its been a long while, keeping to meet datelines, school, people, life. swarmed by hecticness. ahaha the purity of it gets quite maddening. so as i laid in bed today purely resting, (I rarely spend my sundays resting) cause its off to church, but i think i just cannot make it today. since last night as been this entirely annoying and new experience of this nausea feeling. no i'm not pregnant for the living daylights of me ahahah. its so random, it just came on after i left edwin + sharon's place and it just hit me. then met darius the silly boy ahahah and i was just sooo dead. had fun with fifa on the xbox at edwin's place + cutting cute looking clouds, brought some kind of joy and i have no idea what hit me after i left. like some kind of bug or something, i just felt i wanted to puke. but no nothing came out. and its that constant damned feeling.

could be some kind of wind in the tummy but urh i had mummy's pill to treat it, i don't know if its working or anything, feels better with a bit more rest in till this afternoon. trying to figure what in the world is wrong with me ahaha. not eating well, sleeping's fine and i can never get enough of sleeping AHAHAHA. apparently the joy of eating has dissipated into thin air lah. pretty sad, and i think again, after digging for more information on the web over my retarded condition ahaha (yes it feels retarded) could be some stomach flu or buggie, or just the usual case of stress related stuff but oh yes, maybe it is some stomach buggie, since that day. AHAHAH. that day of preparing the barbecued food and tried it, it could still be around, cause it just felt like that other time, just not so acute in comparisons of pain.

oh my oh my. when's me gonna find back the joy of eating ahaha. and apparently eating to me is a happy affair, and i think the best time i ate was last week when i was with the 2 xiao char bohs. carol + jinyi. ahaha maybe they're my best medicine to ki siao and then just eat. ahaha i kept complaining i was hungry (yes you can rarely hear me saying that) and eating. OMG. this week i'm having this strange bug. ggrrr. wassup man. i wanna meet that bug in my tummy and tell him off. "hey, pick on someone your own size you know" - cause you're so unbelievably annoying. this niggling feeling in my tummy, grrr. that i probably have to go around hugging a pillow. feels better no doubt but the stinking feeling still remains, that wanna puke feeling ahaha. not that strong anymore. but still some remnants of it. hello mr? what's happening ah. ahaha.

anyways so much so, i thought of Pei Lian today. on my bed as i was resting thinking. yes when i rest i will have my bunch of random thoughts before i drift off to another round of eyes closed sessions. i thought about what she said and she always tells me this when we met for dinner just on thursday night. this line floats and keeps occuring in my mind. "joyce ah, stop thinking too much and worrying about others" in a sense of the dilemma to the dates of my 21st birthday party. and that pure line again, as i look at my condition of my state HAHAH in some bits of shambles. please please tell me which fella in this world doesn't enjoy eating ahaha. it got misplaced that i need to find mr eating again. (i think its a mister cause technically guys stomachs and appetites are like bottomless pits). maybe i've been running abit hard lately ahaha, its time to relax, roll around and be crazy again. somehow lah huh. *stares at my toys* maybe i haven't been playing with them of late and talking and sherading with them with my crazy antics. maybe i'm sucked up in this whole cycle of life thingy, ahaha that i'm now staring at it. ahaha sitting in a lovely corner just wondering and thinking and watching the world go by. its much funner observing things than being a part of this madness from time to time, but it makes you learn and get sensible ahaha. the irony. oh wells. i hope all of you are doing well =) sending out my loves. on a lazy afternoon and work stares at me and i fall flat at my face thinking about going about doing it. hwaiting. ah joy. =)

and the picture with Pei Lian edits. i just kopped from the girl =) i had fun girl! thanks for the kai tong. ahaha ^^ and the good old days. if i could tug her in my bag and bring her around at school and work together once again. the best team! ahahaa. and my side thoughts to winnie aka pooh bear. whahaha. ajah!

actually i got nothing to blog about. (hmm i like this arial font) though this reminds me of report writing but arial gets pretty comfortable and pleasant on the eyes to me.

but i read winnie's blog. i bth. too gan dong u know? i wanna blog about it one moment, but also wanna write it to her. ahaha, so what am i supposed to do 2 things simultaneously. ahaha keyboard on my right hand and pen on my left writing on a piece of paper.

all i wanna say to winnie here before i end my last few conversations. i thank God for today. that God made lovely people. Thank God for today's flea market, i think it was pretty much a success. that inadvertently i could be there at the thrift corner to help get bags for the ladies who brought the things home. oh thank God, that me and aunty carol needn't be packing up and racking our brains on which to keep and not. thank God for uncle henry who came and helped lugged the things up. for amanda =) silas for his silly antics like OMG. ahaha. and liyang for being so funny he's so easily tickled. and ah bi. her runnings around and rumblings just really touch me in a way, there's really so much for her to look forward to and shouldn't i be doing the same?

yes for the dozens of lovely people around screaming at the other end selling food lah drinks from the cooking to the places everything =) its an experience.

starting out again, coming back to be more regular in attendance in sitting and sapping in the sermons, more regular qts and sessions with the one who made all possible today, Him above =)

winnie is what i always say, she's god-sent. likewise, she is the person who's always there to say its ok and its normal. her letters i hold so dear to. and i'm gonna reply, she makes me smile. feel all warm and fuzzy in there and when we're together, it totally feels like we met somewhere before and we just need a place to sit down and just go on for hours. talk bout anything. windon is so cute. winner is so sweet. love, life, men, work. cute guys never escape the both of us. our life. loves and lovings. it'll never end and like she said. may we do this till we're 60. life's finest moments like this, are priceless.

thank you lijin (tu-di) lol. =) for the time on the phone we could both always share ahah, bout our currents and we share our dreams its so funny. he'll make it big one day. mr hong. name spills all over the place i believe ahaha. get well soon.

jayson, i'm not not replying you. its like wad u always say. bwg ahaha. yeah. i do read your sms-es. what do you expect me to do when it appears in my phone, cause i read. all i do, keeping you in my prayers. =)

dub dub - throw your oscar away then you know. we're both like running individuals ahaha. pushing each other to run down or out, grab each others arms and pull each other up, keep running. tired rest. sick, recover. go get your rest lah. saf makes them into real time oinks i tell u. but its ok i'm turning into one soon too =)

thank God for the many loves. and i need my buddies love. i miss my buddiez. janna, vanessa, jin hui, lingli. and to the many others. come come meet when we ever can. life is mundae without lovings. bless you all with a great week.

these week by far has been ok not least till the end of the week whereby i seemingly seem to just revert to my favourite habit of keeping myself up in the room. stay inside the room and sort things out in my mind before i head out there and face more people, and especially him. i just don't wanna flare and throw my foul, lousy mood. which did worked out as i decided to skip church while he went to church and i just had myself in the room. quietly, laying on the bed, awake as i stared into space and try to get an explaination to the mess of emotions that i was having to myself.

pretty burnt out on saturday alone for goodness knows why. i think its from the rushing of one place to another, from home to vivo, then to vivo to bukit merah for dim sum lunch with jie jie, mama, jinyi, carol, jarrett and sukina. then to school then to little india. for dinner with his family. bushed. dead-tired i could only stone. and when he ended up talking to me, it was monosyllabic. and could only give the answer. "sorry, i'm tired". nothing really happened till we he was driving and we started talking. bout a small problem ahaha, he had, we both were sharing our opinions on the matter and somehow 2 tired souls talking and talking, i got pek chek. cause it just wasn't getting anywhere. should just stop, cause i was tired aaha. enough. and i got short fused as i went back to my room and could only think of a conclusion before i headed to sleep was purely cause i'm angry at myself. pek chek at myself that i couldn't do more to give more answers despite feeling tired, and giving better opinions to problems. just not giving enough of 100% eats me.

and at the back of my head, monday's coming. i don't know what am i fearing when i'm not the one sitting on the metal table. can't say i'm worrying either but its just so mixed up i'm in a mess today man. i only realised something was wrong with me after the conversation with him last night and he said "you're tired go to sleep" which was really true. then as i quieten myself down i remembered aunty chris asking me at church "are you ok?" didn't really strike me. not least till sunday came.

messed up cause when i feel inapt, when i can't give a 100% to the things and needs around me, when i know i could do previously, eats me. it ate me, and i'm still thinking whether would things be different if i did allow myself to listen to that call. but i'm that beat, the only provision i seem to be able to do is text. listening seems to be so tiring latley, i'm failing in that. not cause i don't wanna listen to people speak of their problems, my attention span shortened. ahaha. i'll get the gist and minus everything out.

with monday to go, tuesday's driving and saturday's dateline's for amca coming. and the video edits is still sitting behind my head. i want to clear everything of this, and not clear but make it a good one. God knows what's gonna pop up but i can only hold on by faith. things will go on, be done on time, and i'll be given the capacity to handle both the mind, emotions, body and my spiritual self man.

its strange when on the 15th i was giving and digging words of encouragement from God's word for my mom, and how on saturday and sunday, i'm putting it on whole for myself. and just stick to listening to Hillsong's - Lead Me to the Cross. i'm bushed. brushed. down and defeated. the feeling of laying on my bed just feeling nothing for this longest period of time, sorting out my thoughts to what exactly was i feeling.

i had crazy ideas. that is it i perceive to give high expectations to the things i do, and that i wanna outlive that expectation or maybe its just me to want to just give my utmost but then again, from time to time, i'm such a playful, quaint crazy fun fellow. its like i was trying to get myself connected to my serious-working side that somehow was lost lately, but i think found again. i don't know if its supposed to be a good thing or a perceived bad thing or whichever. but i suppose at the end of the day its just me.

and as i sorted out everything (this felt like the period of fyp strangely. where there's the work and people relationship going on) ahaha. the only saving grace i hope i could do was that i did my best to do what i could. i can only pray that God heals. i'm trying to not let it eat me. and as i stand firm and try to clear the incoming workload of work and starting to feel the major stress setting in. i'm sucked on to this mono cycle of life. i can't wait to get out of this. where its the holidays where i feel life's more than what it seems.

man damn i'm relunctant to get work moving. looking at the time. and i need to be up by 845am. and sleep. this is gonna be interesting. but at the end of the day, i'm thankful for him for at the end of the day, i was feeling little comforted. he said watching me jam the keys to the keyboards seems to help me distress and yes it does. i need outlets man. or i'll just coop up and just allow myself to be eaten up. and as i always use the words of encouragement on him, i received them back from him. so very funny. ahaha, but its true, may God's grace and strength see me through, its what i told him week in and out. ahaha. and its used on me. he's been lovely of late. its pretty unbelievable from time to time, compared to the crazy past 2 months. when he's thinking and has his senses working, its pretty unbelivable (positive side wise) and unbearable when the senses aren't working. that he's impressive both yesterday and today. pretty interesting like new things unrevelling and i just observe. grown to handle his emotions, situations so much better (and i wonder maybe leadership positions makes people think) and i should feel everyone should get a chance to be one and serve others and they'll learn to be sensible beings. servant leadership and not autocratic leadership i'm talking bout.

anyways, bottomline, he's been lovely despite this entire rundown i'm feeling. and i'm really thankful =)

i'm an emo dude this night. today's been a different day than usual choosing to spend it over with Carol at her place. bwhaha. 2 crazy monsters, digging at the new year pineapple tarts that are sooo good and peanut snack we finished the entire first layers to the peanut cookies. apparently my throat is still fine. had lunch, xiao yi cooked one. since i asked the little tiger if she wanted to eat her yuki yaki her much awaited and anticipated lunch but her mom's cooking and i had my share. yum yum =D

so cable watching with 2 persons laying flat on the sofas and couch. flipping through the channels. apart from feeling happy being able to watch Miu Kiu Wai on teevee cause "dicey business" is showing, i watch SHAUN THE SHEEP today. OMG. its so lovable. played bit of phoenix wright, hoping to end the damn game so i can start another part of it and i'm so stucked on zelda. as though i have so much time to play game. i don't ahaha. its seriously only the in betweens. travelling or slack time. that seems to be slipping and getting less and work stress is piling ever since the cny period ended which i wished it never ended but fat hope. all good things come to an end. *plays chris martin + nelly fertados "all good things come to an end".

slept. HAHAHA feeling larthegic at the sight of work ahaha i just end up all lazy but will kick up engine and get some reading done and go figure done. sigh. work work work. ahaha and i see the edits required to the video, pim pom piang all i hear is time time time. ahaha. i wished i never needed to sleep ahaha. solves everything but piang. we're only humans. aiya to whatever, hold on and i'll just say. "God will provide" and period.

been reading up on blogs seeing how people have been. that i kicked up some time to do the things i used to do so regular that i haven't did for at least for the past 4-6 months. soompi and minjong.com forums. korean news i rarely have been updating myself only with loads of tvb. AHAHH. starting up the engine for 2007 have been a quiet year to all my beloveds, not much dramas or movies i'm looking towards 2008. when i watched part of 07's Blue Dragon Awards, i could barely recognise it, cause it was really really not that glam, not much hype and it feels quiet. the eerie dead aura. sigh. i miss janggie, woosung, minjong, raewon, jinhee, seeing their familiar faces man. anyways so much for that.

i've been dreaming today on my way home. that i realised that its already end feb in no time (my god can you believe it?) we'll reach the first quarter of 08 in no time. i'm dreaming of the end to being a full time student. (when you're a student you wanna be a full time worker. when you're a full time worker, you wanna be a full-time student. and as usual, the grass is always greener on the other side). and i had this dream of back packing europe. yes and the desire gets stronger as i get older. get the money, get some pals. and move. as simple as that. i'm hoping and hoping. God will make this a cg thing. somehow, we said this before randomly, but i wonder how many still remember on this pact, some time long long time ago. i'm still holding on. and it came back today.

apparently my mind was working like a camera that seemed to clicked by shots. pictures of what i've seen janggie at rome. seungwoo at some parts of europe, at the train station, on the boat, and all. i had those shots and i felt i wanna be in one of them. and i realised at times, being a guy is so much easier to just want, pack your bags and go. girls people will keep talking bout safety not safe and all. it gets annoying when i just think of that that my train of thoughts just came to an abrupt stop. halt. period. and i'll end it with. "maybe one day". spoiler.

anyways, yes i am a dreamer when i was self reflecting on the train ride home from carol's place. and always have been a dreamer. working towards getting them real. cause they aren't that totally impossible ahhar. its fun. just keep moving baby. cny's been rather normal and for me, i always call it quiet. apart from the noise from little tiger (seeing her so bubbly reminds me of the old me) who somehow seem to be quieter as the years goes by. blah. she's the loudest and she really ain't need a loud hailer to be loud. her voice is loud enough.

hoping to get by, do the things i need to do. to everything the best to what i can do. and do the things that i've been called to do for. go. (sleep's calling me. heh) some work first eh joyce. be good. i suddenly feel older today somehow. i don't know why but as Minjong oppa was singing in my ears, it brought back memories of the jump year from secondary school to poly days that in an instance during that period of time, that poly years has ended ahaha. i looked back at myself and realised i did change some bits too. probably for the better. and i laugh at every stage of my life its been humbling experiences that helped me remain grounded. from the real da jie da (what. what's your problem. shut up. gui lan) till the huh oh so more reserved person ahaha. moving from authoritative to more autocratic style. hopefully to move to charismatic. and i dream of barrack obama. inspired. there's this aura in him. wadever. i could dream all day. glad and thankful i've come so far.

hoping to enjoy this weekend the anxiety is kicking in and all i can do is. prayers for recovery that the opt will be smooth lah, steady doc hands and speedy recovery for the patient. that's all i can do for her. watching from afar at times seems so safe but painful at times but yet many a times, its just to that, to how much people want your help. God get me through. :)

this is my new love. domo's out for now. go watch and support chang jiang 07. stephen chow is one frigging. cool creative fella. versatile not confined. and he knows how to tug the strings of your heart.

producer. scriptwriter. director. actor. now eat that mr jay chou. OWNZ. ahaha. GG. wadever. ahhh gahh i'm in love with the alien-doggie. its movie watch today wif jinyi, eric, carol, darius, me and my mom. ahaha. some kind of fun. *winks. 10 stars!! the magic of asian movies. which was the last one that captured me. was action and it was johnny to's exiled and another one called wo hu. hmm. yes. ahahaa and i can't resist "xiong di" lah. =D

i assure you when you walk out of the theatres, if you feel like you don't wanna own it ^ above. you may come over and bash me up. its that kind of feeling you know? ahaha great marketing introduction of product awareness. certainly have made the point known. full marks. YAHHHHHHHHHHH! i've been thinking of it, since i stepped out of the cinema. *sigh. wishing my da tou will become like ^. pretty far fetched. now dream on joyce. i'm a dreamer.

a domo a day. keeps the doctor away. bwahaha. my sis's idea. "say cheese" HAHAHAHA! =D she said anybody who comes to the blog should feel happy. and that's the whole idea. anyone who is feeling down should come to my blog. and come to blog and they will feel happy.

it'll be your sponge. TALK TO ME. I DON'T LIKE SPONGEBOB TO DOMO =D DOMO RULES =)

look ma no tripod. yes that is the emphasis. i don't know what took me so long to edit this pic and join them up. ahaha. and finally it is done. after weeks. finally that i have the time to sit down and have the feel. i'm such a feel person. ahaha.

i'm just feeling a pity that i took it so big to capture the details the one that rests on my desktop is so small. but the thing is that it has to be small so as to make it look sharp. i'm pretty proud of it. ahaha taken with a semi dslr. ahaha custom settings keke. but i think it was photoshop that made the best out of it. the one with the cam was such a bore. without tripod! yes that's the best and with the picture i went "zhor dang" there was this korean women that just went into my camera i had to crop her out of it. couple of heads ahaha and the resulting factor was this ahahaa.

and one more thing. i didn't know that my rmit marketing lecturer, mar comm lecturer, dr con stavros. is such a pretty big thing down under. big hoo hahs. cool dude and great writer. i can only *swoon* ahaha. tadah my pimped desktop.


can't say how much i love hong kong ahhaa all the shopping and photo taking. it couldn't have been better. and what have i been doing lately? someone's all over me in a sense, i'm bullied. and i'm letting it. we'll see where how much of this bully gets on. hah. give you face. and school has been pretty breezy for now. and driving. and church ahah pretty much. =) how sad miu kiu wai has to move over for some night scene on my desktop. ahahah. and the real pic.

*yawns. its first day of school. nothing much apart from the fact that every single lecture notes shall have to be downloaded and self printed. and the best part is SIM doesn't have excellent facilities as compared to TP. i really miss TP. the laserjet printers that are such a breeze and apparently don't seem to exist in my current school pfft. well i guess i just have to dump everything to the ultrasupplies and as a matter of fact, i don't think it will be cheap but i guess it will be cheaper as compared to self printing it on my kuku printer at home HAHAHA.

oh wells. anyways whatever with notes. *BURN. ahaha. kidding but i was playing with pictures again today. with my new watch! yay! been eyeing one for sometime and well it was with the voucher that one of the aunts gave me and tada. ahaha. i must be crazy but some shots of today.

the ferrari car! sexy. but wells, i still like my BMW Z4, black//red//silver. WHICHEVER. EH. my mobile pictures are getting better ar LOL. it is a mobile shot ahaha but whatever, of course with photoshop HAHAHA.
and these are my assets (taken with my canon PS) that looks so rich ahaha. but actually they are over time over long long time ahaha. and i realised when i was heading home on the bus when i went to get the watch, that my thingies are all black and i have this obssession with black. i just totally find it so sexxy. *drools ahaha. that my outfit today is black. and my glasses HAHAHA. shoes are white, my bag's white. ahaha. yes that's my previous police watch i got for myself last year, and another watch this year which is the casio's. muahaha, it looks expensive ahha or rather they both look expensive lah, but they're ok. i'm waiting to splurge on a HAMILTON. DANG. i'm waiting for that day ahaha.

so here's the new addition to my collection the new baby man. i'm still wearing it to get it seasoned ahaha. sickening me. my fettish with watch. i seriously wished i had more money ahaha. like i have so many hands ahaha. the calvin klein one i saw today was sexyyy dang. simple face, ahaha was it black. nicee. but oh wells. and as a matter of fact let me scare you, this shot is taken with my mobile phone on a stationary bus HAHAHA. of course again photoshopped ahaha. apparently the funny part is when i tried to take it with my bigger cam, the face doesn't appear. i think the mobile phones are seriously made to capture shots close up, the macro modes of both cams have such vast performance, i'm pretty shocked. THE BIG CAM LOSES TO THE SMALL MOBILE CAMS. or is SE phone's cam seriously that power. or my big cam doesn't have auto-focus. PFFT. DSLR PLS? =) last but not least. a self shot of me. for fun. with my mobile again ahaha. its fun destressing with cameras. and this shall be a self taken shot with my mobile again. fun =D posterish. poserish but all for fun. ahhaa =D

hello and i'm back. and i suppose i should have a change in fonts for a while since its the new year. to arial ahaha, from trebuchet. i love trebuchet but i mean for a change. and yes i've finally took the time to free myself.

ahaha i was back long time ago, after the hong kong trip but it just was crazy man. after coming back on the 7th dec, there was worship the next day. ahha, work on another week, there was Jane + Gary's wedding, then it was christmas. then last week was over at uncle henry + carol's place with their new house. hoo hoo.i couldn't seriously have time to just sit down and do all these pictures . either i'm zombed or too busy with the plentifuls like christmas shopping for the many dearies around me. wrapping preparation, time with everyone inclusive of family and friends. spent christmas, then boxing day came, slack around loads of drama watching, eating and sleeping during this period of time whenever i could find the time. i finally finished 60 episode long of "drive of life" which is some achievement ahaha. MIU KIU WAII!!! ahhhh, he makes me jello wobbly whenever he smiles. its a great show on life. i loveee it and seriously, in my sense, haven't found a show that has yet beat it in terms of content, (yes i'm content vulture happy now mr moo? you're no more emo boy la. anyhow. call yourself silly or uhm. mr moo? LOL) plot, character development, actors/actresses protrayal that had climax like D.O.L. rocks and kick ass. could go on like forever ahhaa. till it ended, kind of sad it ended but happy that i'm done with it ahaha.

i had alot to type initially before starting out my massive 2-3 hours of photoshopping which isn't much on picture edits but on the aesthetics of everything, the cropping, resizing, bordering, fonting, took me that long and yes the rotating. massive. i'm tired but i'm satisfied. my eyes are closing but no. justin's accompanying me on the pod. cause i'm blasting it through the phones in my ears from the ipod video. its my new toy ahaha well not exactly but its great stuff to meee. jacky cheung was accompanying me when i was feeling more feelingfuls. it kind of dissipated into thin air as i started all the photoshopping my mind seems to be in a blank. now that i'm pretty much exhausted.

looking back at the hong kong pictures, 85% of them are all shots by me, ahaha if you're wondering. apart from some self shots taken of me alone, are taken by others. whaha, mostly are self taken oh zhi lian kuang is my name. alot alot of shots but no way am i gonna upload every single one but just some highlights of my favourite shots. its fun photoshooting in the middle of the street as i was feeling terribly hungry, my shopping mode stopped and i started snapping CAMERA WHOREEE. WHOO. ok. yeah that's me. till i was done shopping it was time to head for dinner at some cha can ting whahaa. and have dinner i still remember cause i was obviously terribly hungry.

aftermath of the trip is seriously, i'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms that every single time i watch tvb dramas, i just relive the days there. the foods alright, shopping but i love their milk tea and gong zai mian. give me that every day. their beer is awesome too, ahaha blue girl and chips at night in the hotel room. people dress really well there, guys are cute, girls are pretty. indulge a little in their culture, the weather's so fine. i miss it really. and i'm dreaming of heading there to stay for sometime ahaa, haven't found myself loving any place that much. down under don't seem to please me, maybe after all, i'm rice-ed. yes kantang? ahaha. yes stop pushing me, i'm updating.

if you're just wondering what lately this girl is doing, isn't really much. on her holidays which her holiday is left to a final day today and i'm heading back to school on thursday (how excellent). all day long here's what i do. i repeat. she wakes up in the morning, brushes, heads over in front of the tele, and start her cable on channel 55. soon it'll probably be brunch. its ok, she gets bored of what's on cable, she switches on to www.crunchyroll.com and continues her tvb drama addiction. i'm mad. ahaha, and it can go on till cow knows. ungodly hours at night. till she decides "okay joyce that's enough" time to go sleep kind of thing and it repeats. ahaah, but to be exact its just the most 1-2 weeks of life like this. ahaha. before that was working at TMIS, for some 2 weeks and went off to hk =X ahaha. where the people and the boss there was really nice.

in all i'll just let the pictures do the talking. and then it was new year's right? it was double date to watch fire works at marina south, with the boy, and jinyi + eric. ahaa, k what crap, it was expensive and there weren't rooms it was like we were just meant to head and cramp up for the jam at marina south and it was 8 minutes of pleasure and joy just watching the fireworks and supper at mac @ bradell near jinyi's place. ahaha, and today another day of tv and food. man life's great like that but you know, you can't get too much of it, you'll scream of boredom. life. ahaha. i'm gonna sleep and enjoy my final day of the holidays, school really isn't that appeasing in a way, but i suppose it beats working. but then again, oh whatevers and come what mays.

thank God for 2007 as it draws to a close. crazy year, but i can only say, its been a hell of an emotional ride for me. alot of happenings and realisation lessons and "say what you say - now mean what you say" lessons for myself seriously. of letting go, releasing, accepting, believing and hoping times. been through it all, can't say i'm all grown up but i can say i feel older. going through all the experiences, and above all, thank God for lovely people around.

friends that can brave weather and storms with you, that when you break in front of a computer, you can still be comforted by the person across. people who have been praying behind the scenes, caring, sending words of encouragement, looking out for me. lending a helping hand when i'm down. and that very one who sits, listens, throws an arm over your shoulder and cry together. every pillar of support around and to God who have made everything possible. i fall, i fail, i weep, i cry, i break. but i think its the courage built to stand up time and time again to get your feet on the ground, keep it grounded. and face the obstacles head on, once, twice or time and time again, till you learn.

good or bad through every single thing that has happened this year, i'm thankful. you take the good, you take the bad. cause at the end of the day, if life had choices, and made you choose if you want only the good and not the bad, i'll still take everything that had happened. cause without the bad, you'll never learn how inadequate i myself can be, inapt, unable that i am able to realise where i'm lacking of, and learn to look on the things that i already have and feel blessed. and use your strengths to help in the learning of the inapts. and be thankful of. the fact of realisation and a deeper sense in a way, i cannot be without my faith ahaha. and my God. one of the toughest years in this handful of years i feel. but i'm glad i came out of it.

to all of you out there, have a blessed 2008, that you all will be blessed with good health, with love, peace, joy and hope in every single day of your life. No matter what challenges may come what may, hold on. and when you feel the entire world's falling. no one's loving, no ones listening, Jesus loves you. =) God bless and have a great year ahead + dreams come true. heh heh.
oh i love this one taken of my da jie. ^ yes yes me and my ideas with street photography. feels mv like? that's the whole idea ahaha. =D niteys people. first day of work of the year.

Oh its been some aeons that i've been blogging but life has been rough last week. from last sunday, its been a rather rough patch. but thank God for lovely people. seriously lovely people, people who watched me break, listen to me, encouraged me, hugged me, patted me and say "its ok you did well".

lovely people like my cousin's mom known as "sui yi" smallest aunt in another words. kim yee, darius and winnie! have been the core people who nursed me back to my today's highness. that highness brought back the childness that i was kidding with him. omo! but yes. its the joy and the gratefulness that i'm back.

its been hectic one moment i was at Pastor Edwin + Sharon's wedding, having a great time, and come sunday, i was weeping with him. i had to choke back tears during worship ahaha otherwise it'll look like i'm crying over someone dead. but i was breaking of the difficulties i was facing, tired of the same situations, that came back which was healed, but the pains came back haunting me. no worries its healed. ahaha. better and stronger than before.

i broke not cause of anything, but helpless when you try your best, but the outcome haven't changed one bit. but its ok, i've looked on the bright sides and i've bounced back. looking and witnessing them getting married. whoa. ahaha. :) and i was there at another moment snapping pictures of the both of them. i tell you i was frigging pai seh can. WHY? cause every single person in front of the church was with full DSLR cam's kit, lens on, flash light on, body kit on, and their lenses are va va voom? and there i was with my NON DSLR, its a semi DSLR with no power lenses, just a 12x optical default zoom, S3IS powershot, how old? and only 5 meg when people are going up to no lah, not very high 8mp? but never mind all the shoovings of "GOOO LAH" of pushings from faithful people like Jessie and Darius, me and Jessie had a fun time just snapping shots.

i promise i will burn the pictures ahaha onto CDS. cause seriously the problem with me is that i always take forever to upload the pictures but it will come with constant chase. ahaha :) thank you all. and so the gift in my mind was something like that. came out ok la, but to see the "whoa its very nice" from the couple today after giving it to them, i felt safe. cause in the beginning i wasn't totally confident. but well the work is loved. and i feel loved and thank you. the below picture is taken by my cellphone.

anyway the brotherhood picture is also taken by me. ahaha, no show offs, i didn't do much, thank the boys who know how to pose. i just change my angle, cute right? MY DA JIE loves Neo hahaah. i shall not reveal which is Neo ahaha. My sister -_-' but i like the picture, so brother brother, (after all the brotherhood movies i've been watching) lovely picture. lovely pose.

and for the final picture if many are curious how the boy looks without hair, (to be honest i couldn't be used to him without his styled hair) but as i look back at the picture i come to realise hey, he looks not bad too without hair. he went down abit this week after being sick, but no worries, least his fever isn't that bad i hope. his in his black button shirt and me in my red turtle neck, our outfits to the wedding. the more i look at our picture, the more hello. are we brother and sister? HAHAHA. hilarious.

but the smile on our faces is just to tell really how grateful i've been for him. for your sweetness, thoughtfulness, caringness. his army days has been one of our best moments together. appreciating each other's busy-ness and the army getting that "get down moving" attitude has been hell of a help :) the times spent this weekend was great too :) basically alot of resting. for him. ahaha and i was busy doing the frame up work.

but after so much, its time to leave off again with my camera. to hong kong with xiao lao hu, my da jie and my mom. long story. time to enjoy.

and i shall say how God's been grate to me. for the job, great boss, great in charge. lovely pay. and a 2nd hand ipod video dealer, and a buyer for my amp and guit. HAHA. and a buyer for the ipod mini. everything has been so smooth. despite hiccups. God's been great.

omg. pls save me. its 1038am. i've been coming in at 0930am++ while work starts at 0900am. i prefer that 30 mins more of slp. i'm soo sleepy.
i'll go home and load the video of cute Jarrett up, with my ang mo ascented chinese. i really never realised it despite vanessa and janna's saying, "aey, joyce u sound like lee hong they all. got ang mo chiang". i now wonder if that's good or bad but i think it's more biao zhun now then last time when i couldn't even speak decent chinese HAHAHA. well thanks to ppl like Vanessa, Janna, Jin Hui, Ling Li and Hwee Boon, i can decently converse now la hor =)
anyways, i'm cracking my brains on what to wear for tomorrow's pastor edwins + sharons' wedding. i dont wanna look like a slop yet i'm thinking of staying away from khakis and black pants for they remind me of my work outfit. i'm getting bored of the office look ahaha. i miss my teeshirt and jeans outfits. :( damn. what to wear. *pouts. prolly go look around for a new top and dress it up with that pair of grey skinny jeans.
fancy blogging whilst at work. thank God for notepads. HAHAHAA. terrible me. oh its friday, more private time tonight. and i repeat, working adults seriously ain't got much private time to themselves. how terrible. how sad. the best times are seriously when you study. =) gtg for now. continue when i get home? HAHA.
and did i say, i'm selling the electric guitar set. guitar is more or less done. amp bit more work. and the ipod mini. i've gotten myself the second hand (once again).. IPOD video. heh. 30gb for all ur music needs. looks ok only not the newest. and i dropped it. ytd. :( butter fingers. ahaha heere's more addition to the scratches. but oh wells. cheap cheap. chirp chirp.

i think the people at tvb are geniuses at marketing. and so are the people over at Japan and at Korea. The leading marketers. Like what i heard a colleague at the company i'm working for at temp, he said this line and it goes. "you want to confuse companies, get lawyers." "you want to confuse consumers, get the mar comm people". i totally agree. so funny. :)

anyways, all i can say my eyes is equivalent to 2 single lines drawn across my face. a day of work, and 4 hours back to back of tvb dramas. tvb dramas makes me dream. it dares you really to dream. and takes the limits and questions "what are you dreaming" and why aren't you challenged to dream. its interesting. the way they film their shows, yes predictable you can all say. but what is the thing that keeps drawing me to watch it, its the way they work. the way they unfold and tell the story, the way they film it, the style, the dialogue and the final backend and frontend people to pull the whole show off. from the camera fan to the crew to the acting people.

its only when i got older do i start seeing more things that i haven't seen in my previous days cause i confined my viewing habits to what i wanna see. or think that its good. i never gave chinese shows a run, esp tvb. cause back then, i cannot understand it. now that when i do learn to understand, i'm hooked. the good old heart warming tangling and wrenching shows. keeps me so entertained. it keeps me thinking.

watching //always ready + drive of live// makes me dream. it makes me wonder what do i want to do in the next couple of years. just like yesterday, when i was getting my cervical cancer prevention jab. Dr Cheng was talking all about marketers. like its actually the most lucrative jobs and stuff how some ppl are just made for the job and all. and the boss Mr William Phua ahaha who interviewed me yesterday before giving me the job.

when you've been through the roughest and being tested when you're made to work day and night, i tell you. i appreciate the good people in the office, or at least a lovely people to work under with. i don't mind working or serving people, when people are someone you can approach to ask when you're in doubt, yes do all the work. zero lamentations. its a lovely environment, but i'm only a temp as it is labelled over my forehead. one that comes and go, but i like it at times, like "super-sub" come on bring some energy and leave. *shrugs. help what you can and leave.

that's life. drive of life is goood. omg, MIu Kiu Wai is a hopeless fellow in there. well done, i'm bit bored of his oh-so-abled roles. i think its one of those hopeless to a somebody. and Bowie Lam in Always Ready. awesome awesome. finished always ready, watching Bowie and Jacky, the little boy never fails to tugs the strings of my heart. its sooo loving. papa and son love. see already also can wanna cry. omg.

as i think the shows speaks when you yourself at that very nook and corner has that little desire or need :) its a good time to be alone now, as in real alone. i'm not lamenting but being grateful for this period of time that is given, that i think both of us while he is in the midst of his army, faces whatsoever that lies ahead of him, i myself can give myself a good thought to what i wanna do in time to come. :)

i realise i prolly do miss the boy. cause i would be lying if i claim i don't. (that carol says: "you miss is already an achievement" ahaha. i must be terrible!) but more than that, its the time we indulge in each other just chatting about going-ons hours once at a time face to face weekly, ahaha that'll be very very long. i miss that chats. the company of just sitting sharing. under the stars

hahaha. things doesn't allow much of that now, but i suppose we both take it with a pinch of salt. and the sms exchange and prompt replies we can have, just simple things like that that though we both don't meet up ahaha, it feels nearby that's been taken so easily like a everyday thing. that now, quietness brings a whole new meaning. :)

the irony that both of us tries when we meet to catch up or something or least do something more for each other to make up for the lost time but i suppose, i grapple with the fact that there's only so much i can do for him, and all i can do is either to sit and listen or just really, tuck him to bed. cause rest for him is what i think does best for him. how limited in the things we can do, but none the less, in what we can do, make the most out of it. and that's my love being for now. hahaha. i realise i can be quite a perfectionist too huh. suprise suprise. but i adore the simplicity despite the ironies in the difficulties that seem to blind or grey it, when you do learn to sort the logic behind and understand things, i make do with what i can do! ahahah.

absence makes you see the things you don't see. that when you step back and look at it from a distance, you see a different beauty. and i suppose that's the reason why i love pictures, and photo taking. the stopping, grab your camera, the angle, what catches your eye and how you want to capture it for keepsake's purpose to remind you.

work's a cover, hahhaa. yes, to earn the money, but to kill the time so that my mind is kept busy, on its toes and keep thinking! learn new things, study new things, and OBSERVE PEOPLE. i haven't had the opportunity to sit down and watch the world go by me, but now that i do whenever i can, oh my. its such a damn luxury.

more than that, all i can say, i'm yearning for the chance to feel small all over again. be it just being alone in my own world, laying on a patch of green bugless grass. watch the skies and clouds float me by. rain falling on me. something, i need that touch from above or something to make me feel small. i want to feel small. so i can be reminded of the goodness that do exists in this world that seems so small and self centered or depressing or something. ahhaa, i'm tired of same things, i want to break away from this thing.

now the time i feel small, is whenever i go to sleep, before i sleep to the time i wake up in my bed. i feel small!!! hahah. small to trust in the upcoming things to do ahead of you, before you start up your day. and small when i learn to think of the happenings of the day.

and its time to wash up and change after i hit the "post" button. my eyes are shutting. my thoughts my rambles. oh fly me off somewhere. the backpacking fever is hitting me. and paul baloche is singing to me. "praise adonai". lovely. not to bad first day of work. fly my ass out of this place. oh hk. till then. :)

talking to keith makes me smooth calm down. I TELL YOU NO MATTER HOW TIRED I AM. I WILL SAY THIS AND BLOG THIS LINE. YOU totally disgusted me today. i can't believe how you blatantly forgot everything and never mind. as though the thought of calling to check and assure we had plans to meet.

actually the whole problem is When You're in Your CAMP. when you made the call to say all your WEI DA plans, of eating at your AH Ma's place, cool. DON'T EVER ADD on the stupid fact that you're so damn sure like the first thing after that you'll be doing is coming over. "anyway after 2 weeks i'll be too tired to do anything i want to sleep. you can study i won't disturb you, you can study". GONG DAI WA.

haha. in all, blardie don't say things you cannot fulfill. i never take knife point at you to "OH THE FIRST PERSON YOU COME OUT MUST SEE ME AFTER YOUR PARENTS" I NEVER. He insisted lo. and i'm bearing the brunt of everything now. so unfair!! i hate it. when i already said ITS OK. never mind, and yar someone just blatantly found and made a appointment with his buddies. HAHAA.

and the stupid woman who spent an hour after hitting her books, to search for the things to probably give him, to congratulate him on making his 2 weeks. its ok. the stupid woman me, just bothered to do too much. like Janna said. ITCHY. ahaha yar itchy see what i got myself into. you know what. I DON"T CARE ANYMORE. damn du lan. care too little ppl complain ppl say me. do little surprises also buay sai wor. SO SAI LA. and maybe God knew THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN. HOW ANNOYING. at the end of the day, there's still things for him in my bag though not in the planned little surprise i was gonna do. I don't know why i bother to be so sweet to him leh, cause i think he's sweet mah. then i kena. i should be nicer to my mummy. and to everybody else hor. no wonder why mummy always say "yar next time got boyfriend sure different" i must pao the longan cha for mummy. HEE HEE HEE. :) next week next week. so paiseh. never do surprise for her. ahahhaa.

anyways, yay thank you Janna for companying me go Giordano buy the pants. from Great World zhao go Orchard. Taka, the outlet was. urh under renovation. had to walk to Wisma, the giordano changed to Giordano concept. KaO high end. (ahaha so funny. 90 bucks for a pair of sneakers, what makes them think ppl won't splurge on higher ends shoes to nike dunks. i shall splurge on... a high end lacost. or get that rockport shoe!!! hee hee hee. thank God for PEOPLE online. talking to them to calm my nerves. i lost my appetite to eat. angry and tired till fan wei ahaha. yays to jayson and shamin :)

i wish i had my own mode of transport scoot down to the pool centre and pak pool. now too late le bball cannot see. i wanna throw something literally ahhaa. aim shoot. shiok. but can only dream ahaha. think.

*exhales. not the best of days actually. wednesday 's org. beh. paper. today's or rather yesterday (since its past 12am) was market research. i screwed myself. i think. that would have meant bout 10 marks round . gone. poof i don't know how well i'm gonna do man, this exams seems rusty man. or rubbish i just think i need something. something to spruce me up. i'm seem to be floating in mediocrity. not good. every paper i come out ahaha, i feel that feeling. ooh-oooh *hands over mouth. or am i a mediocre person all along? *scratch head. probably. ahaha. come on baby, bring home the credits. then again, oh pass pass pass all the papers. i ain't going back and do it the second time baby. NOOO. oww, i just pray hard. hard harder hardest. yeap. gets quite demoralising eh. sigh rabbit* but i'll need to pick up and move on along. "oh go on, dangs a carrot in front of me* yeah move along. your ass. pick it up.

which would have mean if i picked myself up earlier ahaha i should have mugged just now after the paper. but chose to have a meal of xiao long bao, my first time. and i kept saying yi hu. while it's supposed to be yi long. time and time again. dang my head is not registering. ate it, yummy. but my noodles ain't at all nice. ewk. i hate trying exotic food its not that yummy. but oh wells.

sleep my ewk day off. and start afresh. hwaiting. and some pictures to laugh at. yes that's me. and that's me below. who plays captain ping pong ball and has pose like pushing up my glasses? and thats joyce meets joyce. i think i'm disappearing the world's saying i've slimmed somemore. omg. to a point "am i?" i'm not anaroxic for i eat. and i ate loads of pork meat and sam-zhum bak. HOO. i'm hungry. :(

ahaha. i'm crazy. i just spend my time actually perpetually listening to music on my pod, sitting out at the balcony on the platform viewing the night new outside my room. watching tv, visiting all my mates blogs ahha viewing pictures on friendster. ahaha.

here's what i found. alot of the guys i knew back at sec skool ahha, actually look sort of whoa much more u know, man-er in some ways la, ahaha. to say they look better now, fatten up, all tanned and fit. ahaha, phase 1 of looking at their best at one part of their life. they can choose to maintain it, or stand to lose it and look like a far cry from their "outstanding" army days ;) they have fattened up and muscled up, and tanned up hoo hoo. goo goo, and how they go from chao recruit to private XXX. ahaha cute. :)

anyways i'm so reluctant to start my mugging all over. just the thought of it bores me over but i know i have to get my ass moving. bo si gan liao.

anyways, so much so for reluctance. the boy gave me a ring today. ahaa the 2nd within our uber quiet span of day 6. ahaha. of the 7 weeks of BMT training ahaha. rather funny and he says i sound different. which actually i don't think so ahaha. he sounds different! first call sounded whoa, all so preped up boyish fun rearing to go. ahaha. and day 6, ahaha he sounds bit tired but still bubbly ahaha. i haven't heard him bubbly in ages. kind of cute :) ahaha, he's not been bubbly lately with his oh-so-dead lifestyle before he went in. ahaha. now that there's things to do, i suppose he's feeling useful, having things to do, fun, interaction and learning things, he sounds bubblier ahaha, how interesting.

i sound the same why? ahaha, BECAUSE i've been schooling and life has been like that for me since God knows when ahaha. maybe when i start working i'll have a little difference to the way i sound. but i think i only sound lame and bubbly with the bunch ahaha of people who has seen me in my craziest worm mode. HAHAHA. :)

oh wells, i think books are driving me crazy and i've yet eaten. Aiyee. i don't wanna study. *pouts but i know i have to. aiyee. BORING. BORING. BORING. reading blogs was quite fun especially those tvb stars. ahaha bowie lam, michael miu, bosco wong, and tavia yeung. cute :) all the scenic pictures in their daily activities. sigh. i'm dreaming of my full boy kit of a nikon dslr and lens. somehow i prefer it to a canon and i don't know why. maybe its the looks and the feel? i don't know. i personally love nikon. i'm dreaming baby. and my trip to hk. yeah baby.

and the boy asked "will you be coming for my my last day (POP)?" ahaha he asked it in such a cute boyish manner i couldn't have the heart to say no can i? ahaha. he's cute. i laughed and laughed and laughed. i think he must be wondering i'm laughing cause i'm thinking. but ahaha i was laughing at the manner he asked. HAHA he's never asked for something like that (or did he) yar. i will go there and be the photographer for the day. but thinking of heading along with his parents, and ppl does make me get the jitters, i'm so shy not up for things like that. but what the heck, boy's happy rite. it'll be fun too i think ahaha.

and 2 weeks of confinement on the rock he's coming out on the 7th and asked once again if i'm picking him up at the jetty. HAHAHA YESS!! i can say no. its at pasir ris, aiyee. 2. i'm having a paper tml on the 7th itself HAHA oh so spared. ahaha. that i don't need to be a meanie if i turn him down. but then sooo. POP cannot be missed right? ahaha. yar when i'm on holidays its a why not :) army antics. crazily funny. ahhaa. have fun ah boy. HAHAHA. i'm sleeping with my da tou in my lavender room on my pink sheets. HAH! nice and comfy. =p life. whaha. mum mum time and mug. *sigh. not comforting. ahaha i'm so tired of chinese 933fm due to the fact i've been listening to it mostly bout daily. for the past month. hoo. i need a change. its a switch to english again. hoo quick buy 4D. ahaha but its class 95. brings back memories. of childhood, growing up period. *snuggles. jia you to all peeps preparing what O/A levels la. carol + keith (ahaha scandalous.) that's all i can rmb. ahaha. and to van, hui, jan, ling li, winnie, =) mug finish go play. i wanna play some tunes on the guit but got no idea what songs to play. ahaha. i need new songs. anyone? :)

i'm out.

i feel strange. can't somehow seem to describe specifically the kind of feeling i'm having. but i think its the snowball of everything. the talkabouts for a full entire 6 hours on sunday night where i said i wanted to go home to sleep. yes we end up talking. me and him for goodnessly that long. i don't know where that will lead but all i can say, after that, lately its been alot of self indulgence. i'm not really bothered by anything or anything else that is supposed to be on my studies.

you need to be in the army, go. i'm fine really. and i think you should be worrying bout yourself more than me. to everything you have worries, who is the better candidate than to carry everything for you. to be your helping hand and provider as and when you want. He's around you 24/7 and at your beck and call. customer-service excellence? yeah ding dong to the one up there.

i think i know why i'm feeling the way i do. just being solemn and quiet. just absorbing the sights around me, the smell, the colours. as i read my notes, "the wheel of retailing" i tell you i see the "wheel of life" occuring in front of me. reading the notes, brings such revelations to give people the reason as to why they are feeling the way they do, they behave the way they do, they think the way they do. yes, all the more understanding and grace you want to give to someone.

take the back seat, sit and observe. all i can say, i sat with fang lay + janna just talking about recent happenings, it just all comes to say that, life in these days, people run for that piece of paper, slowly everything seems to all go around that money, the pay, the salary, the expenses, money not enough. to your wants and to-do lists and wish lists. Its just damn annoying how everything seems to be greener on the other side. Like I hear Janna talking, to Fang Lay at times, yar we wish we were like her, like i said, "damn cool you're earning your own pay now" and fang lay goes "yar and a pay goes to pay this and that" and we all laugh. and see that's gonna be life for me in 1.5 years. (coming less than that. lets say for slightly more than a year from now)

how we talk about earning extra bucks. ahaha, complain bout earning $8/hr still people can complain they got no money. ahaha, and how they can sell things online + sales promoter + the thousand and 1 things they working for and still claim they got no money. ahaha. funny how it is.

then the talk with fang lay just made me realise that at times i tell people that its good they contribute back home to help pay with the 10001 bills they have at home. people say i probably don't need. haha, yes i probably don't need but i think i will be contributing my pay to getting a new place over my head. when i sit back and realise why at times just sitting down and watching teevee with my beloved boy, eating the meals at home. I think i get the tinge of why someone else at home is being unhappy over these.

Maybe he wants a private space to go to, have his own private life and start up his family. ok understand ahaha, and i realise what's hindering his plans. ME! cause i'm the only resident in this place on 02-02 that's across his room. i seriously wonder if he's getting plans to get a place but i really doubt it. ahaha, where his room is big enough, with the sarong hooks have all been in place in the house all ready to welcome one more nephew/niece.

the honest things is also i had enough of the man in this house. if the problem don't lie with the young one, it has to lie with the older one. BOTH of them operates the same way. (then i will tell myself, i thank God by boy is still much better than them) LOL.

People loves to be served. And you know what's the irony? They request for help and ok i try to help them. Its not about me whether i want to help them or not, its whether they want to help me to try to help them to get the eventual things done. Interesting when people in the house seek help, and they demand IMMEDIATE ASAP like magic, NOW. DINGS* and everything will wok fine with Ah Joy's services. its like i'm trained to do every single thing at home, from comp related, to net troubleshooting, to what have you. online applications, scanners, fix up, fans. HAHA. yar trained. Actually most of the time, i just whack, cause some people don't wanna learn, i have to learn. ahaha.

and i'm hitting my books. at the moment now, i seriously don't like the face of the older Him sitting at home. cause i don't like the stinking attitude people ask me to do them things. that's the reason i know why i HATE to owe people, cause i don't want to be indebted to them. and how he's smart, he'll get mummy to do all the bridging. "Wei, your dad wants you to translate a line of chinese words for him" ok, like the next thing i'm supposed to go in the room and read from the comp and give direct translations.

I shook my head and just went up i got FLAMED. "Wha! call you do one thing so difficult..." when all i said "print the thing out". Yar add on all the ungrateful things and pile it on my list of "sins" that these people at home, the elders have created. with all due respect, yeah add them on, and please turn the tables around and realise who's been trying to help and what do i get when things don't go the way they exactly want it to be. I get labelled "difficult". no one said i never was gonna do it. I ask for a print out. *shrugs. see how people love seeing things in one perspective and i have to do every little thing else. i label this amazing.

and the lights. oh goody. joyce has got a boy who knows how to change the lights and more tech stuff. i know he won't mind helping when he sees my situation. thank God its only once, and he's going in! so it won't be much of a trouble to my dear boy. how awesomely planned to spare an another being from this vicious cycle this home has taken for granted.

being labelled a "F***-ed type daughter" by that male elder at home. i heard it. and it still rings in my head. Wait. Seriously, one day really i will get 15 grand and slam it on your face. I don't wanna owe you especially any single thing. Its been my one resolution as i grew up and it only gets stronger lately once again.

i'll pack my bags and leave this place once everything is done and i can take my leave. i've seen enough and at times God keeps telling me be nice and love. I give and give and give. only to be thrown more atrocities and shits at my face. i always ask "why do i do all these?" its my favourite question. whenever i feel taken for granted for. and only then it makes people think.

that this lavender room is the only place of solace in this oh so big house. with doors protected so i can be spared for more shits coming my way. and i just do my studies inside, when i'm done with my papers. i will be back to deal with all these. piling crap work, cause its always taken for granted for. thank yous don't run in this house. unless people are in a good mood, where its always my mom the only person who's always been grateful.

BUT pls. when the tv in the room is not switched off, don't blame it on my boy. he doesn't watch soccer but only your dear son do. and he's not a stupid fellow to leave a flat screen tv on, cause he knows it blows. its just really some of the things that i've gotten so used to, that this house has taken so for granted for. its always someone else apart from their dear precious son. when people just make a comment "Darius watched tv here just now?" i was like no one even stepped into that room for that day. good thing the tv was loud, i could guess who the culprit is. When mom switched on the tv i was like wondering "no shows what? she watch what tv, its sleeping time" That I've been given the defence, before anyone jumps to conclusion, you better be fast to think who that person has been and give your reasons. "no one has been in this room. Its soccer channel what do you think? and pls Ma, darius watches tv and pushes the power button on the tv after he's done watching".

see how it just takes one apple to be bad and everything else becomes bad in this place. i just didn't had the heart to take it into heart anymore but to let everything go. how someone who isn't part of the hosue can become the next victim or rather scapegoat to the going ons at home. i feel so sorry to my boy.

oh i really wonder and just waiting for the day, i'll leave this place. and the elders can look after their dear begotten son. have 2 pairs of eyes to watch over him and care for him. the things i can do, your dear son actually can. but saying that i think i probably get 2 tight slaps across my face. when its pure facts, and funny when your sense of justice and pure logic and reasoning shared earns you such crude gettings. I got no idea what's black and white at home. because i'm like grey in this place.

it explains everything i've become. the over independence. the desire to learn and my faith. its everything i got even if i lose everything. and my friends. and to the Gan-pa and Gan-ma[s]. and the boy. cause i know one day, this will stop. I've never rebelled at home, just take it as it comes. cause that's what i've been called to do. I give my best. I don't wanna owe a thing. kthxbye.

i was supposed to do everything last night after coming back from the movie but all i can say was i think i was too dazed. ahaha. went to sleep and got up and started surfing at miu kiu wai and yes explains the lists of photoshopped stuff. its either i've been too stressed its my outlet ahaha but yeah its been little fun. i like the spoofs i did. and this is him sitting on my desktop. GOOD GORGEOUS. i'm angry cause there isn't really any big pictures of him. so no choice. otherwise there could be some blending.


the desktop pic.go watch brothers when you can. i wouldn't say its the best of hk mafia movies but if you wanna catch up who's making joyce crazy from head to toe. star strucked. go catch him there. awesome performance aiseh. ahaha. he's sitting on my desktop. whooo. tony leung's taken a back seat for now. i only wished Mr Miu did more cover pictures DUDE? he's a good looker and seriously no one has taken any decent big pictures. yar i know he did some crocodile shots, he's their model but aiseh. can we have more modern younger looking mr miu. GET ME. ahaha. but i think the camera will shake in my hands ahahahahaa. he's too damn nose bleedingly handsome. that he's actually on my nintendo ds lite ahahahaha. there's

i'll just post up the pictures and i should be off to hit my books again. and i haven't eaten anything the whole day and its 1603 now. excellent joyce. i'm just hopeless when it comes to the things i really love.

this is one of my favourites.[wonder who's the good one who's the bad one. keep guessing lol] i took the shot MUAHAHAHA. but its alvin's idea HAHAHA. explains who's the supporting cast. *coughs.
the boy. is a boy i caught running around. damn cute. =) he waved when i took the shot. i must be as lovable as him.

the together pic. [man i must be feeling so happie i'm grinning. eh i BHB awhile, doesn't anyone feel i look like hyun bin in the upper pic, the way i smiled. think of the beauty credit ad. =X and i repeat i do need a new haircut.]

this has to be the end seriously i can go on forever. ahaha. :) me and jin yi whahaha. MU LAO HU. GET UR ANDY LAU AWAY. i'm soooo angry. i'll never forget. how he killed tony leung in internal affairs. dang.

enough of miu kiu wai. i'm star strucked. i need to fill my tummy and eat some food and start my engine and study. hope you all had fun cause i did. thank you all.

i sit here. its been hella of a day. well definitely in a positive manner and i thought i should leave on my thoughts before i leave for sleep and wake up early again later.

thank yous to the people who made today something more than the usual saturday. to choon teck, winnie, pei lian, ronald and alvin! haha, when we watch lust.caution together. so much so for arty farty shows, i can only say there'll be ppl who's gonna love it and there's gonna be ppl who's gonna hate it for sure. ahaha. i don't know where u stand, cause ahaha, everyone has their right of say and their objectives.

slow plot for sure, the arty farty ness of the story revealing it slowly, is art. but urh, no la far too slow and it doesn't help with the built up when the story is taken back in shanghai, when chinese are so fighting against the Japanese, and the sense of patriotism. i understand now, the vitalness of the cut scene, i totally felt ripped like "OEI!!" ahaha, when the scene got cut, and i don't understand the meaning of brutal, if the word's to describe tony's role. he's not all that ruthless, yes cold but at the end of the day, he has the set of refrained emotions that very very few people has insights on.

i understand why there was a need for that arty love scene. ahaha, i was intrigued in a way, that he's really brutal ahaha. belts and all. but that force, of wanting to make her his. no idea. ahaha. i wish i could see the whole thing, to least understand what was tang wei's role was feeling for tony. urgh.

tony's favourite, cold, detached, roles with suppressed emotions. kind of reminds me of "confessions of pain" but this one is soo much deeper, and darkerr. oh mysterious men are so. ooo. sexy ahaha. oh i so love it the way he brings it out without trying to hard. ahaha. damn good. i like his scared moment like what alvin said. ahaha i literally had a good giggle when he jumped into the car through the door, without missing, that's for one, i mean to aim from the distance from the way you run, and leap. urh. leap of faith? HAHAHA.

anyways, i just love the love bitterness of the entire thing. the plot. the ending. not the best, but i am sooo suprised tang wei's role died for tony's. all for love. the woman gave. haha. she could have killed him. oh dear. but she chose not to, now you understand why women can never play the roles of spies.

women will be women and no matter how much that is, we're just wired to be such emotional beings, being attached just like that with time, and it isn't something called detachment that just stops it the way it is. yar, yes some women i know are capable of doing anything for their goals and wants and not stop anything, but i really wonder. when they really meet someone they love, i really wonder, can they ever ever. go the same as usual, of giving their love one up.

i really wonder. then again it'll remind me of "dicey business" xuan xuan's role did give miu kiu wai's role to the police no matter how much she really loved him. but that's for good purposes. ahaha. i really wonder, i love these intriguing questions!!

none the less, i can only give credit for the awesome performances of tang wei and oh beloved tony leung. nothing to say ahaha good is good. lee ang's flimography, ahaha ok la, isn't that all eh oooo wah and all the hype. maybe i'm the scenic person so cannot compare right? ahaha.

anyways, so much so. i'm the sick person who pays money to watch movies, asian ones only. such a rice person. ahaha. cause of the depth and questions that i love to think in my head after everyone. i just don't see links to hollywood movies, with exceptions to some comedy from time to time, or like bourne spy espionage, war. period. ahaha, oh saddist joyce. i really can't wait for brothers really not.

the website looks shiok. love the graphics. simple but its that chinese characters of the calligraphy, damn cool. and the layering of all the characters. but will post tony's cute pics. omgggg. damn handsome. from young till know when internal affairs hit in, its always been TONY LEUNG CHIU WAI. no andy lau smack me ahhaa. i know i get scolded by my mom say eee. my cousins too. i still like ahaha. see zhong shi mi. :) sigh. pls don't scream. its in your eyes. dum di dum dang he's sleeping on my comp. desktop. different pic. but erh. when i'm freer come november 9th. wallpaper coming up la huh. :) he makes me go "oooowwww" and kena dian si. its a different charm from the other chao wei. miao chao wei. its miu kiu wai. come come. i'm anticipating the nov 18th. ahaha, its so my movies. HK STYLE. car skid, blood, knifes, guns. brotherhood la, gangster, police-mafia. ahaha. so intriguing. humm. MIU KIU WAI + TONY LEUNG back to back. =) thank God. totally life's pleasures. some indulgence to make ah joy drool, swoon, relax, think, reflect and enjoy!! ahaha. i think i looked towards brothers more. lust caution puts me abit on that mode hahaa.

thank you winnie for the great time chatting too. sharing sessions that can don't seem to ever end. ahaha. get well sooon u! under the esplanade lights and next to the little river la huh. in front of that thinking cap ang moh. beside the super comfy in public couple HAHAAH. listening to Jacky Cheung TIan Hei Hei with people who can ahaha, understand. is a fu qi =)


brotherhood trailer looks good. and i think maybe miu kiu wai isn't that bad. YES KILL ANDY LAU KEEKEKE. ahaha. oh dear. MKW. sighhh. *dies. deng wo, wo lai le. kuai dian 18th oCt ahhaa. oh and its so lovely photoshopped. the light brushes DANGGGG. and the layering chio lah. that's called spending on graphics hhahaa. awesome stuff.

ello hello. ok. works. ahaha. this thing is annoying. well when i haven't been blogging for sometime cause there isn't much to be updating. apart from quarrels ahaha, and make ups, farewells, byes, rushing for projects, people leaving the world. things have apparently seem to have gotten on for the much better, life's all good and happy now.

EXCEPT. the exam papers are sitting there, waiting for you to sit. pictures above are taken at kenny rogers obviously i've been lagging but i'm such a mood person, ok happy lets' photoshop. i'm actually been so lazy to type oso dunnoe wad to type but ok la the pictures least makes it something, the feel of photoshop feels good and obviously made an error in today's works, i forgot to 1px border the picture at the end. they look strange but i'm too lazy. i like that cheesy lyn in that picture makes me laugh. and that's to shili's farewell. Hoo, US must be good. *grunts. i wish i was there too.


the books have been calling, its supposedly study break till my papers on the 30th of this month. oh come on, get it over and done with eh? hahaa. it gets annoying and i feel bummerish IF i never touch the books. good things first, i have touched that bit but i think there's room for improvement. and rambles on and on. WORK> oh my engine, i need to bang my head on the wall or something? ahhaa. ah bi's here, this picture was taken some time back but i thought i should put it here to remind me of some joys and simplicities to life.
miu kiu wai sits here to yes remind me that //brotherhood is coming and oh my god. I can't wait. 18th of oct.
and this was when julian hee was in campus, i had to crop the woman's face out, cause obviously, NEVER test a woman's jealousy and it is one of the worst medicine and person to offend. HAHHA. kidding that was being lame. but yeah i BU SHUANG WAD U WANT ME TO DO? *CROPS. and to shili who managed to get a shot wif the hunk argh. :) your dear sunny boy. but fang li sheng is cuter. which is alex fong HAHAHAHAA. :)

ok all this randomness, cause she's going crazee. in her purple lavendar room. with the notion of study study study rants on in her head. the world needs something. in her own little world, there'll come a day, when some super powerpuff girl comes along and saves the day. oh save me my dear da tou. talk to me. oh make me comprehend. the notes just takes hours to digest. so much of gong fu. "OEI? power up eh sai bo?" like janna says. "if only i'm an HDD, and store up all the information from the notes" oh let this be our prayer and God turn us into Square looking 10 inches slim looking samsung designed cool gadgets, dat BEEPS* *searches database* and prints info* onto the papers.

as you can see. i'm dying. ahaha, so much so to typing up the portion to business frameworks project, and tv. i've finished dance of passion HAHAHAHA i'm so proud of myself, that was last week ago. Gigi Lai fills my head with Lam Bowie. and then there's Moses and Gigi in that ying shui xiang fen show ar? then there's one more, that cute gong gong show. with ALex Fong. Fang Li Shen. Oh dear. if i can bring them to my exam room, ASK ME bout the shows. that'll be nice. *dreams on. *someone comes alone and throws something to my head to wake my idea up.

here sits a hopeless person who whines, when she has to study. and she's a full time student. HAHA. Oh i can't wait to end this misery and get my ass out of SG on my sight seeing photography trip. and he's going NS soon, ahha, that'll be less 1 person taking my lameness. oh no. my da tou toy is gonna be abused. AHHAHA. *slumps. i think i need a shower to the random rumblings i have no idea what i am talking about.