Its been a tiring weekend. since labour day. i thought i initially had a good rest but it wasn't till something had to happen last night. i had to wake the person involved in the middle of the nite which i couldn't care anymore and give that person a piece of my mind. i don't mean to be crude but i had to do it for any delays would have caused something adverse. i knew something like dat was gonna happen but yeap. wad was said to me was something that kind of took me by suprise. i'll just play a low profile for now.

its tuesday already. 12 more weeks of the attachment to go. work load is piling up but i hope i'll manage and its pretty monotonous. *sigh. staying at a spot and just working on one thing is not what i really want to do. but oh well.

having loads of feelings right now. trying to express them one by one and if only it was that simple. but just that it all crumbles all together like a snow ball effect, its hard. its been trying these few weeks i'll say. i thought i'll carry on doing what i initially planned after getting my new electric and learn more of it during my free time but apparently it isn't been happening cause life has been full of happenings one after another. from the nuisance caller who intends to say he wants to play a game with me, to more and more around me. arharhar. good thing i've yet been on the brink of breaking down yet. still able to carry these things around me as i go around. i haven't been reading the things that are on my 2 beloved's boards.

cause ironically, all i wanna do when i get home is sit down and just stare blankly into the teevee. just sit down and stare at something after a days' of work. yes, probably i do not want to spend time any more, reading. leaving notes behind. i'm reallie sorrie arhahar. for leaving the boards behind but i'm reading what is going on, but not been leaving my comments on them for a coming month. i hope i'll be back in full swing sometime soon. when all of these is over. i am soOo caught unaware. like a thief in the middle of the nite. it all happened at the same time. and the matters that kind of are happening around me revolve round the same thing. i gotta get out of this before this drives my joy somewhere else.

one thing at a time. arhahar. my best buddiez out there. miss ashley, wee zhun and Kim Yee all know bout this. but the best part was allowing my cousin's mom to know a part of what was wrong with me. she did realise i wasn't quite myself cause she realised i've been dropping flat the moment after church at her place, which wasn't quite me. and it didn't take alot to wake me up, all she needed to do was to call my name once and i'll wake up. i told her everything. everything. and wow. she was soOo open about matters there wasn't anything i hid from her. she said it was good thing i told it to her least she knew the situation i was in and could do what she can to help me. she said it was unbelivable that such a thing would be happening, oh well. and i explain the reason why i behave the way i do. =) i felt soOo understood at last. least there was one person out there who knew me the way i was.

i don't know when i'll walk out of this tiredness but i hope it is soon. i want the old self back. i want to smile like there was no tomorrow. arhahar. its been a long time since i gave one hearty smile. with all these happening, arhahar. i hardly been taking pictures of the things around me. no extra thoughts to pay attention that would usually take my attention away but my mind is thinking bout other things that has taken a different priority in my mind. that's why if u realise i'm quieter than usual, i'm thinking alot. and all i do after that is slp arhahar. dat's life for me now.

took a little break today, apart from spending my weekends with my beloveds. ash + weezhun thank you soOo soOo much for the time. since last night. we're stuck in this together i suppose and we'll get this out together. to the person who wonders why the name isn't there. i don't wanna mention anthing bout it anymore. but please do reflect on what ya donig now. its killing the 3 of us. not just me alone. with all due respect, do something for yourself. don't lose something you have been working soOo hard for, and just throw it all like dat. it isn't worth it. every ounce of energy, i've left i'm dealing with it whatever remainders it is to face what i have to face it everyday and on top. hey. i don't pull a long face just cause i have troubles. we all do. and that doesn't mean you push yourself to a corner now. stand up and face it. changing into someone else ain't gonna make u face the problem straight.

calvin's birthday today. i didn't remember it, cause i hardly remember dates. but i can guess it from the way u asked it. chatted and only found to realise that he found himself in a simliar situation as we were way long time ago, how it was having a sticky partner. we all have moved on. continue moving on =) you'll find what you're looking for. don't bother joining the queue behind cause it gets no where.

the onli source of comfort today apart from work was to see someone who least made me feel sane. that after all that has been happening, makes me share some things that i hope of doing. and cheers and tells you "why not?" the only thing that keeps us going when the going gets rough is cheering each other own as a sign of encouragement in each other's pursuit of what we want.

"I wanna take my license and drive on to europe in an armoured SUV". -me
*smiles* "why not? it is possible. but why europe?
"cause i haven't been there or smelt the air there".
"go ahead and try =)"

"I'm wanna fly. imagine flying at altitudes high or low. in a plane of 6 people, lets say, fly somewhere to Cebu. or somewhere neear, land and come back again".
"why not? it might just come true" - You.

thank you for the dinner after work as part of my birthday treat. its funny trying to settle down into a place for dinner. and as usual, its always the ambience we are both looking for rather than the food. delifrance bistro at suntec [suntec is full of memories for me]. ate, chatted. laughed. finshed our food and we chatted. and chatted. hardly was anyone around but we just had a good chat. it was getting cold. i was shivering. arhhar. with a jacket underneath the table trying to keep warm. and soon enough it's him shivering. arhhar. but hecks. who bothered when all we wanted was share opinions and laugh and encourage each other into what each other wanna do.

probably it wasn't as strong a feeling anymore. i got over the fact that i know it was never meant to be together. just like a pair of parallel lines that was never meant to meet. along the way, down the line. it was never gonna meet. only seeing each other from each other, cheer each other along in what to me. you've got everything planned out already. go for it man. it might just happen and when that happens. i'll take a pic of u in ur uniform ahrhaar. have some tea and a good old chat. wow.

can't imagine on the fact how sweet he was to his mom. bless you and the whole family. i felt the joy there. the joy of his fun he had when he was there. remembering the fact that i still have 3 months more to the end of the attachment and as i count down mine. he counts down his. arhahar. cheering each other on. the line is near. we can do it =) i felt bad for not dressing up for today, reallie sorrie. arhahar. as i apologised that i would be in my button up shirt if i knew i was going out. cause in the morning, i'm not in the mood to reallie pick something good from the cupboard. but he's fine with it. arhhaar. so oh well.

finding a song to smoothen the vexing feeling inside of me. but no worries, i'll find a way out of this. deliverance will come. *strength+grace+mercy* to me. ahrhar. and to Colin, praying he'll be in good hands and yes. no scar. scar free in the eye surgery and to Pastor Keith, get well soon. Yes. Broken ligaments cannot be mended. to be remembered in my prayers.