Hmm, i'm actually feeling kind of hungry now, and images of instant noodles soup floods my mind. Funny how you can actually tune your body to think of a particular something when it is triggered.

Am listening to Coldplay's other half of the album, Prospekts March, and Lost with Jay-Z is quite a waste talent, its amusing to say how rap can go on with Coldplay, but no, i'm still used to the way Coldplay is, alone.

So here goes, a new Bill Johnson pic added to the side, just a random thought of "the influential", apart from Obama, I should put him there. Bill's more influence than the other, since its quite a daily affair for me.

And yes, I've finally got a time to sit and chill, on this quiet night, at 3am in the morning, with total silence around the house and around the area. Dead still, with my feelings too, the anxiety's over in my hunt or would you say in my quest for my first... JOB. (as in work) or as in JOB in the bible? Ahaha, kidding, but yes. I'm still in my hunt, and there's no choice of giving up. You just head on and keep hitting the send button till a reply hits, and the rest pretty much hinges on people's choices.

Looking around, after being for 2 job positions, that spanned out to 3 interviews each, has gotten me to a state of ever wondering are you ever good enough, that up till the last decision making process, someone chooses over the other suitable candidate than you? I start to think, and ponder why I haven't or never been on the spirit of excellence. I'm always someone who's there but not yet totally there yet. Never took the time off or the discipline to hone something or put into use of more, something you've really learnt, that you ace and become a pro in something.

In so many things I can think of at random, I start to ask myself why on earth did I not pursue what my heart's desire were, that in the face of rejection did I not try and take an alternative route to be daring and courageous enough to pursue design at NAPFA or Laselle. Somehow, it never seemed to occur to me, till I was asked at the recent interview. Good question. Do i realise I can get so tunnel visioned and never seemed to try an alternative route to things or in dealing with things.

But the fundemental part, was that I lacked belief, faith and hope to have the thoughts to see me through. Afterall, my love for design probably was merely in its embroyonic state. To have come thus far so far, I must say I myself am amused and amazed to that someone bothered to look into that portfoliio i've got. I giggle and laugh, that passing thought that once crossed my mind, was heard and has come true. Not too sure if its entirely completed or there is still more to come, but I do thank God for what so ever progress so far.

That through this period, I realised I've learnt and lost somethings and I do have to take note. Some bad habits that have developed known as the maintaining of eye contact, something that I used to love to observe to watch of late, (I don't know since when), I've lost the knack of it. Till I received feedback and ah, realised. But its ok, guess you learn and take and make extra efforts in maintaining eye contact. (I must have placed too much emphasis on everything else, called the skies, roads, things ahead of me, i forgot bout the things staring right into my face) Amusing note. *noted*

Meanwhile, I'm still awaiting and have just sent out another 2 resumes and I remembered what Chass said to me. Yes, He'll have that perfect one ready for you. So yes I'm waiting and meanwhile, its alot of music, ipod and books daily for my company, and who could forget, my lovely stuffed toys around me for that added smile and hug.