feels weird that everything seems to have come to a sort of standstill. unbelievable how the months have seem to pass me by and the inevitable question has come up and har, like it or not you'll have to face it. things you try to chuck it in a corner but arhha pops back up at you like some kind of compressed spring released into action.

then you'll sometimes wish things keep spinning on the carousel kind of thingy. round and round. same old thing again, but then again, the human gets bored of everything that comes down predictably. how ironic. whatever.

saturday went on. drew whatever they asked. there was nothing more for me to ask, except for well wishes from Jojo omma and Aunty Carol that kept telling me to follow my heart. cousins, KY + Carol, arhhar. so sweet. KY companied me throughout the whole day resulting in both of us becoming zombies by the time afternoon came. arhhar. Carol bought me a pair of earrings cause she said to wish me luck arhahar, and said it looked arty farty on me, and she remembered i wanted one long long time ago ahrahar. :) thanks for remembering. then to the friends around arhahar, like Justin: draw properly ar. Leonard: draw something, teacher don't understand, tell them its e shu. don't understand then go home make babies. and the well wishes from the friends. arhahar. so cute and so sweet.

i really don't know what to expect [whar. sounds like someone's line *rolls eyes]. don't want to expect anything. but then again maybe its wise to always plan for backups and backdoors. seriously, 0 idea or maybe i just don't want to think about it? arhahar. don't know. but i know i want to find a job and start to least earn something and save something wor. arhhar. least i'll be having some spare cash to be leaning on man. its terrible to be broke. entirely.

larthegic. i'm feeling it these days and i wonder when will i be able to pick it up. just so restless. tired but you can't sleep kind of feeling or either i keep spinning those thoughts in my head till i get tired and fall asleep only to be awoken in another day and start the entire whole cycle running again. maybe i should get a job and keep all this stupid insanities in my head away from me.

and my mom just has to add woes to me. come on, give me a break. not that i'm your all time good old technician. i never took up engineering? you expect me to do miracles on the printer? too late man, come on blame it on the man who uses it but somehow, just seems to fall apart. get a new one then? whatever, you want that new 300+ scanner+printer set up, i'll fulfill your wish man. quit the bugging. my POV is just that i don't think that 300 thing would even last long and only be a waste for people who don't appreciate a good scanner lying there. brother who complains that scanner not working. COME ON. eat shit and it works just as fine as anything.

i just cry for the things that fall apart in that room. i do the shopping and then it just dies? and when it dies it seems to have become a responsibility for me to replace them for you? i wouldn't mind working for free for appreciative people but for PPL IN THE HOUSE< eat some shit cause you are a bunch of unappreciative ppl. thank yous are just so hard to pop from the mouths of many. i seriously don't think i owe you any thing which i feel at times i have owed to ppl in this house. really. i must have did things in my past life or something? but i realised i have this life. ahhar, so whatever. i'm just thankful for the faith i have man. keeps me going no matter how hard the wall in front of me is. i tell you. i'll walk i'll break my head i don't care. i hope you all break one day and come to realise man. seriously speaking.

argh. whatever. i'm just a blardie pissed and unhappy dude. where i felt like crying on my way home on the taxi. but the tears ain't coming. don't know where they go or either i must have cried bout this too much when i was younger. it stopped. maybe its not even worth crying for but its still debating inside of me. damn i hate this feeling and i totally hate gap years. its the trying of anything.