I actually like this picture taken by Chass of me, cause I never expected myself to actually have such a sinister kind of smile. Purely cause it looks super playful yet with a tinge of evilness in it. The cardigan actually cost S$15 and the black top in it was for S$5. I had to say it, cause I thought it looks nice. - Shopping courtesy over at Malaysia and HK respectively. Sigh, I miss shopping and travel. Moolahs?

This adorable looking GIRAFFE (which Dubby insists it looks more like a cow / moo) To which everything that is shaped in this state, makes him think its a cow, is a 1 month old gift to Baby Joash, Jane's baby! Thought it'll be cute to spice up the little cot.

How practical moms will say its a dust collector, so I would believe this is one toy that can take frequent baths in the washing machine, and head for a couple of spins =D I just think its too cute! From the Dubby and me =)

This was taken during the Good Friday's event at the Indoor Stadium, before the Reinhard Boonke rally started, there was this baby in front of me, and honestly, I'm a person who enjoys the details of shoes, including baby's. It was just too cute, I couldn't resist! Those round and chubby shoes that just looks so awww, how adorable and cute. Least, it makes you feel happy!

a random shot of the bus stop outside my place, I believe this was on the way to Ben Chan's birthday @ Tanglio over at Central. *shrugs*

Pictures taken from the new phone, the first few of the lots, and most importantly, the first lot sent to the lappy. Won't say the camera quality is fantastic as compared to my old Sony mobile, kind of miss it, but i'll just make do.

From time to time, I look at the battery life that this phone sucks, the living day lights out, 2 days at most, and the phone needs a charge on standby and minimal usage. Back in those days, the Ericsson could last say, at least 2 days, which will still make a great backup phone =D Sigh, pda phones, lovely graphics, but battery life is just horrid.

This is food from the DESIGN SCHOOL canteen @ TP. I went back on Tuesday to run some errands after going to Tanglin Sec to submit and pick up some documents. I really miss school days, and I was thinking, "should I take up a diploma in visual comm?" Then again, I'm really not at all disciplined enough to last another 3 years, of endless late nights and projects, aging. So it was random, and I enjoyed the SAMBAL and the FRIED CHICKEN. Tee hee. Brings back alot of pleasant memories, like it or not, I will say poly had its share of fun times.

Ok so much so for all the pics =) There's more over at facebook, which makes uploading easier, but I have to complain, doesn't Windows OS have the function of "marking several" pictures, so I can just click all at once, and it gets sent to my computer? =( Had to do it manually, gah. Pictures were so-so only, not any impressed, but thanks to Photoshop, of auto-leveling that kind of adds and makes pictures bearable. I can't take Macro shots with this phone, and its kind of annoying me. Like a gay, nice looking, BIMBO phone. Ahaha, fancy thrashing a Windows OS, a bimbo phone, well I still like it, but i'm like cringing at the picture quality. I guess I'll just be happy with it, since I like the entire looks and feel of the interface of it all. Just the camera portion that can be pretty annoying, but then again, hi. There's the pocket digital camera. ahah! Excuses me.

So its been quite a crazy day since Wed till today, doing alot of comp work. Clearing the stack of work that just kept coming in, to clear it, is to up your speed. Shessh. I'm just glad to have made it through, only thing is that it may burn you out. Must remember what the older people always say, "more haste, less speed". I still haven't quite figured that one out.

To add a tinge of joy today, was having dinner with Chass and just enjoying some small groceries shopping - I really do think we both have upgraded into Aunties. Ahaha, and how she raves bout coffee, I think I shall try it later today after I wake up to see how it is!

Weekends are coming, I'm just abit sad on the part of Sunday that I won't be seeing the Churchies for the entire day, as much as I like. Its been 2 weeks, =( ahaha. Thanks to my leg acting up last week, I went home to rest. Now that its all rested, I'm heading to KL for the recce trip. Sigh. But nonetheless, there's Saturday BAG! =) Count the little joy! Time to do Jie's little poster. and koon. Nights!

Hmm, I think I'm starting to feel what Jin Hui normally says, "date me date me". And I finally realise the rationale behind it. Working life gets really mundane and the thing to look forward to usually, would be the end of the day, for starters. Looking towards the Fridays for main course, and the actual weekend, becoming the dessert.

Going on for dinner dates, hanging around with your friends, all add a piece of variation to the typical week. The cycle is slowly setting in and I'm feeling it. Hahaha. It gets boring, you'll get by trying to survive another week. *chuckles*

So what's your motivation? The money? The love or passion for the job? I wonder what's mine, but i guess for now, my motive is just to survive. Dubby was telling Mommy that he was gonna study, and mom said it was a good move. So I went, "hmm, since papa is so encouraging of me studying, shall I go study". Mom went "Go get your masters" I went "Sure, master of divinity?' *chuckles*

Ahha at first she went "sure". Of course I know her sure was so sure, all cause she really didn't understand what it was. Till I explained it was theological studies and she went "you wanna become a nun?" AHAHAHA. I went "Pastor! Technically I still get to get married". Obviously she's against it, cause even talking to sis, makes it sound like a crazy idea. Ahahaa. So who's gonna buy it?

So meanwhile, aiyo, i'm not hitting the books too soon but I did some research and just ploring at the different alternatives. At the end of the day, my motives of studying isn't a positive one, but to just really run away from trying to be a grown up and buy myself more time from taking up responsibilities.

This whole entire time since starting on this job, has been this sense of relunctance to actually grow up, stop being childish and really grow up and take responsibilities. A part of me has this refusal to grow up and part of it, is just a run with time, that just says "Your time is up". "Time to act and be a grown up". When everyone has a choice, who wants to take up responsibilities and tie yourself down with needless worries and anxieties and hopes and fears.

Familarity breeds complacency, complacency just breeds non chalency, and non chalency breeds utter laziness, utter laziness breeds a bummer. Sighs. For me of just moving out of the comfort zone I used to have, and envy those students, where life was so much more carefree, happy, yay-yays, and everyday is just a day of sheer enjoyment really. Your mind is always full of "so what do we do next?" ahahah!

Becoming this working kiddo, I'm really thinking of how to spend my free time well. Did abit of guitar and singing just now, spend time with the Dubby, since he had nights off, and just enjoying each other's presence in front of the tv and poking tickles at each other. Listening to his hearty laughters does make me smile whenever I poke his tummy. I cannot just imagine myself ending work, spending time in front of the tv and just sleeping, and repeating the same cycle the very next day, some 8-12 hours later. The mere thought of it kills me.

I'm actually listening to The Carpenters now - Courtesy of Keith :) Which i'm glad and happy, I listen to them when I just feel, I wanna be reminded of the past. The past of being a young kid, where mom used to play all these classic tunes on the radio. I was probably bout 4-5 and I will run up to her bed, and just sit, and take out the lyrics book, and read the words on it. Reading it will be one thing, understanding it will be another part of it. But I remember when mom got tired of my insistent questions of a million whys, she'll just ask me to be quiet, or to just ssh and just listen. And she'll humm and sing along, and I'll just sit quietly and just listen.

Nope I don't understand a thing, but i will remember the tunes, which I do till today. That when I listen to the songs now, I understand them now, connecting it with the tunes I heard when I was a kid. There's a certain rustic magic to all these oldies, that had such significant meanings and tunes to it. The style, the voice, the arrangement, it is easy listening, radio friendly, and smoothing. It is relaxing. Some other older bands that I like, includes Chicago, Bread, Abba and the Bee Gees. There was Bryan Adams too. But nah, yes, those are just staple classics as I grow up.

My moms has her playlists, my sis had her playlists too. Hers tend to the the soft rock ballad kind, of Richard Marx and tons of love songs. Which I hear too, that will be the usual tunes you hear on Class 95. All these are just my comfort zones, that I head back to reminiscene, my growing up memories, to remind me of myself, while massive changes takes place all around.

Who wouldn't love just sticking on and holding on to the never ending holes of your very own. But that will just not bring anything fun and adventurous. Like what Table of Glory said in yesterday's episode: "adversities are all stepping stones for greater things to be done", or something like that.

In moments like that, I just find comfort in music. In all things, my greatest comfort will always be music, for the different emotions. And it is sheer joy and enjoyment for me daily. Thank you Lord for the lovely rain, its not that hot. The weather has just been such a killer. =) Time for some QT and unwinding and sleep. For another day.

fridays are little bit more joyous, but i shall just leave my thoughts here before i leave out of the house for a meeting later.

starting to feel, wah, i should still be thankful for a job no matter what. (mom claims the pay's sad and long hours) ahaha I go "what to do?"

start to realise probably what pa's employees felt when they made their way down here for work. i'm in their shoes now, HAHAHAAH! Especially as they leave for home after work daily, especially for Jasmine, who at times, grabs a bus.

start to realie the world can get very morbid if life's 8.30-6pm, like not only me, but i see tons of people doing the same thing, i wonder, "everyone goes to work, heads back from work" - Is there anymore life to this, apart from the variation in activities like gymming, yoga, dinner, pak toh or simply, more work, to the tv, and raising of legs up on the table, tutoring your kids on their homework.

start to feel what YANG says all the time "omg, the weekends are here" to the "no, its ending so soon" ahaha. I'm feeling her pain and i'm in it now. The joys of fridays, and the joy that today, there's burning bush. Its the thing that i'm looking forward to, just fellowshipping and entering into the presence of the Lord, corporately. Sheer joy. Soon, I'll be looking forwards every bag? AHAHAHHA!

oh wells, lets see how long of this I can last. Of course, I need to survive at least 3 months. Hopefully more. AHAHA! =) Time to eat some food and head for Khatib. Gosh, I hope I'll be on time. HAHAAH! Normally am you know lately, amazing? Work gets your timing right. Cause you just have to. Its just easier that way. Life i mean.

Tadah, a new blog look and feel. I've been very bored of the white one that I think I've been using it for slightly more than a year or so. Or maybe less, I can't really remember, but it doesn't matter. I do need a change.

So here I am, surfing in the afternoon, looking at design templates and picking one that is pretty fun to work and edit with. Work was supposed to have started today, but apparently the boss got the dates mixed up, and so i'm supposed to be reporting for work tomorrow at 9am, with a meet up at Kembangan.

The boy had Nights Off but he has decided to spend it with his mates, so here I am, heh. Guess rotting in front of the tv with Mom, before we have our dinner. Anxiously waiting for "Red Thread" and I'm not sure, if "Fighting Spiders" are on. But they're all good local productions, so if you're free and have nothing else to do, watch the 2 dramas. They're good stuff. Watching Adrian Pang is such joy, love his English and not bad performance. Just more intrigued with how the story is going to unfold. Then probably with "Table of Glory" and maybe a couple or two episodes of HOUSE?

Spent the afternoon looking at the bloopers of House, which is funny and hilarious. Judging from the things said from Hugh Laurie, about his connection between his Bachelors in Anthropology, and how he ended up becoming an actor, was apparently with a bunches of lucky breaks. Does make you contemplate ahahhaha!

oh wells. time for dinner, and chatting up with Internet Mummy. =) Its been a long time. See if I do wanna carry on the post or it may just end here for now.

ah in any case, i'm just on HOUSE mode now, he's on my desktop wallpaper, and on my blog, cause I can't think of anyone else better? And the greatest thing, a WINDOWS UPDATE did to my comp, it actually resetted some of my shell settings, which means, the previous shell edits I did to it, is gone. It totally doesn't look close to Windows Vista anymore, all it looks like now, its a classic WINDOWS 98 look. AHAHAH, its quite hilarious really, and not that I'm not liking it at all. It goes with my current wallpaper theme, but it just looks dumb-dumb. Like not at all edge funky and cool, but just a classic old soul to it. Funny how I should be annoyed but I'll just live with the change, currently too lazy to find the files to update the shell looks. So it looks clunkish now. BOO! The TP-BIT people will probably know what I'm talking about, yes it looks like the Windows we used in school. The ones with the WHITE interface. AHHAHAHA. HILARIOUS! I'll just get used to it, there goes my lovely vista lookalike. This is Windows XP T.T

At the rate I'm going these two days, I'm gonna be growing sideways. AHAHAH!

+ I had a full dinner before I left out for Ben Chan's surprise birthday dinner at Taglio. Of mom's bak kut teh and cauliflowers, stir fried with carrots and rice. Strangely, I just felt mom's Bak Kut Teh last night tasted like her pigs stomach soup.

+ So off to another round of dinner, of pizzas and lemon teas, with fried calamaris and potato wedges and pastas. I could still eat. STRANGELY, and yes, as though my previous meal didn't existed in my tummy?

+ Today, I just had lunch and there's a donut staring at me, and I'm gonna eat it.

So this makes me feel bimbotic and blog whatever thoughts I have that is in my head right now. I do realise that my typing speed on my laptop is faster as compared to it when I blog via my phone.

I'm craving for a new bicycle. Mom threw my polygon away *pouts* on assumption that I no longer cycle, but the urge has come in now. Quite gian, maybe I'll just look at those second hands or something. Sigh. I'm a spendthrift.

Just got a pair of UE in ears and also my beloved, Martinis. Price was too irresistible to say no really. I <3 Uncle Jaben, lots lots. HAHAHAHA! And had excellent service, bleah. It pays to be a girl really *winks*

i cant say how thankful i am today.

cg fun was fun.

having buds around ytd was fun.

having ppl to share n talk bout each other struggle and spur another along in this walk of faith. brings great joy and delight for each one of you placed in t life. cause i start to feel you're just not alone and it does bring alot of comfort. thank you Lord!

i'm just on the mode of sleeping soon but yet have the urge of leaving some of my thoughts down. Lassie's sleeping right at the door, and looks totally adorable. So before I sleep and leave for driving soon later today, test's coming for the third attempt on Thursday, and I am determined and hoping to really end the entire agony of going through this long process, in another sense, driving is a sense of independence to me.

Independence in the sense, you have the luxury of roaming late. (ah, roam where) - I'm one of those that loves driving up near some scenic places, just breathe and take in the sight as and when I like to. True, for now there isn't a car that I can take, but having a license will be the first step of my desires. Let's hope the Lord's gonna grant me a pass.

But meanwhile, there's a million thoughts on my head today. I woke up in the morning at bout 11, with the sudden urge to play the guitar, so i did. Hence, i went on and on till bout 4pm. Missing all my lunch cause I just didn't feel like it, and ate it at 5pm before I left the house to meet buds to watch "Confessions of a Shopaholic". It really wasn't as bimbotic I would have expected it to be, and its a great lesson and reminder for all of us girls. Girls being girls after all, we all love shopping! (Who doesn't?!) Who wouldn't love chalking up bills, having the loveliest clothes, outfits, shoes and bags?! Having best friends and still being able to find love (The male lead was cute, all totally cause of being tall, decent looking, looks great in a Prada Suit with a Bow tie and having the most important X-Factor to top off the look) - THE BRITISH ASCENT. I'm really head over heels over man who speaks with that ascent, especially like HUGH LAURIE. Course, Hugh still stands at a higher ranking. Sigh.

Hanging out with buds is always something to look forward to, cause it will always be light hearted, open and we have all our crappy and lame stuff for each other. The simplicity that really makes us remind of what we were like in our secondary school, and should continue to stay the same to certain extents. Yes like what Janna wrote on her blog, I do share similar sentiments, but because we're a bunch who actually, if you do wanna share your deepest, its still reliable. I guess for now, we just haven't got that much of deep stuff to share. AHAHHA! But i had fun really =D

But I think the emotions today surged just really on second thoughts of how people have it easy in this house, and sadly, when I just try to gain a portion of amounts, I get it quite hard and difficult. I have no idea why people have the notion that I have things easy, ahaah. Sure if you wanna say, but look closely, it really isn't what you all think. So testers, please do not look at my address and think what you wanna think. Sigh.

Sometimes, I really don't know if the address I carry, when I write on my resumes helps, by giving people have those kind of notions of you. Ahaha. But in any cases, yes i think its just that feeling I can't stand it, especially in this house, just simply how things run, or people getting what they always want way easier than me. Times, I feel I slogged my ass off, and really, its just unappreciation here, that I just at times, prefer to just slog it off elsewhere, where least people show gratitude and say "Thank You".

So i took a time break off, from the things I see at home, and take a breather outside. Quit whining at a situation I jolly well am well aware of, and get used to the fact that if I do need/want/require anything, it will totally equate to me, working hard and getting it yourself. The point is just simply, the amount of insignificance I feel in this family, is just massive from time to time, at times I can gladly say, I have no connections to it, or to least I don't feel much to it, but just playing out my role the way I should for responsibility sake. But its as much as it goes, I suppose. Sometimes, I feel odd and ask question of my belonging, or to my parentage, but there isn't anything to ask, cause there are pictures to proof everything. At random, feelings of not being fitted in this place is being asked, but I can only say, I do get along better with my sister. Or yes, maybe its realisation of myself, being sick of people, despite being family, lives behind a facade that have been going on for years, maybe slowly but surely, inch by inch, removing all those seem to be images or ideologies, for a more truthful protrayal of themselves.

Maybe I'm sick and tired of looking behind all the facades, that I give people the benefit of the doubt, if they think they're happy, they probably are. But i think cause you can just see it, but at times, people just take forever for their problem recognition process, much less talk about the problem solution part.

Things are looking up, i won't deny that portion, but i'm tired of the revelation process. Ahaha, wouldn't it be lovely that I just disappear during this time, and appear again once everything's done? It sounds very enticing and I'm just dreaming of my next location to just leave on a jetplane, and get out of this environment here in this house, where its just very i-me-myself. Its very routined, and people just do the exact same thing day in and out. For me, just looking at them blows my mind, and i wonder how do people continue living the and doing the same thing they did yesterday, for today, into another tomorrow? Its mind boggling. I can't so i'll just do everything else different at random, for a tinge of variation.

All i can say, I'm dreaming of having enough moolahs, to fly my butt out of this place, do anything else, see the world, take pictures on an dslr. And I'm still a dreamer, and still dreaming, heading to dreamland now. Just so sick of things here.

I forgot to add how working on edits on 2 proposals left me working till late, and as age catches up with me, my body and mind seems to take a longer time to recover as compared to years back when I was slightly younger, sheesh, just hit the sacks. So enough of shit around.