its been another day out finally. cause i can't seem to get over my sickness of monday. my terrible fever and flu and everything. it still seems to linger, lost my voice today, or rather, develops into a sexy voice arhhar, you thought it was a man talking to you. but all for funs sake.


was out today at orchard with my 2 cousins carol + kim yee. arhahar, somehow, maybe we're tired arhhaar. the usual walk arounds, and all. dinner and yeap. gift exchange arhhaa. the usual thing we've been doing. prolly post up pictures another day.


my canon's camera's in the hospital. just took it there for repairs. don't know what is wrong but it just disables me of clicking away on my camera. now that its the holidays and when i intend of going on a snappy basis, i can't do it. damn. i hope i don't have to pay much for it, somehow it had some problems initially but it seems to have gotten worse. *sigh. oh wells.


i'm just blogging how crazy i am arhhar. over this fictional character known as Sam. arhhaar. madness. but short time photoshopping. i'm in love with this picture. alot ok. alot. =) so anyways, the picture's on the left arhhaar. and one in the centre. obssession. arhahar. and in a few months time, it'll prolly die. i'm so keen on buying the drama home for old keepsake and sentimental value arhahar. but eee. its expensive arhahar. =/ oh wells. i'll blog massively sometime again. i'm debating to wrap the gifts now or later. humm. whichever. stop blogging. arhahar. i'm in love with this picture, that's in on my msn. i really love that scene tons. arhahar. and this Sam guy is my current obssession, but not seeing him in my dreams. arhahar. next to tony leung stands francis ng muarhahar. sssh. i lurve that small picture. *sighs. i lurve the smile on both of their faces. for being so natural and picture perfect. *disappears. be back again =) tomorrow or a time again lar.

humm. saturday has past me by and its wharhar and its sunday morning. its been fun rather today, finally sitting down and playing around with pictures. been rather long since i last did and yeap. something that makes me happy apart from shopping at Ikea yesterday wif Jie Jie so yeah. arhha today was at Takashimaya but wasn't anything there. with Jie Jie + mummy and me lar. so oh weells.

anyways, i'll guess it'll get better arhahar. i'll be fine really =) thank you Rae + Winnie + Linggie for just being there chatting arharhar. in a way, being with me. i'll get over it lar, eventually. arhahar. just takes another round of more time again. wharhahr.

look, i'm so happy at this new thing i tried out, my msn window! ahhaahr. mean its not a new thing but i think the picture's so cute. Kang Dong Won looks cute. ahahar. =) sunday's here whahar. and i lurve my new wallie. arhhar. ok lar, wash up time after playing and playing with all these pictures lar. sleeping and its time at God's place tomorrow again =) nitey nite peeps.

whoa. i feel the full force now of someone being affirmed and confirmed with that piece of paper someone has just received. its gets rather annoying but i guess on a second note, i might prefer living off in my own or rather, given now's context, moving out. live out and be oblivious to the things coming back at home. it just hit me in the car again whoa. but whatevers, like whatevers i'm pissed man. i'm becoming like a pissed lady today. *emos*

twice. once was at myself for spilling the honey stars all over my bag. its like it didn't occur to me that i should roll the inner bag into the box but i guess i was rather stupid. i feel angry for not having the least sense and in any case, just arharhar. be left alone. be alone or something. have a friend around or someone in the room you can remain oblivous to everything. i'm just tired and probably wanting to have some life or something, like be far away so you don't see it happening, cause you'll never understand why somethings happens so yar.

but in all, i thanks Winnie and Pei Lian for the day today, it has been fun and yes i had fun chomping. and i lurve that duet song we sang Winnie, its in my head and that's really the best part of my day, together with the had my decent meal for the day nearing the end of the day, which consisted of my 3 meals. somehow, ain't got much appetite to eat these couple of days, its not like at its best, and i just don't know what to be eating i guess. aharhar. i should just stop pondering on so many things at stop being upset at the things that are at my face which would always be the way they are and i should stop whining. i also don't know why i wanted to head down to fetch them home and see all these. but arhahar. i'm dumb.

its coming 1330 and i'm just gonna be starting on my POTty. not the least motivated, arhahar. maybe cause drained after studying everything for ERM. haiyo. but anyways, i didn't do anything much last night apart from plentiful of pondering. woke up in the morning and went to the zhi char stall at the back with Lassie. =) and whilst i was walking by the neighborhood, i saw this really cool red racer type of motorbike. it so made me motivated to ride actually more than drive at times, or rather, why not just do both when either of the urge arrives? then again, i was thinking of the Vespa, arhahar. oh wells, its just some random thoughts that i always have and i'll be dreaming of riding it down the ECP arhahar. its cool. love the scenery there lar.
so here's some random shots at life while i was walking on my mobile phone and then i'll start my mugging and probably end up sleeping somemore and mugging. can't wait for this to end.


the cool motorbike ok. whooot. i love it. it looks like a night shot but its not. no cropping no nothing arhahar. pure sunlight. and a 1.3 mp camera arharhaar. hilarious quality. but who cares. it isn't that bad actually. but yeah, try doing a night shot, i'll take a black piece of photo. walking and photo taking gets rather fun. and of course, destressing.

the house in the center is one of the coolest looking houses round the estate. i like the modern look and feel, and yes you can say it'll my dream big house, with my kids running around, and my SUV parked at the car porch and we'll go long driving vacations rides with the dog or probably the cat and the kids? arhahar. and with your hubby. oh well. that's my idea of staying in a big house. cool family.

arhharar. ok. patterned clouds. its supposed to be blue-er but huu huu. exposure's i think too great for my poor camera to capture but its ok. arhahar. lovely clouds.

and last its ah bee!! Its the cutest baby and hey. some crazy things i do after lessons time. its me alright. arhhaar. after lab lessons last friday after ERM. nice? arhahar. please note it isn't my middle fingers but arhahar index fingers to note a smile. so everyone keep pressing on =) and you'll enjoy your two weeks whilst mugging your projects too. lurve you all. all the best. its woof signing off xxx

i need to get myself to study. be disciplined. and go find knowledge in the things i read. come on! seep to your brains arhhaar. i'm feeling tired keep wanting to sleep the moment those notes pop up right in front of me.

its gonna be busy weekends but hopefully squeezes some time to mug somehow. oh man. *like ants on a hot pan. and eeks. there's a need to memorize that cross thingy in the disciple's book. don't know if i can do it but *sigh must try. FIGHTING AH JOY* totally feels weird to be mugging somehow since we ended our attachment, 7 months or 8 months, and then heading back to hitting the books. no momentum lar. aiyoo. quick hit me!!! ok shower time and i think i need to do more reading. arhhar. somehow erm don't interest me, POT more digestable, more english terms so to speak i guess. and what is this annoying spell check underlining that blogger has? lol.

fly me to Japan!!!! Janggie's having a free meet the fans session at Budoku Complex or something man. but -_-' Japan, haven't fly me up there, i already broke arhahar. don't even think bout the amenities like the hotels or something +_= i'm feeling poor. arhhaar.

i feel like an idiotic joke at times. dunnoe how come sometimes soo stupid. dunnoe how many instances i must be stupid lar. anyway, joyce!!!! you were silly once cannot be silly anymore. set your mind straight.

guess sometimes when you're tired arhhar. erm hmm. =D ideas start plonking out on having some fun arhhar. okok. wait. maybe just tired of the same old shit faced every single day lar. that at times, i just wished i could stick myself in this protected little cosy, lavendeer or purple room of mine. and unwind and destress. be alone, be quiet, doing the things i adore doing in my room. little guitar, alittle music, alittle msn, a little.. sleep alittle ps2 arhhaar. like a kid. get this year done with and this semester.

arhrahar i oso dunnoe how to write this entry lar. leave it the way it is. no mood nothing no ideas on how to express the thoughts i have. so lets just place it as moodless and expressionless. mr flu go away.. arhhar. and say bye to the throat soon cause its irritating me. sheesh* i can never be caught drenched in the rain cause i've got a weak immunity system. quick weekends!! arhhaar, i miss seeing CG6's faces. arharhar. sunday quick come and restore some normality around.

sorry gurls, didn't meet you all today. still recovering and ha nor. cannot enjoy wif u all, as much as i'm really looking forward to today to least catch a movie =( sadded ah joy. *sigh. lurve u all. hope ya all had fun yar =) must have been fun. arhhar. =) take care and dun get caught sick by this weather. sheesh. nitey. where's wruff? arhhar.

i hate growing up. you know as you get older, you get to do less of the things you love. arhahr. and you tend to sleep less, cause you're wired in such a way that you don't need the sleep. ppl get older, get on with their lives, you get on with yours.

but man, i really really wanna watch movies you know. get sometime out and try watching some movies and reflect. oggle at some handsome, like daniel craig in James Bond, coming after PIerce Brosnan as the next bond. the last bond movie was 4-5 years back? arhahar. and it was being watched with you. i still have fond memories, its what keeps me going. and just today whilst i was just letting my mind run wild alittle, i actually realised how selfish i actually was, that i seemed to be always hoping and hoping and wasn't listening and listening or probably giving more than what i could do, in a sense do more but i didn't. arhahar, serving the school used to top priority, running this and that on saturdays, choosing to return back home early and all. i felt bad arhahar and sorry but arhhar. its alright, we had some good old memories, arhahar. kept somewhere special. hope you're doing well all these years =)

anyway, happy feet looks like a must watch for me, i've got a picture dangling in ym room cause mumble looks damn adorable. and i wanna watch denzel washington in Dejavu and then there's andy lau's mo gong i think. then. then arhahar. the list goes on arhhar. ouh wells, time seems so tight! hope to see the daylight soon. running thin. that times you finally probably understand the meaning behind "ignorance is bliss" =) lurve u all out there, falling sick plz, refrain from all those heaty things. drink more water. and in this crazy weather, please bring a umbrella with you so as not to get drenched. and to get ample sleep, stay healthy and happy please. =) *lurves.

lemme rant alittle. arhahar. get some things off my mind. to be at ease. afterall, i'm sitting in my room and on my bed and it is suppose to be making me feel at ease. but somehow some alarm in me is ringing the emergency bell which is kind of annoying. trying to snooze it meanwhile, as i try to sort this mind of mine out. arhahar. its like going on emergency mode and i got no idea. trying to calm my own mind down *calms. take a breather.

watching Prison Break is supposed to calm me down or something. but arhha i was like in a daze. i think i'm just pretty tired. arhhaar. aigooo. need to get a life man. arhahar. and learn to nap and make sure i wake up after 2 hours kind of thing? lol. JIA YOU.

running thin. you get tired. you just feel ok. thats it. pack up your bags and decide to leave. but you can't. and the reason is all cause your feet is stuck in this puddle of mud, with your leg stucked in it, 3/4 of the way. Lose, break your leg, or wait for this rescue rain to come and wash or lossen up some of the particles out. You wish to leave but you can't or rather. there isn't a point in giving out now when your 3/4 of your way nearing the finishing line.

it gets annoying at times. you get a little angry at times, but till a time whereby you turn immuned and dry and used to every single thing that has been going on where my favourite line goes "what's new?" and you just wait for more stunts to come approaching. hahar.

maybe i've been running too much on my own strength i pressume. but what i know is that during trying period of time is the time whereby you'll see a person's true character. it makes it or breaks you. you either come out stronger, better more refined than you ever been or you lose your shine and just end up like another piece of normal metal. what it is also termed as regular. ordinary.

or another way, it just makes you stronger in the things you believe in every single time hard times come you by. it doesn't just come for a reason, but i guess it toughens you up. through sweat and tears will you look back and smile at yourself, for you deserve that pat on your back. and share your experience with others and encourage each other when they are down or discouraged. the wonders of the human spirit at times works at its best during periods of trials and obstacles.

i'm hoping i'll leave satisfied for i did my best and that's it. arhahar. didn't know at times working at this rate of this sem can be rather tiring. arhahar. maybe you underestimated what a couple of projects loaded together, the impact of what it can bring to ppl. arhahar. you'll either see the good or the ugly side of a person. or it made you realised things you've never think you would. sometimes, i guess its always wise to keep your ears open and keep out for what the adults have to say to us greenhorns. listen for awhile, and you'll probably learn some of life's greatest lessons arhhar. they just don't say things for no apparent reason.

and during this period of time, will you find strength and hold on to each other as each of us feels the heat. keep running, keep encouraging, we'll get there. i hope arhhar. i think i'm blabbering too much or do i even know what am i blabbering about? all i know arhhar. i need slp arhahar. i'm napping or slping i guess. and you realise that the early mornings are one of the most beautiful things to wake up to with the freshest air. at 8.30am it seems to be one of life's charge of brand new energy seeping into you. you feel you can run forever only to stop and realise that you're only human and that you get tired easily too. take a breather. take a step back. =) lurves.

humm. i think i'm getting even more used to this emo-ing process of writing and have this self written therapy that i'm doing here mostly reaching the end of a day and the beginning of another day. which means it usually starts towards 12am. arhhaar. i lurve that timing. signifying mostly the end of a day and the start of another.

which mostly means for the past couple of days of this week, mostly just feeling really tired. wishing for a new day to come, hoping and praying that tomorrow will be a better day. this entire hope process is pretty much a vital start to getting another day right, or least help you jumpstart the hardest part of the day which is to simply to give you enough strength to get you out of bed, which i so don't want to. its like my place of refuge. a place of rest and a place for me to just cry out for divine intervention. the place where i realise often a times how blessed i actually am, and start thanking and start reflecting on the things done well, done bad, on improvement ahrhar. my bed is seriously the place i lurve. i look forward to every single day. my room. the settings, the colour, the pictures, the guitar. which the bed just makes me want to lie on it.

i'm just wanting to keep sleeping and sleeping since thursday. some simple pleasures in life which you don't realise it is one of them till you just have this mindset that you're tired all day long and the bed seems like the place to be. body hurts after working and doing that napfa tests. my test number. arhhar. i took it. its to remind me how unhealthy i am. well arhahar. yes in a way, cause after the first station, i just realise how i suck in doing sit ups. arhhar. and how my back hurt like mad after that but still gotta finish up the other 5 stations. arhhaar. i adore my sit and reach station, my pet event. and i didn't know i can jump an extra 10-20 more cms in standing broad jump. addded some more seconds to shuttle run, chin ups were ok. RUNNING was bad. only goes to show arhahar, how lazy or slack i can be. i missed the passing rate of like 1 minute plus, then you could probably earn yourself a bronze but arhhaar. i think it says "thank you for participating" now. how unhealthy you are. arhahar. that's bad. maybe start running more, after i get past all this aches around my body.

you just don't realise how wonderfully your body has been made. to bend and reach things and to climb stairs, sit down and cross your legs without worrying on a normal day. but arhahar its been a chore doing it these couple of days, and my face just crinches. playing with lassie becomes what you call "physically demanding" and doing every movement seems to take you forever! and i feel so larthegic man. probably what i call rapid aging man. hoping to get pass both this physcially tiring stage and soon the mental part. its wearing me down someway. but i think it should bring some light at the end of the tunnel soon i guess. just hold on tight.

some pictures i've taken. or rather the bunch of buddiez. arhahar. you all rock ok. its on my mobile wallpaper, to motivate me to get the weeks by somehow arhhaar. last saturday at marina square at xing wang. cold day and all 5 of us, afraid of the air cold. arhhaar. jin hui was sick that day. arharhar "floating" around. and there is me, ling li, vanessa, jin hui and janna from left. sick is no good. get well soon to her and to mummy. pictures of the skies, which always makes me feel small. taken in school. arhhaar. its not my camera arhha. and lately, me in my new made pair of emo glasses. arhhar since i'm given a chance to make a new pair of glasses free (my last pair was paid my myself for breaking it myself) arhahar. that one is taken my the mobile phone. easiest. heading to bed now. gotta head to God's place tomorrow.

(and i'll add. i really really really. miss doing the things i do. like my usual nights at soompi viewing the 2 major hotties, of jdg + kmj i rarely have the mood to arhahar. surfing late, posting, doing wallpapers, on photoshop, but one thing i probably try doing is being on the guitar of late. i miss drama and movies time ahahar. see. you learn to take things not for granted anymore. its getting seemingly rare to have more private time to yourself doing the things you love doing, other than sleeping. and fretting. and worrying. har. niteys)

"buzzz" is the stupid feeling off my back now. today's been nothing with exceptions to some work on our group's ERM project a little. its NAPFA. its said to be compulsary (not too sure bout that) but whatever it is, i just went to see where my fitness level stood and its arhhar a far cry of my days back in secondary school.

sit ups were bad. the rest were decent but shuttle run's timing is down. arhahar. add some seconds to it. 2.4 km i added more seconds to my timing too. ended up failing that segment ouh so crappy. missed it by some 1 min plus but ahrhar. wad to do. only tell urself if only you ran harder. arhhar.

ouh whichever. but the feeling is not as the happie contented feeling of cycling 20km. arhhar. i think that's the shiokest thing. one day should try those long distance cycling with the cool gadgets and pants. arharhar must be fun man.

anyways. i'm just feeling bit tired. frustration lar. just wishing and hoping for God to keep guard of this heart of mine. may it not let my mouth splurt out words of hurt, and God to bring me through this crazy semester. which make it the friendships you developed for life or just a mere touch and go period of time.

- that times this world can be so political, that everyone wants gains and no losses. they lose touch. they lose focus. they probably lose their ethics and their sanity.

- nice ppl are so hard to come by. that it is probably not by chance but more like fate and like for more plans awaiting for more events to unfold.

- same theory of not starting a business based on friendships.

- through life's toughest test against time, will you see and find the geniune ppl who means and hopes the best for each other and i think back on myself to have ah boon + jin hui + vanessa+ ling li + janna this bunch of gurls we've been together. and to the oh-so-dear ppl around me. you know who you are and for a God who constantly waatches me by. i'm bleeseed.

- the fragality of the human life. the mind. the body. and how we work. just doing massive exercise after a long period of time = aches. you blame it on aging.

times out wif the gurls Jin Hui, Vanessa, Ling Li, Janna. least we could be snappy, pose around in front of the cameras. share some laughters. where it doesn't really matter what the topics are being talked about but just sharing the good old fun arhhar.

Happie Burfdae Janna put it up here. when i can remember. arhahar. vanessa dun angry hor the rest ahhaar. =)

anyways, today's actually a great day at school. glad to see all five of them and giggling along wif linggie she's really cute. arhahar. "sunrise, open up your eyes, and see what you see now." - I'm serious, its a song by Coldplay. I'm not too sure if i got the lyrics out but yar. if i hear the song again i'll tell u all. arhaha. i kept singing it, and LInggie's so cute. echo-ing. basically being noisy when you're doing stressed up things. i just thank God it worked. i know i always screw up arhhar half of the time when i'm implement stuff but hoo hoo. with Pei LIan beside, arhhaar. we did it! ok lar, sense of satisfaction is there, but its fun when LInggie is beside too arhaar. being the keyboarder and the mouser arhahar. so yay* hope it builds PL's confidence wor. As long as you tried and proved it twice, mindsets do come crumbling down, hopefully more walls too arhahar. i had fun. and realise wee's bad habit. well not really, but he HUMMS!! to himself arhahar. we all have our weird antics lar. when i get bored, i'll sing something. Linggie sings something. arhhar. i think ash's not doing anything but her ears are on anthena mode! and she'll do her all time "weeiiiii. ni kan ta.." arhhaar. i like it.

so after that, since mom said home wasn't gonna be cooking dinner, got down to outram park to People's Park to get momm's beloved porridge from that particular stall. got my packed dinner. got it back home. on the bus, met some weird ppl, who gave faces when someone came by, that guy placed his shopping bag on a seat, so when the woman came, he couldn't not help but move the bags on his lap. that irritated face. omg. it was like the woman was in a wrong, but as the saying goes, you pay for only one seat, so you sit only at one seat. well, if he said he paid double fare, i wouldn't care. but i was annoyed when he gave that look. so what he had a video white Ipod, with white Audio Techica Phones like me [mine's black - better bass] sp what he had the white one with better treble. so what he had dyed hair and black puma shoes. so what!!! so what if you wore black button up shirts! to heck. not that you're some fashion designer. come on, you wanna be flashy, DRIVE! anyway, sometimes it gets annoying. ppl should be nicer. and yes i should be nicer. but I cannot stand ppl like that lar. put the bags on your lap won't kill you. yes its more uncomfortable, but i mean who's comfortable on the bus when it is peak hour? even if it is on the train? worse still, you're standing the entire time on a train. so be thankful you have a seat and place your butt on it
man. extra space? take the cab lar kawan.

ok enough about annoying ppl. add another one to the list. the phone rang and if it rings after the auto gate opens, it means someone forgot to bring the keys. i mean if it is by logical theory. ok, stop and drop whatever you are doing and open the door. unlocked the door and i went up to my room. but guess what. what was the annoying thing was that you freaking told me that you forgot your keys. that's fine cause i forget to bring my keys out too. and the next moment i hear, the key sound. only makes me come to a conclusion, it wasn't that you forgot your keys, but you're too drunk to actually place it into the keyhole and turn it to open the door. its definitely not the first time drunk home. times u climb the stairs like its so hard. why? cause you can't see. and you don't trust. arhhar! [ok. jokes aside, if i was drunk, i'll feel my way, after all its my home. i can walk it up in darkness lol. i'm still young. so can afford to fall] arhhar. but hello. you ain't getting younger, and it doesn't help one inch if you're worrying. and i'm worrying if its cause of cash flow. like if he's spending within his means. that's the thing. i don't know. just pretty irritated.

come what may. everything changes but ahrhar. my faith ain't changing. period. i'm trying to not think too much arhhar. but i'm straying to think alittle further arhhar. when mummy's coughing ain't getting any better thanks to the haze and it just made me realise its not fun getting older. cause your health gets more affected by the surroundings as you get more prone to it as your health systems starts deteriating and start to realise you ain't 21 anymore or something. i seriously ponder bout my fitness level. arhahar. once able to sprint, run, jump, scream arhharar. now i wonder ahrhaar. its ok. go for fitness test and see =) i hope its still there. it feels fun to dash. sprint. arhahar. the wind. arhharahr. as in stamina wise. arhhaar. *ponders.

time flies and when Agnes i should be calling her something behind. its rude calling her by name cause she's older than me. but in anyways, she was asking me what was i going after i graduate. arhhar they seem to know i'm finishing this course. persuading me to go study more arhhar. yes, i wanna study, but i really really really. arhhar. wanna do it locally. [must go pray hard bout it arhhharar] cause life's best years should be spent now together mar, with everyone, see how we all grow up and all. arhhar. i really don't know. times it seems quite uncertain, if ppl are to see times things don't feel the same as it was 10 years ago, where many ppl tell me not to worry bout monetary matters. but i beg to differ, i'm not worrying bout monetary issues. but i'm just arhahar. wanting to spend great time with the ppl around. well, till everyone's in their own 2 worlds, then yes, its time to go abroad and experience the mass differences of the world. ouh man. i saw europe talking to me, and Venice dangles in my mind. when it was round 2 years ago, when Janggie went to Venice with those pictures, with a map in his hands, him touring the city. and when internet mommy showed me those pictures. man i gotta go see this other beautiful side of the world. europe with england and italy, travel all around by the rail!!! LIke what Cho Seung Woo did too. arhhar, be like Ji Jin Hee or both of them who takes great pictures on their cameras. ok enough of the glam parts of the world, take a look at the less fortunate around the world too. how's that? sounds exciting, in a way. if only i could minus all these fun without life's constant stress and worries. lol.

big thank you to Darius - the emo boy arhhar. lame cat gif that makes me smile no matter how moody i am, i was moody arhahar. and for the happie Lisa Ono song. and to Jayson man i lurve that song. thanks for searching =) unfortunate events with a twist eh. =) You're always blessed in a way and it always depends on which perspective you are standing and looking from. i'm tired. do remember to do your BI sutffies. its got tons of thingies in there. so look out. man, feels like its hills after hills to climb and welcome player. its just starting. =) *ajar ajar fighting.

我很累. *大声的喊. 真的很累. 刚不久前, 幸好度过一个"crazy week". i mean. i literally took time off to really settle my mind off. i'm glad i had that span of 7 months to carefully think about. i mean a long time like that obviously would be thinking of matters of what you wanna do and also most of the time, affairs of this oh-so-complicated heart.

when you said it, arhaar. i was suprised but since it came out, and the night messages. you know something's in it. and i can't lie to myself that i've never had some likings for you arhahar. i do arhhar! but puhar. its just the way its meant to be where i'll have to still move on. its hard but since i've tried. i'm doing it. arhahar. everytime whereby it says lets see each other soon for a movie or something, arhahar. i get apprehensive. but gotta tell myself, to go and arhahar. its fine. its okay. lol. brainwash. but yes, know your stands ahah. seriously thinking bout the last time whereby i was walking home, while i was crossing the road and then walking that long staight path home beside the road, the tears just trickled down my cheeks. arhhar. its like i couldn't keep it and when the realisation hits. its like *WHAM. but anyways, that was the last time out. i hope the next time out, it'll be all smiles and a sense of peace upon my heart. lol. that's a full stop to another chapter.

school's been picking up speed. and i took a sunday off from church reflecting alittle bit on myself. the happenings arhahar. and picking myself up. i guess i'll just have to walk closer, after listening to the sermon that was in the discs passed to me by Aunty Carol which was really sweet of her. yar. inspirational to get to start doing things. and walking closer. now who would go to the corner of the house at 10pm every night at the same spot, praying and worshipping God and speaking in tongues so loud that the neighbours next door could hear it cause this very pastor was living in an apartment.

That pastor found it weird, cause he tried searching for another spot in his house to pray, it couldn't reach that kind of moment he had at that very particular wall. so he went back again, and he was worshipping all over again. harhar. he did that for like 2-3 months, the same thing and the same time and the same place every night. till i think he thought the police might have to come in. then one day, there was a knock on his door. course he opens it, and it was his neighbours. out of the blue, the parents from next door asked him over for lunch. for no apparent reason.

so he went over. they sat down but it was rather solemn. so this pastor said "when all's so dead, the only topic to talk about is.. God" arhhar. so he started talking about God and while sharing, the parents said "that's the reason why we called you over". it was cause the parents had a daughter who was really suicidal. so suicidal to a point whereby she felt suicide wouldn't save herself. so every night at 10pm she'll sit by the wall, and just listen to her dear Pastor neighbour across speaking tongues, and worshipping and praising, she couldn't understand a word of it but she somehow felt comforted in a way. it gave her strength to look forward to every 10pms every night to live each new day. God when i heard that i was like whoa. NO WAY, but YES WAY. sermon shared a couple more stories but it was hell of inspirational. bout going out there and testify. life changing whoo hoo.

anyway, back to what i was saying. i'm blessed in a way, having thursday off cause its an online module, [no. i'm not saying its chicken noodle] but gives a little more time to take a breather. and God, ELTON CHONG is driving me frigging nuts. He OBJECTS and gives his 100000 billions reasons why your business idea wouldn't work while he wants a business idea which has the lowest risk, lowest capital but the highest returns. how bout being a full time black market LOAN SHARK? i come by your place and whack the hell out of you and tell you its the lowest capital, but you come to me and expect me to turn your $10 to some billion dollars. it was so damn unfortunate to have him. every semester i have to get someone who's mean. crap. and every group he opposes their ideas. every class he's taking. so how are we ever gonna be on schedule and finishes whatever we are supposed to finish dude. HELLO? crap crap crap. *CRIES. arhahar. 救我!!! dunnoe. but its infruriating. totally. crap and i'm so gonna make that vending machine idea work. work work!!

brain's in no state to think of doing that BI thingy. tomorrow yes, when i'm all fresh and prepared to do up that reflection and postingsss. eew. so many. things all lining up. TBS presentation done but still got more coming up. i'm draining up, either cause i'm not drinking enough water or i've been talking too much likie a TNP. or a MP5. so yeah. *reloads* kicks the old rounds away. my bed's talking to me and lassie's forever happy and jumping around when she sees me. man, i'm so envious of her. eat-slp-play. get a life! she has me and i have her? arhhaar. kidding. we're mid-week man, thank God ahrhar. can't wait for saturday to see the girls again wor. and to MP04, i think we did ok lar. continue jia you-ing. arhhaar and to all the groups, ajar ajar fighting! we're like fighting this damn war with time all over again. *cries. arhhar. =) grace+strength+mercy be with you. and the coming days ^^

arhahar. i need to get myself worked. its like being idle for some moments or i've been doing really mundane jobs that i rarely keep my brains thinking. yes, i mean my mind thinks, but its of different matters. in anyways, i guess i need a sense of direction to be working towards to. shed some light. gain some enlightenment, get that forward movement going. its like my mind's telling me to go, but my body is frozen down on that spot.

tag board's down. everything's down. man i feel crappish these 2 days. mp3 player down. i'm not that down yet but its just annoying. but i just when i fall back on the discman, it brings back alot of memories for me. of secondary school. especially for a discman. i lost my discman. he likes music too. but he offered his discman to lend me arhahar cause he knew i can't stand silence. and bothered to burnt the cds i lost in the entire backpack. it was a gesture so simple, but it spoke alot. alot of things i have, i don't use but it doesn't meant i forgotten them all. all these precious moments are stored somewhere. away from the eyes but felt right down in my heart with a heart of gratitude. thank you.

the images are not that vivid anymore but they still are there at times i go on the court and shoot some hoops arhhaar. but its a happy feeling. the sweet feeling of memories of which i hold on to and smile. makes me feel young arhhar. once again. thinking back again, if i had not been so selfish, or if i chose that selfish at times, it could be different ending but actually, arhhaar. round there lar. =) hope you're getting on well. arhahar. i hope!

gotta get my body moving. arhhar. my mind's moving but my body ain't moving. like i'm stuck in somewhere arharhar. left my body somewhere they're not in tuned? its ok. tomorrow will be a better day. come on joyce! ajar ajar hwaiting. loves.

i'm feeling totally outraged. angry. disappointed. at myself.

(1) i made a blip. taking times whereby i dropped the player for granted, that it'll worked fine, i just blatantly allowed it to drop. and hoo. how would anything be unexpected when a mp3 player lands on the floor after falling some lengths from your table. who else to blame but yourself. totally useless me. i felt stupid for sure. careless. as usual. man what's new.

(2) In a hurry to get out, i actually forgot to bring my phone and arhhar. i was trying to get to school asap. its fine, starting to realise that i think i should take the trains to school cause its so much faster despite all the changes.

the only thing i was satisfied with myself. my 50m ouh maybe 100m sprint from the buzz shop at bedok interchange to the 69 bus, thank God there was enough students and people to hold up the bus, so i could board it. honestly, it was crazy but totally fun sprinting arhhar, i know i would have looked crazy but who cares. having a little fun. letting myself go of my stupidness and carelessness for a moment. =)

anyway. i'm just feeling blue. some kind of emotional roller coaster these days have been. God bless me.

actually this thing i don't intend of blogging it at all. but i really don't want to put on the glasses and hold a pen and write it down on my beloved book. too lazy rather so rant here yar.

its crazy. the way things went off. i sensed something anyways, arhahar. You sms-ing more and more regularly lately especially at nights. and it usually means one thing. cause when night hits, the alone peeps can't help but start wishing they had someone by their side. humans are really delicate creatures and you can't help nodding and agreeing more that every one here, bachelor or bachelorettes out there. wish you had someone, come on. who wouldn't?

and pop went everything. it spilled. arhhaar. the hidden thoughts and feelings you thought it was hidden wasn't really entirely hidden. it opened up fresh recollections for me, and a little of fresh wounds. its painful but ahrhaar. i guess i faced it calmly rather than with a rush of blood to the head. i'm thankful that i gave myself time to think about the things i believe in and the things that i started out doing.

a blind person must have been so blind to not have seen the definite 180 degrees change in the attitude that i had in him. yes i was looking on at someone else but it didn't mean i threw him all at a corner. i still cared. but the level wasn't that high anymore. for now, look into my eyes and search my conscience and heart and ask me who is in my side. no one. arhahar. no one stands there for the moment now again cause everything has become all blurry again. no image of anyone except for the usual suspects of the family and friends that are always around me and yes. what else can be missing and it cannot be missing, which is my constant in touch with God.

then i was turned back to the question which i told myself "we are so not gonna be ending up together" kind of thing. it was so definite an answer [not that i'm doubting now] but he and me knows the thing we've been keeping and we've been knowing the answers all along arhhaar. seems like we do know each other really well. we shared so much more about life and the things we want, the future, the current insides, the experiences, the opinions on matters. the likes and dislikes. the common thoughts we have on marriage, arhahar. its not on our minds arhhaar. our topics degresses very far yar. till kids ahrhar. we can go on forever. as usual.

but it spins back on the part, is this all part of the loneliness feelings that it gets the better hold of him. but arhahar. doesn't really matter to me as much as it is, cause stubborn as i am. i'm continue walking again arhahar. pick myself up, walk on again arhahar. we'll leave it off as we left off as friends and it remains that way arhahar. i don't have any guts to go against what will be the eventuals. it has happened arhahar, though different but when this one is one crazee eventual. when we stand by different faiths and different race. arhhar. beat that one. possible to many in many sense but for me, its impossible and honestly, i don't have and wouldn't want to go against it. You've got a great family there. and may it continue being peaceful and happy with one another lar. if its a belief that one couple has to belief in the same things they do, its the way it is and there's a reason why that was so. as much as i stand firmly on this point, it makes things so much easier. imagine doing the fasting together and stuffs like that, the family is whole. no grudges, no differences, all in one circular united team. and yes, its not on the faith alone, but alot of things lies with me and myself. arhhar. years ago it has been me and the problem still lies with myself but i'm fine. arhhaar. i'll stick to it. arhhaar. just grow old being single and serving the Lord lor. wharhhaahar. ok not funny. but i'm serious too.

i wish to tell this to him but i don't want to seem like one ignorant fool who only thinks bout myself and cares about my very own affairs. i couldn't. cause it'll definitely bring about a very strong stubborn side of myself, but this is one part i can't help not being stubborn with. but all i can say to him is we can remain friends and yes, asks him to keep his doors and windows open but all he diverts it to "i open them at the right time". i seriously hope he keeps tabs around him. matters of the heart are often fragile. and i'm being cautious with this and so is he. God keep this the way it is. you ain't getting younger. =) nice chap but its the way it is i supposse.

School's starting tomorrow and i'm geared up for this final sprint. i always lurve final laps. the word final sounds like something worth taking up every ounce of energy you have left and put it forward for that one push. i'm always like that. in anything, long distance, everything in the middle are so blurry. so up and down but when it comes to the final part, when the finishing line is in sight. i lurve having that outbursts of energy coming out. i'm bubbling up and down ready to meet everyone again but ahahrhaar, on a cautious note, 7 months and its a good deal to see how things and places and positions have changed. very interesting and things are already changing. it always does but thats life isn't it. you cant stop the changes from coming but you can change the way you react to this changes. mercy and grace to be all starting school tomorrow. again. its time to feel young. get stuck in that queue for that very bus. running rushing. dressing younger. looking shabbish. my dears. you're all seniors already. you made it this way. keep pushing. =) we'll get there. and give each other a pat on their backs. for a well deservedd 3 years of running and getting to a stage clear mode and to another phase of this long and ardeous journey callled. life. welcome aboard you ah pirates. you've just been taken on a ship. =) enjoy your journey ahead. rest well peeps. lurves.

hanging out wif the gurls today, Ashley, Linggie and Pei Lian arharhar. and Mr Wee along. like people observing. well its weird to be doing that in pretty formal clothes but hecks it was still done. =) and Linggie was soOo funny, with ashely doing her funny actions like -_-' arharhar. but she's cute. like when i made a comment :"xxxx's pretty lar, long hair, nice height, cute cute" she was like twirling her hair or something which was really cute lar her. having good ol' pure fun and what else can girls sit around besides talking about their ideal guys they look out around for and at the same time, what kind of a boyfriend you actually have/had kind of thing. arhahr. fact is that whilst the guy we dream for will always be different from the real thing =) and there was this Johnny Depp lookalike and a Guang Liang lookalike. oh wells.

anyways, i seriously feel fat today. 2 burgers incidentally. but oh wells. and i feel i'm shrinking. i'm gonna jump jump jump. i need to shoot some hoops lar. =) *yays. i want shoot a 3 pointer. arhahar. and continues dreaming. it always ends up air ball =(

sammie's coming tomorrow to Raffles, least i've got one more mate for lunch. and get to know one another more! muarharhahaahhahar. chaozz. and weirdly he sms-ed today like so out of the blue. i just remembered i didn't reply him when he asked me if i went to vivocity or not. lol. today was a good nite message, pity it doesn't feel the same way as i used to feel like really happy, but can feel that concerned part of him which is sweet. *sigh, you did it like 4-5 months back i'll be overjoyed really. i just fall in and out over a person so fast. arhahar. but you know if its not meant to be, one better stop procrastinating. its hard, then i fell for another one arhahar. but ssh. =) mr humour boy but i guess you can't change the hands of time. and i'll just let time pass me by. its fun liking someone arhahar. cause u sort of get the excuse of just stop doing it. without the in depths beautiful pain but then again, its an excuse! hope everyone stays happy lar. i'll just be happy if mr humour boy comes around as and when again. arhahar. he's cute and funny. nitey ppl.

i've been waiting for like today for the past weeks. CSI Miami My favourite. and there was a bonus for me for catching it. while todays episode was playing, midway when Speedle got shot, round there. came this song playing. it sang. i heard. and i paid attention. why does this tune sounds something different, that coldplay-ish feeling. and yes, i think its chris martin's voice. cause you can't miss his distinct voice, the way he sings and the way he pronounces his words out. whoa. i was so determined to find the song. and yeap. the show ended and i ran down, start up, 3-4 minutes took to track the song title down. i'm listening to it. i lurve it. its called where is my boy? - faultline (ft Chris Martin)

wells, anyways, last weeks been pretty much busy in church coming up with the banners and giggling with sammie, and it keeps me reminded of Cebu whenever i start moving around church more often. arhahar. i can't help it. but i really want to head back there whenever i can. beautiful place, and a place of beautiful people, and it will teach you life's most precious lessons of what happiness and contentment is. i lurve it there. happy to be at ease. and happy to be learning more from the Pinoys. so much to learn from them. and very inspiring above all, and being with the OM people and Bethany Peeps and kids! i miss them =)

time has been passing me by rather fast lately to come to think of it that when Pastor Sunil said it was only another 2 months and 3 weeks last sunday more towards the end of this year. its scary at the fact to realise that i feel the world is revolving at a faster pace, if you were to just sit down and just watch the world go by, you know what i mean. but that's ok but look at how happenings can just change one moment to another. its like a moment of split seconds kind of thing and that is scary. it will always pose a question of have you done enough? looking at the recent crisis looming, with North Korea playing nukes. it may be a matter of time, totally, before this whole place comes coming down. *shrugs. and andew hui has said on his blog, he drew this prediction whole list of it. now is coming to the nukes part. arhahar. everyone's taking up their nukes soon? world's getting crazier by the day. kind of makes me all determined to go for what i wanna do locally. fix it here, so least there's still never ending quality time in this world, even if its just one more day =)

can't imagine if the north's gonna strike my beloved south. its like Tae Guk Gi coming for real. after all the korean movies on their conflict with the Japanese, it seems to be heading for the north side. aigoo. anyways, just keep praying, everyone's happy. seems to me that i'll be working on at Raffles till school starts. tomorrow's group meeting. i'm hoping it'll be good. getting sleepy. washing up and off to lalaland. harhaar. maybe somethings deep down, i still look on occassionally though its been a longg longg time. may tomorrow be a better day. God bless.

hello. world. happy to be able to sit upright and sit in front of this computer to type. something i think i took it for granted at times until when you feel a sense of difficulty in getting up to sit upright to do the things that are on your 1001 to-do list you try to do everyday. but honestly, if you can't even sit up right, how to do the 1001 things that are listed on your list everyday.

i hate it. and i totally wish it didn't have to come along. i hate it when it happens. freaking cramps that are paralysing. good thing i could get my butt home. brings back memories of when the 1st time it happened, (today's the second time) the previous time, it was bad i literally felt i was crawling home from bedok. 50 mins of pain tolerance on the bus, and another 10 minute walk. i could do it back few months back. arhahar. i just couldn't tolerate it today. it was a 11 minute train ride from little india back to harborfront. i couldn't stand it i cabbed home to head to my bed and just roll on it and go to sleep. the best way of my medicine of treating cramps. totally shitty. just glad it's better now i can walk properly. *shrudders. i know i said. "God, i want to get back home" and the next thing i said "God, get me a taxi" it came. arhahahar. =) course rather, causing a little hole in the pocket which i didn't feel it was worthwhile but hello hole in the pocket and bye to the pain that i was having. i just wanted to lie down on my dear bed arhhaar. and roll over it. look at Pooh bear and my familiar settings and doze off to another land for a couple of hours.

anyway, feels a little larthegic but Pooh bear made me smile. arhahar its my favourite toy! cause it really makes me smile just by pressing it, feeling the beans. pressing its tummy and it'll go on nodding its head, making me smile. and when i play with his little arms, flapping it. it sure makes ppl laugh. made me laugh. i disturbed mummy with it too. she giggled along. =) whilst watching "family matters" on teevee. Thomas Ong is a greaat singapore actor. he's my favourite local artist along with Adrian Pang + Gurmit Singh + Xie Shaoguang + Li Nan Xing and ok lar. Add Christopher Lee and Darren Lim. no more. arhahar. the rest is no interest. i like the pioneer batch of them. =) thomas ong rocks my socks ^^, well, cause he makes every female lead he plays along with just so compatible. arhahar. i like him with jacelyn tay too. so oh wells. he's gooood.

i dunnoe comtemplating should i erm. just continue my sleep or just continue working on that report? *sigh. *eeks i don't know but i just wanna rest now. after initial plans of doing it today but i guess tomorrow ba. do it tomorrow. slp tite me. and the world. its getting crazy. hazy. unhealthy. yucks. i want to work on my wallpaper you know. after seeing Min Jong oppa's new pics. *sigh. so cute. Dong Gun oppa's sititng on my desktop now. cannot get enough of this 2. hotties. sweet dreams joyce.

for a moment i thought what on earth happened to this blogger, creating post, where the fonts function went to. i cannot stand the defaulted font arhahar. i like trebuchet. arhahar. and it as usual, took sometime to load. but its ok. after seeing it load as i type and appears, it brings back a sense of familiarity all over again.

*breathes* talking to 7th Aunt gives me a whole new in depths to the view of things. arhahar. definitely been sometime since i conversed in chinese or something. arharahr. i had alittle bit of difficulty but ok lar. it gets going after some time. but it adds a whole new sense and perspective to what i think, and feel arhahar. i feel old now. eeks. reeks of 20 coming up my way. after 21 its 31! sheesh. time passes by and its creepy. but nevertheless, having heart to heart talks on all issues under the earth is fun. i think i talk to her more than my mom. arhhaar. i talk to everyone else more than i talk to my mom. 7th aunt is wayy cool arhahar. i like chatting like that. never have much of a chance with mummy. maybe its just a little different approaching someone or? *shrugs. arhahar. i don't know lar. i respect moms who just opens up and talks the way they do. they feel understood i understand them. that's how it works and many a times, aharhar, love to spend time with 7th Aunt =) she's a cool aunt and course, i've my cool mom too. makes me blessed to be in the midst of this.

anyway, either i'm thinking alot during these free time [which i very likely feel is the cause] and worrying more these days. arhahar. or maybe just getting too bothered by what's going on. it makes me realise alot more things and more the more fact is that when one person comes the other goes. its ok on a hand but i'm just at times wondering why things are the way it is. am i biased or am i trying to get too bothered. i don't know. maybe its different working styles maybe its just me and her being able to work really well and having that kind of work styles that isn't a one size fits all kind of thing. i don't know but i'm just praying things will work out and see the light at the end of the tunnel. times its a sick feeling, but i just hope to see things coming out well. its a count down and there's only 3 more weeks to go. another 3 months has passed me by. and more or less aharhar. call it a time of rejuvenation. recharge. rearing to go but cautious not to ram into any incoming wall is what i call myself. *shrugs. i wanna get this over and done with. arharhar.

reflecting alot but it spells belief. belief in myself. belief in the things i do. belief in the things i belief in. belief in the things that ppl have. belief in the things that ppl do. its just been going on and on. belief in the things i want to do, hangs at the back of my head. having that belief in doing the things i want to do. i hope i do have it and do it. or maybe i'll keep dreaming arhahar. never mind. maybe uncertainty just teaches you to hang on to the things in which you are certain. and i'm hanging on =)

humm i like being away from home sometimes. i think i'm starting to feel that absence makes the heart fonder. after cooping in my room for like 5 days. 6th and 7th day of the week was spent over at my cousin's place and it has definitely been a time of fun and enriching time. rejuvenating time for me. certainly feels recharged.

saturday was spent with God, arhahar. at cell. thank God sharing was fine ok. suppose to share what makes quiet time a special time for Jesus? arhhar. i was actually very flustered cause i only got the entire material done within an hour before i prepare myself to head to the Uncle-Auntie Henry/Carol's place. was like "was it going to be enough" i just had the slip shot kind of work, like it wasn't enough but it was all i could dig aahar from the bible. finishing Masterlife encore kind of style. 5 days of work done in 2 days. arhhar. never kena arrow sia. but kena arrow means you'll be getting to study and realise some patterns in the bible. that in the books of matthew, mark, luke and john had strong emphasis on Jesus's works, healings, the 12 apostles, Jesus's prediction he was going to be betrayed and the crucifixtion and the resurrection. for a moment i was like "eh i thought i saw it in the previous chapters?" arhahr. ah-hah! there's repeats but when repeats occurs it only sends a stronger message across wor.

anyways, then saturday was spent shopping with a beloved for sweets! yeap, cause Kim Yee and her company/department's gonna be heading down to visit children and humm. Youths so went to NTUC to buy those food. we were like aunties debating looking at prices, doing mental sums (how many packets to how many children there were to how many packets to buy!) what to buy for her mummy. rushing here and there. arhahar. it was fun lar. imagine us grown woman next time buying household products. arhahar. how to carry take away pepsi in a cup properly. without spilling on top of having BAGS of barang barang all around. arhhar. came home we both cracked out brains how to wrap those gifts. was really fun packing all those things but i was more like cutting the paper up. apparently the paper wasn't enough to wrap all 50 sets of sweets but hoo hoo. somehow my wonder woman mummy came in and wrap. i wrap like 1-2 sets. she's got 5-6 done? =X puts me to shame arhhar. and KY's aunt came in to help too. wrap and wrap. till 1 am. both moms went to bed and that XIAO ZHU was "resting" taking a break on the sofa. i was happily arranging the sweets on the floor to take a shot. and that girl. in no time was actually in lalaland. full house started. so i watched a tad of it. arhahr [i prefer My Girl/my current 1% of anything/Kim Sam Soon] arhhaar. i lurve Kim Sam Soon, for the female lead. i miss her. she's cool. arhhaar. ended up packing while that missy is asleep but its ok arhhaar. cause she did more work than me right? =) and packed those lovely sweets into a big paper bag. they look so lovely=) i lurveee colours. makes me smile.

anyways, its good to be loving being in my room, cause being away from it. i see my room. and i thank God, i lurve my room. the familiar faces in my room. the settings. the smell. the looks and the teddy bears!!! arhhar. pooh bear and the big round turtle. all by the lovely ppl who sends their love through teddies to company me! arhahar. or maybe the room reminds me how much i am being loved, by the one above. arhhaar, and all the lovely ppl around me. bless you all and lurve you all. *misshes you all. don't let the unlovely ppl turn you all unlovely, cause the way you are is just too lovely to be unlovely. be nice =) love one another hoo hoo . *grooves. nite. someone

i like this picture i took. it was rainy and it was taken outside the macdonald house. i always wonder how to take a picture that will depict what i feel of rainy days. lonely! arhahar. and cause chocolate makes me happie. [its taken all with my mobile yar. might be grainy. another spur of those moment things. think i have to bring my digicam everywhere next time ar.] and someone who taught me through a show what it means to appreciate loveliness. muarhhaar. he's sooo cute in this picture ok. *sigh. i'll faint if he does it real life ok. so electrifying those eyes of his. *pinches cheecks. bleah. so cute. [stupid server. doesn't upload GIFs. piggy. anyway there's something called.. IMAGE SERVER FREE! BLEAH. blogger boo!]

cutie pie. wharhar so cute lar.

Actually the 9pm show on Channel 8 on weekdays night is pretty good. with the good on screen chemisty between Thomas Ong [who never grows old] and Ivy [can't remember her surname]. its on family affairs, or rather, in court drama over families fighting it out over divorce matters.

I've always been intrigued by the going ons in courtrooms since i was young. i like the dress style. i like the intensity of the debating, each making your stand and trying to prove how strong it is with the appearance of something very condemning or either something poised for victory. everything seems like a dream workplace for me. Its like "what i want to be when i grow up", plus i was a really arguementative person when i was younger. i like standing on the exact opposite side to "defend" myself. nicer terms would be called "defence" in a oh-not-so-nice term, it shall be called "excuses".

growing up, i remember loving watching Dylan Macdermott on teevee. My childhood heroes [together with Pierce Brosnan, Harrison Ford, George Clooneythey're my oh so handsome heroes] Watching The Practice on tuesday nights was my favourite. 11pm i think. arhhar. watch it with my mommy. with the sexy ladies, ahrhar. i had that ambition to work along with all these cool handsome Dylan. arhahar. in his law firm. sipping coffee in the morning, driving around in those black cars, in the really cool office. arhahar. bickering in court. muarhar.

the novelty kind of wear off as i watched more, to come and think of it, lawyers is a called the "high-end" lying profession. i derived this name as i grew up, they'll always be 2 sides to defend and to take to court with. one side will definitely seem like the sure-win case, [in the society's standard of what it is called "normal' point of view], while the other would be the "even-though sure lose, but try all you can" kind of case. i always love watching how the tables are turned when the seemingly sure win side turns out to be the losing side. if you have a strong point, even when the evidences all seems so condemning, muarhar. you appeal for a lighter sentence. all in a point, where law seems to uphold justice. sometimes seems like a lie arhahar. *shrugs. there's nothing called whereby two will have to share the blame at times. i mean yes, unless you're a total victim or something, but its ironic how this world can be. the supposed culprit was also a victim. at the end of a day, arhahar. it all seems like a matter of perspective all over again.

i grew tired of growing up to be a lawyer. when i weigh it out and decided that hello? there's no fun in Singapore being a lawyer cause there aren't any high crime kind of cases. [i like criminal law. sounds so aspiring. cause the stakes are high] lol. but thought being a lawyer in the family court isn't that bad. after all, divorce rates are high and it'll be cool i think.

5 years ago it was The Practice. Today, arhahr. its Family Affairs. I happened to watch today's episode whereby once again. it just sent a message out all over. something i believed in. arhahar i was standing for the side of the mom's custody of the child. yes, a child would make do well in a comfortable environment, having all his/her needs provided, having nothing to worry about right till the day the child gets by and graduates from a university. but the process of getting that whole pieces of paper of qualification seems empty. there's no love no acknowledgement, no praise, no attention. humans are a bunch of interesting creatures.

i'm one person who looks through the entire process than the final end picture that is painted beautifully. things seems to be the way they are but many a times, they are not what you think it is. i guess yeap, its the environment i was brought up in that taught me so many life's lessons. where you look at things and wonder if you were in the shoes of that very person, would you have done the same thing or left. till today i'm still debating of being more respectful to this very person at home. mean that person should deserve that respect, but i'm not giving it. i think i would have been labelled unfillial or unforgiving in many cases. but i obviously don't wanna get on further with it. just went i thought of making the move, i held back all over again. like i'm caught in a fix moving in a circle all over again. hatred isn't there anymore, but it holds a rather be quiet kind of stand.

i think i'm having that wish of starting my own life really soon. like moving out, get your own flat, get your own job. get your own car. fix a life. get it stable. get my mom to move in with me arhahahar. ssh* arhahar. i mean this roof over my head is totally fine but arhhaar. to move away from a car that i see everyday and i just wonder what that car means parked in the garage of this present house. i honestly don't want to know. but a big fat BUT lies there. arhaha. its one step at a time. get this diploma over and done with. then another step before arhahar. working on this dream. sounds fun to start on that dream all so soon eh? arhhar. this family thing. *aish. its a solemn ah joy on a tueday night. heading off for a shower. with S.H.E's - zi zun hua. not sure if i got it right there. is it zun or tun? but ok its a remake of Westlife's Soledad. i lurve that sad tune over there. muarhhar. brings back memories. =)

things haven't been the smoothest of all times i'll say. for myself especially. somehow, i know it sounds ironic because it is the holidays and it is suppose to be the smoothest of times. yes on a part, i can't say every single thing is going downhill but its precisely why i'm having a bit more of free time on my hand. my mind often goes wandering about that i'm spending more time trying to keep it still more than ever. too much time in hand so to speak.

armed with a nice notebook and a pen. its been my companion to bed every single night these past few nights. somehow, i can't seem to sleep before a certain time and i can't get to bed unless i get my thoughts written before i head to bed. that has been my quiet time. my silent prayers to Him, bringing my needs before Him. Hoping to realise and to plead there is so much miss ah joy can take it. it has been back to back, and wounds take time to recover. it is recovering arhhaar. but some old wounds seemingly seems to be infected. and i'm taking time off to recover them. new ones have come along too. but ahhar. i hope the new one is on recovering state.

i don't want to go back to the past weeks whereby arhhar. i was in such a state of being not able to make do without. i guess it all sums up to the emotionally tired ah joy. yeap, i'm happy joyful and bubbly and one who gets especially cranky when she is on a swivel chair. But that's cause i need to be joyful, in midst of all these roller coasters up and downs otherwise what, sulk and live your days with a black face cast on your face like the entire world owes you a living. =)

i am tired that's why i always get cranky. least i could be cranky at church today, getting a little more excited for God, playing for Him once more tomorrow. Makes it worth of the whole week in a way, the emptiness i've been honestly feeling, playing alone and playing with the Seniors and more experience Uncle Tony and Uncle Sunny with Jacob and Glenda and Qi Hui and Li Liang and all to help me with the transposition [i feel like a total noob there] but i like learning new stuffs. when you think you grasp it and when it goes "no you've not!" arhahar, kind of little arguement and you go about learning the way it should be done is fun =) arhahar i learnt Bm7 the right way arharar. the Bm7 i play sounds wayy weird. =( arhhar. so oh wells, new things! so ouh yeah. learn learn learn. just happy i can do something for God that's all. after all He's been blessing me with. Its what I can give. and the prayers during Masterlife time, sounds like Mom's cough's better. arhhar. Amen! [i don't like hearing coughs at home its like. argh* do something about it!] You know how silly i am always thinking of "what medicine should i get" when prayer is actually the best medicine to illnesses. how ironic this is. i'm always trying to go one round to find answers. Talking about Masterlife, arhhaar. Homework! Lol.

So ouh yeah. hoping things turn out well, and hear me say the same old prayer of wisdom + strength all over again. wisdom to know what to do and what i shouldn't be doing and to really understand what the needs really are. strength to get by everything that is passing me by this moment. i'm turning in. i'm hoping to meet Miss Indri. Bak Tuti tomorrow. so many things to tell her. God, i'll really miss her if she's going back to indonesia man. how am i gonna live without my support. been there for me through my teenage years. seen me through my first love. been through secondary school every single bit of the way. rising to the responsibilities. She's more like life's precious gift more than a mere name that she had to what many knew her as "a maid, a helper at home" If i'm to name the main influences in my life? My list. My God, Her. My mom. Miss Bala. And here comes all Internet Mummy, Jojo omma, the ommas and onnes. and the ppl around somehow or someway. *sigh. can't bear to think of the day she'll be leaving sg. *sigh arhahar. miss joy misshes all you people!! Lurve you all.

i've just wanted the songs of a acoustic guitar and only acoustic guitar to company me. not electric. pure acoustic is fine too. and it sounds damn good if its chris martin somehow, i just like losing myself listening to coldplay these couple of days. i got bored of x & y for massively listening to it every single time i headed to work and came back from work during those ibm days. and i'm in love with a rush of blood to the head album. and suprise suprise. songs that i'm caught on, i still love listening to them. and lately, i'm starting to like alot more songs of theirs. suprise. i like honestly, its not the usual songs you hear which have exact meaning to their songs. but it can all just be something on a subject. take , har. its the things that someone might/would do if a sudden rush of blood comes to the head. rashness which results in those actions as they sung it. i'm just suprised that i'm liking songs that i thought initially i wouldn't have liked. but my ear and my mind has gotten on them.

to see how much coldplay has developed from pretty simple and "raw" sounds to the really electic feel of them in their x & y album. i kind of like the older simpler coldplay. its more windy, more smoothing. more pleasing. and it takes me round and round their playlists. i didn't like them AT ALL. when i was younger. when they first came out and i watched the scientist mtv on teevee. i think back then i was probably too young to have comprehend their kind of music. the style they had. but arhahar. it caught on recently. as i opened myself. arhahar. they were heavily into guitars back then, more acoustic guitar. now its so arhhar. electric. but its fine. i'll just go back to their older albums. downloading parachutes and i'm hooked arhhar. =) windy windy tunes. awesome stuff. indulging in their music. i honestly haven't found anything to hook myself on, been just trying to find some music to company me and i think i've just found it.

in this so ever lonely lifestyle i'm leading, which i can develop that lonely feeling to something which i hate just trying to find something i do. trying to do something on a week of a day that might differ from the previous day. its no good not to be working, even if it means that work is a vicious cycle of routines, or rather, life that can be rather monotonous. least i have something to do. observe some people, get to mingle and get to know more about the environment around me. getting to listen. to what the thousands out there has to say over certain issues. and if a need arises to open your mouth to say some kind of response. i hate it honestly when there's nothing to do. when i'm trying to think of songs to learn arhhar. on the guitar. and har. its more coldplay songs the next couple of days. Sheesh* eat sleep. get some project work done. online. God. its darn boring. watch dramas. somehow i think its this little feeling of loneliness. arhahar. that's just eating me that i seriously do love this lifestyle last time. where i love every single bit of time spending in my room. but something which i can't seem to enjoy that much now. arhahar. unless its telling me to talk more to God. but it gets freaky if i do that aloud. arhahar. where everything is quiet. my mobile, the messengers. hoo hoo. its like i'm living for another tomorrow. doing the same old thing. nothing new. yucks*

I WANT TO WORK. OK. seriously, i want to. but honestly, i don't wanna be troubled trying to find time off and stuff like that just for the fyp. i can't devote weekends cause arhhar. its for God. its a stupid dilemna to be in honestly. and there's some tensions over there somehow i feel. little tad bit or whichever. i just hope it'll get on fine. i wanna be neutral and not be drawn to anything. fall out with both and be. muarhhaar. invisible. but thats not an option. come on gurl, start connecting with the rest. communication problems, lets work on it. and that thrashing sessions come out and screaming sessions come out. settle everything and get this whole thing working. i WAS looking forward to working on this major project. maybe a little too excited the eagerness died down to a mere mediocre kind of feeling now. i think i'm contemplating tuition. somehow. arhahar. but a joke. i doubt i can. thinking what else can i make myself useful cause staying at home is driving me nuts really. that it seems i'm living on this world communicating with this damn thing, called the computer. which gets pretty annoying if my life seems to have this source of entertainment or joy or something to keep me entertained with. is no good. God. i need something.

Saturday was apparently happening. Sunday was similiar. least there was work to be doing. feeling tired after serving God and a day of project work makes a day worthwhile. sleeping on the bus seems like a luxury, a well deserved kind of reward. which i love it yesterday. just being alone sitting curled up on the upper deck of the bus, sitted on the left hand side of the bus, with a jacket over my arms. with my ears stucked with music on it (david tao. but arhahar. i think i'm loving coldplay so much more with the parachutes album =X). dozed off and wake up to find the cooling evening that has turned to night, the dark skies, and when i get down. to feel the gentle and cooling breeze. that seems to blow me by. when i raise my hands out to feel it. i feel i'm in another land for a moment or two from the sleeping of the bus down. it rocks when its at night and when its raining. and taking a 10-15 minutes walk just to feel every single bit of this makes sunday a great day. Thank God for the beautiful weather yesterday really. i felt light.

and it all seems to draw back to this cycle. beginning of the weeks always seem like such a hard start. but honestly, i need to pray about arhahar. Finding some good things to do. like something more meaningful than just spending 45 minutes typing this whole entire boredom kind of feeling out. arhahar. i don't know really arhhar. can't stand spending days like the way i am. i need more meaning to it ahrhar. =X anyways, i think its enough of ranting. but least i did something. i made myself heard and to whoever's reading. arhhar. sorry though but i just need to get this irritating bugger feeling off of me. coldplay's spinning on my playlist. msn messenger is not liking me at all disallowing me for some oh reasons. God. this is so not life. =(

ok i was to post this up the other time whereby. hello? when we went out together. =) but its ok. when we were out together. Jin Hui + Vanessa + Janna + Ling Li arhahar. so yeap. post it up!!

Jin Hui and Me =)

that's Janna and me!

^ that's Vanessa and me. arhahar. stupid expressions of me. but i like. candid. funny shots.

the whole bunch of girls with Ling Li in it. [sorrie dear. arhhaar. seems i didn't take a pic with you! she's gonna kill me. T.T] and the same bunch minus Janna plus hwee boonwe went out on friday. which is basically the day before. cause its officially sunday morning. and after uploading this bunch. i'm seriously heading off to bed. [prays uploading be fast] and i'll head off to bed. i still have that greenish toys that i haven't uploaded. another time prolly. heh.

thank you valerie for being so sweet. i really had a great time today chatting =) i hope there'll be more times like this. arhhar. its a nice nice neverending topic to chat on arhhar. and the encouragements. and whoo hoo. uncle steven toh's place rocks ok. simple white. cool. *i want it too. i had fun with the entire worship team. clare+uncle tony+joel+auntie annie+uncle steven and wife+joyce+val+alvin+ did i miss anyone out? =) i hope i didn't really fun. somehow. its been a long time since i seemingly seem to have such fun with church mates arhhar. thank you. for the great food. man can cook! aiyah! kungfu chops* uncle steven whoot. so sunday is coming. and i'll miss bowling with the YABF tomorrow. I'll be there in spirit. work's calling. *sheesh.

i've cropped the below pictures all cause. this pic with alvin is nice. but i look fat. i cut off my remaining fat arms. ahrhar. sheesh* thank you all. =) its fun arhhar. eating. the ppl!! over on Friday at Fish and Co. its a terribly small world. happie burfdae to clare! hoo hoo. i like the fonts of the captions. ITS NOT DONE BY ME. arhhar. its by Clare's friend. credits: Esther thank you gurl. ^^ here's all the cutie pies!!

now that's what i call massive uploading. honestly, i'm not the oh-so-patient person who will stand sitting down and clicking on blogger unless i've got a hell out of time. this server is crazily slow. and oh dear. its manual and like takes forever to load that the cows come home. i miss my nettiez account but i'm not used to that layout anyways. *sigh. arhhar. anyways, i'm turning in already. before i can't get my butt to work or end up burnt tomorrow morning til the whole day. missus kim yee will be away on a chalet. and i'm alone arhahr. prolly with the moms and my younger cousin or something. or sleep it off? nitey nite ppl. let tml worry for itself lah.

aey. this blogger, can type chinese already? *SCREAMS. 我要看王力宏<<盖色英雄>>演唱会!! i just saw the ad on U Mag. and later on teevee. eeee. actually i every concert also wanna go. i want to go to Emil Chau's one also. have all the money. go watch Shinhwa. MIN WOO. arhahar. see him dance around. and have the sufficient funds, arhahar. lets go watch westlife. huu huu. too many concerts it seems no time and funds wor.

anyways, i'm just really bored. i wanna scream. where the weather now is depriving me to eat as much as i feel hungry. but the thought of food isn't helping me either. just dont want to eat but you eat to fill your stupid stomach. totally crappy. arhhaar. *shrugs.

then today we had a meeting with Pek Siah which i think it was fine but now left with some work which i arhhar. don't feel like doing but you still gotta do it cause you have to! muarhahar. i had fun chatting with Yi Ling + Ashley + Pei Lian definitely fun just coming together and just chatting. least some gelling over there =) i hope Ash get's better as the weeks come. she's so tired! arhahar. poor gurl. =(

anyways, i'm just dreaming now. dreaming of arhhaar. studying what i desire most. don't know if i can get in there. arhahar. =)

somehow i think i heard God today. a voice right? i'm such a sudden person i also don't know what happens. i do things at times in a spur of a moment kind of thing. like a voice persuading me, "hey joyce, i think you need a backpack" for no apparent reasons. after being out with the 2 adorable Winnie and Choon Teck. such a joy being with them and it definitely makes me feels like the good old IBM days arhhar.

Ok. back to the backpacking talk. the thought actually hit me before some time ago that i might just need a backpack. *shrugs. then i thought in my head why in the world do i need one for seriously no apparent reasons. here's my conclusion.

1. Its not "in" at all anymore carrying backpacks. [BUT it might spark a come back with everyone becoming a hip-IT backpacker. lugging their laptops whereever they are]

2. It seriously look very student-ish [but i am one ain't i. how ironic T.T]

3. I think I might need a back pack one day don't I?

4. All the sleeping overs. forget lugging my sling baggies. i mean i lurve my east pak bag BUT arhhar. if u try putting in clothes and all. =) *grins. and do a day of shopping and lug it around before heading to my beloved's cousin's place. it kills my shoulders.

5. arhhar. i'm getting tired of holding mr laptop on my hand. what a hassle. lug it on my back? arhhar. tada! the backpack!!

In all, it's just something god-sent. arhahar. amen amen. =) then i walked by Shaw [where Prince is] passed by this backpack shop went in. and this red bag caught my eye. actually arhhar. what caught my eye was the design. then considered the price. reasonable lar. arhhar. i can't afford some Deuter. Jack Wolfskin isn't around anymore. i don't like Vertikal or Urban pretty common. arhahar. in the end i had a gut feeling i'll settle with this Kerrimor brand. i was really tempted by the Carribine [i think. that aussie. cool looking back pack] but it looks fat =( arhhar. *shrugs. anyways, i made my way down to Queensway to decide if i wanted to make do with a duffle bag or a backpack. something i like and i can afford arhhahar. [and when i saw those big 60litres bag. man i so wanna go backpacking. i'll keep dreaming till one day i'll be able to do it. the money. the maps. the knowledge. man. drive!! or yeah joyce. get your orientation right. for craps, i can't get it right till today. teachers anyone?]

adidas one looks nice. but eh. arhha. i ain't travelling. so went to the backpack store and walked a couple of rounds before deciding on the red one that caught my eye arhahar. =) $33 bucks for a backpack. yeah. well cushioned so i don't need to lug on my hand. stuff it in my baggie. and space enough for my small brolly [i never ever wanna get wet again. forever falling sick if i do! cause i get wet for quite a distance and my poor bags =(] and my water bottle. some things i'll never leave without arhhar. its like a habit now. brolly i've grown attached to and water bottles that all have a little story to tell. its people's good intentions. so yeah. =)

so yeah. i got it and its in use. i'll have to lug my lappy down tomorrow. omgosh. some meeting with our FYP cher Pek Siah. man she drives me and my mates mad. =( i don't have much of a good feeling about this entire meeting tomorrow cause its very unplanned and *sigh. i don't know what is it she'll be leading us one round again and when will she be giving the green light before we can meet the project's bosses. really, man. its so unsure. so uncertain i hate that feeling. its a feeling that i feel i have entirely 0 see. zero connection with her but i ain't got a choice. it just have to be that i have to be working with outrageously difficult to work with people [pregnant lady in those SIP days] and now great. i've got one more to go. God help!! i guess i'll just head back to my crying out days. its annoying. so helpless as a matter of fact. so strengthless. pretty tired. fighting this fights that can feel so alone at time. but you just have to persevere. what else. life's full of uncertainties. that through the uncertainties do you learn how to be certain. some random thoughts. God. get me through this man. final hurdle. fly joyce fly. pretty run out. bless everyone out there. facing whatever problems. hurdles. obstacles. God's grace and strength be on you. lurve u all.