Hmm, my long type of my previous post didn't get saved or posted up. I was trying to say that this week has been a real tired one for me, or least one that left me perpetually tired or dozing off to sleep the moment my mind decides to drift off to sleep. Its been quite bad in that sense cause it leaves me unproductive, I'm hoping to clear some readings on Saturday.

I fell asleep at 1030pm just now, waking up at 330am, probably the body clock telling itself to wake since 5 hrs is the base for me. Gonna head back to sleep.

Can't wait to spend time with my loves cause it never fails to be a great time everytime we hang together and we can talk about what we love most and it can really come to no end and perhaps shed abit more light on this week's going through.

Just thank God for His grace that brought me through the week. Through the many times I felt like giving up or screwing myself up when it seems logical for the moment, only cause that's how you've been feeling the entire week, it could make you feel good for then. Just glad I didn't do anything stupid cause I know I'll be kicking myself over it now.

I woke up today feeling like I just arose out from a pool of water and took my first breath of air. Looked around, trying to figure out if I have overslept, it was just nearing 7am, on time for work. The thought has been nagging me, after having picked up some stuff in Jie's car yesterday whilst grabbing some packed food home. It broke, but this morning I was rather confused, I was feeing physically refreshed, which has been the first since the past 2 weeks but my mind was in a whirl though which was rather strange.

I suddenly had a range of thoughts that ranged from "you should just shut your mouth" to the scenes of the misunderstandings I had with people to thinking, I think I'm just being oversensitive on my sensing, perhaps its not the people who has a problem, the problem was me.

So all the thoughts lasted all through my shower, and I left home knowing I can't go on like this, but I know I could shut my gap up. So i went into a mode of elusiveness. Decided not to do anything but just allow some music to just minister and sing and be reminded of some truths and facts again while I headed to work. I reached office in no time and it seemed like the entire time, I was in a daze. Yeah my entire mind was fixed on nothing but Him. Its the only thing that keeps me going everyday and perhaps sane every morning.

I reached office and placed my bag down, thinking what I have to do ahead of the day. I chanced upon Janna's link that she posted on Saturday when I saw the video on Bryan Adams, enough to click that left me feeling all nostalgic. I suddenly had memories of what I used to like since I was young, yes, I listened to Bryan Adams while growing up with mom in her room and both of us singing together, that BA was a handsome young man, with a deep, grunge voice, who plays a guitar and wins the heart of all girls. I was then 7-8, and yes, I sang to every song on BA's CDs that Mom had.

I think the thought ever did occur to me that I wanted to play a guitar but never got anywhere, cause it was a stringed instrument and I had bad brushes and experiences with the Chinese Orchestra that I vowed I will never pick any stringed instrument anymore.

A random comment I said nearly 16 years ago, till Janna said, play BA's - Heaven on a guitar for her to hear, I realised, hey, I could really do a BA song and play a guitar. I could now pick up a guitar, sing a song and yes, how far I've come. From humble beginnings of a Yamaha, I do have a guitar I can say I truly love and its a Taylor. Knowing nothing on guitars back then, I never knew what BA played on, till today, he plays Martin/Gretches/Fenders. :) I realied he's so into photography and I realised what makes me attracted to people and in awe of them, are just people who has never stopped creating and pursuing their loves with such passion, draws me.

Back then, when I was 7-8, i was a dreamer, i dreamt. Through the years, living in my current age of 23, it donned upon me that perhaps I should quit dreaming and really start pursuing the dreams I always had. Not that I have not achieved any, but the realisation that I'm living in it, living in days of achieving and making my dreams come true, certainly brings me great delight and joy. I realised I never forget what I ever said or dreamt about, cause I love holding accountable to what I say. I realised some of my loves, thoughts and dreams have never really changed at all, all through the years.

In any cases, it made me thought of the things I'm doing now and the things that I've always been dreaming to just have some reality check. I'm still gonna continue doing what I always do, and those thoughts in my head, were just concerns for people, that if I was really concerned over all those people, I should get them out and have a good talk with them and share. Nothing beats from hearing from the horse's mouth and I do realise that the power of the tongue can rather be a brutal thing. Times I wished I would have talked less and learnt to listen more. But its a lesson, the art of listening and leaving things the way they were. I'll try to remember it again the next time round. Perhaps age is an excuse of forgetfullness or a carelessness or to allow a slip of tongue for a moment, that causes a longer period of misforgivings or grievances. I'm still learning and so bear along with me, I'll work towards a no more next time.

In all, i'm still reminded of my loves, and its encouraging to know that some things just don't change. I still love and am drawn to men who are talented, loves music, photography but it doesn't matter when all I see, is men who are passionate over the things they love, and they take pursuit. The courageous ones who will give anything up for the pursuit of their loves, I respect and am gonna keep on running and focus on my loves.

Yes, I still love You all these years, and thank you for always watching over me, being my #1 fan, audience and Father, watching over me. You got me thinking and reflecting this morning again. It is the summation of everything that has been going on for the past 3 months I believe, watching my entire life pass me by and realise what I was thinking and experiencing on my past and my present, all coming together as one. It is awesome days I'm living in. And it leaves me simply awestruck at Your works.