I just realised I haven't really been blogging at all, simply cause I haven't been spending anytime online at all, the moment I head for home. Judging from my previous entry, which was way back in September, when I was still unemployed and still finding a full-time job.

Yes, I've gotten a desk bound job, with a tad of calling up job seekers, to update their information, is pretty much my interaction with people, and the weekly face to face, job placement exercises. Can't say I hate my job and I can't say I love it either. I'm not sitting on the fence, but I don't hate what I do, neither do I oh-so-totally love it.

The dubby has been asking "update please", since I'm unwinding to Harry Connick Jr, which has that totally old school feel to the old classics, sitting in my room, in front of the laptop, I thought it'll be good to update eh?

Life has been more of my after six, after the time I knock off from work, meeting friends up for dinners/catch a movie/sit together and just chit chat/spending time with your family or love ones. I suddenly feel so much older now, like just in the couple of months and I start to understand why some people are the way they are now or behave the way they do.

I figured that what we're doing in life is spending our hours in life, in exchange for something. It could be monetary, could be for self fulfilling purposes (you could probably do Marslow Hierarchy of Needs), and just this week especially, has been questions on "How/What is the best way to best spend your time/ make an impact/ difference in this world".

I happened to just head on to Keith's blog and was reading an entry of his, and somehow, for that moment, felt "whoa, that's nice". Somehow it seems that teaching is always that choice for making an impact in people's life. I had that idea some months back, but sadly, didn't manage to be successful in my applications.

Evelyn was telling me about some famous company (can't remember the name) was having this recruitment exercise on some retail sales/marketing job, which looked decent, but I don't know. I haven't heard anything yet about changing over to any sides yet. The grass seemingly still looks green on my side, or rather, I haven't found anything yet that is greener on the other side. I still figure from time to time really, what has been prophesied over me and just wondering if they're ever gonna see the light of the day of being fulfilled? :)

Typing on this laptop is such a unfamiliar feeling, since I've been spending so much more time on my office NEC's desktop than my laptop at home. I guess its either time reading/watching house/guitar/sleep, when its down to my time alone. Still happy this laptop is working fine, I hope it doesn't die anytime soon, or its gonna be quite some headache. ahaha!

Anyways, I guess I don't really blog that often cause there seems to be quite alot of thoughts on my head nowadays, that I don't know where to start! That Facebook one liners, seems to be a much easier alternative. Blogging may have somehow lost its novelty with me probably.

In all randomness, today has been spent really quickly, just doing worship for the two services and heading out with Joanne in the afternoon. It was good to just let your hair back and just laugh and share and chit chat, with the younger ones. They're so full of energy, I miss those days, I seem to be in a far cry from where I was! Or perhaps maybe younger and more carefree. =D More time to do what you want, when you want, or perhaps I just really miss those blocks of personal time that I had for myself in the past couple of months.

Funny how when I was in it, I wanted a job so badly. Now that I've gotten one, I just want those slack days back again. I know, eventually I'll have to move on, but at times, perhaps I just want to be a kid all over, and do whatever you want, however you want, whenever you want it. To not put in much effort and watch the world go by, the people, their activities and their movements and not be confined about the boundless possibilities of thoughts that go on your mind, without worrying "oh I need to sleep now, I need to wake now, I need to head to work now". Life's more regimented now.

I guess I'm just missing those carefree days, of spending nearly 2.5 hours on a bus, down the ECP, just watch the skies go by, where the world just passes you by. It makes me feel alive and excited. Not needing to worry about anything, what's the big deal about losing sleep at night? Those plentiful of late nights, countless MSN chats, movie/drama watching. LOL. Its just now, everything needs a little bit more of consideration, since 9.5 hours is nearly spent at work, the next 7 hours sleeping, 1.5 hours on travel, it just leaves you out with that 6 hours to do what you want. What and how do you want to spend it on?

I'll just always remember Gan-paps's, "the best investment is spending it on people's lives", who lives to collect testimonies nowadays. ahaha! =) I hope I'm doing it right with whatever little I have that at times, I wished I could do more, I had more hours. But its just the way it is, nothing more and nothing less. Take it or leave it? I'll just, take it I guess =) and be happy with what I have now, I'm still trusting :D

So what have I been busy with? I really wonder what have I been busy with, whenever I am been asked this question. Lately again, I will think its still rest, or either yakking away with my dear Sister, nephew and my mom. We're hanging out of late, it is nice, and it is more fun with the entire topic runs around the big topic of the big G. I simply love it. Like what Miss Yeong says, "what better things are there to talk about?". Yes, it is very heartwarming.

So this boy below, is the one hogging onto my ipod lately, after teaching him how to maneuver around the controls of my ipod. What does he tune into? What else, the all time favourite, Blessed Be Your Name, God of Wonders, Consuming Fire, Heart of Worship. You should hear him sing, you'll probably be laughing and kicking yourself hard, cause it is cute on one sense, but another sense, the songs that he sings, becomes transformed into a totally different song if you do not listen hard enough to what he is saying.

So when night came, there was a revelation on his beloved new toy, called DOU DOU. (well, least I call it Dou Dou), there's too many toys at home, they need a NAME, an IDENTITY. So pretty much, everyone calls it dou dou now (maybe cause no one bothers giving it a name), but its way too cute to not earn itself a name. (I'm still thinking if its a ah boy or ah girl). ahahah! Its mouth gave way, meaning the thread came off entirely from Dou Dou's mouth, and it got him so upset, he started crying. I don't know if that was to qualify for the title of weeping, but yeah. It was SO CUTEEE, I hoaxed him out of it that I'll sew Dou Dou's mouth, and spent Tuesday just sewing the mouth back.

Oh and made him understand the entire notion of "cosmetic surgery" ahhaa. It is just simply hilarious. So Dou Dou's back in action with a restored smile :) aww. Yes I was so serious on it that my sis went "you're soo serious", yeah i am when i'm working on it. MUAHAHA. It looks so cute now =D

Alrightys, that's for the toys, the week has been spent taking pictures, running errands, making digital prints and spending time with my love ones. =D Went on down to TP to get the employment agreement signed, so work will be starting on the 14th. So yeah to all new surprises, that I've learnt what sewing requires you thinking what your next move is, to plant that needle into, and that I can sew! LOL. And getting the job, has been all surprising. I wonder what's more is installed for me. =D

Times have certainly changed! Back in a couple of months back, it was just so hard to find lovely blogger 2.0 templates that you can play with. But hold and behold, I was BORED, and hence, I started editing my blog skin all over :)

Loving the entire look of it now, after the House template just seemed to have something missing, which until today, I haven't quite figured what it is. I haven't been blogging much of late (and I wonder why?) but i believe it could be due to:

1. Getting bored of how the blog looked aesthetically

2. There really wasn't anything entertaining, or least, I haven't had the discipline to leave it all down, with pictures and thoughts exposed

3. I preferred the pen and paper method over the new age, keyboard

But whatever the case, now that the blog looks so much smarter and neater, it does have its enticing points. I placed up the wallpapers I've done, (I have no idea why I did it), but while doing this entire revamping and I was going through some old posts, there was 1 comment on how encouraged that person was with the wallpaper, so I might as well just put them all into one page, and bless whoever thinks and likes it.

Haven't been doing anything much of late, no picture talk either. (which is bad, it means I'm not taking pictures), hopefully it'll pick up again. My current HTC phone doesn't really make you wanna take pictures or snapshots of my life at random. Its just alittle grainy. Sighs.

And on the latest updates on my life? These past 2 weeks have certainly been not the easiest, it could have been the roughest of late, and I'm sure glad to be out of it alive and sane. The boy did really test and push alot of my buttons, but its good now that things are moving along with an added kind of push and a hope and a BETTER outlook on his future. Least he has school to look forwards to, which is sure to be fun.

Winnie said I seem to be around depressed people lately, ahaha. Probably and maybe, and I just realised that there is this one person who is able to raise the bar up higher and make me think about this person, from the moment I wake to the brief moments before I sleep. She's always been on my mind, and all I can say, the night before, I felt a release, in the belief, that I do believe that "the truth will set her free". I'm holding on to this fact and truth. Still holding on.

So emotional wise, has been tiring and frustrating from time to time, but as usual, the importance of releasing them in a proper manner, I'm going through my rounds and repeats of just being quiet and just finding meaning in the things that I love doing, and the things I have to do. Am holding on and looking forwards towards this weekend been spent over at Malacca.

The only thing I'm looking forward is sitting that long bus ride, and clearing my mind and just feeling close back to the clouds and trees all over again. I need it, meanwhile, whilst the HR clears me to hopefully start work soon. So in a sense, it is waiting for all to fall into place again. It feels like I'm a piece of fried egg on a pan. Currently, I'm that egg that is left hanging in mid air, being flipped onto its other side, just waiting for it to land perfectly again.

Today has been a day of just spending bus rides together on the ipod with the boy, which is something we haven't done for a long, long time. Something so simple yet moments we can savor and look back and be thankful for. He accompanied me to get 100 shots printed out into 4Rs, which costs a mere $0.15 each, for a piece. The color turns out pretty well :) Then, to the Olympus service centre, which I must say, really has been an unpleasant experience. Which is also the reason why I do not prefer their products, and would prefer some other brands, take like Canon. The lens of a camera makes the entire world of the difference as I have learnt the hard way and learning to make a customer happy is really important.

Everything seems to be up and going, I guess I should be heading to bed soon, and somehow tonight, there's just a lot of mozzies going around. Oh pick on someone else, turning in, nights.

Think about when is the last time you think you're happy! Since returning from Thailand, I'm once again reminded of what gets me ticking!

Simple food with the people you love or care about, sitting and sharing life's experience from the older people. Being just a listener, enjoying my scoop of hazelnut, sitting in front of a glass window on a stool, watching the world go by. It is just so fulfilling! Very happy me.

Once again i'm always thankful on being reminded on the things that always makes me happy. The simple pleasures of life, to be able to share them with the ones you love or care walk with each other. Family, friends or lover, they're really God'
s life preservers.

This week has been a crazy week, that as i sit and put a closure to this week, which I am glad to really do this. The entire week has merely been spent lying on the bed, first trying to make sense of my back spraining incident that seems so trival, wondering how on earth did it happen. And just simply by reaching out for my facial foam and letting out a deep cough, i couldn't move my back from then on. Rolling was hard, pulling up my pants after peeing wasn't that easy either, climbing and walking was simply back breaking.

It isn't my first time experiencing a back sprain but it was one of the most disabling one for the day. Thank God for lovely prayers from Chass that really made me move, and before that from the dubby and my sister that helped made the pain manageable. The day after was a visit to the Sinseh and gosh, I do realise that when I'm in pain, I do not cry but giggle it away. Mom was saying I have to be the most noisiest patient the Sinseh ever had.

I thought all was over, and came the next day of falling into a fever and a flu, that took me another 2 days to recover. By then, its already Thursday. It did seem to feel that everything just don't seem to go my way for the week, and tormenting in a sense of just lying on the bed, to rest continuously. Popping panadols, filling the entire bin up with tissue balls and simply drinking up water isn't the most funnest of things to do, but that took 2 days. I was glad to have the fever gone on the next day, but the most irritating portion was simply to just be up and well all over again.

Finally, today's Sunday and I can greatly scream before today ends, that my back feels all better already, fever is gone and my flu is pretty much left to small tiny bits that I can say its quite negligible. Had a great walk down from City Hall to Orchard with the Sunday lovelys. I thank God for each and everyone of them, for making Sunday's different. The walk was reflective and good after what Pastor Enoch said today, that i realised and felt the beauty of Chinese once again. In just mere simple words, the depths that the words brings about, i was quite taken away and I could really say, i was 100% attentive during the entire session. Just sapping up on the matters of perspective, on what really matters in life. Would it be the internals or the externals? For often enough, we tend to place emphasis on the matters of life that are actually the most trivial. And the matters in which we should be placing our entire heart and soul into it, we simply either choose to ignore it, or simply can't be bothered with it.

I did learn at the end of the day, what many things that are easily taken for granted for daily, like health can be actually be easily overlooked upon from time to time, in our forever busy lives. Rolling over in bed seems like the most easy thing to do, took me triple the efforts to just sleep on my sides. Reaching for my pants after peeing seems like the most natural thing to do, took me nearly twice the time taken to pee and get out of the toilet. Reaching for things seems so easy, now am reminded that I should take some care or least bend over to pick things up.

Suffered a horrid headache, to be even more determine to go into a period of worship with my guitar and thereafter, rush over to the toilet to puke my doublecheese burger out after my late supper. Felt better and I'm quite sure finally tonight, I can sleep a natural sleep due to real tiredness, and be at peace with it. I'm thankful :)

Ahh. Back finally from another trip to Thailand, where it has to be the coolest trip of experiencing God's tangible love and His awesome power revealed, where there is casting out of demons, healing the sick and just releasing God's love out to the many out there, who feels rejected or unworthy, God loves everyone of them and you.

It has been too awesome that I haven't had time to sit down and thank God and just rest in His presence to take in every part of what the 10 days have been. Maybe just today, later, I'll be having my chance.

Was supposed to be sending out resumes out again, but I ended up looking at all the pictures of Thailand once again on Facebook! Its been just such a great 10 days of living a time and culture so close to God, i'm just praying there's ability to bring back the same thing He does back onto this concrete jungle. Not impossible, just maybe harder. ahahah, but not impossible!

Its been back to back action, knowing the fact of being able to rest in the Lord's presence will be on top of the list today, and also, continue with that job searching.

I'm looping Soon on my playlist now. Its just an awesome day the Lord has made, I love rainy days for they bring forth the soft feel, and makes me get all reflective and comfortable all over.

"I will be with the One I love
With unveiled face I'll see Him
There my soul with be satisfied
Soon and very soon "

Thank you to the awesome trippers who made it to Thailand, every day spent with each other has just been so encouraging. Walking together in this walk of faith and in the supernatural, is one of the greatest joy. =) For God who made His presence felt ahaha! And all the prayers and support from everyone else.

Ah hah! Tired from my long haul walk yesterday from Beach Road down to Sim Lim Square. While I was walking, lugging the laptop at my back, walking onwards, it partially wet and windy yet hot from all the walking weather, i felt Him speak, "hey, you don't really get to do this often, do you?" And i smiled while i was walking, though complaining from time to time how hot it was, but i was had fun.

It was all gifts to people! Or least some form of act of love, ahahah! Deciding on which router, it was funny how long we haven't spoken to each other and hearing his voice was nice after a long time. But I think while watching Miu Kiu Wai's recent drama, I somehow had this feel that I've got a figure of who I do wanna spend my life with. (I think he'll be happy reading this)

And during these weeks of just communicating through texts messages, I realised that he is so far, the only guy who is able to make me think of him from time to time, and just smile, imagining his dorky smile. Our rides, sitting together just catching up and praying for each other, and sharing how usually the happenings of the week went.

Eating donuts on my own, makes me own this silly smile, listening to the House Soundtrack he found, sigh. I feel all warm and fuzzy like a teddy bear all over. I know he's someone I'll go to, air my grouses out when it comes, or when i do have random thoughts in my head, he'll be the one who will entertain them. ahaha and my silly ideas!

i'm just taking this phase one step at a time, enjoying the time of missing someone. It is actually a luxury, and i enjoy being in it LOL! So when we meet, the first embrace. Ahh. hahaha i feel the anticipation building up. And i'll remember all the sweet nonsensicals we do with our favourite teddies :) I miss his grebit act too. ahahah it makes me laugh like crap. =) yes, i miss you :) but i don't tell it out, cause i enjoy just doing it smirkishly at the privacy of my bedroom or in my head, whilst i go about travelling on a bus, staring out at the window!

Lets go nomnomnom when you're out again, and i'm back again!

Oh yes and the movies he will find when i name them, I've finished with Michael Clayton :) Yes George Clooney is so hot, and cute! Storyline's not too bad too, been having this urge to watch all these slightly deeper than usual storylines, that has a deeper meaning to it, probably cause i'm feeling that way too. I enjoy at times like these, when there's nothing else much for me to do, or life has been mundane, things like these perks my brains up to think and pay attention to more details and perspectives.

My late fettish of once again listening to Cantonese and reading chinese subtitles, its been awhile! guess i'll go guitar abit after watching Tommy Emmanuel on his Maton guitar, go attack Fly Me To The Moon! I'm dreaming of Macs and Martins falling from the skies, and I'm reminded of dear Rissa telling me, "Joyce, don't talk! ACTION" ahaha, she is quite a motivator really! LETS GET OUR MARTINS?

This goes out to the awesome team of Sarah and Wan Hsi, for being them, seeing how much God moves in their lives encourages me,visiting their place, chatting n chilling with them:)

It is amazing how God works and speaks through them. Like what Wan Hsi was saying, that i should be speaking more into people's lives - she saw me doing that in her dreams months back. I was reminded of what another person said over me that they see a river of life on me. Sarah said I shld hang out more at the home. Which really isn't something i didnt know, some I have no idea why i keep thinking of heading overseas,how i thought otherwise.

I wonder how this is going to go sincepastor andrew did ask me to work full time there. its been nearly quite sometime already not too sure about it, but i guess i know where to start now instead of keep thinking it's gonna be in the next couple of years time or something. or funnily thinking its going yo be overseas. Everything now has just gone past my mindset of in the time to come to now, is alittle unnerving, but i guess, its now or never lol. This is exciting.

Also, not forgetting my beloved Godparents, who've juz have been amazing in setting the ground, believing what have been set on their hearts, its really lovely and blessed to have them:) to see and fulfill what His plans are for this entire church and generation and lifetime is really the greatest of all history. wow! quite awestruck after ending my day today. still on that mode. thank you Jesus!

in the dead of the night, there isn't anything better than lying on the couch that the dubby bought, having my audio techs on, and playing some lovely piano vocal songs like Sarah Mclachlan's Angel and Adia. Sometimes its Damien Rice vocal and guitar or maybe Coldplay.


Its a great time to just come face to face with yourself, your thoughts and emotions. Reflect on how the day has been, give thanks and once again, spend time qt-ing.

Its been a lovely day, especially the YA's worship which was partially hilarious but exciting to see how God's presence is moving in our midst. I can't wait to see how much more God has to reveal to us!

In any case, God knows why i'm so happy buying this new cable for my guitar, while i don't actually possess an amp at all! But its been a great day out with the sunday bunch:)

I must remember to send my resume out! The past days and weeks have just been pure madness since departing and returning from the kl mission trip.

Then it was Bethel School of Supernatural Ministries which have been such a blast. With miracles shown during the two weeks and also today! Praise the Lord:) and may there be more and it is definitely faith building when you pray what He prays and things happens right before your very eyes, skepticism goes out the window. Till you see it then you'll understand:) But before that it's gonna be building up that faith in you to trust first and watch what happens as faith grows. And it only grows with intimacy and wisdom ans knowledge as you spend time with Him. Fearing less as you know more and becoming less ignorant.

Time to wash up and sleep.

great! blogger is having this mobile phone blogging function which will mean those who uses wifi enabled phones can blog easier w this blog mobile function. quite intriguing, cause the benefits is that u get to lie on ur tummy n hold e phone in ur hands n juz type away with ur two thumbs. it really is the ultimate lazy way loh. video cam recording is not as what i thought it is, not tt easy lol! school of supernatural starts tml, really tired. crashing on my room floor now. bye!

everytime i head back to KL to participate in Malaysia Church Camp's or Planetshakers Conference, I can't help but remember the two times I was over, it was always a life changing experience, that cause you to burn so much for the desire that pretty much is what one wants. nothing has changed much, but today, i think i had this desire to really get serious in reading the bible from back to back. I have to, there's just this urge to really get serious bout it. so yes, i'll try making the effort. starting from the front now. ahhaa!

anyway, this time's trip to KL has been such a blast, i took 2 days to recover. I spent a day crippled in bed, cause i couldn't move. Thank God there was grace when i texted Boss that I need a rest, and i was allowed. That was on Monday, Tuesday was a leave I have to take, since on monday, alot of work was done, I wasn't needed. Today was a chill day spent playing badminton, and my hand hurts like crap now. Boss is really good with his drop shots. =)

i thank God for each and everyone of the CPC team member, Sarah and Wan Hsi, everyone over at Antioch, and it just felt everyone who was there, was placed there, to encourage and edify each other. The annointing of the Holy Spirit that just swept, which cause faith to rise, has to be the highlight that will go on for the longest period of time.

i can't say how this team is tight, somehow tight, though we just spent a mere 3-4 days together, its amazing. It could have been the entire of us, sleeping under one roof, helped. But i think was each other, praying for each other, encouraging and talking faith, and encouraging one another through the day and pushing for 100% no matter how tired or sleep deprieved we were, the day before.

the urge to just head out there to prophesy, has to be the greatest highlights. That yes, it's not just set apart for the few, but the many of you, if you believe, and take the step of faith, honestly, anything is possible. and it was shown, as heaven was revealed on earth, this bond and the common desire to just cry out for God, to come sweeping down, as people go on their knees, acknowledging one God we all worship for, has truly been amazing.

there's no doubt that there's hunger for the word in places like Malaysia, it is so strong, that time and time again, though the distances are so near, how we differ in hearing the word. I can only say, we Singaporeans christians might get far too comfy, and take the many things we have for granted, that when its stripped to the bare essentials, how do we fare?

once again, it all boils down back to the heart, and the heart of worship. its not about the instruments, its not about the music, its not bout the voices, but the heart. it does change things when multiple hearts come in unison to reach that level, of crying out for more, that desperation. moves, and things changes, you feel God in your face.

once again, i'm reminded by Gan paps of the issues, and yes. Apart from loving the sinner and hating the sins, it would mean giving honour to that person whether that person deserves it or not. For that, i'm always having trouble with, that once again, it is to be reminded of myself, who am i to judge. to come back once again in humility, and the act of it, of total submission, and what is it all about.

not something easy, but what's love isn't it? its easy loving the loved but try the unloving. i have to leave this down, because this trip has been such a blast, and thank you everyone, for the great time, learning experience, feeling God's presence. Every activitiy was so spirit filled =)

So today, apart of badminton, it was breaking fast with Chass! Awesome stuff, ahaha enjoying our comfort food of fried fish soup (she likes the yuan yang one LOL). Yes and the fella beside her who smelled like bazhang.

mine smelled of dove body foam. the person was cleaning up the headphones. out came a KOSS headphone and i went "WAH" and the next thing that amazed me was when he/she took out her ipod touch. guess what was she listening to. "VIVA LA VIDA" - can't miss the album art for nuts.
and beside her, i was listening to "glass of water" - PROSPEKT MARCH. I wanted to tap her and show her my ipod play list and smile, that for a moment, 2 Coldplay fans met each other and were in the same bus, under the same sky, at the same time, enjoying our beloved.

For Coldplay fans, you have got to download the free album of LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT LEFT from coldplay.com . For those who went to the concert, i think this is a great album to rekindle those high moments of "whoo oh oh oh oh" from Viva La Vida. I have a gut feeling this is recorded during the Singapore concert, cause it just sounds pretty asian / singlish. till now, i'm listening it over and over, and blasting it this entire night tonight, i don't know if i'm on a high, or just listening to the thumbing of Will's drums, and Chris banging his fingers on the pianos, Johnny dranging on his guit and Guy just doing his groove.

and the best thing happened to me today, was playing with a black white tuxedo cat (dubby taught me that). I exited from the main door of Harborfront Centre and the cat came running to me, i was supposed to be afraid, but looking at its cute meows and eyes looking at me, i couldn't help but bent down, and started playing with the tabby.

There was another brown-white-black patches one who was lame, i wanted to go over to pray for it okay. But it kept running away from me. So i spent the entire good 15 minutes just giving all my attention to that black tabby who was just following me whereever I went!

And I'm reminded that at the end of the day, no matter animals or human beings, we are all just created for one reason, which is to be loved. and we all love to be loved! i couldn't bear to say goodbye to it, when i was leaving for the bus stop, as it trailed me all the way, till it knew it couldn't anymore, i just said bye bye to it. (yes i talk to anything and everything). it turned its back and returned to where it was camping and meow-ed for more passer by and managed to get one pat from an Indian dude =D It was sweet!

so yeah, give your time out to love someone. though at times they may be hard. but if you try sometimes. i think i'm putting the leftover dinner back into the fridge and do my quiet time. =D Love yous!

yesterday has been quite a ridiculous night. that at times i feel, its a sin or curse to actually be too knowledgeable, you wonder, if by acting stupid might save your sorry ass.

sadly, because i do not want to see my dear mother, aging and still having to worry about all the needless repairs to the things that can go wrong, or spoilt, due to the wear and tear and passage of time, i learn to do alot of things which by default, i can say, i don't know how to do it.

this time round, its all over a stupid headphones (no, i still love headphones, cause I still love the music it provides me with). mom just went through a funeral, and dad expects her to do all these menial stuff, i wasn't being told of what was wrong. only to be called up in the midst of my happy-fun guitar session which I was so much in a mood to. might as well entertain myself.

only to be called up to be ranted at, and hurled quite a tad lot of needless anger issues he has. i thought i explained to him as to why some things just aren't done, but sadly, all he want is to have his say, like a 5 year old. Either on second thoughts, he might need the earphone to get him to sleep, cause silence doesn't work for him, like a lullaby. and it sure doesn't work anymore, he kicked up his fuss of hate, and anger and detestment on my attitude, character and what have you.

for one thing i couldn't stand, was being pushed off all over, or being pushed around by the weight of his money, of the money he provides, and his 3 million house. (which explains my detestment for money, or stucked up snobbish SMEs bosses). I give credits to you for being wise, in having the ability to run and manage a house, but i shall say, a family is not governed by your management-business tactics.

sadly, when talking to bosses like that, their minds are closed. so they think I'm just trying to be a smart educated varsity graduate, giving a speech, or teach them a thing or two. and voiced out their sense of detestment.

sadly, my education doesn't give me the principles and knowledge on life, but its through being educated somewhere else, and reading this powerful book. i wish i could tell you, but sadly, i didn't say anything, none of my mindless "educated" principles. cause it wouldn't have helped anything.

i left, for a walk with my ipod and jacket on, into the midst of all these "unnecessary drama", to quieten myself. And alas, to weep. Weep not because of the emotions of anger or hurt i felt, but sad at the point, there's some points that some will never get to understand. i wasn't particularly angry or hurt, purely because, whatever happened, wasn't something logical, and it came from a person at that point of time, did not make much sense to me. I will not take in senseless nonsense.

but i wept, hard. that sadly, at times no matter how hard i do try to help or least to make things work, it just never gets any better or appreciated. so you just struggle on to another session, working on and on. Appreciation or not, is not an option. I do it, just to help myself not get into unnecessary dramas, again.

This time round, i didn't have the chance to least save myself, in solving another spoilt item. I wasn't given time to figure what was wrong, or least, where or what thingy was spoilt. Just shot at, the moment you showed your face and asked a question "so what's the problem". Which is a necessary question if you need help.

but to the people of high pride, it hurts their man-ego, purely because, they can't do it and they need help. but for me, i need to know what's the problem before I can ever least try to help. I don't promise I can solve a problem but least, try to fix it and make things a little better than before (which usually happens).

people like these, are the most vulnerable ones and the ones requiring a great deal of help, because they're too helpless and lost, and frustrated. purely because they've just placed and bet their lives on the wrong principles, that trying to make it up for it now doesn't seem to go their way, and everything just seems to be going downhill, they're losing pwer and control. so much so for using money, to get things done, doesn't work anymore.

revelation is revealed. truth hurts, and they react in such anger, that i will have to go through this, because you can't handle the truth. i wish i can ever tell you all of these, but it will never get out, or into you, because you can never take it, and i do not wish to be miss unfillial. to drive you to your graves.

i just take it with me down to my grave i guess. (no i'm not suiciding), it just means, it'll just remain in me. i'm so tired of this same shit, of this same thing that has been going on and on. That its so easy to just pack your own bags and leave, for he has said it. "This is my house, you can live out on your own and get out".

it is very tempting but honestly, i need to resubmit that may it not be something that I want, but something that You want. You, give me strength please.

its been a crazy start to this week, over the dramatic incident, but thank God all's clear now, and things are moving along. started to feel weak on sunday and really, illness was just waiting to set in, which made me quite pathetic.

so upon reaching @ KL, the whole day was spent busy doing nothing apart from traveling up, some small meetings and dinner and karaoke for the night. There, I think it has been fun sharing with Jacqueline. and another dramatic end off to the trip.

all i can say i'm glad this week's pretty much short and over, since I took a day's of MC. Fell sick and i think it was signal to chill, which I did. Saturday night was a crazy night (i don't know how i survived) but yes, i was thinking on and off till i went to bed, opened and closed my eyes. The thoughts still stayed.

still quite very sane now, but all now I wanna do is just take a break. tired from the week, tired from looking on the sidelines and trying to egg him on. like what i always hear people say "gek-sei-yan". ahahah you kind of get the point.

but i start to realise that humans are actually really intricate creatures. they could either be driven by emotions (fear, anger, hatred, love) or by the environment (bad economy -> survival). i don't know what drives you, but feeding the drive, maybe one of the things that are ever gonna be keeping you alive.

anyways, all i can say, one of the most vital ways to stay sane in this crazily changing world and environment is by ensuring that you spent more time being quiet and being reflective. It helps keep your mind and heart, beating to a constant same beat or tune. Miss a beat, and something's not right, find the source then. Cause from there on, the actions should tally to whatever the mind and heart is trying to say.

Being busy or acting busy are just mere excuses of hiding things under the carpet and refusing to either recognising that there is a problem to simply, trying to evade a problem. Sure, run away from it and the rubbish in the chute starts multiplying till it gets too much, you never know where or how to start clearing, you end up losing hope of living another day, with the beliefs that tomorrow will be a better day. why do that to yourself? I don't understand, so i guess this should be a kind of discipline, just like exercising, that if you ever want to have a beautiful and healthy body, go do some work out, no pain, no gain.

like what i keep hearing at work "everybody expects someone else to change, but no one realises that change starts from the person themselves', and whoever said that, that's my boss. LOL. Quit whining, stand up, rise up and face the problems, maybe they're arent' that big afterall. Thank God i'm still very much positive and sane thank you.

I actually like this picture taken by Chass of me, cause I never expected myself to actually have such a sinister kind of smile. Purely cause it looks super playful yet with a tinge of evilness in it. The cardigan actually cost S$15 and the black top in it was for S$5. I had to say it, cause I thought it looks nice. - Shopping courtesy over at Malaysia and HK respectively. Sigh, I miss shopping and travel. Moolahs?

This adorable looking GIRAFFE (which Dubby insists it looks more like a cow / moo) To which everything that is shaped in this state, makes him think its a cow, is a 1 month old gift to Baby Joash, Jane's baby! Thought it'll be cute to spice up the little cot.

How practical moms will say its a dust collector, so I would believe this is one toy that can take frequent baths in the washing machine, and head for a couple of spins =D I just think its too cute! From the Dubby and me =)

This was taken during the Good Friday's event at the Indoor Stadium, before the Reinhard Boonke rally started, there was this baby in front of me, and honestly, I'm a person who enjoys the details of shoes, including baby's. It was just too cute, I couldn't resist! Those round and chubby shoes that just looks so awww, how adorable and cute. Least, it makes you feel happy!

a random shot of the bus stop outside my place, I believe this was on the way to Ben Chan's birthday @ Tanglio over at Central. *shrugs*

Pictures taken from the new phone, the first few of the lots, and most importantly, the first lot sent to the lappy. Won't say the camera quality is fantastic as compared to my old Sony mobile, kind of miss it, but i'll just make do.

From time to time, I look at the battery life that this phone sucks, the living day lights out, 2 days at most, and the phone needs a charge on standby and minimal usage. Back in those days, the Ericsson could last say, at least 2 days, which will still make a great backup phone =D Sigh, pda phones, lovely graphics, but battery life is just horrid.

This is food from the DESIGN SCHOOL canteen @ TP. I went back on Tuesday to run some errands after going to Tanglin Sec to submit and pick up some documents. I really miss school days, and I was thinking, "should I take up a diploma in visual comm?" Then again, I'm really not at all disciplined enough to last another 3 years, of endless late nights and projects, aging. So it was random, and I enjoyed the SAMBAL and the FRIED CHICKEN. Tee hee. Brings back alot of pleasant memories, like it or not, I will say poly had its share of fun times.

Ok so much so for all the pics =) There's more over at facebook, which makes uploading easier, but I have to complain, doesn't Windows OS have the function of "marking several" pictures, so I can just click all at once, and it gets sent to my computer? =( Had to do it manually, gah. Pictures were so-so only, not any impressed, but thanks to Photoshop, of auto-leveling that kind of adds and makes pictures bearable. I can't take Macro shots with this phone, and its kind of annoying me. Like a gay, nice looking, BIMBO phone. Ahaha, fancy thrashing a Windows OS, a bimbo phone, well I still like it, but i'm like cringing at the picture quality. I guess I'll just be happy with it, since I like the entire looks and feel of the interface of it all. Just the camera portion that can be pretty annoying, but then again, hi. There's the pocket digital camera. ahah! Excuses me.

So its been quite a crazy day since Wed till today, doing alot of comp work. Clearing the stack of work that just kept coming in, to clear it, is to up your speed. Shessh. I'm just glad to have made it through, only thing is that it may burn you out. Must remember what the older people always say, "more haste, less speed". I still haven't quite figured that one out.

To add a tinge of joy today, was having dinner with Chass and just enjoying some small groceries shopping - I really do think we both have upgraded into Aunties. Ahaha, and how she raves bout coffee, I think I shall try it later today after I wake up to see how it is!

Weekends are coming, I'm just abit sad on the part of Sunday that I won't be seeing the Churchies for the entire day, as much as I like. Its been 2 weeks, =( ahaha. Thanks to my leg acting up last week, I went home to rest. Now that its all rested, I'm heading to KL for the recce trip. Sigh. But nonetheless, there's Saturday BAG! =) Count the little joy! Time to do Jie's little poster. and koon. Nights!

Hmm, I think I'm starting to feel what Jin Hui normally says, "date me date me". And I finally realise the rationale behind it. Working life gets really mundane and the thing to look forward to usually, would be the end of the day, for starters. Looking towards the Fridays for main course, and the actual weekend, becoming the dessert.

Going on for dinner dates, hanging around with your friends, all add a piece of variation to the typical week. The cycle is slowly setting in and I'm feeling it. Hahaha. It gets boring, you'll get by trying to survive another week. *chuckles*

So what's your motivation? The money? The love or passion for the job? I wonder what's mine, but i guess for now, my motive is just to survive. Dubby was telling Mommy that he was gonna study, and mom said it was a good move. So I went, "hmm, since papa is so encouraging of me studying, shall I go study". Mom went "Go get your masters" I went "Sure, master of divinity?' *chuckles*

Ahha at first she went "sure". Of course I know her sure was so sure, all cause she really didn't understand what it was. Till I explained it was theological studies and she went "you wanna become a nun?" AHAHAHA. I went "Pastor! Technically I still get to get married". Obviously she's against it, cause even talking to sis, makes it sound like a crazy idea. Ahahaa. So who's gonna buy it?

So meanwhile, aiyo, i'm not hitting the books too soon but I did some research and just ploring at the different alternatives. At the end of the day, my motives of studying isn't a positive one, but to just really run away from trying to be a grown up and buy myself more time from taking up responsibilities.

This whole entire time since starting on this job, has been this sense of relunctance to actually grow up, stop being childish and really grow up and take responsibilities. A part of me has this refusal to grow up and part of it, is just a run with time, that just says "Your time is up". "Time to act and be a grown up". When everyone has a choice, who wants to take up responsibilities and tie yourself down with needless worries and anxieties and hopes and fears.

Familarity breeds complacency, complacency just breeds non chalency, and non chalency breeds utter laziness, utter laziness breeds a bummer. Sighs. For me of just moving out of the comfort zone I used to have, and envy those students, where life was so much more carefree, happy, yay-yays, and everyday is just a day of sheer enjoyment really. Your mind is always full of "so what do we do next?" ahahah!

Becoming this working kiddo, I'm really thinking of how to spend my free time well. Did abit of guitar and singing just now, spend time with the Dubby, since he had nights off, and just enjoying each other's presence in front of the tv and poking tickles at each other. Listening to his hearty laughters does make me smile whenever I poke his tummy. I cannot just imagine myself ending work, spending time in front of the tv and just sleeping, and repeating the same cycle the very next day, some 8-12 hours later. The mere thought of it kills me.

I'm actually listening to The Carpenters now - Courtesy of Keith :) Which i'm glad and happy, I listen to them when I just feel, I wanna be reminded of the past. The past of being a young kid, where mom used to play all these classic tunes on the radio. I was probably bout 4-5 and I will run up to her bed, and just sit, and take out the lyrics book, and read the words on it. Reading it will be one thing, understanding it will be another part of it. But I remember when mom got tired of my insistent questions of a million whys, she'll just ask me to be quiet, or to just ssh and just listen. And she'll humm and sing along, and I'll just sit quietly and just listen.

Nope I don't understand a thing, but i will remember the tunes, which I do till today. That when I listen to the songs now, I understand them now, connecting it with the tunes I heard when I was a kid. There's a certain rustic magic to all these oldies, that had such significant meanings and tunes to it. The style, the voice, the arrangement, it is easy listening, radio friendly, and smoothing. It is relaxing. Some other older bands that I like, includes Chicago, Bread, Abba and the Bee Gees. There was Bryan Adams too. But nah, yes, those are just staple classics as I grow up.

My moms has her playlists, my sis had her playlists too. Hers tend to the the soft rock ballad kind, of Richard Marx and tons of love songs. Which I hear too, that will be the usual tunes you hear on Class 95. All these are just my comfort zones, that I head back to reminiscene, my growing up memories, to remind me of myself, while massive changes takes place all around.

Who wouldn't love just sticking on and holding on to the never ending holes of your very own. But that will just not bring anything fun and adventurous. Like what Table of Glory said in yesterday's episode: "adversities are all stepping stones for greater things to be done", or something like that.

In moments like that, I just find comfort in music. In all things, my greatest comfort will always be music, for the different emotions. And it is sheer joy and enjoyment for me daily. Thank you Lord for the lovely rain, its not that hot. The weather has just been such a killer. =) Time for some QT and unwinding and sleep. For another day.

fridays are little bit more joyous, but i shall just leave my thoughts here before i leave out of the house for a meeting later.

starting to feel, wah, i should still be thankful for a job no matter what. (mom claims the pay's sad and long hours) ahaha I go "what to do?"

start to realise probably what pa's employees felt when they made their way down here for work. i'm in their shoes now, HAHAHAAH! Especially as they leave for home after work daily, especially for Jasmine, who at times, grabs a bus.

start to realie the world can get very morbid if life's 8.30-6pm, like not only me, but i see tons of people doing the same thing, i wonder, "everyone goes to work, heads back from work" - Is there anymore life to this, apart from the variation in activities like gymming, yoga, dinner, pak toh or simply, more work, to the tv, and raising of legs up on the table, tutoring your kids on their homework.

start to feel what YANG says all the time "omg, the weekends are here" to the "no, its ending so soon" ahaha. I'm feeling her pain and i'm in it now. The joys of fridays, and the joy that today, there's burning bush. Its the thing that i'm looking forward to, just fellowshipping and entering into the presence of the Lord, corporately. Sheer joy. Soon, I'll be looking forwards every bag? AHAHAHHA!

oh wells, lets see how long of this I can last. Of course, I need to survive at least 3 months. Hopefully more. AHAHA! =) Time to eat some food and head for Khatib. Gosh, I hope I'll be on time. HAHAAH! Normally am you know lately, amazing? Work gets your timing right. Cause you just have to. Its just easier that way. Life i mean.

Tadah, a new blog look and feel. I've been very bored of the white one that I think I've been using it for slightly more than a year or so. Or maybe less, I can't really remember, but it doesn't matter. I do need a change.

So here I am, surfing in the afternoon, looking at design templates and picking one that is pretty fun to work and edit with. Work was supposed to have started today, but apparently the boss got the dates mixed up, and so i'm supposed to be reporting for work tomorrow at 9am, with a meet up at Kembangan.

The boy had Nights Off but he has decided to spend it with his mates, so here I am, heh. Guess rotting in front of the tv with Mom, before we have our dinner. Anxiously waiting for "Red Thread" and I'm not sure, if "Fighting Spiders" are on. But they're all good local productions, so if you're free and have nothing else to do, watch the 2 dramas. They're good stuff. Watching Adrian Pang is such joy, love his English and not bad performance. Just more intrigued with how the story is going to unfold. Then probably with "Table of Glory" and maybe a couple or two episodes of HOUSE?

Spent the afternoon looking at the bloopers of House, which is funny and hilarious. Judging from the things said from Hugh Laurie, about his connection between his Bachelors in Anthropology, and how he ended up becoming an actor, was apparently with a bunches of lucky breaks. Does make you contemplate ahahhaha!

oh wells. time for dinner, and chatting up with Internet Mummy. =) Its been a long time. See if I do wanna carry on the post or it may just end here for now.

ah in any case, i'm just on HOUSE mode now, he's on my desktop wallpaper, and on my blog, cause I can't think of anyone else better? And the greatest thing, a WINDOWS UPDATE did to my comp, it actually resetted some of my shell settings, which means, the previous shell edits I did to it, is gone. It totally doesn't look close to Windows Vista anymore, all it looks like now, its a classic WINDOWS 98 look. AHAHAH, its quite hilarious really, and not that I'm not liking it at all. It goes with my current wallpaper theme, but it just looks dumb-dumb. Like not at all edge funky and cool, but just a classic old soul to it. Funny how I should be annoyed but I'll just live with the change, currently too lazy to find the files to update the shell looks. So it looks clunkish now. BOO! The TP-BIT people will probably know what I'm talking about, yes it looks like the Windows we used in school. The ones with the WHITE interface. AHHAHAHA. HILARIOUS! I'll just get used to it, there goes my lovely vista lookalike. This is Windows XP T.T

At the rate I'm going these two days, I'm gonna be growing sideways. AHAHAH!

+ I had a full dinner before I left out for Ben Chan's surprise birthday dinner at Taglio. Of mom's bak kut teh and cauliflowers, stir fried with carrots and rice. Strangely, I just felt mom's Bak Kut Teh last night tasted like her pigs stomach soup.

+ So off to another round of dinner, of pizzas and lemon teas, with fried calamaris and potato wedges and pastas. I could still eat. STRANGELY, and yes, as though my previous meal didn't existed in my tummy?

+ Today, I just had lunch and there's a donut staring at me, and I'm gonna eat it.

So this makes me feel bimbotic and blog whatever thoughts I have that is in my head right now. I do realise that my typing speed on my laptop is faster as compared to it when I blog via my phone.

I'm craving for a new bicycle. Mom threw my polygon away *pouts* on assumption that I no longer cycle, but the urge has come in now. Quite gian, maybe I'll just look at those second hands or something. Sigh. I'm a spendthrift.

Just got a pair of UE in ears and also my beloved, Martinis. Price was too irresistible to say no really. I <3 Uncle Jaben, lots lots. HAHAHAHA! And had excellent service, bleah. It pays to be a girl really *winks*

i cant say how thankful i am today.

cg fun was fun.

having buds around ytd was fun.

having ppl to share n talk bout each other struggle and spur another along in this walk of faith. brings great joy and delight for each one of you placed in t life. cause i start to feel you're just not alone and it does bring alot of comfort. thank you Lord!

i'm just on the mode of sleeping soon but yet have the urge of leaving some of my thoughts down. Lassie's sleeping right at the door, and looks totally adorable. So before I sleep and leave for driving soon later today, test's coming for the third attempt on Thursday, and I am determined and hoping to really end the entire agony of going through this long process, in another sense, driving is a sense of independence to me.

Independence in the sense, you have the luxury of roaming late. (ah, roam where) - I'm one of those that loves driving up near some scenic places, just breathe and take in the sight as and when I like to. True, for now there isn't a car that I can take, but having a license will be the first step of my desires. Let's hope the Lord's gonna grant me a pass.

But meanwhile, there's a million thoughts on my head today. I woke up in the morning at bout 11, with the sudden urge to play the guitar, so i did. Hence, i went on and on till bout 4pm. Missing all my lunch cause I just didn't feel like it, and ate it at 5pm before I left the house to meet buds to watch "Confessions of a Shopaholic". It really wasn't as bimbotic I would have expected it to be, and its a great lesson and reminder for all of us girls. Girls being girls after all, we all love shopping! (Who doesn't?!) Who wouldn't love chalking up bills, having the loveliest clothes, outfits, shoes and bags?! Having best friends and still being able to find love (The male lead was cute, all totally cause of being tall, decent looking, looks great in a Prada Suit with a Bow tie and having the most important X-Factor to top off the look) - THE BRITISH ASCENT. I'm really head over heels over man who speaks with that ascent, especially like HUGH LAURIE. Course, Hugh still stands at a higher ranking. Sigh.

Hanging out with buds is always something to look forward to, cause it will always be light hearted, open and we have all our crappy and lame stuff for each other. The simplicity that really makes us remind of what we were like in our secondary school, and should continue to stay the same to certain extents. Yes like what Janna wrote on her blog, I do share similar sentiments, but because we're a bunch who actually, if you do wanna share your deepest, its still reliable. I guess for now, we just haven't got that much of deep stuff to share. AHAHHA! But i had fun really =D

But I think the emotions today surged just really on second thoughts of how people have it easy in this house, and sadly, when I just try to gain a portion of amounts, I get it quite hard and difficult. I have no idea why people have the notion that I have things easy, ahaah. Sure if you wanna say, but look closely, it really isn't what you all think. So testers, please do not look at my address and think what you wanna think. Sigh.

Sometimes, I really don't know if the address I carry, when I write on my resumes helps, by giving people have those kind of notions of you. Ahaha. But in any cases, yes i think its just that feeling I can't stand it, especially in this house, just simply how things run, or people getting what they always want way easier than me. Times, I feel I slogged my ass off, and really, its just unappreciation here, that I just at times, prefer to just slog it off elsewhere, where least people show gratitude and say "Thank You".

So i took a time break off, from the things I see at home, and take a breather outside. Quit whining at a situation I jolly well am well aware of, and get used to the fact that if I do need/want/require anything, it will totally equate to me, working hard and getting it yourself. The point is just simply, the amount of insignificance I feel in this family, is just massive from time to time, at times I can gladly say, I have no connections to it, or to least I don't feel much to it, but just playing out my role the way I should for responsibility sake. But its as much as it goes, I suppose. Sometimes, I feel odd and ask question of my belonging, or to my parentage, but there isn't anything to ask, cause there are pictures to proof everything. At random, feelings of not being fitted in this place is being asked, but I can only say, I do get along better with my sister. Or yes, maybe its realisation of myself, being sick of people, despite being family, lives behind a facade that have been going on for years, maybe slowly but surely, inch by inch, removing all those seem to be images or ideologies, for a more truthful protrayal of themselves.

Maybe I'm sick and tired of looking behind all the facades, that I give people the benefit of the doubt, if they think they're happy, they probably are. But i think cause you can just see it, but at times, people just take forever for their problem recognition process, much less talk about the problem solution part.

Things are looking up, i won't deny that portion, but i'm tired of the revelation process. Ahaha, wouldn't it be lovely that I just disappear during this time, and appear again once everything's done? It sounds very enticing and I'm just dreaming of my next location to just leave on a jetplane, and get out of this environment here in this house, where its just very i-me-myself. Its very routined, and people just do the exact same thing day in and out. For me, just looking at them blows my mind, and i wonder how do people continue living the and doing the same thing they did yesterday, for today, into another tomorrow? Its mind boggling. I can't so i'll just do everything else different at random, for a tinge of variation.

All i can say, I'm dreaming of having enough moolahs, to fly my butt out of this place, do anything else, see the world, take pictures on an dslr. And I'm still a dreamer, and still dreaming, heading to dreamland now. Just so sick of things here.

I forgot to add how working on edits on 2 proposals left me working till late, and as age catches up with me, my body and mind seems to take a longer time to recover as compared to years back when I was slightly younger, sheesh, just hit the sacks. So enough of shit around.

ah hah! back from the recce trip, and i must say i enjoyed Port Dickson:)

many things to give thanks for, like the room wo rats in the ceiling above.

things that were supposed to be agreed upon with the parties went on fine.

must say its a real eye opener trip for me, to have learnt many things in communications.

so here's to another start and it has made me dream of wanting to do a long road trip, like the millions of students who does it during their gap year. sigh. license please? juz hoping to end the agony this time round.

oh and managing to talk photography with an enthusiast called Mervin:) he takes great studio shots protraits and macro shots. so he was there showing me his diving shots and his trips to eastern europe, like budapest, hungary, austria, slovakia! KAO! beautiful beautiful! and his egypt shots!

sharing all his stories behind the shots as i sat there juz listening, after a karaoke session with boss(gary), another colleague and Mervin:)

started out with juz gary singing (he sings got skill one wor) to me, to the both of us before the other 2 warmed up. and i realised i'm quite a jukebox, i sing such old english songs to the new ones. to the old chinese one. i was challenged to sing "How do i"? almost died but an honest attempt.

so here i am here, lying on the floor mattress, typing on the htc.

i'm juz hoping things to roll out fine. not too sure how i'm gonna fair? but its gonna be a good fight.

bill johnson time:)

Different times of the day, I will desire to listen to different kinds of songs. But when its night, I just love the sound of pianos going on and just vocals, to resonate, and it sounds awesome when I just sit myself in the room, where its silent, with just my headphones, and a nice comfy chair, with the air con on. Its quite a luxury. I don't do it daily, but i am doing it now. AHAHA. That's in the basement office, where daddy's chair is way more comfy then the one in my room. (which reminds me of whether I should place a big fat bean bag into my bed room) My goodness, in swanking red. HOO HOO. SWEE BOH. But then again, its gonna rip 90 dollars away from me. *sobs sobs* So I shall consider whether I do need it, but I think that's gonna lie on the top of my list once I ever get my full time job, pamper myself alittle, just all these lovely cushiony thingies around. They made me feel happy, to

1. Lie on it
2. Flop or just land on it
3. Run and land yourself on it

Brings alot of simple joys. (I do that to my parents bed till today) - Which totally annoys my mom all the time. Being so large and much older now, I still get a great kick, running and jumping right onto the arms of a kings size bed. Too large to miss? Could consider doing it on the beanbag. Tee hee.

Anyways, today's been a day whereby I got up at 1300. Didn't expect myself to be that tired, afterwhich, I had my lunch and watched "Defiance". Its been sitting on the laptop for some time, since I saw the short ad, via the big screen ad, while crossing the road towards Shaw, with Daniel Craig's face all over, its quite hard to miss. Plus, I'm quite into Daniel Craig. *grebit chuckles. (since someone has been using that term alot. and alot, means alot). PFFTS. Can't believe something that i use ever so often *chuckles* have found a new, revamped and cuter version. I'm jealous. But whatevers. *sheepish grins*

Ok so now I'm on House's Soundtrack. Gotta find more tracks from season 4 and 5. I love, somehow the music is soo different but definitely something I will never ever get tired of. Hee hee, that's most important.

And on Defiance, if you have a chance, do go and watch it. To marvel at the human spirit, the courage and faith to do the otherwise, then to just sit and await death. Its living out loud, "better to die trying than to die not trying at all". So yeap yeap, a movie that kind of jolted me by throwing me "what on earth are you living for". Daniel Craig as usual, being the oh so cute him (yes i'm being a girly girl), loveee it. I must say i was quite emotionally sucked into that show. So into it, bleah.

Oh and a passing thought, i just got myself another interview tomorrow morning. As random as getting a call at 930 at night just now, having a little chat and its some camp coordinator position. So kids and fun will be part of the entire thing. Just see how it goes, for now that's about it.

Time to head to my room and groove to house's soundtrack. Nite people.

Awesome day it has been today. 23.03.09 - It is Min Jong oppa's birthday. (Happy Birthday!) But a more felt note would have been my beloved, favourite band, right in front of me. To just be in the stadium today, was something to be thankful for. I wasn't that late, the opening act by whom I don't know, really wasn't that yummy, but when THEY came on, my goodness, we all went mad.

Thumbs up for an awesome crowd, sure we had fun singing along to nearly all the songs and especially to "Life in Technicolor II" to the WHOO OOO OOOOs, and especially during the encore. To get them out, the entire stadium was singing pitch perfect whoo oo oos. Darn good feeling, "Fix You" was pulsating, "Viva La Vida" was deafening, "The Scientist" moved me. Chris Martin being the usual him, especially chatty tonight and cutely hilarious. Will whacked the drums real hard, Guy looks quiet and reserved but course stunning with his new hair, Jonny with his signature riffs and overlays. Chris, thumping through the keys and strumming through the guitar. He actually took the guitar off his shoulders, and just threw it to the ground. I went "OMGOODNESS" but then again, how much does the guitar costs to them? Peanuts really, so its like a martin was just thrown to the floor. AHAHA.

Its better than "X and Y" in comparison to better stage presence, with their lovely do ups of lightings, pictures shown over the sceen, camera angles, and the ballish projector screens =) Which was during the previous concert that I fell in love with Coldplay, and the rest is history. They do real well live, and Chris makes me wanna go play the keys. All I can say this band is a bunch of brillants, both academically and musically. Will sings backup real well =D I only realised his voice during "Fix You" mv, years ago, that i realised the entire band actually does sing accompanying vocals.

It will be a day I'll remember, for such a fun time, especially during the "Mexican wave" with our mobile phones, and singing along sessions. The crowd was just awesome and Coldplay just lived it up. No one was sitting.

And yes, the wallpaper and pictures posted, are taken entirely by me. For keep sake's purposes. Thank you Coldplay, for such an awesome time! And a great crowd and for the Dubby, who paid half of the tixs. ahahhaa! Hope all who were present had a jolly merry good time.

A million thank yous. So many things to be thankful about.

1. That everyone had a great time at the Barrage and it went on without a hitch! Cause someone led it (winks winks) Great job and a great team backing the leader up. AHHAHA.

2. I met ALBERT! Again, this time its time no2. On our way home, just being able to share his vision, when these ppl just run towards their goal. He's doing architecture and when he talks about it, you just sense the love. My respect and kudos, i'm learning =) Press on!

3. Talk session with Uncle Julai / July. A figure of musician that I respect alot in church next to Uncle Tony. A man of such love for music, who lives for music, and cause of music, lives today (course with God's blessings and grace poured out upon him). Sharing his stories and past and experiences, was very fun. Especially the music taming a beast story. I'll remember it in a livetime.

4. Uncle Tony's cute session yesterday, from dinner, to the talk, his simple wisdom, I respect and give kudos, to his prayers. Thank you Uncle Tony =)

For all I can say of, is having a brush with all these passionate people, inspires me. Few hours time I'm going back to my much dreaded part of circuit. Somehow I just seem to clam up everytime I get in, I can do it, yes. But i don't know somehow I just get quite clammy when i think of circuit. Sigh, oh Lord, get me through man, just end this misery of circuits. And just be gone! Be done and get that license. sighs.

Its been a lovely time with all of you, the young people, worship, and a share of older wiser men, of Uncle Julai and Uncle Tony. And the after time with Keith, Timothy, Andrew, Alvin, DT, Chass, Pei Lin, CS is fun thanks to teaming up with all these people. =D

And shopping, walking around with Chass + Pei Lin.

It has so far been a lovely day today just resting. Yesterday was just merely spent orientating myself with my new toy, known as the HTC Touch 3G. Its a pretty baby, and yes, I love it, and I got it at a steal. =) Received pay and this is what I do to reward myself, and its quite a novelty really. Quite suprised at myself that I got a touch screen phone, cause I was quite keen on buttons in a sense, but not wanting to use the typical symbian interface. Not a fan of the iphone, nokia e71 seems fitting, but nope, ahaha i'm just not into Nokia. And hence, the decision with the HTC.

So yesterday was spent inputting softwares into the phone, its a little riced, with a new dial skin and contact book, that works like how the iphone works. Its quite fun really just finding applications for it.

Apart from that, today was just spent with the Dubby, we were just chatting last nite. Then lunch and tv today, its lovely to see how he has come to make decisions, very pleasant suprise no doubt! =D I thought it was gonna take a while but suprisingly no, so today was just a quiet day, enjoying each other's presence, watching an episode of House S5, on AXN, since i was simply too lazy to set up the comp to output it out on the bravia. Nonetheless, it was a good day, bringing lassie for a walk, while i was walking him to the bus stop as he booked into camp. Then showering lassie (cause she stanked), she's so adorable! How when I was soaping her, I was just looking into her eyes and she was just looking into mine! Those cute moments, sigh. Very lovely, to tell Lassie, she's been loved!

So here I am on my bed, looking at my emails, I've just got an interview on Wednesday, so lets just wait and see. Wondering if I should send more resumes out, I think I should but i'm just lying on my back. Check out the bruise on my leg that has grown into islands, and seriously looks like I've been abused. AHAHAHA. For the record, its the biggest bruise growing this big. All thanks to having really high steps at the EUNOS BUS INTERCHANGE, and I was just walking down the bus steps, missing the high steps, thinking it was a flat land (Like Bukit Merah Interchange), and the headphones on my head just plopped onto the floor due to the impact. And I went "OHHH MY GOD" not cause I fell, but cause my lovely headphones fell to the floor. Brushed myself up, picked my headphones up, and there was a couple staring at me. AHAHAH. It must have been a funny scene, but yeah. Its horrid, cuts and bruises and now.. The bruise have just seemed to grow. Have no idea if its supposed to have gotten better, or for the worse, but lets wait and watch. How fun!

So for now, its quite a limpy me.

i am proud to have got myself connected to the internet on my psp. that the device works only on wireless b. now i realise why keith said it was fun blogging on this. i'm doing this now all cause working on my comp now reminds me of being at work. typing on it just makes me feel i'm not at home, and sure enough to add a variation to my rest time after work to unwind. I cannot imagine just returning home after work to just eat, sleep and watch tv. Like now, unwinding with The Carpenters.

While looking at the blog, I saw 5 comments, and out of the it, 2 were left by the writer of "sweet tapioca porridge". It was quite a wowing sensation for a moment, and I hope Andrew does get encouraged by the good reviews and many good memories and feelings it has left among the many viewers of the show!

Apart from that, today has been a day strangely, of non-stop sleeping. Not sure if its supposedly to be the way it is, but it had been the same last week too. Whereby my monday was spent, just laying on the bed and resting, as though I was that burnt out or something. But last week I could have understood, it was quite a tiring one. This week, seemed normal! But i'm just letting myself rest, woke up in the morning at 9am on the dot, to book my seats for Coldplay's - Viva La Vida.

The first concert I'm paying for it (half of it to be exact) heh heh. So its quite an experience going through the system payment, which annoyed me, that I realised the name that I was supposed to key in, was case sensitive. pffts. The lovely person offering to subsidise my ticket price, is not other than the Dubby. Muahaha, its my valentine's day gift. He got a wallet. Tadah.

I'm sure its gonna be some of an experience after going for the 06' X and Y one. I guess that'll be it, gonna head off and continue reading John G Lake.

And with two interviews lined up later today, hopefully my energy levels will rise. Its been a larthegic monday! Thank You Pei Lin! Kudos to her for her introduction, however its gonna go, i'm still trusting, it'll be something according to His plans. Though somewhere in my heart, its aching to go for the design one. How funny. Bless your week ahead ya alls!

(Alittle bit of print screening, going through lengths to get this image, THERE!)

Yay, I must say how much I enjoyed this SHOW! Good grade local production, and while googling just now, I have already read 2 favourable reviews on this show. Not too sure if guys do warm up to this idea, but i'm sure it captures the hearts of the female viewers! It made my day, gushing at Darren Lim. Ahaha, somehow I think he gives me the resemblance of Tony Leung Chiu Wai. It could be due to the quiet nature or his protrayal, the silent type but yet still retaining their own set of charisma. My localised version of Tong Leung =D (I liked him for a long time, and i was like WOW-ing when he and Evelyn got married, it was such a fairy tale, and a match make in heaven so to speak) ^^ And he was soo cute in the show! HAHAHA. TOOT TOOT - DORKY guys are ever so cute.

It would have been lovelier to have my teevee partner with me, where we both rot in front of the tv, just sapping up shows. (Don't think he ever enjoys these shows as me, but he wouldn't mind accompanying me) - But that's not the point! HAAHHAA. He probably enjoys watching HOUSE together most. GAH. =)

Oh wells, once in a while, these simple stories and productions tug the heart strings of your heart, and reminds us of the beauty and the simplicity of what LOVE should be, could be like. Yes, it could be highly unlikely in modern day living, but to the whoevers who still believes in the simplicity of these love stories and is living in one, keep it going man.

To the white hairs and hand holding sessions on park benches and strolls on beaches, to the sharing of earphones on the buses, to the little support when getting on and off the buses. They are one of the sweetest fixtures around and commands the envy of many, and i the respect of mine.

To those who missed the show, OH THANK GOD, they have an encore version of it THIS SUNDAY. HAH! I love the opening titles, the music, the panning and the angles of the capturing of the scenes. Its really good :) More of these please? I'm in love with the style of filming, the music that goes along with the movie, and cute 2 leads, and a simple storyline, to watch it unfold, is quite some magic. (It would have been better without the ads in between, but then again, its called FREE TO AIR TV for a reason) - :)

Meanwhile, its been a funny day doing covers with Joyce, recording on her camera. I wonder if its already been loaded up? AHAHAHA. HILARIOUS. But it was a great time! Thank yous! Off to my audio techs and ipods once again. Sifting through those playlists that differs so much from time to time.

Now that the Dubby has reminded me, yes, it is time to go back and listen to some chinese tunes. =) Wassup with his recent infastuation with LEE HOM and KHALIL? LOL. They're MINE! =D

Hmm, i'm actually feeling kind of hungry now, and images of instant noodles soup floods my mind. Funny how you can actually tune your body to think of a particular something when it is triggered.

Am listening to Coldplay's other half of the album, Prospekts March, and Lost with Jay-Z is quite a waste talent, its amusing to say how rap can go on with Coldplay, but no, i'm still used to the way Coldplay is, alone.

So here goes, a new Bill Johnson pic added to the side, just a random thought of "the influential", apart from Obama, I should put him there. Bill's more influence than the other, since its quite a daily affair for me.

And yes, I've finally got a time to sit and chill, on this quiet night, at 3am in the morning, with total silence around the house and around the area. Dead still, with my feelings too, the anxiety's over in my hunt or would you say in my quest for my first... JOB. (as in work) or as in JOB in the bible? Ahaha, kidding, but yes. I'm still in my hunt, and there's no choice of giving up. You just head on and keep hitting the send button till a reply hits, and the rest pretty much hinges on people's choices.

Looking around, after being for 2 job positions, that spanned out to 3 interviews each, has gotten me to a state of ever wondering are you ever good enough, that up till the last decision making process, someone chooses over the other suitable candidate than you? I start to think, and ponder why I haven't or never been on the spirit of excellence. I'm always someone who's there but not yet totally there yet. Never took the time off or the discipline to hone something or put into use of more, something you've really learnt, that you ace and become a pro in something.

In so many things I can think of at random, I start to ask myself why on earth did I not pursue what my heart's desire were, that in the face of rejection did I not try and take an alternative route to be daring and courageous enough to pursue design at NAPFA or Laselle. Somehow, it never seemed to occur to me, till I was asked at the recent interview. Good question. Do i realise I can get so tunnel visioned and never seemed to try an alternative route to things or in dealing with things.

But the fundemental part, was that I lacked belief, faith and hope to have the thoughts to see me through. Afterall, my love for design probably was merely in its embroyonic state. To have come thus far so far, I must say I myself am amused and amazed to that someone bothered to look into that portfoliio i've got. I giggle and laugh, that passing thought that once crossed my mind, was heard and has come true. Not too sure if its entirely completed or there is still more to come, but I do thank God for what so ever progress so far.

That through this period, I realised I've learnt and lost somethings and I do have to take note. Some bad habits that have developed known as the maintaining of eye contact, something that I used to love to observe to watch of late, (I don't know since when), I've lost the knack of it. Till I received feedback and ah, realised. But its ok, guess you learn and take and make extra efforts in maintaining eye contact. (I must have placed too much emphasis on everything else, called the skies, roads, things ahead of me, i forgot bout the things staring right into my face) Amusing note. *noted*

Meanwhile, I'm still awaiting and have just sent out another 2 resumes and I remembered what Chass said to me. Yes, He'll have that perfect one ready for you. So yes I'm waiting and meanwhile, its alot of music, ipod and books daily for my company, and who could forget, my lovely stuffed toys around me for that added smile and hug.