i feel strange. can't somehow seem to describe specifically the kind of feeling i'm having. but i think its the snowball of everything. the talkabouts for a full entire 6 hours on sunday night where i said i wanted to go home to sleep. yes we end up talking. me and him for goodnessly that long. i don't know where that will lead but all i can say, after that, lately its been alot of self indulgence. i'm not really bothered by anything or anything else that is supposed to be on my studies.

you need to be in the army, go. i'm fine really. and i think you should be worrying bout yourself more than me. to everything you have worries, who is the better candidate than to carry everything for you. to be your helping hand and provider as and when you want. He's around you 24/7 and at your beck and call. customer-service excellence? yeah ding dong to the one up there.

i think i know why i'm feeling the way i do. just being solemn and quiet. just absorbing the sights around me, the smell, the colours. as i read my notes, "the wheel of retailing" i tell you i see the "wheel of life" occuring in front of me. reading the notes, brings such revelations to give people the reason as to why they are feeling the way they do, they behave the way they do, they think the way they do. yes, all the more understanding and grace you want to give to someone.

take the back seat, sit and observe. all i can say, i sat with fang lay + janna just talking about recent happenings, it just all comes to say that, life in these days, people run for that piece of paper, slowly everything seems to all go around that money, the pay, the salary, the expenses, money not enough. to your wants and to-do lists and wish lists. Its just damn annoying how everything seems to be greener on the other side. Like I hear Janna talking, to Fang Lay at times, yar we wish we were like her, like i said, "damn cool you're earning your own pay now" and fang lay goes "yar and a pay goes to pay this and that" and we all laugh. and see that's gonna be life for me in 1.5 years. (coming less than that. lets say for slightly more than a year from now)

how we talk about earning extra bucks. ahaha, complain bout earning $8/hr still people can complain they got no money. ahaha, and how they can sell things online + sales promoter + the thousand and 1 things they working for and still claim they got no money. ahaha. funny how it is.

then the talk with fang lay just made me realise that at times i tell people that its good they contribute back home to help pay with the 10001 bills they have at home. people say i probably don't need. haha, yes i probably don't need but i think i will be contributing my pay to getting a new place over my head. when i sit back and realise why at times just sitting down and watching teevee with my beloved boy, eating the meals at home. I think i get the tinge of why someone else at home is being unhappy over these.

Maybe he wants a private space to go to, have his own private life and start up his family. ok understand ahaha, and i realise what's hindering his plans. ME! cause i'm the only resident in this place on 02-02 that's across his room. i seriously wonder if he's getting plans to get a place but i really doubt it. ahaha, where his room is big enough, with the sarong hooks have all been in place in the house all ready to welcome one more nephew/niece.

the honest things is also i had enough of the man in this house. if the problem don't lie with the young one, it has to lie with the older one. BOTH of them operates the same way. (then i will tell myself, i thank God by boy is still much better than them) LOL.

People loves to be served. And you know what's the irony? They request for help and ok i try to help them. Its not about me whether i want to help them or not, its whether they want to help me to try to help them to get the eventual things done. Interesting when people in the house seek help, and they demand IMMEDIATE ASAP like magic, NOW. DINGS* and everything will wok fine with Ah Joy's services. its like i'm trained to do every single thing at home, from comp related, to net troubleshooting, to what have you. online applications, scanners, fix up, fans. HAHA. yar trained. Actually most of the time, i just whack, cause some people don't wanna learn, i have to learn. ahaha.

and i'm hitting my books. at the moment now, i seriously don't like the face of the older Him sitting at home. cause i don't like the stinking attitude people ask me to do them things. that's the reason i know why i HATE to owe people, cause i don't want to be indebted to them. and how he's smart, he'll get mummy to do all the bridging. "Wei, your dad wants you to translate a line of chinese words for him" ok, like the next thing i'm supposed to go in the room and read from the comp and give direct translations.

I shook my head and just went up i got FLAMED. "Wha! call you do one thing so difficult..." when all i said "print the thing out". Yar add on all the ungrateful things and pile it on my list of "sins" that these people at home, the elders have created. with all due respect, yeah add them on, and please turn the tables around and realise who's been trying to help and what do i get when things don't go the way they exactly want it to be. I get labelled "difficult". no one said i never was gonna do it. I ask for a print out. *shrugs. see how people love seeing things in one perspective and i have to do every little thing else. i label this amazing.

and the lights. oh goody. joyce has got a boy who knows how to change the lights and more tech stuff. i know he won't mind helping when he sees my situation. thank God its only once, and he's going in! so it won't be much of a trouble to my dear boy. how awesomely planned to spare an another being from this vicious cycle this home has taken for granted.

being labelled a "F***-ed type daughter" by that male elder at home. i heard it. and it still rings in my head. Wait. Seriously, one day really i will get 15 grand and slam it on your face. I don't wanna owe you especially any single thing. Its been my one resolution as i grew up and it only gets stronger lately once again.

i'll pack my bags and leave this place once everything is done and i can take my leave. i've seen enough and at times God keeps telling me be nice and love. I give and give and give. only to be thrown more atrocities and shits at my face. i always ask "why do i do all these?" its my favourite question. whenever i feel taken for granted for. and only then it makes people think.

that this lavender room is the only place of solace in this oh so big house. with doors protected so i can be spared for more shits coming my way. and i just do my studies inside, when i'm done with my papers. i will be back to deal with all these. piling crap work, cause its always taken for granted for. thank yous don't run in this house. unless people are in a good mood, where its always my mom the only person who's always been grateful.

BUT pls. when the tv in the room is not switched off, don't blame it on my boy. he doesn't watch soccer but only your dear son do. and he's not a stupid fellow to leave a flat screen tv on, cause he knows it blows. its just really some of the things that i've gotten so used to, that this house has taken so for granted for. its always someone else apart from their dear precious son. when people just make a comment "Darius watched tv here just now?" i was like no one even stepped into that room for that day. good thing the tv was loud, i could guess who the culprit is. When mom switched on the tv i was like wondering "no shows what? she watch what tv, its sleeping time" That I've been given the defence, before anyone jumps to conclusion, you better be fast to think who that person has been and give your reasons. "no one has been in this room. Its soccer channel what do you think? and pls Ma, darius watches tv and pushes the power button on the tv after he's done watching".

see how it just takes one apple to be bad and everything else becomes bad in this place. i just didn't had the heart to take it into heart anymore but to let everything go. how someone who isn't part of the hosue can become the next victim or rather scapegoat to the going ons at home. i feel so sorry to my boy.

oh i really wonder and just waiting for the day, i'll leave this place. and the elders can look after their dear begotten son. have 2 pairs of eyes to watch over him and care for him. the things i can do, your dear son actually can. but saying that i think i probably get 2 tight slaps across my face. when its pure facts, and funny when your sense of justice and pure logic and reasoning shared earns you such crude gettings. I got no idea what's black and white at home. because i'm like grey in this place.

it explains everything i've become. the over independence. the desire to learn and my faith. its everything i got even if i lose everything. and my friends. and to the Gan-pa and Gan-ma[s]. and the boy. cause i know one day, this will stop. I've never rebelled at home, just take it as it comes. cause that's what i've been called to do. I give my best. I don't wanna owe a thing. kthxbye.

i was supposed to do everything last night after coming back from the movie but all i can say was i think i was too dazed. ahaha. went to sleep and got up and started surfing at miu kiu wai and yes explains the lists of photoshopped stuff. its either i've been too stressed its my outlet ahaha but yeah its been little fun. i like the spoofs i did. and this is him sitting on my desktop. GOOD GORGEOUS. i'm angry cause there isn't really any big pictures of him. so no choice. otherwise there could be some blending.


the desktop pic.go watch brothers when you can. i wouldn't say its the best of hk mafia movies but if you wanna catch up who's making joyce crazy from head to toe. star strucked. go catch him there. awesome performance aiseh. ahaha. he's sitting on my desktop. whooo. tony leung's taken a back seat for now. i only wished Mr Miu did more cover pictures DUDE? he's a good looker and seriously no one has taken any decent big pictures. yar i know he did some crocodile shots, he's their model but aiseh. can we have more modern younger looking mr miu. GET ME. ahaha. but i think the camera will shake in my hands ahahahahaa. he's too damn nose bleedingly handsome. that he's actually on my nintendo ds lite ahahahaha. there's

i'll just post up the pictures and i should be off to hit my books again. and i haven't eaten anything the whole day and its 1603 now. excellent joyce. i'm just hopeless when it comes to the things i really love.

this is one of my favourites.[wonder who's the good one who's the bad one. keep guessing lol] i took the shot MUAHAHAHA. but its alvin's idea HAHAHA. explains who's the supporting cast. *coughs.
the boy. is a boy i caught running around. damn cute. =) he waved when i took the shot. i must be as lovable as him.

the together pic. [man i must be feeling so happie i'm grinning. eh i BHB awhile, doesn't anyone feel i look like hyun bin in the upper pic, the way i smiled. think of the beauty credit ad. =X and i repeat i do need a new haircut.]

this has to be the end seriously i can go on forever. ahaha. :) me and jin yi whahaha. MU LAO HU. GET UR ANDY LAU AWAY. i'm soooo angry. i'll never forget. how he killed tony leung in internal affairs. dang.

enough of miu kiu wai. i'm star strucked. i need to fill my tummy and eat some food and start my engine and study. hope you all had fun cause i did. thank you all.

i sit here. its been hella of a day. well definitely in a positive manner and i thought i should leave on my thoughts before i leave for sleep and wake up early again later.

thank yous to the people who made today something more than the usual saturday. to choon teck, winnie, pei lian, ronald and alvin! haha, when we watch lust.caution together. so much so for arty farty shows, i can only say there'll be ppl who's gonna love it and there's gonna be ppl who's gonna hate it for sure. ahaha. i don't know where u stand, cause ahaha, everyone has their right of say and their objectives.

slow plot for sure, the arty farty ness of the story revealing it slowly, is art. but urh, no la far too slow and it doesn't help with the built up when the story is taken back in shanghai, when chinese are so fighting against the Japanese, and the sense of patriotism. i understand now, the vitalness of the cut scene, i totally felt ripped like "OEI!!" ahaha, when the scene got cut, and i don't understand the meaning of brutal, if the word's to describe tony's role. he's not all that ruthless, yes cold but at the end of the day, he has the set of refrained emotions that very very few people has insights on.

i understand why there was a need for that arty love scene. ahaha, i was intrigued in a way, that he's really brutal ahaha. belts and all. but that force, of wanting to make her his. no idea. ahaha. i wish i could see the whole thing, to least understand what was tang wei's role was feeling for tony. urgh.

tony's favourite, cold, detached, roles with suppressed emotions. kind of reminds me of "confessions of pain" but this one is soo much deeper, and darkerr. oh mysterious men are so. ooo. sexy ahaha. oh i so love it the way he brings it out without trying to hard. ahaha. damn good. i like his scared moment like what alvin said. ahaha i literally had a good giggle when he jumped into the car through the door, without missing, that's for one, i mean to aim from the distance from the way you run, and leap. urh. leap of faith? HAHAHA.

anyways, i just love the love bitterness of the entire thing. the plot. the ending. not the best, but i am sooo suprised tang wei's role died for tony's. all for love. the woman gave. haha. she could have killed him. oh dear. but she chose not to, now you understand why women can never play the roles of spies.

women will be women and no matter how much that is, we're just wired to be such emotional beings, being attached just like that with time, and it isn't something called detachment that just stops it the way it is. yar, yes some women i know are capable of doing anything for their goals and wants and not stop anything, but i really wonder. when they really meet someone they love, i really wonder, can they ever ever. go the same as usual, of giving their love one up.

i really wonder. then again it'll remind me of "dicey business" xuan xuan's role did give miu kiu wai's role to the police no matter how much she really loved him. but that's for good purposes. ahaha. i really wonder, i love these intriguing questions!!

none the less, i can only give credit for the awesome performances of tang wei and oh beloved tony leung. nothing to say ahaha good is good. lee ang's flimography, ahaha ok la, isn't that all eh oooo wah and all the hype. maybe i'm the scenic person so cannot compare right? ahaha.

anyways, so much so. i'm the sick person who pays money to watch movies, asian ones only. such a rice person. ahaha. cause of the depth and questions that i love to think in my head after everyone. i just don't see links to hollywood movies, with exceptions to some comedy from time to time, or like bourne spy espionage, war. period. ahaha, oh saddist joyce. i really can't wait for brothers really not.

the website looks shiok. love the graphics. simple but its that chinese characters of the calligraphy, damn cool. and the layering of all the characters. but will post tony's cute pics. omgggg. damn handsome. from young till know when internal affairs hit in, its always been TONY LEUNG CHIU WAI. no andy lau smack me ahhaa. i know i get scolded by my mom say eee. my cousins too. i still like ahaha. see zhong shi mi. :) sigh. pls don't scream. its in your eyes. dum di dum dang he's sleeping on my comp. desktop. different pic. but erh. when i'm freer come november 9th. wallpaper coming up la huh. :) he makes me go "oooowwww" and kena dian si. its a different charm from the other chao wei. miao chao wei. its miu kiu wai. come come. i'm anticipating the nov 18th. ahaha, its so my movies. HK STYLE. car skid, blood, knifes, guns. brotherhood la, gangster, police-mafia. ahaha. so intriguing. humm. MIU KIU WAI + TONY LEUNG back to back. =) thank God. totally life's pleasures. some indulgence to make ah joy drool, swoon, relax, think, reflect and enjoy!! ahaha. i think i looked towards brothers more. lust caution puts me abit on that mode hahaa.

thank you winnie for the great time chatting too. sharing sessions that can don't seem to ever end. ahaha. get well sooon u! under the esplanade lights and next to the little river la huh. in front of that thinking cap ang moh. beside the super comfy in public couple HAHAAH. listening to Jacky Cheung TIan Hei Hei with people who can ahaha, understand. is a fu qi =)


brotherhood trailer looks good. and i think maybe miu kiu wai isn't that bad. YES KILL ANDY LAU KEEKEKE. ahaha. oh dear. MKW. sighhh. *dies. deng wo, wo lai le. kuai dian 18th oCt ahhaa. oh and its so lovely photoshopped. the light brushes DANGGGG. and the layering chio lah. that's called spending on graphics hhahaa. awesome stuff.

ello hello. ok. works. ahaha. this thing is annoying. well when i haven't been blogging for sometime cause there isn't much to be updating. apart from quarrels ahaha, and make ups, farewells, byes, rushing for projects, people leaving the world. things have apparently seem to have gotten on for the much better, life's all good and happy now.

EXCEPT. the exam papers are sitting there, waiting for you to sit. pictures above are taken at kenny rogers obviously i've been lagging but i'm such a mood person, ok happy lets' photoshop. i'm actually been so lazy to type oso dunnoe wad to type but ok la the pictures least makes it something, the feel of photoshop feels good and obviously made an error in today's works, i forgot to 1px border the picture at the end. they look strange but i'm too lazy. i like that cheesy lyn in that picture makes me laugh. and that's to shili's farewell. Hoo, US must be good. *grunts. i wish i was there too.


the books have been calling, its supposedly study break till my papers on the 30th of this month. oh come on, get it over and done with eh? hahaa. it gets annoying and i feel bummerish IF i never touch the books. good things first, i have touched that bit but i think there's room for improvement. and rambles on and on. WORK> oh my engine, i need to bang my head on the wall or something? ahhaa. ah bi's here, this picture was taken some time back but i thought i should put it here to remind me of some joys and simplicities to life.
miu kiu wai sits here to yes remind me that //brotherhood is coming and oh my god. I can't wait. 18th of oct.
and this was when julian hee was in campus, i had to crop the woman's face out, cause obviously, NEVER test a woman's jealousy and it is one of the worst medicine and person to offend. HAHHA. kidding that was being lame. but yeah i BU SHUANG WAD U WANT ME TO DO? *CROPS. and to shili who managed to get a shot wif the hunk argh. :) your dear sunny boy. but fang li sheng is cuter. which is alex fong HAHAHAHAA. :)

ok all this randomness, cause she's going crazee. in her purple lavendar room. with the notion of study study study rants on in her head. the world needs something. in her own little world, there'll come a day, when some super powerpuff girl comes along and saves the day. oh save me my dear da tou. talk to me. oh make me comprehend. the notes just takes hours to digest. so much of gong fu. "OEI? power up eh sai bo?" like janna says. "if only i'm an HDD, and store up all the information from the notes" oh let this be our prayer and God turn us into Square looking 10 inches slim looking samsung designed cool gadgets, dat BEEPS* *searches database* and prints info* onto the papers.

as you can see. i'm dying. ahaha, so much so to typing up the portion to business frameworks project, and tv. i've finished dance of passion HAHAHAHA i'm so proud of myself, that was last week ago. Gigi Lai fills my head with Lam Bowie. and then there's Moses and Gigi in that ying shui xiang fen show ar? then there's one more, that cute gong gong show. with ALex Fong. Fang Li Shen. Oh dear. if i can bring them to my exam room, ASK ME bout the shows. that'll be nice. *dreams on. *someone comes alone and throws something to my head to wake my idea up.

here sits a hopeless person who whines, when she has to study. and she's a full time student. HAHA. Oh i can't wait to end this misery and get my ass out of SG on my sight seeing photography trip. and he's going NS soon, ahha, that'll be less 1 person taking my lameness. oh no. my da tou toy is gonna be abused. AHHAHA. *slumps. i think i need a shower to the random rumblings i have no idea what i am talking about.

blogger's server is laggy or either my connection. grr. but heck it i came in to put cute domo here and laugh at. my company for the past hours and i'm still alive at 0515 in the morning. *kukukuku. the rooster calls. and at 6am all radio stations plays the instrumental majulah singapura. rise and shine. (my butt) for i haven't been able to fall asleep than to rise.

say hi there to the cute toy :) hee hee. *beems. well the real person was my company yesterday, in which makes me contain some joy and i typed some cheesy stuffs to him on the mobile. but its something i've been feeling of since monday. i mean it! ahaha.

i can't explain of, apart from being cheery which i think i haven't been for work has sapped up all my joy. =) thank you bwahahaha. (more caterpillar hop around antics? muahaha) i do crazy stuff in the wee hours of the morning don't i. i just did it again opps. anyways,i can't expect daily companies apart from excellent services by God. but the boy is afterall, yes a human. so the toy shall be his replacement ahaha. otherwise it's been preciously sealed up and locked in the cardboard. i don't want my toys getting dusty and get me all sneezy wheezy. photoshopped fonts adds some attitude to the pic taken by the mobile ahaha. and colour change AHHAHAA. doesn't domo look like some sponge you can take and just throw at people, or a piece of pork floss bread bun that you can eat up and be full. with chilli spread over at the mouth, and white teeth made up of mayo. and black eyes which are made of olives. OK. not funny.

and typing at my almost fully zombed brain is so fun. its as good as i'm rattling some nonsense but at the same time making some ironic sense around. and the keyboard goes tatatatata. WHOO. domo stares.

mom comes in and "WHOA U STILL HAVEN"T SLP". me: *stares at the comp. shakes your head. hahaa. some kind of life. i can't wait for steamboat mummy's doing it later. and xiao lao hu RAWRR coming. ahaha. missy caroline. fai dit!!!

oh wells, shall rooll around on the bed. and i must say. I COMPLETED my FIRST NDSL game whaha. Elite Agent Beats. ok lah, but it makes me cringe when i have to use the stylus and twirl the wheel, very hardly. ow. but you get used to it. HAHAAH. the ndsl is still in one piece.

*domo stares.

(ah joy stares)

and before i forget.

"how does prawns laugh"..

now brace yourself.

tightly.. it goes.

>> hae hae hae.

now keep repeating it till it reminds u of hae lor. LOL

and yar one more.

"what tea cannot be drunk" (she mo cha shi bu neng he de)

ready?

>>jing cha. (police)

ok cold. yeah. Vanessa no2. LOL. ahaha. she's gonna kill me if she sees it. but your cold jokes are better. hee hee.

i get so tempted when i see guitars lying around. ahhaa. yesterday little bit itchy already. so anyways to kill the itch i sat down today and played some tunes ahhaa, i always wanted to get the recording done after watching <<881>> ahaha. i really lovee that song ahaha. so figured out the chords, and hahaha. i found the lyrics. whoo la.

so yeah i bu yao lian. put it up here, my bloggie rite? and get flamed whahaha. don't care. =) ahaha. for the fun lovingness of the entire thing. yes thats me on the guit and that's my voice. hahaha. see what can ppl do when they're stressed up? i do things like that ahaha.

here's the lyrics

《一人一半》
演唱：伍加輝
改編詞:小寒 曲:伍加輝

一人一半 感情不散
一人一素故 感情才會久
時光累計 安靜的淚滴
一心去追 愛那么可貴

Chorus：
這樣的人 這樣地等
無非是等個回應眼神
為愛翻滾 不計傷痕
甘心為你一生都浮沉

這樣的人 別笑我蠢
傻傻的 心痛也不覺疼
就算天冷 就算殘忍
等你想起這沒用的人

一人一半 感情不散
已經找到愛 為何要離開

時光累計 安靜的淚滴
一心去追 愛那么可貴

Repeat Chorus*

一人一半 感情不散
已經找到愛 為何要離開
已經找到愛 為何先離開

credits* http://just-add-hot-water.blogspot.com/2007/08/881.html

enough of fun time to pia work rite. ahaha. =) i'm NOT auto playing this ahaha.

sucked up brain juice just at the thought of getting work done ahaha, but you still have to get it done =)

today's been a quieter day. enjoying the cool breeze. and i wondered why i ended up at SIM ahaha, just as i ended up at TP. the little pleasures that makes me happy on a mundane day, is to sit on an open-aired 151 all the way back to kent ridge. it always feels great heading back home from school, and enjoy the cool breeze since it was a halfway rainy-cloudy day that was lovely. the greeneries. hahaa. nice. and to make myself have something to smile about was like to try what i watched on "tian ya xia yi" was to eat a pack of peanut m and m's. ahhaa not too bad destressing, some plus joy making look like a kid (i probably think i did) ahaha, that got me some stares from this woman who was waiting at the bus stop which i normally alight from school hahha, how funny. *Shrugs.

some dslite action on some puzzle games, i still can't defeat the boss, on puzzlequest. which i was so close to, but i screwed up, i tapped the wrong things. hahaha, and died. should have spent time on the ff3 instead pfft. but yeah after an hour of tv and dinner, i realised i almost forgot the joy of what the black box can bring me, TVB DRAMAS puh-lease. ahhaa.

time to immerse in work. tomorrow's another day. i'm just hoping to get by these 2 weeks. this and next week and take a breather man. and take the break i want to for real instead of always speculating. since the end of last year i've been niaming when i graduate from TP. ahhaa, and when i did, nothing seems to happen. London trip was somehow postponed. till i don't know when (prolly when mummy's feeling rich) hahaah. and when i had a chance to go to Hong Kong i had my stupid course i signed up for. dang. i'm dying for a holiday seriously, and i wanna have some good camera action. with the canon powershot which has been sleeping since God knows when. its been awhile, and i hope to get everything back on again.

i miss the good old simple days of what school should mean back then. hahaha, in secondary school. we go to school, duties, classes, some nonsenses in class, i'll disturb hwee boon always asking her the thousand whys, and our chit chats. lessons, waking martin up from his sleep beside me. hahaha, tying up everyone's ties for assembly that gets thrown on my table just before assembly starts. the lunches we had after school and our kai kai sessions with boon, hui, vanessa ah li, janna, suresh, fraser. hahahaa.i really miss everything, the uniform days, even if i have to look toot i'll really relive them. the people, the place, the teachers most importantly. i think our batch got the best teachers!

life gets complicated as you get older. or rather people get more complicating as they get older. it isn't that life tasks has gotten harder to deal with but people i think at times, really teaches you what is. to just sit down and chill. rant on. *shrugs. ahhaa, a 2 cents worth.

so anyways, i'm done with some work. next's revision for wednesday business frameworks test hoo hoo. song tio. ahaha. anyway, i was adding some pictures joyce ho sent me over what she took on sunday with ah bi so i just made something. ahaha. and ah bi's soo cute, her smile's so infectious. see already can go on for days and days to come! haha. i love both pictures. some arty farty ness in it. =D and when was the last time i took interesting shots. probably the one taken on my phone that is maximised and used as my wallpaper. uber blue skies. the one wif winnie was taken a long way back hoo hoo. :) and the one wif him was some weeks back. i got too lazee to post. =X but *coughs. someone's already using it up on friendster. mini sized cause it's actual size is humongous. all i can say my 3.2 mp kyocera is back in action, but the battery is disappointing. ARGH.

i was peeing. when i was trying to figure out whether should i make the entry by writing literally into the book or simply type it out. maybe the thought of typing gets me reminded of the never ending assignments or the whole feeling of it. but i thought i should just write.

i'm glad there's ppl like friends around. thankful for the day on friday with Pei Lian. Hairspray reminded me of. feeling good bout yourself. and reminded and be encouraged by the afros americans i have high regards for, their talents, their fighting spirit, their humility, their guts, their never ending thankfulness to God in every single situation. I get reminded. i feel encouraged. i feel happy.

and that God provided people like friends around. They're known as God's life preservers. haha, couldn't agree more to that and the short sharing session with Pei Lian, i just wanna let her know that she's not alone and its also what i've been thinking of. :) matter of time rite girl? haha wait ar wait for me. =X

i'm running more then usual, that somehow i'm feeling this sense of total weariness. that i always tell myself at the end of the day, i just want to be concussed and sleep. but somehow hahaa, i don't know. i just keep going. till i really fall dead. every morning's gets harder to get out of bed haha cause of the seemingly tiredness. but so far He's been a great provider. till the end.

i hope God blesses a couple of hours of dry weather tomorrow. i'm very determined to go shoot some hoops even with a buckled knee + ankle. i don't care. i need an outlet to release every bit of this weariness on me. cause its taking some bits of my joy away and i'm not giving it up. Joy joy is my name!! whahar, not work, not life not issues that's gonna wear me down hahaah. *beams. well, least don't get me so down that i can't run. i wanna keep running. you can't run away from issues, but its the way of managing them i guess :) so yeah. keep holding on to the things i believe in and not let it go man. it gets hard as u get older but haha, goo on =)

and this work shall dictate my lovely day out with Pei Lian. and today was with Mr Chen ZhongYao Lol. its been fun eating steamboat + chickenrice though its just 2 ppl omg. where the others went? never mind lah. *concusses* i'm dead tired. and toasts to the lovely people aorund. =D

uhm. pretty much mundane day with the boy staring at what i'm typing. :) i oso dunnoe wad to write with him staring. but uhm. yar i'm concussed. whahahah. sleep... zzzz. after shopping. the rich boy goes shopping with the ability to buy things. while the poor girl looks HAHAHA. wait for money to grow from the money tree? hahahah. boo. sucks when you got no money. whahaha. ok here's some pictures. =D i've got a disgusting boyfriend who's tall. and looks good in light colours. ew. where normal guys wear black + white. what does he wear? LEMON + GRASS colour = yellow + green. WIN LIAO LOR. *flings shit. anyways. AH JOY WEARS ALL COLOURS *uber evil grins* WHAHAHA. i can wear orange. wear red. ok la. whatever hor. i take good pictures. sian weeks coming to an end, and its tuition tml. siansation.

raining so heavily. who wanna go skool sia. walk oso all wet. YUCKS. sian. but anyways, what i was busy doing last night. my dear ds lite's theme. 4 screens haha, means more screen to put the many beloveds pictures hahahaha. =) pictures taken courtesy of the SE W810i phone. pretty impressed with my random feels of snapshots hahaha. and i so love the first screens. oh and the dsl is a white one hahaa. =) lunch time and off to school and tuition. long day =(

digging old school songs and listen to them. i'm so tireddd todayy. running here and there. school then to bukit merah go see die da. going near the area is brings back so many memories. as i walk by the overhead bridge. the kfc. (su hui said got something there) the bandung. the chicken rice, whereby vanessa, hwee boon, jin hui, ling li, janna. me haha will sit there after extra lessons and just go there eat. haha, i rmb jin hui loveee bandung. i'm the milo peng kia. hahaah, den we'll have our porridge race. i always eat fast fast. LOL. haiya. the food centre has all the memories, as i was walking past it. bukit merah food centre to the interchange. i keep having those memories playing at the back of memory.

the 176 buses. the interchange, we'll sit on the jagged thingies, while we wait for our bus, van waits for 274. ling li waits for 167, janna too ba. jin hui is 198 and boon. den me 176! hahaha. the school uniform students standing around just makes me smile and all the happy times. hahah. carry their backpacks low low, files held in their hands. all the thicker textbooks are hand carried. and i'll be so proud cause i never leave my books under the table. i loveee my books hahaha.

haiyah, anyways, secondary school is a bunch of memories and i just stone at the interchange reminiscing the old times we had together. well, we still hang out together but ahaha, school days back in uniform were like the best days of school days. and given a choice, i'll relive it. ahah, the everyday chiong out walk walk, great world, tiong, orchard, 3rd place, bugis? hahaha. why our time cameras still not massively used. haha, otherwise we could have pictures in our uniforms la. =) haha the classic picture la. we should come together and put all the pictures we have together and see how we've changed and grown! and the hairdos ahhaar and the face! back then. the faces grown more defined =) hahaha. put small small hahaa.now. =) well recently la huh.walking into uni i'll relive the days of tp. :) the not so far away memories but the people i miss. hhahaha. and i realised its really that few ppl who can tahan my lame and nonsense. i miss pei lian!!!! ahaha, and linggie. there we'll sit our little corner at our lab lessons, me, lian, ronald, wee zhun and jayson. hahaa. hog on the stinking printer and print like no one's business. hahaa, and how i'll zoom around the labs on the chairs. =X do crazy things.

like some of these, hahaha! at silicon lab. my white jacket's gone! hahaha. amazingly, the pictures from the old phone is still here hahaha. and the happier times! and the crazee linggie. haha.

haiya. all the good old days la. :) i miss them and what has ah joy done haha taken out chou jie lun's old albums listening to ye hui mei's album. and i have to admit. buy original cds. ahaha the sound quality is there. very full and rich hahahaha. back then there were only originals and no pirated/china quality. ahaha. believe it or not, my old cds were real stuff. and i'm such a "jack sparrow" nowadays. haha. i'm feeling small now. hahaha. ouh and did i say i got a nintendo ds already? ahaha. shall post pictures, after massively playing with it today morning, ahaha. stopped. break. i just wanna be quiet ahhaar. so tired. boo. and all the memories. whoa. nice.

我走在每天必须面对的分岔路
我怀念过去单纯美好的小幸福
爱总是让人哭
让人觉得不满足
天空很大却看不清楚
好孤独
天黑的时候
我又想起那首歌
突然期待
下起安静的雨
原来外婆的道理早就唱给我听
下起雨也要勇敢前进….
我相信一切都会平息
我现在好想回家去
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑

ah joy is deprived. she can't have the time to watch more tvb dramas for now. least for this week. =( cause she has to pia one dateline on wednesday. -_-; buyer behaviour. and then for saturdays paper. cause tml's test got shifted to sat. AND. watch this. 30 mcqs. 30 true false questions. at 10am on a saturday morning. 60 questions. 1 hour duration. do your maths. it leaves you 1 minute per question. no more no less. to answer the question. market research. gg-ed man. on an early morning and you have to answer some logic questions. hahaa.

and ah joy is gonna be tutoring. =/ i hope i'll be able to man. teaching english to a china student. she's heading for primary 2 apparently. just freshly arrived from china. =X getting bit of jitters here haha. but yar it'll be ok i hope haha. :) well i don't know haha. i just suddenly thought of doing it. extra cash. or maybe more clothes for shopping or to a new nintendo ds to play cooking mama or..... watch money grow? haha. its not that much really but for the hours. $12.50 an hour makes it sound nice. i hope the girl'll be nice yar. haha and nice moms. hahahahaa. *fingers cross.

anyway, typing and editing and adding pointers to the project. doned. time to read. i feel like being lazy and sleep arhhaar. so whilst 3/4 through the typing, i opened up photoshop arharharharharhar. to add dear miu kiu wai for a new avatar and a pic i cropped. whoa seh. he looks such a arhahar. ... naughty play boy arhhaar. with that necklace. and the longer hair ahahar. but again. *sigh. why does man look so good as they agE? i'm still trying to look at what they do to look good despite the numbers on their age la. the secret. cause miu kiu wai definitely looks much better now. =/ (he reminds me of EWK. Leon Lai =X okokokkok. nNO he doesn't look like he looks like himself.) hee hee. sneak the photo here hahaha. sssh. sneak in here and off i go to read the notes. i wanna zzz. =( bless tomorrow! please.. ^^ i can't wait for "brothers" to come out. stars the 5 tigers minus :( tony leung. that guy said he was busy. *sigh. imagine. wha MKW + Tony Leung. FAINT* ahahar. there's andy lau in there and its said he'll be the leading guy. =( but its ok la, supporting lor. MKW was always supporting anyways. i think of wo-hu i swoon at MKW and i think of Francis Ng (wu zheng yu) ahahah. oh oh. my korean guys are left on the corner no time. hahaa. or rather its MKW fever for now. ahhhh..

// the avatar!! hahahahah.


// faints. i like the faint smile. looks naughty hahaha. i still can't believe his age. aaahhh. jiu wo. no show to watch today but heng heng got news leh hahaa.

this have had to be one of the craziest week so far. crazy for one moment i was there immersed in my work. trying to meet the datelines, having all the craziest thoughts about yourself if i'm able to make it on my own personal assignment. then i had flashbacks of tp life, we did have our personal assignments, essay writings but suddenly they seem to be bit distant. cause all i could recall seemed to be projects group works.

works never ending. tests coming in one on tuesday and another project deadline on wednesday. it isn't that merciful but the only thing that is is God's mercy arhahar. i'm just praying like some crazy woman that all be good enough.

the craziest phone call where 2 people screams over the phone. where both were stretched based on each individuals own issues and problems. when you both don't wanna tax each other, ahhaa. you tax each other unknowningly and it stretches to its max. we survived. and still am alive and pretty much kicking. its strange how things all fell into place silently and quietly now that there seems to be peace now. after the fervent rocking of the boat. the storm subsided. it was hell of a ride man.

but its ok. bottomline is never ever take anyone for granted i tell you. when it disappears it really does. (terms and conditions apply). but all i can say i'm running tired and weary uber ly. and i'm like trying to run for rest that rest is the only thing that i'm thinking of lately.

i don't have time for miu kiu wai this time though i've finished his "au revoir shanghai" and his "into thin air". but arhahar the things stacking on the head doesn't seem to go off and did i say i just splurged on a new basketball. trying to find time in the correct weather to go and shoot some hoops. otherwise i'll just manage with trying to have some fun with the nintendo ds lite's cooking mama. i'm itching for one seriously. "mummy..... i want... " arhahar. some old habits don't die.

and thank you all to the many prayers. somehow :) one way or another. its a long way i tell you. but may He continue looking after and blessings come pouring. i felt God today again strongly. haiyah. and it kept me reminded of the things i seem to have forgotten in the scurry of life. and once again got reminded. only by God's grace. all things are possible. holding on till i see this rest coming out. i'm so gonna be concussed. one moment all the frantic scurry and the next thing. all's quiet. but i'm to tired to enjoy the quietness now. that i have to study. haiyah. what a life man.

hillsong's "saviour king" is whooo niceeee. Hosanna rocks like no one's business. and "here in my life" lyrics brought me the lifting factor and the reason to hold on. more :)

I have never walked on water
Felt the waves beneath my feet but
At your Word Lord, I’ll receive Your
Faith to walk on oceans deep

And I remember how You found me:
In that very same place
All my failing surely would've drowned me
But You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus you’re the reason
I’m kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life, here in my life?

You have said that all the heavens
Sing for joy at one who finds
The way to freedom, truth of Jesus
Bought from death into His life

And I remember how You saw me:
Through the eyes of Your grace
And though the cost was Your beloved for me
Still you made a way!

- hillsongs: here in my life. and saviour king is yummy. actually all the slow songs are nice. haha thanks to Joel. :) thank you.

hahar. the life of school is kicking in and i'm feeling it. i'm being so emo lately, as though there's just ten thousands thingies i wanna do in my head. or is either i just want to pack my bags and leave for somewhere to be quiet. solemn and chill and watch the world go by. i'm feeling this life's getting bit morbid. arhahar. monotonous. boring. i'm trying to break the pattern and what have i done. arhahar. well done. gotten myself hooked onto.

www.crunchyroll.com and watching dicey business. arhahar. why? MIU KIU WAI. arharhar. I repeat MIU KIU WAII. i've actually been crazy over him the other time, and at dicey business. i'm crazy over quiet men. but when they talk arhahar. its soo whooo. but yeah lar long you'll probably get bored. brings me back memories of going gaa gaa over Jang-san. :) Janggie as Ying XiangZe. unforgettable. same as KMJ's He Young Min :) same role. cold, seemingly aloof, CEOs, don't smile. tall. man man. suits. But arhhaar, wait till you see them with their other half, arharhar damn funny.

arhahar i can't stop not watching and the best part. ITS NOT A KOREAN SERIES. its not over in a mere 18 episodes. arhahar, my hard work has only let me be on episode 16. thanks Ronald for the link ar. arhahar. and did you know Ronald watches dramas? :) *grins. hee hee he does and he just watches HK drama. arhahar. and 200 pound beauty =p go go watch more korean movies if you don't like to watch their drama.

i've been working hard. hard hard hard. arhahar. settling issues, around and myself arhahar. things are kind of settled now thank God. if i don't let my mind wander off too much, it will probably keep me sane. when i just have too much free time, i think too much arhahrar. which i have been yesterday night again. but all's good. just hold on and maybe 13 years on its been bout the same, slight changes but maybe one day. arhahar there'll be change.

oh wells, maybe i've been running back to my old habits of just being a potato couch. why? nothing to think off. mou xiong. xiong dou meh si? mm hoy sum. mou xiong. :) arharar, and its in canton. whoa seh. can learn learn learn. arhahar, put myself in another shoe and feel for the character and forget the me for a moment. arhahar. or probably learn a pointer or two to deal with stuff, or some saying to motivate yourself. "go find your own world that suits yourself." 0.o arhahar. yar i told myself i should do that. find something that suits myself. think of what i should do.

in all, i stare at my individual assignment, and thank God i've been working on it previously that i've slacked these few days. arhahar. ok gotta squeeze time to do it. hopefully 7-7-8-8 by next week. and i was already falling sick. arharhar. great. so gg-ed lar. the virus is spreading again. but thank you for express service who calls a vios. (eh how u do the strikeout?) its a ALTIS. pfft. his horse. arhahar. who got me wonder pill, clarinese. its better now :) moo's his name? arhahaar. other names are so cheesy. i think =X

anyway, better be prepared for tml's BAG grad. stuff the thingies into my head. arharhar. i wonder if i'll have voice tml. i'm having sexy voice. and mummy got me ribena cheer pack :) arhahar. it makes me laugh just looking at the thing. (she said "no ribena, the packet is soooo sweet!!!! i've got the syrup there in the kitchen. give her pouty face can le.) and evelyn got me sweet cute looking smiley donuts. :) thank yous.

miu kiu wai to stare. whaaaaaa! :) i don't care if he's old. i don't care don't care. don't care. period.

my heart felt torn, ripped, pierced numourous times this morning. strangely out of the blue but i think its the dream that i had that made me feel the way i did. and i thought about it for a while. maybe, maybe dad used to hi 5 with me back then when i was younger. that when i hi 5-ed with uncle henry for the video, it just brought back the memories i had of dad when i was younger. but that was all that i had of him. of the cnys' when it was back and i was younger. i didn't know much, young and innocent as a child. whow. i didn't know dad could leave me feeling the way i did. feeling better now after 2 hours of sleeping around the bed. can breathe now.

too emo today. cried on the way to school. wondering i'm i crying for myself, for him or for some other reasons. can't quite figure out the reason but i think its because i'm tired of being different at home. that as much as i try to delude myself that i don't care. i actually do care. argh. i'm as good as running like a bull, keep running in to the wall, but not really trying to get bothered by the feelings as you ram your head into the wall.

but in all, composed at lecture but returned home with the wind blowing at my face while i sat 151 to kent ridge, and took 10 to nearby my place, i just walked. and walked. and walked up to kent ridge park where i could at least blow some wind, see some skies, see some sea. press the camera button on the camera and took numerous shot. took one that satisfied myself. being quiet on the bench as i intake the view. wasn't the best of days or weather to be there, for it looked cloudy today. couldn't care less. to make myself pant. tired. make the legs scream to feel alive as i climbed the stairs up and back home. just to tire myself. least feel alive arhahar. and say a prayer before descending. its gonna rain another bout soon. emo mess i am in. but it'll clear.

yeap anyways, now's saturday morning. but to talk about Jacky Cheung's World Tour concert has been massive. haven't been able to take any pictures of the man himself cause basically of the lightings on the stage and as a matter of fact i totally forgot to bring my sd card out into my camera. so couldn't take anything. so the only 2 pics i took were of the stage. with my trusty w810i. yes, the paranoia shot was taken with a phone. i'm so proud of myself. arhahar. looks good hor :) the real pictures of him are taken from www.baidu.com images search =) wee. and yes, added all together.

great stuff. jacky really did alot of practice and all the credits in the world for him. constantly seeking to better himself. soon, aaron can move over. and did i say the guy's one fit guy. he pumped up, and yes during rehearsals does head stands. phew. 3 hours non stop singing and dancing. tell me where in the world do you get the stamina at the age of 46 i heard. if i didn't hear it wrongly.

jacky moved me and made i cried. cried when he sang the song "gei peng you" - for a friend. he wrote it for Anita Mui. it was in canton. but the lyrics. i cried cause yeah. i could feel the emotions for the departed and i just thought of grandma that very moment. as the lyrics flashed over the projector and he sang it all out. my goodness. yes for a night it was all jacky's. alot of respect for the man.

after sitting down for a moment. the one lesson i brought home was really. to be inspired like him, to keep bettering yourself. he keeps learning, dance, sing, rap, new genres of music, new adaptation of songs, new singing style. it made me really arhahar, like joyce come on, go study and do it well the last time. arhhaar, and move on :) and learn other stuff. dude, building up fit and well at 46 blows my mind at his fitness. nearly fainted. and that's the reason why he's looking all so well and good. i feel its better than ever. i mean yes you can see his age, but he is looking finer. Got his career back up when it was in the downs. became a disney spokesperson so at the end of the day, his kids could relate to daddy, since they're too young and his songs and albums are bit hard to relate, arhahar, he became one spokesperson cause he said he watches alot of disney show anyway. in all, i like the image he painted and he tries hard to carry out, to be a dad to his 2 girls (being like an ordinary dad, fetching them from school and carrying their cartoon skool bags) and working hard for his career. concert's great. songs great. feelings great. clapped till my hands are sore. scream like i don't give a hoot like a wolf. harhaar. whooo whoo whoo and HOK YAUUUU. arhahar, and yeah. its fun. letting off stress.

and at the end of the day, i brought home his advice "life's full of ups and downs. The bad times will eventually pass. Just keep holding on, don't give up". yeah man. today's songs brought back memories of my childhood. i sung back then as a child, just following him as he sings, i don't know what the lyrics meant. harhar, total chinese idiot till later in life. i'm grateful for his songs. for in the every song, lies different memories of growing up, and later, the different experiences in life placed and etched beneath the songs he sings. i think growing up would have been hard not for some of his songs. arhhaar. passes my time :) since my elders do listen to them but somehow no interest. and ahrhar, my interest grew. very very thankful for the man himself. his songs, his voice, his lyrics. to what lies behind the soul of every chinese/canton song, stories, life experiences, you know at the end of the day. you aren't alone. Thank You to arhhaar, Jojo omma + Jacky Cheung!! For the great night and to God for making all possible. its coming 530am.

i've fixed 2 pictures on photoshop. one wallpaper and the blog entry. i wonder how am i getting up for lessons. i just have alot of thoughts flowing in my head. happy stuff, some reflective. but i'm dead beat. Jacky Rocks :) His voice is sooo.. *screams. Oh MY GOD. moves. your inner self. can't believe i teared, when i'm not singing. arhhaar. just reading lyrics and listening to the man. Bless his other 2 nights at Singapore Indoor. Faaantanstic! WHOOTs.

all the pictures to be uploaded. when i more free-er lar. arhahar all the playing around with photoshop to play with ah bi pictures taken in church on sunday. :) aunty carol sent me a cuter pics of ah da and ah bi playing with sparky. arhahar. rather sparkies. :) Ah Bi is sooo. lovable. that mms seriously made my day. thank you aunty carol. cause i was staring at the wallpaper display on my phone, admiring the skies. and then the downloading mms icon came on i was wondering who it was. i thought emo boy too sian mms. arhahar. suprise suprise. when the boy was so busy winning bogus. or whatever you call that. hahar.

yesterday's night of rain was good. good that i managed to have some time and do some reflections on the things that have been going on. i've placed the thoughts in the black book already :) safe in there. arhahar, must have been the prayer thingy we were doing at YABF huh? rest coming in with the great rains. i felt homey. close. arhhar. those reflective moments that feels great. pouring out all the emotions arhhar. on the book. feels heard and least get that issue i had to God. I realised i haven't been wearing that much of black lately, and on sunday, wearing all white. i sat and realised ahrhar. har, maybe it was the want to be pure again. after doing those deeds. i know i shouldn't but didn't had much of a choice. but i think i'm feeling better.

need some time to cope around with the changes i think. getting enough rest. talking to the enough people. to ensure that i'm still in interaction with people. thank you Lijin and Jayson (over on last saturday):) arhhaar. talk talk talk. good stuff. was fidgeting with friendster today, bringing and uploading some pics i should have but somehow never did. and look at ah bi. aharhahar. i don't know. just seeing her smile, then the blue skies on my phone. whoo, to be reminded once again of the simple pleasures of life that has somehow lost its place for me. that i wasn't really admiring them as much as i used to, for the love kind of got overshadowed. i'll pick up taking pictures again. and stop avoiding taking those great shots. ah bi was the start. more? arhahar :) yar. maybe at JC's concert. can't get the lighting right. argh. practice practice practice. i miss bak indri. :( hope to see her soon. and all the familiar ppl again. snap out or adding some fun stuff to the monotony of life that can eat me up. i'm 1. so zhuo buay diao. 2. I need to lame and crap in chinese once in a while. 3. I'm full of nonsense i can't let it out in school arhahar. and i realised how sweet and nice Pei Lian and Yiling has been to my whatever nonsenses.

i broke record today. no lunch. arhhar. whoot. appetite's falling. arhhaa. chit a chat with emo boy. kill time for 3 hours break at holland village staring at beagle and corgi adds a little smile. but arhahar, ah bi just made me :))))))) arhahar. trying to wake the boy up. and the line goes. I cannot imagine anyone as blessed as him. like stuffs all already planned for him sort of thing. ew. i think he's got quite a nice boss, but if its a really nice boss. shall see tomorrow.

to whatever. tomorrow. is gonna be a repeat episode of today. same lessons. same things. and thinking of that business frameworks lecture going on. i turn green. argh. God get me through tomorrow. i survived today. arhahar ;) nitey. ah bi ah bi!!

*gasps. today is coming to a close. or rather another week has just come to a past. there's like so many emotions i'm trying to cope with. at times like the savage garden song, "2 beds and a coffee machine". once again, i'm thinking of the line "i wonder how i got this far".

one moment i was dealing with being not able to do the things that i really wanted to. but its ok took the alternative. school's in, school's started on monday. right after the aftermath of grandma's leaving. not that it done great damage (minimally) but what's definite, it was a faraway warning of what it feels like of what it feels like losing someone who actually was like a piece of jigsaw piece in your picture but suddenly left. can't do anything but at the end of the day, but what you can thank God that He has provided things like time, and I know He'll keep watching me. while i continue wondering, pondering on a lot of lessons and things and issues and just be reminded of the fact of how good He is. Has been, still is and i believe still gonna be.

now, i'm trying to get used to school. i'm just shaking at my head at just lately how much of bumps there are. arhahar, getting used to school life isn't hard. but life's hard when the people around tend to be more indulged in their own activities. arhhar, its hard to try to get out there and get to know more people for who they really are and not who they seem to be. but i guess and can only hope things should get better i think arhhaar. starting of school tends to be sooo. boring. arhahar. one moment back in secondary school i'm studying in the west area, then come again poly, i'm shifted to the east. and now, i'm back in the west. i laugh as a matter of fact that ahahar, my used-to-be work area has now become my school area. arhahar. damn interesting. and i still laugh about it everyday as i set my way off to school. it brings back alot alot. of fresh memories especially of the hawker centre, the buble tea stall, the hang ten stall. dots. arhahar, walking down to the bus stop to take 188 back home. everything. is a mix of memories from the time of work to the time of the has beens spent time over at clementi cc. with the has beens.

harhar. emotions piles up, i get to school i'll think of the time spent with all the people especially like yiling and pei lian arhhar. the people who could stand my nonsense. jayson. arhahar. then at lectures how the familiar faces and the common jokes and nonsenses around. winnie's giggles ahrahar. i sit in the new lecture theatres and i just laugh to myself at times, how all these things i've apparently seem to thought i wouldn't miss my poly times. but i do arhahar. :) yar, joyce should just quit bothering trying to delude herself. the familiar things that i do like conversing in chinese. though my chinese is crap, i rarely do it now. arhhar to lame in chinese or english, i rarely do it now. arhahar. no one shou enough to really do all those stuff. i'm literally waiting for lyn and janna to come into schoool and add some life to the monotony of school. i'm just so waiting to snap out of this mundane life and try to add some spice and juice into it.

anyway, i wanted to share some pictures i've taken up but blogger isn't allowing me to upload. the rough sketches. i might go in depth. i might not bother. :) thing i'm looking forward to. jacky cheung's concert. to see him in person to the person i respect. for knowing how to turn his life's pains into one of life's learning point, and make the most out of life. kudos. and uncle henry to get well ;) and to the 100001 things on my head. i need rest. God bless.

hello to this blog. its coming to 3am on this sunday morning. and i'm just back from grandma's funeral, and then it was supper with little tiger at her house nearby for prata. Gotta thank God cause initially it was just a walk to 7-11 to grab some cup noodles but the brands available simply sucked. she ate her yo ji. (pig internal organ souP) her favourite. whilst i just had 1.5 pieces of prata. kosong. she had the other half. and back from a chat since 12 i think. harhar.

a day of ups and downs but the ups has kind of made the day worthwhile. today has been a day of overcoming anger. anger sparkled off cause i really would have preferred if i didn't make the walks. since it was a teochew ceremony. couldn't really end up the way i would have wished for simply cause in the extended family, there were representatives of the grandchildren. i just did it really cause i don't want any other talks and speculations as to how come 6th aunt haven't got any kids? while the fact was that there were 3. but none of them wanted to take the walk and it didn't help with an emotional mom. i got the brunt of almost everything when i said that jie wasn't gonna walk. not that it was her first time but it has always been the case, cause as the saying goes youngest mah. so ok lor, since the siblings are all grown up already.

but for a moment i really didn't want to think in her point of view cause simply, for a moment i had my own beliefs and convictions. it might have caused a controversey cause for the past few days, i didn't really hold the josssticks while i just stuck to the bowing. whole thing caved in today just for the rituals. fine, if it made everyone happy and if it would have sparred my mom from the awful earfuls. but the guilt was really there. i knew where i stand, but i was just wondering and really telling God i didn't enjoy a time i was doing it.

respect as it is to grandma, ok with the bowings and all. i'm glad grandma knew i was a christian before she left. she realised it on her own without me telling her and she asked to confirm, i nodded my head. it was just weeks ago actually. that i knew she knew i woudn't have disrespected her in anyways.

i really detest being put in situations like that, that you just have to face the shit in your face. not only that, accept the shit incoming to your face with your arms wide open. gladly. it definitely isn't the easiest things to do but it really isn't much of a choice. that as you get older, you really have to learn to shrug it off, or rather be calm as your anger rise and not vent it on anyone around or near you while you are letting out your steam like bouts of farts. you have to do it the silent killer way. arhahar, and just laugh it off later. i just shared my anger with people and really get over it.

i was angry matter of factly that when i was going through the stuffs, and there was my brother giving those stupid face and stares, sister sitting there and father. just laughing and enjoying their own private time whist i wasn't. but aiyo, they're winners right, they have choices and reasons to back their actions. fine lor, win lor. i just look at my ownself and just really sulk at the mirror. it seriously annoyed me i just went off after the whole thing and just said bye. nothing better to say, don't say.

tired obviously that shit was once again flinged at me, can't duck. just stand there, let it land. i just wanted to really be alone and recharge. be quiet and still actually before my school starts, tidy up some things in the mind! get the body used to working and not being a bummer? get the stuffs on which needs work done, like driving harhar, mind used to thinking more than idling usually, to commit the upcoming time to God :) but i feel so so drained. with all this religion vs fillial piety things. you wish it could be as easy as dumping one away and just go with the other. but then again, life isn't that simple. i'm so so tired, i want a hug! harhar which the thing i do is grab Da Dou and give it a one big hell of a hug. no wonder the head needs stitching.

am nursing my tiredness, tinch of sadness and guilt. but i'm glad and happy to tell Little Tiger in the face that after all these years, i can really care and love her the way i should. hee hee, that i no longer was prejudiced over her with the perspective mom loved her more as a goddaughter. whahrhar, cause it realy didn't matter to me now. :) i should love her and stop running away from the fact that both of us are really similiar. hee, i refused to the core back then, but all's cool! i told her i'm happy hee hee, cause it taught me to love more! thanks to God's work and the prayers.

Thank God for the open coffee shop cause she said it was normally closed at ungodly hours of the night, but for some apparent reasons, open today. Thank God for the awesome chat we had, the times we spent together now, the laughters, the joy, the care and concern and love. they're real and genuine now! well to the work done till today. way cool. so as i was saying shit happens, but times, they'll be times where tao hui gets thrown too. you enjoy cause its my favourite? harhhaar.

anyays, i'm thankful for today lar. definitely another good lesson to keep me in check, on what anger and forgiveness is. its very easy to anger, but forgiving takes a hell lot more :) thankful too for the people's concern and gladly, and definitely to Aunty Carol who's been awesome. though not in person the sms exchanges, i felt you near :) Cousins Jane Jie, for just sharing, togther with her dear Gary, William and Julie. and Little Tiger. for the times. and emo boy for his encouraging words too. :) lovely. so its time to slp and its to the creamatorium later today. day seems daunting but may the Lord see this through and continue to provide His comfort and hands of protection and rest during this time. Ah Joy Hwaiting. in front of my The Tiger's comp. Thank God for a comp and internet? harharh :) i forgot to bring my black book lar. while i tune myself to Amazing Love on youtube. harhar, i dont have the song anywhere. but the song came to my mind :) to seek some comfort.

I'm forgiven, because You were forsaken.
I'm accepted, You were condemned.
I'm alive and well, Your spirit is within me.
Because You died and rose again.

Amazing love, how can it be
That You my King would die for me
Amazing love, I know its true
Its my joy to honour You
In all i do, I honour You