Hmm, I think I'm starting to feel what Jin Hui normally says, "date me date me". And I finally realise the rationale behind it. Working life gets really mundane and the thing to look forward to usually, would be the end of the day, for starters. Looking towards the Fridays for main course, and the actual weekend, becoming the dessert.

Going on for dinner dates, hanging around with your friends, all add a piece of variation to the typical week. The cycle is slowly setting in and I'm feeling it. Hahaha. It gets boring, you'll get by trying to survive another week. *chuckles*

So what's your motivation? The money? The love or passion for the job? I wonder what's mine, but i guess for now, my motive is just to survive. Dubby was telling Mommy that he was gonna study, and mom said it was a good move. So I went, "hmm, since papa is so encouraging of me studying, shall I go study". Mom went "Go get your masters" I went "Sure, master of divinity?' *chuckles*

Ahha at first she went "sure". Of course I know her sure was so sure, all cause she really didn't understand what it was. Till I explained it was theological studies and she went "you wanna become a nun?" AHAHAHA. I went "Pastor! Technically I still get to get married". Obviously she's against it, cause even talking to sis, makes it sound like a crazy idea. Ahahaa. So who's gonna buy it?

So meanwhile, aiyo, i'm not hitting the books too soon but I did some research and just ploring at the different alternatives. At the end of the day, my motives of studying isn't a positive one, but to just really run away from trying to be a grown up and buy myself more time from taking up responsibilities.

This whole entire time since starting on this job, has been this sense of relunctance to actually grow up, stop being childish and really grow up and take responsibilities. A part of me has this refusal to grow up and part of it, is just a run with time, that just says "Your time is up". "Time to act and be a grown up". When everyone has a choice, who wants to take up responsibilities and tie yourself down with needless worries and anxieties and hopes and fears.

Familarity breeds complacency, complacency just breeds non chalency, and non chalency breeds utter laziness, utter laziness breeds a bummer. Sighs. For me of just moving out of the comfort zone I used to have, and envy those students, where life was so much more carefree, happy, yay-yays, and everyday is just a day of sheer enjoyment really. Your mind is always full of "so what do we do next?" ahahah!

Becoming this working kiddo, I'm really thinking of how to spend my free time well. Did abit of guitar and singing just now, spend time with the Dubby, since he had nights off, and just enjoying each other's presence in front of the tv and poking tickles at each other. Listening to his hearty laughters does make me smile whenever I poke his tummy. I cannot just imagine myself ending work, spending time in front of the tv and just sleeping, and repeating the same cycle the very next day, some 8-12 hours later. The mere thought of it kills me.

I'm actually listening to The Carpenters now - Courtesy of Keith :) Which i'm glad and happy, I listen to them when I just feel, I wanna be reminded of the past. The past of being a young kid, where mom used to play all these classic tunes on the radio. I was probably bout 4-5 and I will run up to her bed, and just sit, and take out the lyrics book, and read the words on it. Reading it will be one thing, understanding it will be another part of it. But I remember when mom got tired of my insistent questions of a million whys, she'll just ask me to be quiet, or to just ssh and just listen. And she'll humm and sing along, and I'll just sit quietly and just listen.

Nope I don't understand a thing, but i will remember the tunes, which I do till today. That when I listen to the songs now, I understand them now, connecting it with the tunes I heard when I was a kid. There's a certain rustic magic to all these oldies, that had such significant meanings and tunes to it. The style, the voice, the arrangement, it is easy listening, radio friendly, and smoothing. It is relaxing. Some other older bands that I like, includes Chicago, Bread, Abba and the Bee Gees. There was Bryan Adams too. But nah, yes, those are just staple classics as I grow up.

My moms has her playlists, my sis had her playlists too. Hers tend to the the soft rock ballad kind, of Richard Marx and tons of love songs. Which I hear too, that will be the usual tunes you hear on Class 95. All these are just my comfort zones, that I head back to reminiscene, my growing up memories, to remind me of myself, while massive changes takes place all around.

Who wouldn't love just sticking on and holding on to the never ending holes of your very own. But that will just not bring anything fun and adventurous. Like what Table of Glory said in yesterday's episode: "adversities are all stepping stones for greater things to be done", or something like that.

In moments like that, I just find comfort in music. In all things, my greatest comfort will always be music, for the different emotions. And it is sheer joy and enjoyment for me daily. Thank you Lord for the lovely rain, its not that hot. The weather has just been such a killer. =) Time for some QT and unwinding and sleep. For another day.