i'm just on the mode of sleeping soon but yet have the urge of leaving some of my thoughts down. Lassie's sleeping right at the door, and looks totally adorable. So before I sleep and leave for driving soon later today, test's coming for the third attempt on Thursday, and I am determined and hoping to really end the entire agony of going through this long process, in another sense, driving is a sense of independence to me.

Independence in the sense, you have the luxury of roaming late. (ah, roam where) - I'm one of those that loves driving up near some scenic places, just breathe and take in the sight as and when I like to. True, for now there isn't a car that I can take, but having a license will be the first step of my desires. Let's hope the Lord's gonna grant me a pass.

But meanwhile, there's a million thoughts on my head today. I woke up in the morning at bout 11, with the sudden urge to play the guitar, so i did. Hence, i went on and on till bout 4pm. Missing all my lunch cause I just didn't feel like it, and ate it at 5pm before I left the house to meet buds to watch "Confessions of a Shopaholic". It really wasn't as bimbotic I would have expected it to be, and its a great lesson and reminder for all of us girls. Girls being girls after all, we all love shopping! (Who doesn't?!) Who wouldn't love chalking up bills, having the loveliest clothes, outfits, shoes and bags?! Having best friends and still being able to find love (The male lead was cute, all totally cause of being tall, decent looking, looks great in a Prada Suit with a Bow tie and having the most important X-Factor to top off the look) - THE BRITISH ASCENT. I'm really head over heels over man who speaks with that ascent, especially like HUGH LAURIE. Course, Hugh still stands at a higher ranking. Sigh.

Hanging out with buds is always something to look forward to, cause it will always be light hearted, open and we have all our crappy and lame stuff for each other. The simplicity that really makes us remind of what we were like in our secondary school, and should continue to stay the same to certain extents. Yes like what Janna wrote on her blog, I do share similar sentiments, but because we're a bunch who actually, if you do wanna share your deepest, its still reliable. I guess for now, we just haven't got that much of deep stuff to share. AHAHHA! But i had fun really =D

But I think the emotions today surged just really on second thoughts of how people have it easy in this house, and sadly, when I just try to gain a portion of amounts, I get it quite hard and difficult. I have no idea why people have the notion that I have things easy, ahaah. Sure if you wanna say, but look closely, it really isn't what you all think. So testers, please do not look at my address and think what you wanna think. Sigh.

Sometimes, I really don't know if the address I carry, when I write on my resumes helps, by giving people have those kind of notions of you. Ahaha. But in any cases, yes i think its just that feeling I can't stand it, especially in this house, just simply how things run, or people getting what they always want way easier than me. Times, I feel I slogged my ass off, and really, its just unappreciation here, that I just at times, prefer to just slog it off elsewhere, where least people show gratitude and say "Thank You".

So i took a time break off, from the things I see at home, and take a breather outside. Quit whining at a situation I jolly well am well aware of, and get used to the fact that if I do need/want/require anything, it will totally equate to me, working hard and getting it yourself. The point is just simply, the amount of insignificance I feel in this family, is just massive from time to time, at times I can gladly say, I have no connections to it, or to least I don't feel much to it, but just playing out my role the way I should for responsibility sake. But its as much as it goes, I suppose. Sometimes, I feel odd and ask question of my belonging, or to my parentage, but there isn't anything to ask, cause there are pictures to proof everything. At random, feelings of not being fitted in this place is being asked, but I can only say, I do get along better with my sister. Or yes, maybe its realisation of myself, being sick of people, despite being family, lives behind a facade that have been going on for years, maybe slowly but surely, inch by inch, removing all those seem to be images or ideologies, for a more truthful protrayal of themselves.

Maybe I'm sick and tired of looking behind all the facades, that I give people the benefit of the doubt, if they think they're happy, they probably are. But i think cause you can just see it, but at times, people just take forever for their problem recognition process, much less talk about the problem solution part.

Things are looking up, i won't deny that portion, but i'm tired of the revelation process. Ahaha, wouldn't it be lovely that I just disappear during this time, and appear again once everything's done? It sounds very enticing and I'm just dreaming of my next location to just leave on a jetplane, and get out of this environment here in this house, where its just very i-me-myself. Its very routined, and people just do the exact same thing day in and out. For me, just looking at them blows my mind, and i wonder how do people continue living the and doing the same thing they did yesterday, for today, into another tomorrow? Its mind boggling. I can't so i'll just do everything else different at random, for a tinge of variation.

All i can say, I'm dreaming of having enough moolahs, to fly my butt out of this place, do anything else, see the world, take pictures on an dslr. And I'm still a dreamer, and still dreaming, heading to dreamland now. Just so sick of things here.

I forgot to add how working on edits on 2 proposals left me working till late, and as age catches up with me, my body and mind seems to take a longer time to recover as compared to years back when I was slightly younger, sheesh, just hit the sacks. So enough of shit around.