things haven't been the smoothest of all times i'll say. for myself especially. somehow, i know it sounds ironic because it is the holidays and it is suppose to be the smoothest of times. yes on a part, i can't say every single thing is going downhill but its precisely why i'm having a bit more of free time on my hand. my mind often goes wandering about that i'm spending more time trying to keep it still more than ever. too much time in hand so to speak.

armed with a nice notebook and a pen. its been my companion to bed every single night these past few nights. somehow, i can't seem to sleep before a certain time and i can't get to bed unless i get my thoughts written before i head to bed. that has been my quiet time. my silent prayers to Him, bringing my needs before Him. Hoping to realise and to plead there is so much miss ah joy can take it. it has been back to back, and wounds take time to recover. it is recovering arhhaar. but some old wounds seemingly seems to be infected. and i'm taking time off to recover them. new ones have come along too. but ahhar. i hope the new one is on recovering state.

i don't want to go back to the past weeks whereby arhhar. i was in such a state of being not able to make do without. i guess it all sums up to the emotionally tired ah joy. yeap, i'm happy joyful and bubbly and one who gets especially cranky when she is on a swivel chair. But that's cause i need to be joyful, in midst of all these roller coasters up and downs otherwise what, sulk and live your days with a black face cast on your face like the entire world owes you a living. =)

i am tired that's why i always get cranky. least i could be cranky at church today, getting a little more excited for God, playing for Him once more tomorrow. Makes it worth of the whole week in a way, the emptiness i've been honestly feeling, playing alone and playing with the Seniors and more experience Uncle Tony and Uncle Sunny with Jacob and Glenda and Qi Hui and Li Liang and all to help me with the transposition [i feel like a total noob there] but i like learning new stuffs. when you think you grasp it and when it goes "no you've not!" arhahar, kind of little arguement and you go about learning the way it should be done is fun =) arhahar i learnt Bm7 the right way arharar. the Bm7 i play sounds wayy weird. =( arhhar. so oh wells, new things! so ouh yeah. learn learn learn. just happy i can do something for God that's all. after all He's been blessing me with. Its what I can give. and the prayers during Masterlife time, sounds like Mom's cough's better. arhhar. Amen! [i don't like hearing coughs at home its like. argh* do something about it!] You know how silly i am always thinking of "what medicine should i get" when prayer is actually the best medicine to illnesses. how ironic this is. i'm always trying to go one round to find answers. Talking about Masterlife, arhhaar. Homework! Lol.

So ouh yeah. hoping things turn out well, and hear me say the same old prayer of wisdom + strength all over again. wisdom to know what to do and what i shouldn't be doing and to really understand what the needs really are. strength to get by everything that is passing me by this moment. i'm turning in. i'm hoping to meet Miss Indri. Bak Tuti tomorrow. so many things to tell her. God, i'll really miss her if she's going back to indonesia man. how am i gonna live without my support. been there for me through my teenage years. seen me through my first love. been through secondary school every single bit of the way. rising to the responsibilities. She's more like life's precious gift more than a mere name that she had to what many knew her as "a maid, a helper at home" If i'm to name the main influences in my life? My list. My God, Her. My mom. Miss Bala. And here comes all Internet Mummy, Jojo omma, the ommas and onnes. and the ppl around somehow or someway. *sigh. can't bear to think of the day she'll be leaving sg. *sigh arhahar. miss joy misshes all you people!! Lurve you all.