some light at the end of the tunnel soon i guess. just hold on tight.

some pictures i've taken. or rather the bunch of buddiez. arhahar. you all rock ok. its on my mobile wallpaper, to motivate me to get the weeks by somehow arhhaar. last saturday at marina square at xing wang. cold day and all 5 of us, afraid of the air cold. arhhaar. jin hui was sick that day. arharhar "floating" around. and there is me, ling li, vanessa, jin hui and janna from left. sick is no good. get well soon to her and to mummy. pictures of the skies, which always makes me feel small. taken in school. arhhaar. its not my camera arhha. and lately, me in my new made pair of emo glasses. arhhar since i'm given a chance to make a new pair of glasses free (my last pair was paid my myself for breaking it myself) arhahar. that one is taken my the mobile phone. easiest. heading to bed now. gotta head to God's place tomorrow.

(and i'll add. i really really really. miss doing the things i do. like my usual nights at soompi viewing the 2 major hotties, of jdg + kmj i rarely have the mood to arhahar. surfing late, posting, doing wallpapers, on photoshop, but one thing i probably try doing is being on the guitar of late. i miss drama and movies time ahahar. see. you learn to take things not for granted anymore. its getting seemingly rare to have more private time to yourself doing the things you love doing, other than sleeping. and fretting. and worrying. har. niteys)

"buzzz" is the stupid feeling off my back now. today's been nothing with exceptions to some work on our group's ERM project a little. its NAPFA. its said to be compulsary (not too sure bout that) but whatever it is, i just went to see where my fitness level stood and its arhhar a far cry of my days back in secondary school.

sit ups were bad. the rest were decent but shuttle run's timing is down. arhahar. add some seconds to it. 2.4 km i added more seconds to my timing too. ended up failing that segment ouh so crappy. missed it by some 1 min plus but ahrhar. wad to do. only tell urself if only you ran harder. arhhar.

ouh whichever. but the feeling is not as the happie contented feeling of cycling 20km. arhhar. i think that's the shiokest thing. one day should try those long distance cycling with the cool gadgets and pants. arharhar must be fun man.

anyways. i'm just feeling bit tired. frustration lar. just wishing and hoping for God to keep guard of this heart of mine. may it not let my mouth splurt out words of hurt, and God to bring me through this crazy semester. which make it the friendships you developed for life or just a mere touch and go period of time.

- that times this world can be so political, that everyone wants gains and no losses. they lose touch. they lose focus. they probably lose their ethics and their sanity.

- nice ppl are so hard to come by. that it is probably not by chance but more like fate and like for more plans awaiting for more events to unfold.

- same theory of not starting a business based on friendships.

- through life's toughest test against time, will you see and find the geniune ppl who means and hopes the best for each other and i think back on myself to have ah boon + jin hui + vanessa+ ling li + janna this bunch of gurls we've been together. and to the oh-so-dear ppl around me. you know who you are and for a God who constantly waatches me by. i'm bleeseed.

- the fragality of the human life. the mind. the body. and how we work. just doing massive exercise after a long period of time = aches. you blame it on aging.

times out wif the gurls Jin Hui, Vanessa, Ling Li, Janna. least we could be snappy, pose around in front of the cameras. share some laughters. where it doesn't really matter what the topics are being talked about but just sharing the good old fun arhhar.

Happie Burfdae Janna put it up here. when i can remember. arhahar. vanessa dun angry hor the rest ahhaar. =)

anyways, today's actually a great day at school. glad to see all five of them and giggling along wif linggie she's really cute. arhahar. "sunrise, open up your eyes, and see what you see now." - I'm serious, its a song by Coldplay. I'm not too sure if i got the lyrics out but yar. if i hear the song again i'll tell u all. arhaha. i kept singing it, and LInggie's so cute. echo-ing. basically being noisy when you're doing stressed up things. i just thank God it worked. i know i always screw up arhhar half of the time when i'm implement stuff but hoo hoo. with Pei LIan beside, arhhaar. we did it! ok lar, sense of satisfaction is there, but its fun when LInggie is beside too arhaar. being the keyboarder and the mouser arhahar. so yay* hope it builds PL's confidence wor. As long as you tried and proved it twice, mindsets do come crumbling down, hopefully more walls too arhahar. i had fun. and realise wee's bad habit. well not really, but he HUMMS!! to himself arhahar. we all have our weird antics lar. when i get bored, i'll sing something. Linggie sings something. arhhar. i think ash's not doing anything but her ears are on anthena mode! and she'll do her all time "weeiiiii. ni kan ta.." arhhaar. i like it.

so after that, since mom said home wasn't gonna be cooking dinner, got down to outram park to People's Park to get momm's beloved porridge from that particular stall. got my packed dinner. got it back home. on the bus, met some weird ppl, who gave faces when someone came by, that guy placed his shopping bag on a seat, so when the woman came, he couldn't not help but move the bags on his lap. that irritated face. omg. it was like the woman was in a wrong, but as the saying goes, you pay for only one seat, so you sit only at one seat. well, if he said he paid double fare, i wouldn't care. but i was annoyed when he gave that look. so what he had a video white Ipod, with white Audio Techica Phones like me [mine's black - better bass] sp what he had the white one with better treble. so what he had dyed hair and black puma shoes. so what!!! so what if you wore black button up shirts! to heck. not that you're some fashion designer. come on, you wanna be flashy, DRIVE! anyway, sometimes it gets annoying. ppl should be nicer. and yes i should be nicer. but I cannot stand ppl like that lar. put the bags on your lap won't kill you. yes its more uncomfortable, but i mean who's comfortable on the bus when it is peak hour? even if it is on the train? worse still, you're standing the entire time on a train. so be thankful you have a seat and place your butt on it
man. extra space? take the cab lar kawan.

ok enough about annoying ppl. add another one to the list. the phone rang and if it rings after the auto gate opens, it means someone forgot to bring the keys. i mean if it is by logical theory. ok, stop and drop whatever you are doing and open the door. unlocked the door and i went up to my room. but guess what. what was the annoying thing was that you freaking told me that you forgot your keys. that's fine cause i forget to bring my keys out too. and the next moment i hear, the key sound. only makes me come to a conclusion, it wasn't that you forgot your keys, but you're too drunk to actually place it into the keyhole and turn it to open the door. its definitely not the first time drunk home. times u climb the stairs like its so hard. why? cause you can't see. and you don't trust. arhhar! [ok. jokes aside, if i was drunk, i'll feel my way, after all its my home. i can walk it up in darkness lol. i'm still young. so can afford to fall] arhhar. but hello. you ain't getting younger, and it doesn't help one inch if you're worrying. and i'm worrying if its cause of cash flow. like if he's spending within his means. that's the thing. i don't know. just pretty irritated.

come what may. everything changes but ahrhar. my faith ain't changing. period. i'm trying to not think too much arhhar. but i'm straying to think alittle further arhhar. when mummy's coughing ain't getting any better thanks to the haze and it just made me realise its not fun getting older. cause your health gets more affected by the surroundings as you get more prone to it as your health systems starts deteriating and start to realise you ain't 21 anymore or something. i seriously ponder bout my fitness level. arhahar. once able to sprint, run, jump, scream arhharar. now i wonder ahrhaar. its ok. go for fitness test and see =) i hope its still there. it feels fun to dash. sprint. arhahar. the wind. arhharahr. as in stamina wise. arhhaar. *ponders.

time flies and when Agnes i should be calling her something behind. its rude calling her by name cause she's older than me. but in anyways, she was asking me what was i going after i graduate. arhhar they seem to know i'm finishing this course. persuading me to go study more arhhar. yes, i wanna study, but i really really really. arhhar. wanna do it locally. [must go pray hard bout it arhhharar] cause life's best years should be spent now together mar, with everyone, see how we all grow up and all. arhhar. i really don't know. times it seems quite uncertain, if ppl are to see times things don't feel the same as it was 10 years ago, where many ppl tell me not to worry bout monetary matters. but i beg to differ, i'm not worrying bout monetary issues. but i'm just arhahar. wanting to spend great time with the ppl around. well, till everyone's in their own 2 worlds, then yes, its time to go abroad and experience the mass differences of the world. ouh man. i saw europe talking to me, and Venice dangles in my mind. when it was round 2 years ago, when Janggie went to Venice with those pictures, with a map in his hands, him touring the city. and when internet mommy showed me those pictures. man i gotta go see this other beautiful side of the world. europe with england and italy, travel all around by the rail!!! LIke what Cho Seung Woo did too. arhhar, be like Ji Jin Hee or both of them who takes great pictures on their cameras. ok enough of the glam parts of the world, take a look at the less fortunate around the world too. how's that? sounds exciting, in a way. if only i could minus all these fun without life's constant stress and worries. lol.

big thank you to Darius - the emo boy arhhar. lame cat gif that makes me smile no matter how moody i am, i was moody arhahar. and for the happie Lisa Ono song. and to Jayson man i lurve that song. thanks for searching =) unfortunate events with a twist eh. =) You're always blessed in a way and it always depends on which perspective you are standing and looking from. i'm tired. do remember to do your BI sutffies. its got tons of thingies in there. so look out. man, feels like its hills after hills to climb and welcome player. its just starting. =) *ajar ajar fighting.

我很累. *大声的喊. 真的很累. 刚不久前, 幸好度过一个"crazy week". i mean. i literally took time off to really settle my mind off. i'm glad i had that span of 7 months to carefully think about. i mean a long time like that obviously would be thinking of matters of what you wanna do and also most of the time, affairs of this oh-so-complicated heart.

when you said it, arhaar. i was suprised but since it came out, and the night messages. you know something's in it. and i can't lie to myself that i've never had some likings for you arhahar. i do arhhar! but puhar. its just the way its meant to be where i'll have to still move on. its hard but since i've tried. i'm doing it. arhahar. everytime whereby it says lets see each other soon for a movie or something, arhahar. i get apprehensive. but gotta tell myself, to go and arhahar. its fine. its okay. lol. brainwash. but yes, know your stands ahah. seriously thinking bout the last time whereby i was walking home, while i was crossing the road and then walking that long staight path home beside the road, the tears just trickled down my cheeks. arhhar. its like i couldn't keep it and when the realisation hits. its like *WHAM. but anyways, that was the last time out. i hope the next time out, it'll be all smiles and a sense of peace upon my heart. lol. that's a full stop to another chapter.

school's been picking up speed. and i took a sunday off from church reflecting alittle bit on myself. the happenings arhahar. and picking myself up. i guess i'll just have to walk closer, after listening to the sermon that was in the discs passed to me by Aunty Carol which was really sweet of her. yar. inspirational to get to start doing things. and walking closer. now who would go to the corner of the house at 10pm every night at the same spot, praying and worshipping God and speaking in tongues so loud that the neighbours next door could hear it cause this very pastor was living in an apartment.

That pastor found it weird, cause he tried searching for another spot in his house to pray, it couldn't reach that kind of moment he had at that very particular wall. so he went back again, and he was worshipping all over again. harhar. he did that for like 2-3 months, the same thing and the same time and the same place every night. till i think he thought the police might have to come in. then one day, there was a knock on his door. course he opens it, and it was his neighbours. out of the blue, the parents from next door asked him over for lunch. for no apparent reason.

so he went over. they sat down but it was rather solemn. so this pastor said "when all's so dead, the only topic to talk about is.. God" arhhar. so he started talking about God and while sharing, the parents said "that's the reason why we called you over". it was cause the parents had a daughter who was really suicidal. so suicidal to a point whereby she felt suicide wouldn't save herself. so every night at 10pm she'll sit by the wall, and just listen to her dear Pastor neighbour across speaking tongues, and worshipping and praising, she couldn't understand a word of it but she somehow felt comforted in a way. it gave her strength to look forward to every 10pms every night to live each new day. God when i heard that i was like whoa. NO WAY, but YES WAY. sermon shared a couple more stories but it was hell of inspirational. bout going out there and testify. life changing whoo hoo.

anyway, back to what i was saying. i'm blessed in a way, having thursday off cause its an online module, [no. i'm not saying its chicken noodle] but gives a little more time to take a breather. and God, ELTON CHONG is driving me frigging nuts. He OBJECTS and gives his 100000 billions reasons why your business idea wouldn't work while he wants a business idea which has the lowest risk, lowest capital but the highest returns. how bout being a full time black market LOAN SHARK? i come by your place and whack the hell out of you and tell you its the lowest capital, but you come to me and expect me to turn your $10 to some billion dollars. it was so damn unfortunate to have him. every semester i have to get someone who's mean. crap. and every group he opposes their ideas. every class he's taking. so how are we ever gonna be on schedule and finishes whatever we are supposed to finish dude. HELLO? crap crap crap. *CRIES. arhahar. 救我!!! dunnoe. but its infruriating. totally. crap and i'm so gonna make that vending machine idea work. work work!!

brain's in no state to think of doing that BI thingy. tomorrow yes, when i'm all fresh and prepared to do up that reflection and postingsss. eew. so many. things all lining up. TBS presentation done but still got more coming up. i'm draining up, either cause i'm not drinking enough water or i've been talking too much likie a TNP. or a MP5. so yeah. *reloads* kicks the old rounds away. my bed's talking to me and lassie's forever happy and jumping around when she sees me. man, i'm so envious of her. eat-slp-play. get a life! she has me and i have her? arhhaar. kidding. we're mid-week man, thank God ahrhar. can't wait for saturday to see the girls again wor. and to MP04, i think we did ok lar. continue jia you-ing. arhhaar and to all the groups, ajar ajar fighting! we're like fighting this damn war with time all over again. *cries. arhhar. =) grace+strength+mercy be with you. and the coming days ^^