i feel strange. can't somehow seem to describe specifically the kind of feeling i'm having. but i think its the snowball of everything. the talkabouts for a full entire 6 hours on sunday night where i said i wanted to go home to sleep. yes we end up talking. me and him for goodnessly that long. i don't know where that will lead but all i can say, after that, lately its been alot of self indulgence. i'm not really bothered by anything or anything else that is supposed to be on my studies.

you need to be in the army, go. i'm fine really. and i think you should be worrying bout yourself more than me. to everything you have worries, who is the better candidate than to carry everything for you. to be your helping hand and provider as and when you want. He's around you 24/7 and at your beck and call. customer-service excellence? yeah ding dong to the one up there.

i think i know why i'm feeling the way i do. just being solemn and quiet. just absorbing the sights around me, the smell, the colours. as i read my notes, "the wheel of retailing" i tell you i see the "wheel of life" occuring in front of me. reading the notes, brings such revelations to give people the reason as to why they are feeling the way they do, they behave the way they do, they think the way they do. yes, all the more understanding and grace you want to give to someone.

take the back seat, sit and observe. all i can say, i sat with fang lay + janna just talking about recent happenings, it just all comes to say that, life in these days, people run for that piece of paper, slowly everything seems to all go around that money, the pay, the salary, the expenses, money not enough. to your wants and to-do lists and wish lists. Its just damn annoying how everything seems to be greener on the other side. Like I hear Janna talking, to Fang Lay at times, yar we wish we were like her, like i said, "damn cool you're earning your own pay now" and fang lay goes "yar and a pay goes to pay this and that" and we all laugh. and see that's gonna be life for me in 1.5 years. (coming less than that. lets say for slightly more than a year from now)

how we talk about earning extra bucks. ahaha, complain bout earning $8/hr still people can complain they got no money. ahaha, and how they can sell things online + sales promoter + the thousand and 1 things they working for and still claim they got no money. ahaha. funny how it is.

then the talk with fang lay just made me realise that at times i tell people that its good they contribute back home to help pay with the 10001 bills they have at home. people say i probably don't need. haha, yes i probably don't need but i think i will be contributing my pay to getting a new place over my head. when i sit back and realise why at times just sitting down and watching teevee with my beloved boy, eating the meals at home. I think i get the tinge of why someone else at home is being unhappy over these.

Maybe he wants a private space to go to, have his own private life and start up his family. ok understand ahaha, and i realise what's hindering his plans. ME! cause i'm the only resident in this place on 02-02 that's across his room. i seriously wonder if he's getting plans to get a place but i really doubt it. ahaha, where his room is big enough, with the sarong hooks have all been in place in the house all ready to welcome one more nephew/niece.

the honest things is also i had enough of the man in this house. if the problem don't lie with the young one, it has to lie with the older one. BOTH of them operates the same way. (then i will tell myself, i thank God by boy is still much better than them) LOL.

People loves to be served. And you know what's the irony? They request for help and ok i try to help them. Its not about me whether i want to help them or not, its whether they want to help me to try to help them to get the eventual things done. Interesting when people in the house seek help, and they demand IMMEDIATE ASAP like magic, NOW. DINGS* and everything will wok fine with Ah Joy's services. its like i'm trained to do every single thing at home, from comp related, to net troubleshooting, to what have you. online applications, scanners, fix up, fans. HAHA. yar trained. Actually most of the time, i just whack, cause some people don't wanna learn, i have to learn. ahaha.

and i'm hitting my books. at the moment now, i seriously don't like the face of the older Him sitting at home. cause i don't like the stinking attitude people ask me to do them things. that's the reason i know why i HATE to owe people, cause i don't want to be indebted to them. and how he's smart, he'll get mummy to do all the bridging. "Wei, your dad wants you to translate a line of chinese words for him" ok, like the next thing i'm supposed to go in the room and read from the comp and give direct translations.

I shook my head and just went up i got FLAMED. "Wha! call you do one thing so difficult..." when all i said "print the thing out". Yar add on all the ungrateful things and pile it on my list of "sins" that these people at home, the elders have created. with all due respect, yeah add them on, and please turn the tables around and realise who's been trying to help and what do i get when things don't go the way they exactly want it to be. I get labelled "difficult". no one said i never was gonna do it. I ask for a print out. *shrugs. see how people love seeing things in one perspective and i have to do every little thing else. i label this amazing.

and the lights. oh goody. joyce has got a boy who knows how to change the lights and more tech stuff. i know he won't mind helping when he sees my situation. thank God its only once, and he's going in! so it won't be much of a trouble to my dear boy. how awesomely planned to spare an another being from this vicious cycle this home has taken for granted.

being labelled a "F***-ed type daughter" by that male elder at home. i heard it. and it still rings in my head. Wait. Seriously, one day really i will get 15 grand and slam it on your face. I don't wanna owe you especially any single thing. Its been my one resolution as i grew up and it only gets stronger lately once again.

i'll pack my bags and leave this place once everything is done and i can take my leave. i've seen enough and at times God keeps telling me be nice and love. I give and give and give. only to be thrown more atrocities and shits at my face. i always ask "why do i do all these?" its my favourite question. whenever i feel taken for granted for. and only then it makes people think.

that this lavender room is the only place of solace in this oh so big house. with doors protected so i can be spared for more shits coming my way. and i just do my studies inside, when i'm done with my papers. i will be back to deal with all these. piling crap work, cause its always taken for granted for. thank yous don't run in this house. unless people are in a good mood, where its always my mom the only person who's always been grateful.

BUT pls. when the tv in the room is not switched off, don't blame it on my boy. he doesn't watch soccer but only your dear son do. and he's not a stupid fellow to leave a flat screen tv on, cause he knows it blows. its just really some of the things that i've gotten so used to, that this house has taken so for granted for. its always someone else apart from their dear precious son. when people just make a comment "Darius watched tv here just now?" i was like no one even stepped into that room for that day. good thing the tv was loud, i could guess who the culprit is. When mom switched on the tv i was like wondering "no shows what? she watch what tv, its sleeping time" That I've been given the defence, before anyone jumps to conclusion, you better be fast to think who that person has been and give your reasons. "no one has been in this room. Its soccer channel what do you think? and pls Ma, darius watches tv and pushes the power button on the tv after he's done watching".

see how it just takes one apple to be bad and everything else becomes bad in this place. i just didn't had the heart to take it into heart anymore but to let everything go. how someone who isn't part of the hosue can become the next victim or rather scapegoat to the going ons at home. i feel so sorry to my boy.

oh i really wonder and just waiting for the day, i'll leave this place. and the elders can look after their dear begotten son. have 2 pairs of eyes to watch over him and care for him. the things i can do, your dear son actually can. but saying that i think i probably get 2 tight slaps across my face. when its pure facts, and funny when your sense of justice and pure logic and reasoning shared earns you such crude gettings. I got no idea what's black and white at home. because i'm like grey in this place.

it explains everything i've become. the over independence. the desire to learn and my faith. its everything i got even if i lose everything. and my friends. and to the Gan-pa and Gan-ma[s]. and the boy. cause i know one day, this will stop. I've never rebelled at home, just take it as it comes. cause that's what i've been called to do. I give my best. I don't wanna owe a thing. kthxbye.

i was supposed to do everything last night after coming back from the movie but all i can say was i think i was too dazed. ahaha. went to sleep and got up and started surfing at miu kiu wai and yes explains the lists of photoshopped stuff. its either i've been too stressed its my outlet ahaha but yeah its been little fun. i like the spoofs i did. and this is him sitting on my desktop. GOOD GORGEOUS. i'm angry cause there isn't really any big pictures of him. so no choice. otherwise there could be some blending.


the desktop pic.go watch brothers when you can. i wouldn't say its the best of hk mafia movies but if you wanna catch up who's making joyce crazy from head to toe. star strucked. go catch him there. awesome performance aiseh. ahaha. he's sitting on my desktop. whooo. tony leung's taken a back seat for now. i only wished Mr Miu did more cover pictures DUDE? he's a good looker and seriously no one has taken any decent big pictures. yar i know he did some crocodile shots, he's their model but aiseh. can we have more modern younger looking mr miu. GET ME. ahaha. but i think the camera will shake in my hands ahahahahaa. he's too damn nose bleedingly handsome. that he's actually on my nintendo ds lite ahahahaha. there's

i'll just post up the pictures and i should be off to hit my books again. and i haven't eaten anything the whole day and its 1603 now. excellent joyce. i'm just hopeless when it comes to the things i really love.

this is one of my favourites.[wonder who's the good one who's the bad one. keep guessing lol] i took the shot MUAHAHAHA. but its alvin's idea HAHAHA. explains who's the supporting cast. *coughs.
the boy. is a boy i caught running around. damn cute. =) he waved when i took the shot. i must be as lovable as him.

the together pic. [man i must be feeling so happie i'm grinning. eh i BHB awhile, doesn't anyone feel i look like hyun bin in the upper pic, the way i smiled. think of the beauty credit ad. =X and i repeat i do need a new haircut.]

this has to be the end seriously i can go on forever. ahaha. :) me and jin yi whahaha. MU LAO HU. GET UR ANDY LAU AWAY. i'm soooo angry. i'll never forget. how he killed tony leung in internal affairs. dang.

enough of miu kiu wai. i'm star strucked. i need to fill my tummy and eat some food and start my engine and study. hope you all had fun cause i did. thank you all.

i sit here. its been hella of a day. well definitely in a positive manner and i thought i should leave on my thoughts before i leave for sleep and wake up early again later.

thank yous to the people who made today something more than the usual saturday. to choon teck, winnie, pei lian, ronald and alvin! haha, when we watch lust.caution together. so much so for arty farty shows, i can only say there'll be ppl who's gonna love it and there's gonna be ppl who's gonna hate it for sure. ahaha. i don't know where u stand, cause ahaha, everyone has their right of say and their objectives.

slow plot for sure, the arty farty ness of the story revealing it slowly, is art. but urh, no la far too slow and it doesn't help with the built up when the story is taken back in shanghai, when chinese are so fighting against the Japanese, and the sense of patriotism. i understand now, the vitalness of the cut scene, i totally felt ripped like "OEI!!" ahaha, when the scene got cut, and i don't understand the meaning of brutal, if the word's to describe tony's role. he's not all that ruthless, yes cold but at the end of the day, he has the set of refrained emotions that very very few people has insights on.

i understand why there was a need for that arty love scene. ahaha, i was intrigued in a way, that he's really brutal ahaha. belts and all. but that force, of wanting to make her his. no idea. ahaha. i wish i could see the whole thing, to least understand what was tang wei's role was feeling for tony. urgh.

tony's favourite, cold, detached, roles with suppressed emotions. kind of reminds me of "confessions of pain" but this one is soo much deeper, and darkerr. oh mysterious men are so. ooo. sexy ahaha. oh i so love it the way he brings it out without trying to hard. ahaha. damn good. i like his scared moment like what alvin said. ahaha i literally had a good giggle when he jumped into the car through the door, without missing, that's for one, i mean to aim from the distance from the way you run, and leap. urh. leap of faith? HAHAHA.

anyways, i just love the love bitterness of the entire thing. the plot. the ending. not the best, but i am sooo suprised tang wei's role died for tony's. all for love. the woman gave. haha. she could have killed him. oh dear. but she chose not to, now you understand why women can never play the roles of spies.

women will be women and no matter how much that is, we're just wired to be such emotional beings, being attached just like that with time, and it isn't something called detachment that just stops it the way it is. yar, yes some women i know are capable of doing anything for their goals and wants and not stop anything, but i really wonder. when they really meet someone they love, i really wonder, can they ever ever. go the same as usual, of giving their love one up.

i really wonder. then again it'll remind me of "dicey business" xuan xuan's role did give miu kiu wai's role to the police no matter how much she really loved him. but that's for good purposes. ahaha. i really wonder, i love these intriguing questions!!

none the less, i can only give credit for the awesome performances of tang wei and oh beloved tony leung. nothing to say ahaha good is good. lee ang's flimography, ahaha ok la, isn't that all eh oooo wah and all the hype. maybe i'm the scenic person so cannot compare right? ahaha.

anyways, so much so. i'm the sick person who pays money to watch movies, asian ones only. such a rice person. ahaha. cause of the depth and questions that i love to think in my head after everyone. i just don't see links to hollywood movies, with exceptions to some comedy from time to time, or like bourne spy espionage, war. period. ahaha, oh saddist joyce. i really can't wait for brothers really not.

the website looks shiok. love the graphics. simple but its that chinese characters of the calligraphy, damn cool. and the layering of all the characters. but will post tony's cute pics. omgggg. damn handsome. from young till know when internal affairs hit in, its always been TONY LEUNG CHIU WAI. no andy lau smack me ahhaa. i know i get scolded by my mom say eee. my cousins too. i still like ahaha. see zhong shi mi. :) sigh. pls don't scream. its in your eyes. dum di dum dang he's sleeping on my comp. desktop. different pic. but erh. when i'm freer come november 9th. wallpaper coming up la huh. :) he makes me go "oooowwww" and kena dian si. its a different charm from the other chao wei. miao chao wei. its miu kiu wai. come come. i'm anticipating the nov 18th. ahaha, its so my movies. HK STYLE. car skid, blood, knifes, guns. brotherhood la, gangster, police-mafia. ahaha. so intriguing. humm. MIU KIU WAI + TONY LEUNG back to back. =) thank God. totally life's pleasures. some indulgence to make ah joy drool, swoon, relax, think, reflect and enjoy!! ahaha. i think i looked towards brothers more. lust caution puts me abit on that mode hahaa.

thank you winnie for the great time chatting too. sharing sessions that can don't seem to ever end. ahaha. get well sooon u! under the esplanade lights and next to the little river la huh. in front of that thinking cap ang moh. beside the super comfy in public couple HAHAAH. listening to Jacky Cheung TIan Hei Hei with people who can ahaha, understand. is a fu qi =)


brotherhood trailer looks good. and i think maybe miu kiu wai isn't that bad. YES KILL ANDY LAU KEEKEKE. ahaha. oh dear. MKW. sighhh. *dies. deng wo, wo lai le. kuai dian 18th oCt ahhaa. oh and its so lovely photoshopped. the light brushes DANGGGG. and the layering chio lah. that's called spending on graphics hhahaa. awesome stuff.

ello hello. ok. works. ahaha. this thing is annoying. well when i haven't been blogging for sometime cause there isn't much to be updating. apart from quarrels ahaha, and make ups, farewells, byes, rushing for projects, people leaving the world. things have apparently seem to have gotten on for the much better, life's all good and happy now.

EXCEPT. the exam papers are sitting there, waiting for you to sit. pictures above are taken at kenny rogers obviously i've been lagging but i'm such a mood person, ok happy lets' photoshop. i'm actually been so lazy to type oso dunnoe wad to type but ok la the pictures least makes it something, the feel of photoshop feels good and obviously made an error in today's works, i forgot to 1px border the picture at the end. they look strange but i'm too lazy. i like that cheesy lyn in that picture makes me laugh. and that's to shili's farewell. Hoo, US must be good. *grunts. i wish i was there too.


the books have been calling, its supposedly study break till my papers on the 30th of this month. oh come on, get it over and done with eh? hahaa. it gets annoying and i feel bummerish IF i never touch the books. good things first, i have touched that bit but i think there's room for improvement. and rambles on and on. WORK> oh my engine, i need to bang my head on the wall or something? ahhaa. ah bi's here, this picture was taken some time back but i thought i should put it here to remind me of some joys and simplicities to life.
miu kiu wai sits here to yes remind me that //brotherhood is coming and oh my god. I can't wait. 18th of oct.
and this was when julian hee was in campus, i had to crop the woman's face out, cause obviously, NEVER test a woman's jealousy and it is one of the worst medicine and person to offend. HAHHA. kidding that was being lame. but yeah i BU SHUANG WAD U WANT ME TO DO? *CROPS. and to shili who managed to get a shot wif the hunk argh. :) your dear sunny boy. but fang li sheng is cuter. which is alex fong HAHAHAHAA. :)

ok all this randomness, cause she's going crazee. in her purple lavendar room. with the notion of study study study rants on in her head. the world needs something. in her own little world, there'll come a day, when some super powerpuff girl comes along and saves the day. oh save me my dear da tou. talk to me. oh make me comprehend. the notes just takes hours to digest. so much of gong fu. "OEI? power up eh sai bo?" like janna says. "if only i'm an HDD, and store up all the information from the notes" oh let this be our prayer and God turn us into Square looking 10 inches slim looking samsung designed cool gadgets, dat BEEPS* *searches database* and prints info* onto the papers.

as you can see. i'm dying. ahaha, so much so to typing up the portion to business frameworks project, and tv. i've finished dance of passion HAHAHAHA i'm so proud of myself, that was last week ago. Gigi Lai fills my head with Lam Bowie. and then there's Moses and Gigi in that ying shui xiang fen show ar? then there's one more, that cute gong gong show. with ALex Fong. Fang Li Shen. Oh dear. if i can bring them to my exam room, ASK ME bout the shows. that'll be nice. *dreams on. *someone comes alone and throws something to my head to wake my idea up.

here sits a hopeless person who whines, when she has to study. and she's a full time student. HAHA. Oh i can't wait to end this misery and get my ass out of SG on my sight seeing photography trip. and he's going NS soon, ahha, that'll be less 1 person taking my lameness. oh no. my da tou toy is gonna be abused. AHHAHA. *slumps. i think i need a shower to the random rumblings i have no idea what i am talking about.