Processing and Journeying

I can't say as my leave to East Timor approaches nearer, the sense of anticipation comes along with the feelings of the bit of nervousness, worry and a little reluctance to live certain people and relationships behind.

Yes, God says do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worries for itself, but being a human and returning from Melaka, I cant help but realize the emotions that was stirring inside of me.

I know I had to get down and start processing my thoughts with Him since I didn't manage to do much of it when I was away from my room. I realize I do enjoy time to myself and it is important to me to have that window to myself before I sleep, it is like those private times that i can have my own freedom and space to do what i want to do without the hassles of not being under any watchful eyes. No private time out makes me grouchy. Funny though that I am able to spend most of the time with people for the day but must have my dose of private time to unwind before I turn in.

Perhaps the greatest thought at the back of my head is not about worrying what is going to happen in the next 6 month but what is going to happen after I return. While I have some brief ideas about what I will be doing, with the happenings on the global economy, I wonder what is going to be like. It does make me wonder and think about the things to come, to learn, to realize and to see.

 Does the human race only learn in a given set of circumstances that we can only see and realize things when we are being pushed to a corner? Is hope only found when we are being challenged and faced by an impossible or difficult situation that will drive us to our knees to seek and cry out for a God out there who truly cares and has the ability to love us despite our many shortcomings and grant us that courage, strength and tenacity to overcome the odds that we face that we realize we are at our wits end that no science, maths or logical formulas and solutions can solve and that we realize we are not that great and in situations like these, realize the frailty and fragility of humans and our lives - "oh we are not as strong, as we think we are", Rich Mullins.

So I sit and ponder upon the rise and triumph of the human spirit that bonds and stirs our hearts as one together, that touches each other and gives strength to one another, to draw hope from one another to face the many tomorrow's courageously and full of faith regardless of what the odds are. Perhaps that is the beauty of humans - overcomers! The notion of families and communities, to genuinely care and love one another, to help and encourage one another. The stories of bravery, heroism, pain, sacrifice and rags to riches examples that causes us to still dream that these dreams can still be a possibility.

I know in times of hardships and uncertainties, the greatest men and women are formed. When we are placed in a world that the days seems hard to progress, we look upon someone around us who has that spark, passion and fuel that seems unnerving and honestly, someone to respect and admire because he or she possess something inside that we lack of and we see something we like and want! The inner sense of calm and peace in the midst of the storms, the sense of courage to stand for something they believe in, the sense of joy and hope that they possess and their acts of love to love the many around who are hard, difficult or neglected.

When a world goes so dead, I guess we need a revival that will not just wake our physical minds and bodies up, but one that will cause our spirit man to awake. One that will not be a momentary visit, but one that will seal you for eternity, when we awake and realize that aching void has a filler and we can be full and wholesome again. To realize, learn and to see things and matters in a different light, not to psyche yourself up for another day, but to see the needs that should matter above and beyond ourselves. Why certain things should matter and I somehow am going through why certain things should matter and that if it matters to me, it matters to Him.