A week has passed, and since yesterday, particularly for the day of yesterday, I've decided to remain silent. Comments were passed and everytime there's a discussion of the table on why I am not eating meat, Mom will start ranting about how inconsiderate about not informing cause no one knows when I end fast or as to when I can take meat, so for the umpteen times, my sis will always say I'm on vegetarian fast. I'm sick of telling my part of the story or seek people's understanding anymore, anything you say, that it shall be final. Doesn't kill me but it's sad when all I can say, you've forgotten. It is not the first time and how she used to rejoice about the notion of fasting during the same time last year, perhaps, i'm too much of a sore that she's not on it? *chuckles*.

It's just how everyone in the house so desires to be heard, and the problem starts when everyone insists of making their point known. Happens a hell lot to the leaders of the house, both of them, fighting to make a point known, fighting to be heard. Funny thing is that there is so much air time, that when it is time for them to air their opinions, they decide to be quiet, and when you just want to have your peaceful time, everything gets dug out and how they start airing their dislikes on you when its late at night, when she finishes her clockwork of her television schedules.

It's sad, almost tragic but seeing an example of religions taking play than a life truly being transformed. She has decided not to go for missions anymore cause, cited reasons like "I don't like Egypt...", listening to the horror stories of trippers from her church sharing how many often end up having bad experiences or misfortunes happening to them when they return. It is anger when I hear cause at times you want to challenge, is our God that small? But prefers to take a quieter approach cause how often my head on, confrontational approach don't go very well.

So silence, is my preferred mode now, perhaps that's why I've grown quieter, how some people have said how I'm strangely quieter now. Ahaha. Yeah, its good to just be silent and watch, listen and pay attention more to the things going on and see things unfolding before your very eyes.

I must say what a strange day yesterday was for me, how I actually slept at 9pm. The tiredness just grew and multiplied as I got home and I remembered thinking how strange it is cause for the entire day, I was feeling fine that it totally didn't make any sense of it all. Then the dinner table incident, I decided to switch to the dining table and just have my meal and read the papers. The first question that came to my head, was really, what on earth is going on, yes on me and around the world. Oil spills in the US and China, floods around Asia, hot temperature in Japan, uber cold temperatures in South America that it is below minus and how many people are freezing out there in the streets.

By the end of the reading session, I knew I set myself to finish the portion of culture in my Buddhism paper I was to write, but honestly, all the energy I had left was sufficient to journal down my thoughts in the head and remembering how much I was questioning Him and how much I would love to know what He was thinking and then drifting off to sleep shortly. What was intended to be a nap went into a full 7 hour rest that I woke up at 4am, realising that I still had work undone but was still feeling sleepy, so I made the alarm clock to ring at 5.30am to complete the remaining 800 word count to the topic. All I knew I was feeling super duper tired and was feeling terribly sad and grieved I had no clue why.

That was all I remembered and waking up at 6am feeling much happier and back to myself and wondered what last night's entire episode was about. Managed to finish up what was good by 745am and prepapred for work all right to normal apart from a little rush. God is good and i'm still wondering what it was all about as I was connecting the dots to the pink skies scene I remembered journalling 2 entries before, about how I feel something bad's gonna happen before something's good gonna happen. I'm wondering what's the bad and good through it all, what's the intended effect. I drew that conclusion from what Alvin drew on his art, on pink clouds and a crown of thorns, it had to be the strangest color for clouds but we saw the exact same picture days later and remembering how I felt dreadful on first glance but peace later. Not long, I drew links to blood which often meant oh, CLEANSING and a sacrifice. The word cleansing just came. ahaha, cool.

Funny how I'm going, I'm gonna figure this one out even if it is gonna take me the entire day and how it just took place in seconds. Love it:) Love to sit down and jot my thoughts down.