Give it up. Ahaha, I just can't stick to Arial font. So here it goes, its Trebuchet. I'm sitting on my comp, pasting fonts onto my load full of pictures, I think I too ENG ENG CHENG already. Actually not really, I do have my portions of the group assignments to do. In which I think I'll be working really hard after my dinner and after posting this entry. BO SI KAN LIAO. So its choo choo. Get my butt moving but in all due honesty, I'm relunctant. All I wanna do is wait for time to fly me by and wait for these projects to just pass me by? Ahaha, dream on joyce.

So maybe i'm on stress mode. So on stress mode, apart from listening to her OH-SO-EMO korean tunes, I'm doing all these barang barang, twidling and fidgeting with my pictures. And I realised something, the better taken the picture, the WOW effect upon adding the fonts gets even better. As much as I keep complaining I do wanna change my mobile, but my current mobile honestly speaking, is decent in terms of picture wise. ahaha. I'm so contridicting. So here are some random musing.

My driving instructor was sniding me to some sense "You come inside circuit alot of times already hor". ahaha, yes. Can't seem to hit some "perfect score". Tend to miss one out of the five. SIgh. How ah TP? LOL. Circuit's like waiting for me to screw up. ahaha, either up that crank course and mount the curb. Gee.

And I think I shall reward myself with a good breakfast tomorrow at Tiong Bahru Market (SO I better work hard and finish up some work!) Now that I realise that I am quite a capable procrastinator too. AHAHHAHA.

And fried prawn balls (they're really yummy) the one that the ad goes "Oiashi!!" Yah that brand LOL. I'm an addict. Heh heh. And its coming to my tummys near me.

For humour sake: I got a chicken puff from polar and was walking back together with a pack of Vitasoy (that's my lunch at 4pm) after driving and my bus ride home. ahaha, I was chomping the entire time and when i wanted to slurp, I couldn't find the straw. So poke a hole on the top of the packet, and squeeze and drink it up like... RIBENA. AH. WAHAHHA.

the itchy tech bug in me is reviving. I saw cool gadgets. one's the pinnacle that geoffrey (my lecturer) was talking about. its not whoopingly expensive some 199+ i think, seeing it in the hardware magazine. its cool, who needs a dvd recorder, and he finally shared how he gets his video. I always thought he had some blue ray dvd recorder at home. AHahah, its the pinnacle! =) He always shows us cool clips from the tele. Seriously, what am i watching? But watching too much of the things he watch also really no life leh. So business minded and brained. -_-

oh, then i'm just giving myself a new excuse to get a new mobile phone. Its starting to auto shut down nowadays, when i connect and make a call. And during a call, if it gets a little bit cranky, it starts sounding like space like. ahahah, reception bar gets cranky. so yes, that's my phone ahaha. but my tastes as usual, so high end, otherwise i'll go "then change handphone for what" if i'm just getting another upgraded phone with a higher mp camera? No sense. apart from aesthetics. But yah, i suppose there'll need to be a wifi purpose "FOR WHAT?" Not as though wireless sg is so song, but its just a good alternative. And must look sexy. ahaha that'll be the next phone. I'm thinking of the samsung innov8 leh. so chio, or the g900, or the i770. whahha, i dunch noe. After playing with the iphone, i realise i don't really like screen interface, though they look cool. I miss the feeling of pressing buttons. AHAHAHA!

Then I saw cheap cheap DSLR. As though so cheap. AHAHHA. nice hor. HEN MEI HOR (*nudge jin hui) ahaha i like that line now. It comes with lenses too (Then i was thinking what's it different from my current canon?) SIao liao, nowadays cannot find reason to buy new things, cause really its not much different. AHHAHA. apart from the ease of control to readily change settings, and the ease of more control over the lenses. grr.

Then hor, i also looking at bags again. NEW BAGS> whahaha. I think i got the sin of loving tech stuff and lately bags. siao liao, mummy say why want another one (cause she took my agnes B bag and made it hers, so techinically i'm entitled to one more ma) LOL. I was looking at the longchamp one. The sling one! I find it classic, all cause it reminds me of the green checkered of the ralph lauren one. GRR. But honestly i still love the bags in Hong Kong. Piang my heart still sits with the ralph lauren big tote bag, leathered, with a big fat silver horseshoe sticking in front of it. MUAHAHAHA. 1K + SIAO! ahahaha. Put a bag vs an DSLR. I take the DSLR, can capture all the moments and capture the bag lah hor. Just stick to my agnes B lah hor. I got no idea why i have a fettish with the brand, together with marc jacobs. Just something bout it.

Sian. Oso dunnoe why i like all these mi gia. HOU GUI ORH. ahah, if you're wondering what that was. Its supposedly canton. my totally raw and unbaked version but grr. MAHAL SEKALIAN? LOL. Itchy itchy for a new bag. Grr, just make do with my current ones. ahaah, i just got a new pair of shoes. Flats, canvas and its grey. LOL. I only hope it doesn't fall apart!

And latley, i've been sleeping like a pig, playing my guitar slacking. Singing cheesy songs. Chris Brown - With You. Quite COOL. Then that NEW SOUL. OMG. I need a capo, my capo HILANG? Its lost, can't find it. Kiss another $20 buy, $18 exactly. Anyways i do need the clip on ones, the screwing one is hilarious. I've seen a very good cover of Alanis, Ironic. I lovee that song... whahaa and soo well covered. The Jackson 5's Back to You is gonna take some aeons. Sooo many barre can? Barre never mind, trying to get the clear sound. GRRR.

And yes, i'm bycotting swee lee. Its expensive for accessories, apart from if you're not looking guitars, but yah i think my next guitar should be found at sinnamex lah hor? =X I still love my cort, so not yet for a taylor. Least for now, and sticking to everything, till least it falls apart. I'm still attached to my mobile phone. Thank God i wasn't a garang guni.

And.. I sleep for 8 hours, and work productively for some good 2-3 hours. I'm pathetic. I need new music... Chinese pop is not amusing me. My current playlist is getting a bit bored. K Love's getting too US SOUNDING, i'm having enough of it. I'm just too fussy.

I don't know what on earth I am feeling. This sense of helplessness, nothing-you-can-do, and nothing i can do to make me feel better kind of thing. That your phone had to die, and when we were supposed to meet, i waited 4 hours for you. Its ok if you tell me say you can't make it. No answers no nothing, i was left hanging. (No this is not my boy). Its also someone dear to me, Bak Tuti.

I can't say anything, i can't blame anything. I just went on with the day. I packed my feelings and emotions up, i was praying to God, please don't let me see you at my place. (Till mom called me "Wei, where are you? Tut's down here") I was like "ok." I was so afraid because I would be too upset to face you, I'll splurt hurtful things out. Thank God I didn't. But when I saw your shoes. It tore me up. "What do i have to say, and what is reasonable to behave in front of you". I only splurted "wah, kamu masih di sini yah." you went "tunguh kamu" i went "buat apa". It made no sense to me at all already. Mom got my message "Wah, why like that. To chit chat lah". Of course it was obvious but no thanks, not after all that is happened.

I saved space in my tummy for lunch together like how we always do. We planned this together cause its been months since we met. You're always busy, ok i understand. So how about this week? I wished you said "no" to me earlier to spare me from my agony now. I could wait. and wait again. Its ok, afterall I've been waiting. I'm not new to the idea that you can't make it.

Then i went up for the shower, to least bring me to the 4 walls and think and logicalise my feelings. Why am I feeling the way I do if I say i'm not angry at her, if i wasn't going to meet her, its not her fault, its the phone that died. I blamed NO ONE. I blamed myself. For being sooo silly and crazy to have waited there. I was with people, least it helped made the wait easier, but my heart wasn't there. My heart was with the phone, redialing to your number, if the meeting was still on. I can take rejections. I can take "sorry, i can't make it". I'm not new to that, its ok to get turned down.

What irks me alot alot of times, is being left hanging in mid air. Oh God. To me its the most senseless things that can happen. Its like taking no decency for the person waiting for you. I just thank God Mummy called, so thankful. It ended my endless wait. When the kids had to go home after jamming, it was like "that's it man joyce, head home". I've been asked my chass again and again "joyce, wanna leave?" I just wouldn't leave. Sam: "Joyce, you coming?". I would have said yes to everything else. But here's everything. I'll wait till the cows come home for people to turn up, if it takes for me to wait. Ok, wait. If you're that special someone, it means waiting till kingdom comes, i'll still be there waiting.

If anyone wants to put me through this test, try. Just don't like it when tests of devotion or loyalty comes into play. I'm glad I didn't let myself down. I'm glad I waited. Though the result was something else. I have nothing to say, no one to blame. No anger thrown on anyone. I just want to be alone, suck this entire thing up. Crying doesn't help me get better. I cry, cause its my form of release. Could be the disappointment, could be just "how could you leave me there waiting?". Leave me there dangling in mid air - watch me there. Thank God mom realeased me. I just felt released when mom called. Thank God she called, and thank you mummy. The call meant alot to me.

I've got no answers. no one to throw the blame on or at. I lock myself up in the room, alone. And just have it all to myself. Its shiok. releasing, but it gets my nose blocked up real bad. Hard to breathe but i'll get this out. When you repeatedly say sorry. I wish you could say more to sorry. But there really isn't anything else I guess you could say. and "the phone died". As facts often has it, it hurts. And i'm facing the reality of it. Walla Walla. Once again it has proved my theory right. "man fails, that's why we all need a God". I really don't know how am i suppose to react "rightly". And i still haven't found an explaination to my profound cry babyness today. I think of you, the tears well up. You sent an sms across to say sorry, i type my reply, the tears seem to well up again at my eyes. WHAT AM I SO UPSET ABOUT! ITS JUST SO RIDICULOUS. I don't know man. Maybe its just disappointment and kids that just go back to their rooms and be on their own. Give them time they'll be fine as per normal again, and be all hah heh hoo.

Thank God for Gan-paps. I didn't even know I was not sounding like my normal self ahhaa. No wonder i asked the question a good 4-5 times. "is the thumbdrive with you?". I thought it was you not being specific. Waiting for the train home, i realised its me. Me not getting the point "yes your thumbdrive is still with me". -With you = its with you at your side now.

I was on "dumbfounded mode". Nothing goes unto her. I really didn't realise I probably didn't make sense. I still probably won't be making sense till for a while now. But thank God, God's been good. Glo-bus, results really is not bad. He's provided, and thank God for lovely group mates for the game. Thank you thank you. God get me through this.

A big fat finally, to at least see the church directory coming to terms, its funny receiving comments like from Elizabeth saying how active/involved I am in church. Then Joan was asking "Wah, bring laptop, doing projects ah?" I was like "No, not projects leh". And she went "ouh, church huh." Jiatlat. Ahaha, for that moment I had flashback of Lavonne, back at IBM, she's always working on her church stuff, and i always go "church stuff ah? Wah very involved at church ah". To see it come the other way round, really is deja vu and pretty much I also don't know.

For certain, its just like suddenly i'm popping up or something. Ahahaa, I laugh and wonder why did it take me so long to get to where I am today, got no idea. But all I can say, I believe I'm no longer held back by the doubts of "wah, what will people think" or the feelings of being constantly watched when you're in the vision of many people. I've always loved to be low profile, after being high profile at school for far too long, I've taken a break ahaha, a LONG break. Slack, watch and observe. Know how constantly one can just passingly pass comments as to the way things currently work, but no one really wants to get out there, step up and do a better job.

Yah, now i'm up and running, lately, its been the church directory. Not starting it from scratch so its all not that a big effort, but mere editing (: Its almost done, but I think I really enjoyed the entire process totally, cause of the time spent in the church office, I get to mingle with like the entire pastoral staff. And really, what my intentions of who they seem to be and who they really are, are entirely different!

Aunty Lee Fong is like the coolest dudette, I call her "darling" and she shudders, but is gradually accepting it. Abel calls her my slave driver. LOL. Then there's Pastor Edwin who I love to just poke my head and disturb him, cause he'll be doing some cool stuff, surfing cool websites, watching arty christian videos that WOWs me. Pastor Enouch is there to tell COLD CHINESE JOKES. OMG. ahaha, its really fun when the entire things just gel up, Abel is the english cold lame jokes fella. Pastor Sunil smiles around, politely. Gan-paps treats me to milo peng (i think the entire world soon knows what my favourite drink is), have lovely chit chats and giggles. Ahahha. OH! And there's the amazing Pastor Keith. I've never really talked to him cause he had the label "SENIOR PASTOR". I scared leh the kind of authority, but really he's so lovely! Working with him is one smooth operating journey, taking a video of him, he's cool! How professional he really is, and how warm and attentive he is to details. I've never stepped into his room for more than 10 seconds, but yeah, lately, I just keep going to his room, disturbing him, with his toys, playing with his toys all sitted around his room. He loves kids!!! I'm really am amazed by this entire team and just being there, of course, i'm the chah si nang fella that goes around poking my nose into everyone, smile smile, say hi =) And lame around. hee hee.

The journey up of doing this directory has taught me stuff man, and it really is discipline. Take photos, editing the photos, to do with joy =) I never knew my photoshop quite not bad one, as in speed wise. AHAHA, i'll always link back to the time i'm so into my korean actors, Janggie, Kim Min Jong, Jung Woo Sung, that my boy before dating me, labelled me once "idol chaser".

I see it all come to past. For the belief I've held on that I really wasn't just chasing them, but looking at the way the koreans go about their magazines shoot, fashion, culture. Learn from the magazines, and at the same time, try to imitate their simple, yet elegant non sophisticated feel. I think that's where all my designs actually come in. The photoshopping I picked up entirely from forums of soompi, their wallpaper designing. To think I started off from powerpointing. And all the encouragements, from Minjong.com/forums, i got my most practice there. Hah, see it all come together, is amazing. I'm still going to give back to the forums still =) The start of everything. I just have been busy with everything else, I haven't got time to manipulate and play around with the new photoshoot pictures of the many beloved actors. I will start it back, get school over and done with, then got more time to sulk and enjoy my dramas. My MKW, Min Jongie, poor thing. Coming coming! I need uninterrupted, total concentration.

Thank you for the encouragement of the directory, definitely encouraging to see people accepting the entire ideas with open arms. i just hope people will flip the directory more often, find someone they wanna pray for. Or keep in touch with. I'm gonna do up another wallpaper again, i just saw a totally cool picture again while surfing for pictures for the directory. The noob designer at work ahaha. And try to get my PEST on Vietnam done, gundo me, went to do a swot. (I never knew the work I was ever gonna do apart from my leisure circle, at my free time, is gonna be for other purposes and its God's purposes. Seeing it come to light now, wows me.)

Somethings that is blatantly famous to all those who's ever seen me act with them, play with them, make voices with them. Yes, i've a soft spot for soft toys, but not just anyone, the ones that I seemingly feel I can make some connections to.

This is Grebit. This IS NOT mine, but my boyfriend's. Heh heh, its from me, given some time back, he brought it over from his room. AHAHAH, quite funny, (Its not the first time) ahaha that Grebit travels in his HUGE bag, or sleeps in my porter bag while we watch ZHI BI, with Tony Leung. Its here to visit me again, cause he's away. This toy is rather amusing, it just makes you laugh when it moves, thanks to its long hands and ears. Should see the grebit dance. AHAHAH, of course, coordinated by me lah. Just destressing after some time of crunching numbers. I guess next time if i'm away, i'll let him sleep with Da Tou. ahaha.

So here I am, just adding up another entry, to show G R E B I T' S face. Switch on the comp and listen to K-love, while I do another round of short revision or something. Work's coming *crinch* not the best and the most enjoyable, but gotta get around this.

Last entire week has been such a blast. Activity running up one, after another. School, then the 2 usual free days, I just wanted to finish up the directory stuff (there's still more pictures coming in) so least I could clear up my work and free myself this week to least study, for my finance paper coming next week. Then burning bush from friday, equipping sessions on saturday, sunday service. whoaaaa.... Ahaha, I think I've spent more time at church this week than anywhere else.

Thank God He provided for everything else and my encounter on Sunday night. Freaky but good stuff.

Also, finish up on my work, there's the research to be done on the China market, glo bus quiz. Can finally feel the heat of school and to whack my butt to start moving now. It starts now. Gonna try to clear the quiz now.

Driving lessons to get into action, to prep up for the test too again. I hope I'll be able to make it this time. Wah, never felt so busy wor. ahaha =)

Had a GREAATTT time out with the buddies yesterday. Oh Janna, we're evil people. ahaha, and I think I'm becoming more auntish. Jin Hui! Its so fun to hang out with you, i think you me same same leh. AHAHHA. Ling Li is the full fella. Poor Vanessa at home, get well soon!