i've just wanted the songs of a acoustic guitar and only acoustic guitar to company me. not electric. pure acoustic is fine too. and it sounds damn good if its chris martin somehow, i just like losing myself listening to coldplay these couple of days. i got bored of x & y for massively listening to it every single time i headed to work and came back from work during those ibm days. and i'm in love with a rush of blood to the head album. and suprise suprise. songs that i'm caught on, i still love listening to them. and lately, i'm starting to like alot more songs of theirs. suprise. i like honestly, its not the usual songs you hear which have exact meaning to their songs. but it can all just be something on a subject. take , har. its the things that someone might/would do if a sudden rush of blood comes to the head. rashness which results in those actions as they sung it. i'm just suprised that i'm liking songs that i thought initially i wouldn't have liked. but my ear and my mind has gotten on them.

to see how much coldplay has developed from pretty simple and "raw" sounds to the really electic feel of them in their x & y album. i kind of like the older simpler coldplay. its more windy, more smoothing. more pleasing. and it takes me round and round their playlists. i didn't like them AT ALL. when i was younger. when they first came out and i watched the scientist mtv on teevee. i think back then i was probably too young to have comprehend their kind of music. the style they had. but arhahar. it caught on recently. as i opened myself. arhahar. they were heavily into guitars back then, more acoustic guitar. now its so arhhar. electric. but its fine. i'll just go back to their older albums. downloading parachutes and i'm hooked arhhar. =) windy windy tunes. awesome stuff. indulging in their music. i honestly haven't found anything to hook myself on, been just trying to find some music to company me and i think i've just found it.

in this so ever lonely lifestyle i'm leading, which i can develop that lonely feeling to something which i hate just trying to find something i do. trying to do something on a week of a day that might differ from the previous day. its no good not to be working, even if it means that work is a vicious cycle of routines, or rather, life that can be rather monotonous. least i have something to do. observe some people, get to mingle and get to know more about the environment around me. getting to listen. to what the thousands out there has to say over certain issues. and if a need arises to open your mouth to say some kind of response. i hate it honestly when there's nothing to do. when i'm trying to think of songs to learn arhhar. on the guitar. and har. its more coldplay songs the next couple of days. Sheesh* eat sleep. get some project work done. online. God. its darn boring. watch dramas. somehow i think its this little feeling of loneliness. arhahar. that's just eating me that i seriously do love this lifestyle last time. where i love every single bit of time spending in my room. but something which i can't seem to enjoy that much now. arhahar. unless its telling me to talk more to God. but it gets freaky if i do that aloud. arhahar. where everything is quiet. my mobile, the messengers. hoo hoo. its like i'm living for another tomorrow. doing the same old thing. nothing new. yucks*

I WANT TO WORK. OK. seriously, i want to. but honestly, i don't wanna be troubled trying to find time off and stuff like that just for the fyp. i can't devote weekends cause arhhar. its for God. its a stupid dilemna to be in honestly. and there's some tensions over there somehow i feel. little tad bit or whichever. i just hope it'll get on fine. i wanna be neutral and not be drawn to anything. fall out with both and be. muarhhaar. invisible. but thats not an option. come on gurl, start connecting with the rest. communication problems, lets work on it. and that thrashing sessions come out and screaming sessions come out. settle everything and get this whole thing working. i WAS looking forward to working on this major project. maybe a little too excited the eagerness died down to a mere mediocre kind of feeling now. i think i'm contemplating tuition. somehow. arhahar. but a joke. i doubt i can. thinking what else can i make myself useful cause staying at home is driving me nuts really. that it seems i'm living on this world communicating with this damn thing, called the computer. which gets pretty annoying if my life seems to have this source of entertainment or joy or something to keep me entertained with. is no good. God. i need something.

Saturday was apparently happening. Sunday was similiar. least there was work to be doing. feeling tired after serving God and a day of project work makes a day worthwhile. sleeping on the bus seems like a luxury, a well deserved kind of reward. which i love it yesterday. just being alone sitting curled up on the upper deck of the bus, sitted on the left hand side of the bus, with a jacket over my arms. with my ears stucked with music on it (david tao. but arhahar. i think i'm loving coldplay so much more with the parachutes album =X). dozed off and wake up to find the cooling evening that has turned to night, the dark skies, and when i get down. to feel the gentle and cooling breeze. that seems to blow me by. when i raise my hands out to feel it. i feel i'm in another land for a moment or two from the sleeping of the bus down. it rocks when its at night and when its raining. and taking a 10-15 minutes walk just to feel every single bit of this makes sunday a great day. Thank God for the beautiful weather yesterday really. i felt light.

and it all seems to draw back to this cycle. beginning of the weeks always seem like such a hard start. but honestly, i need to pray about arhahar. Finding some good things to do. like something more meaningful than just spending 45 minutes typing this whole entire boredom kind of feeling out. arhahar. i don't know really arhhar. can't stand spending days like the way i am. i need more meaning to it ahrhar. =X anyways, i think its enough of ranting. but least i did something. i made myself heard and to whoever's reading. arhhar. sorry though but i just need to get this irritating bugger feeling off of me. coldplay's spinning on my playlist. msn messenger is not liking me at all disallowing me for some oh reasons. God. this is so not life. =(