I'm happy today, of being able to bless Carol with a box of doughnuts. She's so sweet to call and ask if I was dropping down today at her place, after meeting her on friday, when she came over for dinner, and she stayed over and we watched Walle together. Its her first animation movie but looks like she liked it!

Saturday was a time of being in church for a lot bit of work, i was sooo tired after the entire thing, got a lift home nearby from Shaun who's so sweet, get a bus nap, and had a real sleep home for an hour. Dubby came over, with dinner and we watched walle together, cause he haven't watched it. ahaha, i love looking at his expressions of how engrossed he gets when he watches shows. Very cute! Ahaha, and no lah, I was nice, didn't try to distract him too much cause he was pretty much distracted with his food!

My eyes swelled up lately since friday night briefly, after a mosquito bit the left eyeback area. It swelled but went down. Then the same thing happening to my right eye on saturday after my nap. I lied to my boyfriend that "i got punched". he's like "WHO PUNCHED YOU?" ahaha, so funny. Who would ever punch me! Ahaha couldn't hold it any longer and just said it was a mere mosquito bite. How unexciting, thinking a little drama would be fun. T.T Ahahah, but the right eye swelled up so bad, my eye turned into a single eyelid looking eye, smaller looking eye, and a swollen, red one.

Placed some ice and thank God it was fine after consulting my home nurse, called my mom =) But Sharon still said my eyes still looks a bit swellish, and yes i think it still is a tad. But glad its alright, ahaha, otherwise ppl thinking i'm weeping at home.

Today's sessions with Ed Pousson is one whereby I think i've been asking God "What now?", ever since of what Dad said in his drunken stupor i believe on friday night, when i was chatting with me and mom. I don't think it was funny, but there was this message of him wanting to exit from the business. And calling someone to take over it or something, which i asked i thought is the son? Strange but yeah. He talked real funny, and then again the big word of "M" which i don't really like. called money. Not something i'll love to hear at this time, and not something that is pleasant.

Times when mom believes in wholly concentrating on studies, enjoy. Dad probably believes in the part time work or what have you. I don't know how to please everyone but from the way things hears of what he said, it just felt he just wanted me to work or contribute to this family. But the funny thing is that the beloved son of theirs isn't contributing man. And just thinking of being rushed, when the son was in Australia having pure fun, as he took his studies. Times i don't understand why it has to be me where things gets shortlived. I'm probably even expected now to work and study, when my siblings went through pure studying life. I don't wanna understand and i don't wanna think. Its just at times wayy unfair, and thinking about it doesn't make anything get better.

I had it. And i'm just gonna focus on my papers, get it all done. Graduate. Then see what comes next. And i'm seeking more directions as to how to get this done and I thank Pastor Edwin for the prayers today :) May this be something of what that was initially or rather already planned.

Gonna spend quiet time with God, and throw Him some of my spare pointers i have in mind. I just wanna tell this ONE person. to love yourself. to stop being soo immature and treating yourself out there, and doing all these things to apparently "numb" yourself or release yourself from your apprent problems which you have seem to lock yourself up in this box of self pity and assume you're the only one going through your bout of difficult situtations.

I really feel that I've lost you and things aren't the way they were as much as we were from the way we were small. The only thing that is constant is carol, and i'm thankful and glad for her.

I hate it when people think and box themselves out there thinking they're the only one going through some "adultish" problems. In their high and mighty world, think that they have got everything and know so much more things, that there's alot of things that a pure 100% full time student has no 1 clue about. I may not know, but the plain one difference between you and me is that we seek different cousel. Our pillars of counsel and souces of guidance just differ probbaly as far as the east is from the west.

I can repeat myself over and over again till the day i die and i'll still repeat this one line to many. There's nothing you can do to make God love you more, or love you less. So why are you doing the things you're doing instead of seeking Him. Till now i don't know why people still run from the fact that many a times, you can run and think you never need a God. Think again.