You know. I just found another wonderful thing. Harhar. Blessed wif a good view of the sky from my bedroom balcony. dat small. puny little backdoor to what I called. a place where I just feel soOo vast. soOo free. soOo destressing.

After watching todae's "our stance on how to breakup". Pretty sad episode. harhar. i felt it. lots of feelings. and well. hahar. as usual i just wanted time to just sit down and enjoy the breeze. the sky. its a wonderful creation of God. day or night sky they both got their beauty. if we were to just lift our heads up. no matter where we are. what we are doing. the sky will be there. never leaving you. just enjoy the beauty of it.

I wanted to just head out for a walk. but oh well. that wasn't feasible. i wanted to sit somewhere high. and just feel lifted. [doing that. sitting on the edge of the walls will just make it seem i'm committing suicide] harhar. which i definitely will not be. i just took the mattress and just laid for a moment. enjoying the view of the sky. see the clouds blow me by. it just clears my mind with the quietness of the night. dat soOo rocks. with the soundtrack of the drama playing. whoa.

The sky somehow haven't lost its tinch of beauty cause whenever i am down. its to that swing which i head to. just somewhere away from the crowd. somewhere peaceful and quiet. somewhere where there's a big clear view of the sky. it makes me feel sane again. helps me keep my thoughts altogether.

Haven't had much time to myself lately. not till this week. as i took time to myself. which i soOo very much adore. before another week comes by and hecticness sets in. clear my mind. set myself right and head for another round of work.

I guess the coursework grades were good for da moment. am contented wif what i got. harhar. though there's still mafit's and dbis and ebm grades left. but sooo far i think its good. wif a suprising A fer my lait. took me by total suprise. as much as i felt i did myself well. the joy was short lived i'll say. judging from some competitive brush off. honestly was like telling myself. "darn. u want the grade soOo much take it lar." i knew he scored the highest. but yeah. wad da ya want me to do. i never thought of beating u. har. i just wanted to do my part. times. i honestly dun understand ppl. if it makes him feel better just take the A from me lar. I'll willingly swap for your B+ which i will be contented with. i utterly could see. how disappointed he was. darn. i'm sorrie man. he wanted the grade real much.

argh. that kind of kept me mum for some time. little rage brewing in me. cause i never understood some ppl at times. but well. just forget it all lar. before i turn into another sour. fellow at home. soOo i guess it brought me up to looking at the skies again. =) somehow. some feeling of me being watched from the one above. of being heard fills me whenever i spent time just looking at the skies and have my train of thoughts. that reminds me of saying my prayers and thanking God fer always being there. for his grace and mercy flows in abundance. am thankful for what he have done every single day. that whether it's a matter of lesson for me. that i learn to humble myself before the Lord. the sheer importance of humility. as i try to learn from my everyday life. all that i hope for now. i'll get by the coming papers. and hopefully. see the wonders of God. i really wanna head to Myanmar. but somehow. as much as there's approval from mummy. how am i gonna convince her. of the payment part. it kind of dampens my entire enthuastism. some part of me tells me i wanna go and experience the and spread the wonders of the Lord. but another part tells me. i don't think i'll be able to go. Goodness. just as it seemed to me. I was confirmed on that trip. i'm filled with doubts again. honestly. seems. I'll never be able to go this year round. har. and the cycle continues. get so tired. at times i give up trying. *sigh*

guess. i'll just take one thing at a time. clear what i am supposed to do. my papers and den think of that money part. hahar. i wonder and say it out to u guys. u reallie think i'm that well off? harhar. come on. think again *winks* living wif one big roof over ur head ain't = i'm hell of one rich kid. fact is i ain't. hahar. but hu ever understands? contridicting isn't it? =p

and whoo hoo. when was the last time i last blog. Its been quite some time. hahar. toOo larthegic to blog! but now i know i can breathe easy now. Because. har! The projects are all over! Yey~! harhar. But somehow. I still feel kind of tired lar. and i just slept coming 10 hours of sleep last night. after tuning that guitar of mine. the E string broke. harhar. and got the whole set of strings replaced and tuned.

So much so for yesterday. oh. about last weekend? harhar. let me start from Friday. haarhar. Its a "all girls hangout" day with my cousins. With Jasmine and Caroline wor. Window shopping which ended up me spending a whooping alot. hahar. shall not say the amount lar. wait the amount pops your eyes out. but oh well. harhar. the clothes from that shop is cool. I like the "earthy" effect of the clothes which is cooL. harhar. that is the only difference. well. new outfit shall probably be worn this weekend. for grandma's birthday. harhar. i'm gonna look. different. harhar. *giggles* oh well.

Then we had dinner on me. harhar. the food was nice! That Zhe Char. Rice with a range of dishes. yum yum! thinking bout the entire thing makees my stomach growl. harhar. [which means i gotta go find and hunt for some food later on!] Slacked last weekend off over at cousin's "xiao gu" [little aunt] place. its like a heaven for me. i like the serenity. the "zen" [in case you wonder what is zen. its a word i use to describe "woody". jappy style. u know. dark wood feel.] that's what i really adore. wharhar. soOo she's got this coOL coutch which leaves me and Jasmine all prawled over that couch. which we actually spent a night in the living room coutch. next morning. we ate [thanks to her granny's marketing. we had food! hahrar. blessed me right? i get excellent treeatment from jasmine's side of relatives toOo~!]. and we basically slouch. prawled. laze in the living room with the teevee. switching the teevee channels over cable like no one's business. harhar. was fun.

For now, its been pretty alright. getting back coursework grades which has been not toOo bad. especially thankful for my DBIS project grade. harhar. *smiles* thanks to the kind guidance of lovely people like Jayson and Ashley and of course. not forgetting my partner. Chua PeiLian. harhar. [she reads that. she'll kill me. but i like her name. CHUA PEI LIAN> CPL!] harhar. ok. no bashing! but its soOo nice to call. just like WU PING YI [my chinese name] *shrugs* the great encouragement was POM's project. yay. I think the group really did well. =) course credit goes to CPL harhar. she's a great working partner. =D well. more grades will come to look at my course grades. but i know. your final grade ain't gonna depend on that, but your 2 hours paper. i remember Prem saying. "your entire semester work ends with that 2 hour paper which determines your fate". oh well. was something like that lar. he said it in his nick some time ago. [i'm getting old you see].

Anyways, I'm taking it slow till the later week approaches where I guess. i'm supposed to be gearing up for more revision. hoo hoo. its that time again. and i just had a fun time shooting hoops over at West Coast. Playing basketball. hahar. looking at how guys play the game. whoa. been a long time. =) feels great!

Me. hahar. just took it todae lar. whahrar. looking old. harhar.i nid a hair cut to look like dat.

hahar. i like this pic! wharhar.. soOo young. soOo cute lor. i wun believe this pic is taken from my camera phone. harhar. which totally erm. is reallie lousy lar. hahar.

another week has passed. harhar. Its really freaky lar. been through the sickest. erm. hardest. tired-est [if dat word ever existed in the oxford dictionary]. weeks. hahar. wait. lemme blog finish. hahar. my heart's telling me to finish writing this entry. my mind's telling me to go find another blog skin and somehow. change the layout once more. hahar. i love changes. harhar. brings about fresh new looks in the same things that u do but bringing in fresh new impressions and fresh new perceptions. now. dat's wad u call change.

Overcoming the start of the week wif a feverish start. arharhar. i mean it was real fun at the carnival. doing face painting wif great ppl i'm working in. i mean wif Joyce. Jessica and Janice. harhar and somemore ppl. [dun bash me fer not remembering your names. harhar. i need real close contact to remember lar]. =) Harhar. Making da kids happy, putting a smile on their faces. harhar. then i returned home with some great stuff. harhar. lack of fluids in your body can really prove to be pretty serious at times. harhar. i was in bad shape man on Sunday. remembering the "ordeal" was a close call for me. hahar. telling myself one time no second time. harhar. i'm gonna be a goodie goodie girl and get a bottle of water next time. =)

Then it was a frantic race against time. harhar. meeting deadlines. DBIS. harhar. thankfully for great ppl around once more helping me. hahar. i was still recovering from that stupid fever. harhar. sick girl. harhar. then the next was my Colour and Composition final work. harhar. Whereby we were supposed to do this final poster or something. applying the "elements" in which you have learnt and make a poster out of the entire lessons you've been attending. harhar. I drew Snoopy. =) hahar. funny. but i think it was real nice. harhar. the "religious" practice of sleeping couple of hours in the early part of the night and working through the later part of the night till dawn. to morning. harhar. 10 sketches and then the final piece. doing the final piece painting was fun. harhar. and then the sketches. harhar. which were required to be coloured. =) Got the help of omma. harhar. its really nicely coloured. good thing i was a left hander. harhar. i coloured one side. she could colour with the other. and i got my work done much faster =)

Every single piece of work that I did. will bring me back memories of Henderson. Harhar. Know why? Cause hmm. Could be aesthetics club. then also the lower secondary days of drawing. harhar. Then I'll think of Mr Goh and Mr Mah and Mr Heng. harhar. the good old days of joy and laughter. then the art exam we had? harhar. doing sketches of development work before your art paper. the research. harhar. then the final doing of the final project. =) Yeap. all the entire process is sort of like repeated in this elective that I am doing. hahar. 4 years has passed me by. harhar. just like that at the twinkle of the eye. so yeah. COCO has a place in m heart. it brings me back to some good old memories which share a part of me. I miss those good old days. i feel old now lar. harhar.

So I guess that's why I took COCO this semester. harhar. I think many would have called me mad. harhar. with the workload of this semester will be suicide actually. cause COCO required lots of time that's all. But I don't mind missing out on somethings that you usually had. har. I had really less time doing the things that i love doing at night. which was to spend it in front of the computer looking and listening or watching my favourites. the 2 oppas. JDG + KMJ ROXS. harhra. crazee me. honestly. i didn't have the time as compared to the previous semester where i could just do it without fail. harhar. oh well. there goes one semester and some old habits are hard to change. harhar. but oh well. its just less time to do all those stuff. harhar.

COCO almost coming to an end. harhar. its a B+ for all your hours of work but it was fun. harhar. one thing I learnt I guess was really colours lar. its fun. =) And yeah. one more week to go for school and then the study break. exams and harhar. off you go do what ya wanna do. probably top up more cash and start working. harhar. but my body's telling me to slack it off at home. harhar. we'll see when the time gets nearer lar. =)

Oh. Har. How could I forgot writing bout one very person who made all these possible. I think this week was one hella of a learning time for me. Many of the things wouldn't have been done if it wasn't for him. harhar. the almighty, great old God. harhar. He never fails to move me in my life. as much as you probably stay from him. harhar. he still never fails to moves in your life. how much can you deny of the fact that all the things were done solely by you alone? harhar. that's impossible cause from one fact i know my body and mind was seriously. like tired out. worn. out of ideas. not knowing where should i start with a mass workload. harhar. you need to clear. it freaks yourself out. but somehow. someway.harhar. God makes you climb that mountain and after the whole thing has passed. its a great feeling and a sense of accomplishments. harhar. relief. that "ahhhhh..." never feels that good..

that great feeling of sitting down and listening to my sayang. harhar. [dream on?] no lar. I mean sitting down and enjoying Min Jong oppa's solid. voice. I never fail to be amazed by his songs =) They so rock. harhar. the album's old. But you know what? I've an old soul which = I'm into ballads and old songs are old school rock. but they so rock me. harhar.

Every single day, I actually had the initial thoughts of actually leaving down notes of my progress. my thoughts and feelings but really. wasn't in the mood to actually sit down and write. harhar. cause i was feeling tired everyday. and just last night i wanted to pen it all down. but couldn't. cause obviously i just wanted my sleep. i slept for a whooping- 12 hours. hahar. I'm a good sleeper! harhar. spent yesterday on the guitar lar. that gunbounding for like some long hours. harhar. i felt young yesterday. harhar. I haven't had fun especially on games for some time. [yes. through the week that couple of hours of Yahoo Pool wif Jayson. harhar.] I haven't touched games for soOo long. harhar. I miss doing lots of stuff lar. my PS2!! harhar. oh well. it won't run away from me. harhar. and whats making that longing for me grow is that.... MUSASHI 2 is out. harhar. darn. dun have the hours to play it now. but i will. Musashi was played when i was in my 13-14. harhar. remembered how I always talked to Wilopo on how to play the game. and he'll intro good RPG and that's when the entire RPG craze of mine started lor. =) The character is real cute. =) Purple hair. Lumina. Minku. Diamonds. arhahar. soOo fun. Argh. Those good old days. harhar. i'm itching man. harhar.

Hahar. coming soon. duh. miss all those things. but eh. honestly. i miss heading out wif my buddies. cause everyone are all having their wars with the deadlines. harhar. projects. i'll see them soon. hahar. when everything goes back to the slower days of having school out and harhar. we'll spend time together. Janna. Glenda.. KTV!! harhar. Shall stop here. harhar. unless the sudden urge to write emerges. harhar. but i doubt so. this entry is long man. =) [arhhhh. soOo nice. KMJ's voice. da best!! harhar. *muacks* he looks soOo darn cute. wif that side parting. see if i get to put that pic up. wished i knew kpop earlier..]

harhar. time to put some pics onto da blog. its soOo wordy. soOo boring. harhar.

I like this pic. harhar. that's Lavonne and Pei Lian. =)

Goldfishes anyone? harhar.

Huh. harhar. This is one of da funniest pic taken.

Me and Lavonne =)

Me and Pei Lian =)Hear + Smell no evil? harhar.

This pic like some movie poster. harhar. great smiles =)

Pic taken by me. I like da wall idea. harhar.

Me and Hwee Boon =) BuddiezZz =p This is at Ling Li's birthdae. harhar.

harhar. browser's lagging. i nid a defragment of my comp! harhar. slow. as much as it is slow to me. i'm getting slow. slowing down my activity rate. harhar. somehow. just dun seem to have enough energy to get me going through the nite. every single time i wanna get up to do my work i end up sleeping my nites off and it can get kind of frustrating fer not abiding to ur inner self telling urself to simply. wake up and do work. hahar.

Oh well. then i'll wake up at some cute timing and den finish off doing the work that i am supposed to do. somehow. i get it done. but harhar. i noe i nid to do more. arharhar. and the art of war. against time has just started. harhar. tonite. wharhar. no lar. todae. harhar. better get myself prepared. rested enough and all ready to go. diao lar. sleeping like nobody's business on monday. i'm just sensing some kind of larthegic-ness in myself. i'm not really doing soOo much but i ain't got a clue why i am feeling kind of drained. or either. could be my mindset. oh well. time to change. its war. =) harhar. lol. doing things knowing that there is a deadline at the back of ur head isn't a very nice thing to do when ya noe u gotta produce quality work at such a shortspan. cause we all seem to get working when a sense of urgency surges and that's pretty bad. but i guess like wad Kim Yee always say. as the boat reaches the jetty. somehow. the boat will straighten up and head there safely. some chinese saying which i can still not catch it but she says it week in and out. harhar.

Does blogging comes in chinese? harhar. crazee me. been penning notes of china notes in da books that i keep. harhar. after lashing my feelings and thoughts out here. u kind of feel better. as though ya being heard. harhar. argh. the feeling of having to meet deadlines. totally kills. eeeEew. but i pray dat God will bring me through these days. harhar. of waking up, like a robot. u have a whole lists of programmes u gotta do. and do it well. yucks. soOo no life. harhar. well. least fer now. heading back to work. and den quick quick head to skool fer discussion. hoo. wad a life. bleah. =)

Yeah. wad a saturdae fer me it has been harhar. todae was made up of my mornings doing da gifts ready fer meeting everyone. hahar. da ladies off minjong.net board. well. it got done eventually. and den in da afternoon there was Jarrett along at home. hahar. darn he's cute. as i played photographer. doing all sort of funny poses just to get da right shots to capture him playing masak-masak. smiling. and all da funny faces. it was fun and i like it whenever he toks. harhar. soOo cute. short sentences but he gets to the point soOo dat u noe wad he is toking. harhar. =) fun.

Den went out in da evening. ladies nite out. harhar. i was late again as usual. whoot. Beka-san and Minami-san came down from Japan and there we all are. harhar. well. most of da singaporean side of da fans are down. over at the esplanade. Jojo omma =) harhar. Agnes and her son Qian Jun [not Xiang Jun rite? harhar..], Splash, Lisa, Flossie [how could i forgot bout her] and the 2 mains. Beka and Minami-san. enjoying a boat ride over at the 2 quays. which i seemingly seem to have gotten over da fear of water. harhar. and boats. den dinner over at Palm Beach. hoo. i needn't eat dat lot but i could feel the fill of da dinner. =) and den photographs where. duh. harhar. i had to approach mr Policeman to take photos. harhar. it was pretty hard lar. i thought of just asking a passerby. but har! i think its funner wif a policeman. harhar. pose and pose. smile and smile. when i was murmuring some comments which sent Splash and Agnes giggling. harhar. funny.

Dinner there was coOL cause we had the view of the sea. and not only that. the reallie coOL fireworks. GOsh. I love NOISE. da POOM harhar. sounding of da fireworks. and harhar. my other favourite is the FIGHTER JETS. god. they rock. there was this one act which sent me reallie jaw. dropping. Try this. place 2 fighter jets. travelling at high speed. first flying a big loop away from each other. and den to a point where they meet. just at that point. before they're about to meet each other. there was sort of this lil "kiss" from each other. as they cross each other's path. whoot. i like dat one. its real precision. cause from down below it looked like the 2 planes were gonna crash. but nar.. hahar. of course. Oh. and I saw. this firgging. FEMALE drummer. whoot. boy was she good. keeping da beats up and the fills she did. hoo. well. darn. harhar. lousy leg doesn't reallie allow me to play the drums. i'll just make do wif da guitar.

Den coffee time over at the Oriental i guess. i still can never differentiate the difference between the Mandarin and the Oriental. seemingly the same to me. had coffee over at this long table joined together and just sit down and tok. hahar. and yeah. the ppl are MUCH older den me. hahar. little me. hahar. joining in their conversation. hahar. but all in all. gotta thank Jojo omma fer everything. the dinner. the coffee. the ride. whoa. very very nice of her. den bringing da guests along. she's coOL. tml will be another dae fer them but i doubt i'll join them ba.

Harhar. den I was supposedly suppose to head to Sentosa. Botanical Gardens. wif her and Ah Jun but hmMm. i called it off ba. still thinking pretty bad of me. like neglecting them in a way. den thinking of heading to celebrate's Alvin's b'dae. hahar. still wondering which way man. hee. weird me.

Niways, todae was a full-filling dae. reallie "full". Blow some good wind. harhar. den i remembered the last time i went to the Esplanade was wif him. sitting down and just chatting and blowing the breeze. the sausage stall's still theere. nothing reallie changed except the fact that i sat the boat which I was real reluctant dat time. harhar. times changed. but i guess some part of me still remains the way i am. its still singlehood fer me till hu noes when. harhar.

Hmm. wonder is there a way to test da strength of ur hands. right hand seems bit nutty todae. holding the mug of beer. and while chatting. da mug just slipped off my hand. hmMm. hahar. everyone at the table saw. gotta cover. =) but feels pretty weird this couple of days. good thing i'm both hands abled. and i write wif my left. hmMm. gonna head to bed. gotta head to God's place tml. tata ya ppl. lurve ya all.

Yeah. I relived the saturdaes. the saturdaes the way dat it was. harhar. i missed those days. oh well. orh. i noe why. cause the previous saturdae i was out wif frenz and all. dat todae. was one of the exception dat i stayed home. well. fer the week of holidays i was mostly out lar. just spending time wif the ppl around me. which is good. =)

Yesterdae was out wif my "lao pou". harhar. my wife. arhahar. dat's my cousin. Harhar. claiming she was stressed and asked me out. hahar. why not? harhar. though she kept apologising fer the late change of mind of heading out once again. harhar. we had a great time once more. and. harhar. u'll never guess wad gurls will do to destress. hahar. we bought 2 tops. harhar. she got one and i got one from Zara. some kind of half priced discounts available. she got some hmMm. dark greenish-blue kind of colour shirt. while i got that black and white one and got a new baggie fer myself. harhar. den had dinner together. harhar.. good time chatting and just laming around. harhar. critising and "suan"ing everywhere i walked. [course the comments are meant to be laughed at by her]. ease her up. hahrar. she's always soOo tense. herms. must be her work lar. oh well. chill gurl. nione nid destressing time come find me. hahar.. =) i'll assure u of a laughing good time. harhar. and dat "chicken head". literally. when ppl was crossing the road. i mean u watch as u take every step on to another lane. soOo as to watch if any cars are incoming towards ur direction.

I mean jaywalk. but u nid some skills lar. this woman. literally. instead of walking further away from an incoming car. [i mean ppl will usually run away from an incoming car].. As i screamed. "CAREFUL~!!". She ran straight on towards dat incoming old. reallie vintage mercs. hoo hoo. thank God she was fine lar. otherwise i dunno wad am i supposed to explain it to her mom. =X and the conversation went..

Me: Oei. u walk dun nid see cars one ar. U noe how u walked? [does the actions] running like a chicken without head. just run... u noe. ppl run AWAY from da car u hor. is run towards the car one leh.
Her: *laughs [and it develops to some real loud laugh. to giggles. to wharhaar. i think got muaharhar standards alreadi]
Me: U laugh... =p
Her: Den u should hold my hand mar.
Me: ? U alreadi running soOo far. plus my left sid carrying stuff. u on my left side
Her: harhar..

Oh well. she's one hell of funny gurl. i had fun toOo dat dae. soOo decided to spend todae in my room. whooot =) I lurve my room. wharhar.. soOo spent my dae watching mtv. and hey. its korean mtv and their supposed to be good stuff. i mean not da mvs by the younger generation singers. the slightly older ones. SG wannabe mvs were good lor. any sense. the best among. u noe. Shin Seung Hun's "the dae will come" and "second parting". the MV which won best mv in that Mnet awards thingy. oh well. wad to do. storyline soOo sad. plus. hey. hey. its played by Min Jong oppa. =) whoot. but the common thing was eyes. the guy forever giving up his life and eyes fer the gurl he loves most. haiyo. toOo manie times alreadi. the scriptwriter must start changing storyline. and yeah. common thing is dat the guy always ends up dying. imao. hahar..

Changed the layout of dat Min Jong oppa's site i worked on ages ago. hahar. its 6 months since i last updated it. oh well. there's news from both Min Jong and Dong Gun oppa. but harhar. lazee me. will find time again to do regular updates. still trying to get used to not having jangdonggun english FB around. oh well.. and the banner looks coOL man. arhahar. [self-praise] but one of those "blending" well. not reallie dat well blend. but yeah. first attempts in trying to do soOo. =) ouh. b4 i forgot. just thought of this lil write up these couple of days. as the holidays draw to a close. i looked on the calendar. to see dat its almost 7 months passed fer the year.. and yeah. my mind goes..

The bus passed by.
The once familiar places, i once lived.
The paths i took to school. The roads i used to observe as I walk.
The bends i took. how the road turns at the corner.
How my buddy Pauline. [oei. i still remember u hor =)] and i used to walk to school. together.
Always by that 2 poles standing. we'll wait for each other.
Walked in the rain. going over ur place to play.

We used to head out wif ur mom. ur sis Phyllis n Cynthia.
The memories of primary school. passed me by.
I sat on the bus. looking out of the window.
Reminising.

Seems so yesterday. i grew up. 6 years has passed me by.
We went on to secondary school. another chapter began.
I moved out. we saw less of each other.
Though occassional bumps onto each other.
harhar. I doubt we changed much.

New friendships and bonds were formed.
Course at the same time, some are lost.
But there's always something called. Memories.
So even though some things are lost,
There's always something left for you to keep.

I feel old now. harhar. somehow. just as weeks and weeks pass me by. that another week has passed me by. it gets pretty freaky on the fact that everyone seems to be in this rat race of life. achieving what are the so called "standards and requirements" of life. blinded by the things in front of us. that sometimes we can be pretty myopic. in some perceptions of things. we lose the values of the things that are closest to our hearts.

As each and single day pass me by. i only hope i lived the best of the day i could. harhar. and keeping those values that i keep in such high regards. close to my heart. try as i can. to keep this walk. journey wif my God. close to me. every single time. i fall. i just know he's always there. with me and for me. =) which never fails to make me see each and every single day in a bright new perspective. it is him dat makes things more worth while. the value and the thing dat each and everyone of ya out there. will get to feel and experience the marvel of his love. a gift. if ya willing to accept it wif ur heart. and love him wif all of ur heart. mind and soul. christians might live a double life. [harhar. maybe i am?] but as we try to strive to live the life dat he wants us to be. feel him in ur everydae life. live one dat has him in there. hee. fall as i may fall. at times drifting away from him. i'll find my way back to him. =) and i'm gonna go find him now lar. =) life's good wif him around. =p

YoOoHoOo. hahar. fun time todae. and yesterdae. didn't blog yesterdae. arhahar. oh well. yesterdae was out wif Jayson. my "di di" =) harhar. yeah. oh well. my first di di wor. niways, it was fun out wif him lar. though he kept claiming he was a bore, but apparently not. as much as i was lame. he was also the lame one. harhar. wheEe. let's see. went from Sim Lim. to Bras Basah to get some plastic and gonna try to head into tee-shirt designing and if it works out well. den we'll see. just have crazee ideas in my head apparently. see which one of them works out and which does not. arhahar. dun see that tech-y guy. he actualli's pretty much into art stuff. harhar. interesting =)

SoOo much soOo fer yesterdae. todae was a dae out wif Glendie =) went to eat yummy stuff. subway =D yeah. hahar. roxs. give it to me everydae fer lunch or dinner i wouldn't mind man. except fer the price lar. darn. harhar. student's rates anyone? [dreams on =X] harhar.. but dat was reallie yummy. and the cookies were heaven. =) Thinking bout all da food's gonna make me hungry once more. arhhaar.. [pretty hopeless lar me.]

Den yeah. went on and K-box. a room. 2 mics. 1 teevee. 1 system. 4 glasses of drinks. 1 bowl of munchies. [harhar. its a sad state fer the munchies.] and we went on singing and singing. harhar. its fun singing wif her lar. and the best part. i was singing.. F.I.R's songs? goodness lar. harhar. i haven't tried in my whole entire time of singing sooo far. harhar. cause da songs are always super. duper high. hahar. i always go fer the easy reach one. sing da guy's songs lar. JJ's got tons of them. har. which the 2 of us started singing practically every of JJ's to Jay's songs. harhar. pretty encore but oh well. i tried things new todae =) Oh well. still nid to go on more sessions. hahar. pretty addicting lar. whenever there's glennie around. i'm bound to try new things. harhar. no exception this time round =) thanks dearie fer da great time out.

Oh well. harhar. week's coming to an end pretty soon and its pretty scary lar. goodness. one more week down which means erh. simply. this semester is also coming to an end soon lar. =_-' it was like just onli recently lar. where i was at hang ten working. harhar.like some freak. [no complains. pay was pretty ok]. those good old days of workin wif Iskander. darn. dat cutie. he's soOo full of knowledge. harhar. duh at his age. learnt alot from him =) erm. a guy. teaching this gurl. some newbie to fold clothes lar. and some ways of marketing and strategising and to fortell. harhar. how to make sales. darn. good old daes. both of us do. still keeping in contact. harhar. he's sweet and encouraging. harhar. "dun overstudy. cause doesn't help. capture it slowly. n steady." whahar. still have it in my phone to keep me motivated to study. arhahar. telling yes. to capture my notes slowly. i'm just keeping my fingers crossed over the mid-sem tests. loads of work to work on. i wonder often. "how hard is hard?" in terms of studying. time u can give it ur all. and harhar. somehow. things just ain't the way they are. they dun turn out the way u expect them to be. dat feeling pretty sucks. but doing the best i hope. gonna leave everything else up to the one up there.

nid to get my quiet time momentum up once more. and stop snoozing off to bed before i finish my qt. its on and off. notti me. i nid to find my source of joy. strength. motivation. continue praying and leaning on him. hectic days are comin up. harhar. stay tuned. hahar. oh well. laze around in my room. head to bed soOn. gotta do subject selection in da morning tml. nitey.

the biggest joke. to calvin hu reads da blog. Seriously, u dunnoe me at all. and dun behave like u noe wad's going on wif me rite now. hahar. wad do u noe bout me and wad do u understand bout this sentence which goes. "love of my life =) You'll never understand". harhar. to u = some new boyfren i got? harhar. amazing. well. u dun noe me and dun noe wad dat sentence means as to hu dat person is? harhar. soOo dun act like u noe man. freaking annoying. since u said u read my blog. har. fine. "how u and him?". hahar. i'm like ?? him. hahar. read through the blog and plz. plz. find a guy's name there ar? harhar. ashley a guy's name? or u mean jarrett? hahar. oh yeah. my beloveds. and u think i got a him. ahrhar. biggest joke of my life. can't be bothered wif wad ya gotta sae. cause its. SENSELESS> harhar. yeah. ppl hu noes me. will noe wad i mean. hahaahr. as to hu dat person is. harhar. *laughs out loud*

Oh well. enough of getting my annoyance on a high. Chill man. okie. chilling out at home and just had a good time and i feel. very recharging but it gets my lazee bones all lazee lar. harhar. yawning and yawning. morning got up. hahar. watching the movie i got ytd over at HMV harhar. having some sales fer movies fer dvds and vcds. har. and i got CHO SEUNG WOO. yeah. hahar. dat guy wif the cutie smile. very boyish. harhar. watching "who are you". harhar. good movie. go grab it lar. $4.95? harhar. lol. good buy. hahrar. enjoyed the show.

Gonna start doing screen caps. lalalala. argh. gotta lug down dat printer down to da office again. goodness. dunnoe. somehow everything gets spoilt or something i get the blame. lol. dat daddie. totally annoyed at him in da morning. its nice enough of me to head down from watching my movie half way to provide help to him. cause his printer wasn't working. first qn he said. "wad did u pressed?" forever like dat. can he changed fer once. i haven't even stepped into ur room fer months. it was u lar. always. never ever admitting it was him who did something wrong. wad's wrong wif just saying. "oh. i pressed something wrongly". duh. simply dun understand him at all. yeah. and while i am fixing. if it doesn't work out well. "u must have make spoil dat thing rite?" haven't changed one bit from back den till todae. i dun owe him anything do i? putting the blame on me. forever. since young. it had to be me. when something spoils. wadever. it wun be the elder brother. me and me. =_-. oh well. wadever. i'm always wrong lar. den when i can't find a way to solve the problem.. i still gotta find an alternative. always asking his famous all time qn. "den how?" argh. cause is provide u wif the another printer. told mom the entire thing. and she agreed wif me. >> can't stand him. least if anyone else did something wrong. the gurls in da house will sae. i think i pressed or did this or this wrongly. fine. guys in da house will go. "NO. [total denial i didn't do anything lo". gosh. birds of the same feather flock together. somehow. bro did the same thing wif his lappie. something didn't work. den the 2 parents were like. "help him lar". yeah. as i was some comp pro. i did. and he did something wrong wif da controls panel stuff i think. =_-'. argh. oh well. wadever it is. something goes wrong. i'm liable fer it. humph.

okie. finally. papers are over. harhar. finished wif da mugging fer now. hopefully gonna be doing ok fer them. pretty skeptical bout them but yeah. hopefully all turns out well yeah. harhar. yeah. was a fun nite yesterdae hanging out wif ashley. yeah. just reallie glad things turned out fine between us as far as i am concerned. having everything ironed out. harhar. be amazed at wad has been said bout each other. harhar. i am amazed but i noe. yeah. God's blessing continue to flow. harhar. u can't just deny he has a hand in most everything dat ya doing. harhar.

yeah. soOo it was a nite out till pretty late. harhar. a different day out but a fun time and experience fer me. harhar. thanks beloved =) heh.

As fer todae. wharhar. its coOL being out wif omma, onne, jarrett and lilik plus me out to East Coast harhar. after some initial plans to head to sentosa but harhar. yeah. i just thought that East Coast will be much of a better choice. cause i lurve da view there. harhar. somehow. the best places to just sit down and enjoy the breeze and beautiful skies and clouds are all over at the east side. i feel. nothing has yet beat East Coast and Pasir Ris lar. harhar. yeah. though kent ridge is kind of nice. but yeah.. hee. PLus hahar. how often did we ever had a "family" day out. harhar. pretty seldom lar. when u sit down at the park, seeing the entire family sitting down, chatting and playing sand and water wif their kids. very heartwarming. harhar. well, least todae i had the chance todae to be wif more company. harhar. yeah. real fun lar wif dat Jarrett. harhar. ticklish boi though initial cries of his. he didn't want me to head along. hahar. dunnoe why but yeah. some pacification i guess from omma and onne, he turned out fine. harhar..

SoOo yeah. pretty evenful these past days. skool's out fer a week. yeah. very much looking forward to this break cause i get to catch up on wad i've been loving to do most and has been doing it less frquently alreadi. harhar. like the past few days, haven't been onto minjong.net + soompi + jangdonggun.pe.kr/eng/board to check out on the 2 guys. seems to me like jang's site is down eh. been gettin error messages. hmMm. i wonder.

Plus on the fact. Just glad Godma's fine over at London. yeah. dat darn bomb blast. gosh. i was realli shocked. i knew on a fact that they won the olympics 2012 bid. having their celebrations and den the next dae. some tragedy happened. god. u reallie dunnoe wad happens tml. this Godma is one coOL one. she onli seen me when i was real young like some 1 yr old. and she became my Godma. hee. always presented me wif gifts when i was young wif tons of things. i noe. there was toys. she sent me lego. a set most every year. toffees. harha. chocolates. shoes. yeah. loads of stuff. bears. yeah. twice a year. soOo big alreadi lar me. harhar. i still remember all those stuff. harhar. yeah. wanna head down one dae over there to visit her leh. harhar.. say a big thankie u. den i heard the news, i just wanted to noe she was fine. harhar. called mom to give her a ring.. hee. yeah. mommy oso blur blur. dunnoe bout dat blast till i told her. har. somehow. sense she could be in some danger. ma called and she was ok. though initial calls dat she got the wrong no. said she was reallie lucky, she usually took the bus to work, that bus which blew. yeah. soOo somehow, as i saw the news. alot of ppl were gonna be affected. just keeping them wif my prayers. harhar. godma actualli thought no one thought of her. till mom called.. harhar. sooo cute. just when u think no one thinks bout u. i do =) harhar. thinking alot bout her these few days. loads of urge to just take a jet over to her and sae thankie u wif a big huggiezZz. wad if she was reallie gone in dat blast. den it'll be dat. i never had a chance to reallie give her one hug. =( soOo yeah. just having the urge to flying to her when the holidays come.. hope so.. gotta tuck into bed now. getting late.. lurve ya all.

Whoo hoo. yeah. sitting in da lab. eh. free access lab blogging. companying Miss Chua Pei Lian harhar... She print print. den i sit down and blog. oh well. just finished MAFIT's paper. erh. Kind of okay but u noe. after papers jitters kind of exist. soOo oh well. its done anyways. hope it turns out well is wad i can do. and conventrate on tml's "heavy" papers lar. EMB [e-business management] lol. plus POM. Principles of Management. harhar. management dae ar. Gonna go nuts. been studying fer EMB alone can kill lar. harhar. took 2 days plus alreadi. harhar. still tying up the loose ends lor. argh. *bites teeth* hahar. more to come tonite. tonite is ENCORE. harhar. me and papers. in my room. drowning my head wif more stuff. facts and more facts. harhar...

Oh well. Feeling hungry now. is lunch time. hahar.. just gotta wait to get home.. and food be waiting. hahar.. omma da bao fer me liao.. lalalaa.. till i get home. hahar. if i still have da energy to blog later. harhar.. wanna scream now. harhar.. whenever is fridae ever gonna come lar. aharhar.. =) sOon... soOon. *fingers crossed* and whee. be holidays fer a week and take a breather. before the skool terms goes full swing once more. harhar. busy semester lar. oh well. tataz fer now. =)

Had a good sleep. yesterdae. Sleeping early and den waking up once again to carry on drawing. harhar. fianally completed the drawing of the final piece and the development work. =) Brings back loads of memories yeah. back den when i was 13-14. harhar. Yeap, having art lessons and whereby we had to draw development work and all. and come up wif the final piece. left to paint it which i guess i'll have to get it done when i get home. aaiyee. feeling moody all over again lar.. since saturdae nite. whoa. loads of feelings and thoughts. when i heard of Min Jong oppa's dad's passing. arh. =(

Heart sank. and went out to him. as i saw this pic.



The loss of someone. reallie painful. haiz. as i saw the vod of the funeral. argh. *sobs*.. God bless the family.. praying fer strength and god's grace to be upon the entire family le. gonna wash up now.. finish up my dumplings.. 7th aunt's making i think. taste reallie yummy cause its made by her.. har.. had this dumplings and this taste has remained in me fer the past.. 12 years or something. very homey. very aiyee. just like eating it once in a while..

Feeling moody these couple of days. Well, to be exact. Since yesterdae.. Mind went on thinking mode. Lots of "what ifs" in the passing of Min Jong oppa's aboji. [father]. Yeah. U kind of say its sort of like another lesson learnt fer me lar. somehow. i hope. anyways. the pics. [aBoVe: picture of a sunset. nearby my cousin's place. was heading to her place just now. while i saw the beautiful shade of orange and blue. whoa.]
[aBoVe is the closer up pic of what caught my eye. i just thought it was lovely. =) ] [aBoVe: Harhar. all smiles. todae was a dae out wif Indri. aka. Tut. aka Mummy. harhar. oh well. Somewhere outside my place.. ] [aBoVe: She's tryin to be shy. harhar. oh well. I'm all smiles]

Well, pretty much a slacking weekend. getting to do wad i was supposed to do. but something left staring at me. is dat colour and composition work. yet to draw and paint the final piece after working on the development. better go catch my mind back soOn. before it starts running again. harhar. time to settle down for more serious work coming up. *dreads* which is also called mugging all over once more. harhar. job of a student rite?

Uploading pictures. but gonna head back to doing the tutorial fer todae ba. just wanna hit the pillows now. God noes. harhar. been wanting to hit it always these past few days. not dat i've been working reallie hard. just love. the bed. somehow now. harhar. dat it speaks to me everynow and den. oh well. Gonna run to Ah Pa tonite. tell him everything's on me. Prayers and blessings be upon the "usual suspects". but in addition. Min Jong oppa's family and loved ones toOo. haiz. God look after each and everyone of u tonite. tml. always be. nitey.

Hmm. Another week gone once more.. Its pretty freaky coming to think of it how long u've been in skool already since the new semester started. Week 5 is alreadi quickly ending. Or u can say, it has alreadi ended and now. Week 6 is heading my way. hahar.. and yeah. Projects are piling, clearing them slowly at a time. and mid-sem tests are all coming up. Time to catch up and start chomping on all ur notes alreadi i guess..

Hmm.. wad else. Well, more or less. I guess MAFIT is pretty done up. Guess tml am gonna probably stay at home and finish up on my colour and composition assignment. development drawings and final drawings wif painting all to be done by next thursdae. Whoot. and then probably spent sometime mugging alreadi.

Todae morning was pretty horrible. Cause of a whole nite of sleep yestedae. Dunnoe wad happened but morning i remember was quite a giddy affair. some panadol did the trick lar. fine till the nite. couple of hours ago. The toilet became the most frequently visited place in the house next to my bedroom. Goodness lar. Some toilet drill. wad a dae. seems like someone's wishing me sick or wad? harhar. well, maybe. I'll survive. Humph.

Days's pretty ok. Till someone came by and told me. "i hate u". harhar. oh well. I think i didn't do anything wrong in holding my stand. my mind's made up and dat's it. u wanna hate me by all means. hold ur grudges against me. hmm. gosh. I think i must do some major revamp in myself. can i behave to be less caring and friendly to the ppl around. omma said. I could be overdoing things. well, i think i might just have done soOo or wad. hmm. hard to care fer ppl at times or wad. shall answer my own question one dae.

Guess i'm heading to bed. enough of stuff fer the dae. been a pretty long one. hmm.

Hmm. Thought of leaving these JUNG WOO SUNG pics here. fer Jin Hui dearie. harhar. and fer Janna. Hu's both fallen in love wif this korean hottie. I dun admit he's not handsome. but eh. hahar.. I've taken up wif other favourites le. If its have to be no 2s. they're Tim and Jo Seung Wo. harhar.. lalala..

This is a new movie. "Sad Movie".. harhar.. yeah. Stars Cha Tae Hyun toOo. harhar.. well. Jung Woo Sung oppa is in there. soOo yeah. I've yet watched "moment to remember". Humph. I'm soOo gonna do soOo in time to come. SoOo many stuff all stacking up waiting fer me to watch lar. hee..

Its nearly 1am now.. I stepped out of my bedroom after working on some project. [I'm still not done yet as i blog]. It rained. lovely. seeing the rain. drip out of da window. the smell of da rain. in da night. makes everything just lovely. something to calm my senses down. Just thought of letting my thoughts here first before i head back to work and get everything completed. Tomorrow is another day. Pretty packed one. School is just getting packed.

Weekend was great. Spending it over at my cousin's aunt's place. To celebrate da aunt's birthdae wif a barbeque. Chef of da dae wif my cousin. but somehow. harhar. food wasn't marinated toOo well at times, soOo food was just o-kay. didn't had much drinking session, just dat bout but the effect was there. harhar. enough to put me to bed.

Was it ytd or todae dat i said it. i think was saturdae where i opened my mouth. and said it. I called it off. [ as much as i felt guiilty ]. Fridae. i sensed i had enough of it. when he asked if he could peck me. hahar. i had it. explainations time over and over again. i told him i wasn't the one he was looking fer. and in any case. not close to da ones of his gurlfrenz dat he had. I told him right from da start. I was reallie DIFFERENT> hahar. i doubt anyone sees dat point from my point of view.

2 months into it. he has changed [fer the better]. but yeah. lookin at it. there's somethings were things are to be dat way. harhar. the possessiveness in ppl times can drive one person's nuts. the difference in thinking. drives each other to a corner. one can never understand how come he can never lay his hands on some things. while the other. feels. u dun nid to show ur love and affection the way u "used" to do. soOo much soOo fer the differences. but the main part. prompted me to do the thing i should have done soOo earlier. the main big fact. "How well do u noe each other".

Harhar. dat was it. i had to do it man. The fact was dat always i felt. i didn't reallie noe him dat well. i doubt he knew me the person i am. harhar. toOo different. though as much as one can say. I reallie am getting to noe u better. but i reallie nid to do the thing dat i love doing. and i nid to do it. is to watch someone from afar and get to noe the person slowly. den..

That whole process is gonna take time which doesn't matter a whole lot to me. but i think it matters to someone else much more den it matters to me. Slow and easy fer me. never works fer ppl. harhar. Mom tells me i play things toOo coOL at times, it drives da guys nuts. harhar.. Blame it on da way i grew up. toOo independent. soOo fault fer me? hahar. I dunnoe. but i just love relying on myself. me. and i. harhar. yes. frenz. family n da one up there. da list goes on where i reallie look to dat boifren. harhar.

I haven't feel dat i can rely on someone. cause something has confirmed something. wad's solid rock stands firm. someone who has stood by me all these while. hu else but the solid rock over the years. weathered wif me through the stormiest days of my life. the eupheria of my life. every single step. i believe he watched me through day one. dat's the first thing dat i think of. and run to ever single time i nid a pillar to lean on. [now is dat something dat is wrong wif me?]

God. it puts me in such a dilenma at times. it runs me weary. dry. tired. "leave me alone" attitude. I realise i can never never substitute my faith fer anything else. I just dunnoe y. I cannot realise this one point. this is the second time i'm committing this mistake. and i dunnoe why. and wonder when will i be able to fall. and rise and learn to stand tall. at the one point. i nid someone hu shares dat most important fact. priority in life.

Somehow, i just realised it all over once more. I can never change dat priority in my life. somehow, u feel. "weird". and next thing u'll be sensing those "guilt" in u. as much as u noe u wad ya supposed to be like "findin da other half." hu's probably a child of God. harhar. kind of bothers me, i nid someone to share dat. harhar. wad ya listening to. when u dun apply it. it just makes u dat "traitor" feeling.

I was being asked. "tell me u wanted to commit. but how much have u commited" harhar. i noe i tried. harhar. but its jux toOo much of a bugging issue. when a voice tells me. "halloe, joyce? wad u doing?". as much as the feeling of being cared fer. loved. looked after. brings u high up there among a cloud by the no. 9. it brings u back to earth. in one huge loud thud. and u wake up.

Rain's getting heavier now. like someone's sharing his thoughts wif me. [i feel u ah pa]. :) times i feel. i've just gotten myself in another mess. fer bringing someone else rite down. back down to earth wif a huge thud toOo. he's feelings fer me are reallie deep man. i dunnoe if they're true or not. somehow. there's something behind them. i just dun kind of seem to fall fer the entire thing.

Jayson told me. "ya not ready fer anything". which could be. but more den dat. Its been toOo manie things going on around me. I nid to get to the bottom of things. when things settle. and if things are meant to be. i believe they are. waiting fer the cloud to settle. and holding on to dat faith of mine. refusing to let it go. harhar. i love my ah pa. harhar.. =)

May God look after me lor. [which i'm sure he does] harhar.. Keep walking. Sem's tight this time. manie things happening. watch where i'm heading. stay out of trouble [i hope].. *holdin on.

Oh well. gotta head back to management stuffy now. Chop chop. and head to bed. nite's soOo coOL now. nitey.

Hmm.. finally finished updating dat blog. to the way i think i wanted it to be. Harhar. God noes when. I became soOo over the colour combination of. Black + white+ orange + gray. hmMm. Its springing out in me again. hahar.. Just love dat colour combination once again.

Well. Been a long time since i went on a blogging spree. can see all the dates of the last post all way long long time ago lar. and the other blogs all not updated. hmMm. hoping to find time some time and sit down and start doing all these "rubbish". been a long time since i had time and the luxury to sit down in front of da computers in da afternoon and just blog and type and just enjoy da dae.

Life's pretty much no more like year 1. year 2 sooo much into skool now. harhar.. which means less time fer handsomes. haarhar. and just sitting down and play wif photoshop. pictures admired and try to do some stuff to it. but not toOo much now. plus the fact there's him in the picture now.

Well, we just chatted. and great. harhar. i think he's upset again. i guess he's thinking wad have he done. harhar. cause wadever he's doing can't seem to get "closer" to me. actualli he did nothing wrong lar. i'm just drawing a line, not to go anything further to certain extent. harhar. and its "killing" him cause honestly to me. toOo different from da gurls he has. hahar.. soOo different i think its wearing him down i think.

haiz. oh well. i think enough on da part. dun wan to hurt anyone if things ain't gonna be working out. least its sweet memories lar. hahar. some gut feelings tell me this aint gonna be. last time it said so, same thing happened. well, someone just told me. I was someone hu could be easily understood actualli but not a person easy to "live" wif. harhar. yeah. wif my silly nonsense and way awkward thinkin. which i think onli the omma[s] noe me real well.

*sigh* i dun wanna be drawing dat line and treatin him dat way anyway. but harhar. its da best from falling to deep into these soOo called. love. i think it still takes ages to fully grasp wad the entire meaning of it. give me a lifetime and i think i'll still be pondering on wad it is.

There're soOo manie issues involved in this relationship at times. i feel i am betrayin my own values at times. hahar. i think i should still at the end. stick to the end to wad has been said in the book of life. and face the facts or something. harhar. its hard. but yeah. feels good wif da line being drawn. nothing beyond dat extent. but its hurting him :( imao. i dunnoe. can something else be done soOo he ain't dat sad.

I wish i could just follow as wad omma said. "just be friends only lar". how coOL will dat be rite. harhar. i dunnoe. trying to get more of da person more and wad i like to do best, is watch and observe and study the person from afar. but no. this person dun belong dat afar from me. God noes man. its hard to please each other. seems like i can't make myself happie at the same time wif someone happie toOo or wad. god noes. reallie tiring having to think of all these things.

Harhar. I am blogging in skool.. Lalala.. Fun loor. wharhar. Jux had erm. LAIT. harhar. Wad's dat. Legal Aspects fer IT. hahar. had a funny "encounter" lar. pure fun. Harhar. I call her. The teacher hu brings me down the wall. Wad's her name. I noe. Its called. Mrs Wong. Wad wong. I dunnoe. Later.. gonna climb up the wall again. Dat Ng. Harhar. Yvonne Ng. well. doesn't the ultimate. U make me fly over the wall. U must noe her. Her name is called.. Called.. Miss JUNE YIP. erh. she's horrid. harhar. U noe y she teaches accouting. She's soOo particular about ur timing. ahrhar.

Okie lar. I'm just being bo liao lar. Hahar. Nothing to do while waiting fer lessons to starts. Next lesson starts at 4. Didn't bring enough paper to print print. SoOo just blog lar. Wanna surf oso server slow. harhar. waiting to head home lar. den get to surf surf. yesterdae toOo busy doing report fer e-biz. tut fer lait. hahar. No time fer handsome. lol. Miss their faces. wharhar..

Okie lar. Better stop here. Just remembered dat when I head home later gotta do art. hahar. cutting and more cutting and more pasting. harhar. sOo much soOo fer choosing colour and composition fer ur electives. fun is fun. and its non-examinations based but it kind of eats up loads of time i think. hahar. Yeah. The end of the week is coming near. wharar. :) can't wait. celebrating caroline's burfdae. harhar. den i think got party or something. den get to drink again. yeah. harhar. Long time no drink. harhar.. :D SoOo dat's all fer now. nothing to do again i shall blog again later when i get home again.

It happened again. Day seems all fine not till the end. Mom bought beancurd fer me. i didn't eat it till todae. soOo i took it to eat todae.. Wif omma.. She didn't want to have hers. I ate alone.. left the container there.. Watched my fav show fer now.. Gallen Lo. "golden faith"..

Till da show ended. and den, i went down but i forgot bout dat container. and to dat container. I was trying to be cheeky or something. but the joke got a turn and i think i became the joke. When i mentioned "dad". and somehow some kind of "correcting" came from my mom. I noe I was wrong. but God noes lar. somehow everytime da word "dad" gets mentioned. I shy and place myself into this corner and blurt everything out dat i'm feeling.

Mom: U forgot the container.
Me: Leave it there fer daddie to see i had beancurd todae.
Mom: U sound like daddie dun buy food fer u bak..
Me: Duh. well. he doesn't noe wad i like unlike u.
Mom: can't blame him... *yada yada*..

And i think i said the ultimate part. "money can't buy everything. and money can't build relationships". dang. I think it hit my mom hard as to how i was feeling this time. its not dat she doesn't noe but i think. she probably dun noe it dat well till todae. guess she sense a hurt-ed. child. oh well. Its when i'll retreat to my room and realise wad i just let my words go. [kind of realise the tongue is reallie an evil thing.] and run to God and tell him wad i've just did. and feel bad bout the entire thing. sucky feeling.

Get Lassie wif me.. not in any particular mood to be on the phone telling him dat. soOo yeah. alone.. dat's wad i adore doing i think. listening to Tim's voice. awesome. And run to my heavenly Father and tell him wad in da world have i just done.. time's telling me i'll do better after having a good rest. which i think i'll do soOo soOn. Go run to "daddie's arms" and like a kid. just tell him every single thought. every single feeling i have. and i'll just have the great feeling i'm being listened to. and go to slp in his arms like a lil kid..

Wonder y i feel dat way bout my own dad. and i seriously wonder.. did elder sis and bro think the way i did when they were of my age. i never reallie got to noe how much they feel. think of dad. i noe one thing is dat we all try to avoid him by doing our own things in our own room. some kind of fear or was it a sense of unfamiliarity we have bout our father.

Could it be. due to the scoldings and stern face he always pulled. i had the image of him as a fierce. unfriendly papa. i noe he was always busy. i remembered dat one. since young. I'll always question omma. Why he doesn't come home fer dinner like other "usual" dad does. why he comes home late. till i just stopped askin one dae fer i noe the answer omma told me was.. "he's busy working. daddie's a busy man u noe".

till the dae i grow older i noe he was still dat busy man. but harhar. U get older u see more things. understand more things and see there's more to actualli meets the eyes. could be i'm still holding it against it fer doing those things. things u wish u didn't noe. stay a kid and dun hear those fact. but i guess hearing ain't as bad as compared to seeing it wif my own 2 eyes. den. hahar.. i'll just be away from home fer a while. to the beach. u'll find me there. finding peace and calmness all alone. but yeah. facts are facts..

How manie years has passed. 18th burfdae gone. another year. i'm getting a year older. and soOo is daddie. hopefully get to call him "daddie" willingly. wif words dat i reallie mean to him. i reallie hope i'll be able to do dat. Its amazing how different perception i have of my mom. dat i'm just soOo attached and lurving her tons. just a big difference. i'm just soOo full of respect fer my mom. and lurve fer her.

Okie. enough of rattling off here once more. least i let wad i was feeling fer the moment out. does definitely makes u feel better and yeah. i'll just head tonie to a bed of rest. tired.

WhEeT. Work's done fer me and harhar. I've gotten my life back on track. just the way it was. [oh well. erm. wif a tad difference] and i just had a superb weekend. Heading out wif my dearie. wharhar. as in. *coughs* my cousin. yeap. kimyee lar. wharhar. The day started off slowly cause there seemed to be like a piece of ice block in front of the both of us. its like we were like frenz like dat. but as lunch went on. we eased out and started toking and harhar. laughing and all like the weeks b4. we've haven't met up like in a months time alreadi. and it was reallie a pretty long time but somehow caught up wif each other.

Spent the time walking. shopping whereby she got herself a new baggie and i got myself a new top. which i realise i've been getting soOo fussy dat buying a top fer myself takes alot of effort. cause i'm soOo picky. harhar.. and den we went over to the supermarket to grab some tidbits and head home to have a good full meal of cream of mushroom soup. mommy made spagetthi. and i made toast to have wif da meal. ahahar.. soOo cute ar my cousin. should just seen her eating. makes me laugh always. and well. had some drinks. arhahar. light alcohol and dang was it good. entirely on me. aharhar.. just didn't mind spending the money on the both of us having such great fun. from young till now. nothing seems to change. harhar.. and the fact. she slept before me. harhar. but we held the record time of heading to bed round 4. harhar. she said. "i bet u can't wake up fer church tml". I was certain dat i would be waking up but it turned out she was rite bout me. i missed church todae but i reallie intended of heading there to thank how much God has blessed and looked after me. dat his love and his grace is totally in abundance and he has made me felt it all. i'll promise i'll do it next week *smiles* ARgh. God's awesome. =)

Partially i still haven't gotten my bubbly nature back. i'm still on a low. harhar.. still feeling larthegic here and there. and well. me and him have gotten on a new turn. arharhar. whereby i noe i wasn't committing the way dat i should be committing to him since weeks ago. i left him a mail there. to his inbox. argh. i do have feelings fer that person but is just the thing dat. i think i noe him. and he thinks he noes me, but realie how much do we noe bout each other. i reallie want to get to noe more bout him. before we like went on further cause times. we are proceeding fast. harhar. i wanna slow and easy. wharhar.. like tortoise~! well. hopefulli he sees it cause i think he's gonna see it as some kind of thing dat is bad. i dunnoe. i just hope we give each other more time to take a step back and to think and learn more bout each other. =) i realie wanna noe him more. bleah. *shrugs* i just hope he doesn't see it as something bad. u noe me. i entirely love studying bout someone. harhar. and if its someone i reallie like. i reallie study bout them. wharhar.. =) oh well. maybe i'm just soOo weird in life. hahrar. funny character and all. God noes. =)

WheE. tml heading out wif jojo omma and Agnes again. =) wharhar.. harhar.. exciting. its time to meet Khim and Wai Yi soOn man. miss all of them. lalala. =) and hopefulli get to catch Lily omma. Internet mummy~! Goodness. i miss all of them . take care wor. *crosses fingers* may all things turn out well.

Argh. SoOo yucky lor. i left a comment on kimyee's blog. and dat STUPID server. failed. argh, and tut tut blogger doesn't have a function whereby when u click back. at least the comments still show and all u have to do is simply to resend ur comments up there. oh well. sick.

Forget it.. Kimyee ar. i write here okie. dun worrie lar my dearie. u're not alone. how tired u are.. i oso tired wor.. think whenever ya standing. i oso standing wif u. harhar.. u lift things must be careful. dun do that 90 degrees bent and lift that things up. otherwise u'll end up like me wif back aches and all wor. must take care and wharhar.. JIA YOU.. *fighting* whahar.. May God grant u strength and renewed body every single day as u head off to work. Tok to him lar. he's amazing. he's the one that makes me tahan until todae. hahar. [erm. got another person toOo lar.] both of them just makes me look forward to one dae to another.

But fer this week. i'm just soOo looking forward to heading out wif u on saturdae. whahrar.. how coOL is dat cause its been quite a long time since we went out together wor. we'll do it once more again lar. i think the last time we went out together and whereby u stayed over at my place was during last sem's break wor. hahar. we watche "ghost" together. or was it "stairways to heaven". can't rmb which one but i noe u slept first. wharharhah.. now i just got a newer version of "island village teacher". dat running show around wif Min Jong oppa de. yeap.. got it as a b'dae gift. harhar. soOo yeap. the fan asked me to enjoy it wif u. cause she noes i always share shows watching wif u de mar. whahra.. =)

Okie lar. long time nvr blog. feels kind of weird. hitting the words off the keyboard as the words hits my head. harhar.. typing speed has slowed down a lil but hahar.. its still the same habit of hitting the keys wherever i feel like it toOo and always comes up the wrong alphabets. and usually hit the backspace button rather frequently.. whahrar..

Oh yeah. Fridae's soOo coming nearer. I soOo can't wait fer work to end. i wan my life back. working at HT is reallie eEeeE. i simply got no life to do the things i soOo love to do. i miss the teevee. i miss time off the comp. i miss time wif my mom. i miss time wif the ppl online. i miss time wif my frenz. aiyo. soOo manie things that u've kind of taken it fer granted when u were not working lar. harhar. u reallie learn to appreciate much more things lar its wad i can say..

Okie. soOo the new changes on me is i just got myself a new pair of glasses. whahar.. yeah. makes me look diff. harhar. feels like the glasses look apparently much more "hippy" than the user it self.. whahrar.. but har. nice =) and waiting to head out out out. wif mummy.. and kim yee and my frenz. if glennie's K-boxing is still on fer the morning. harhar.. =) Fun fun fun.