You're Inhuman That's what I am crying out now. A feeling that only I have and I think its how I feel now so badly about. Something I thought by sharing with someone would have made me feel better. It will make mom understand but she comprehends not a single thing. Something I can't share with most people cause either many are deeply in love or simply haven't had the chance to feel the way i do. whilst the simplest reasons is to just ignore everything and just carry out a relationship with him but things aren't the way it is.

Something I share whereby all my mom tells me is "Aiyah. There's so many guys out there". "Aiyo. Concentrate on your studies first lah". Haven't I already been doing so? Haven't I always been trying my best to achieve what she wants me to do. Put my heart and soul when it seems increasingly hard at times. whereby I'm only human and i do need encouragement at times. Can't you say something more then just these 2 mere sentences. I say, you're inhuman and leaves the room. Leave me alone.

I'm crying cause I've fallen for someone whom I know I can't be with. Cause i'm not allowed to. For what I believe in. To stop the cycle of my kids [if i do have any] of taking the route that i take now. For its not easy being the only christian in the family and its freaking trying alrite. when the temptations of just simply following the world seems so strong and denouncing your faith seems as such a simpler and easier path to take. Isn't it sensible to just leave what you believe in when it simply gets too trying? Just give it all up?

I chose the hard way. and WHY in the freaking world do I do that? For the 100% love of myself? well, hell no. Its for the freaking sake of every single one of you in this family. That we'll be the least together in heaven [even if we are not on earth]. Singing praises + songs of God. Telling others of God's wonderous love. Tell them that God loves them and that we love Him.

What mom told did and told me was totally inhuman. [I times wonder how cruel could she be with her words] When you're talking and all that matters to her is her all so important 9 o'clock drama? Forget it.

When was she really there when things / issues I needed to tell someone with. The only comforting things she did was saying some words when i dumped a guy. I don't understand you + You don't understand me.

I sobbed. I cried. I stuttered. FOR WHAT? Telling me i'm emotional. You're soOo strong. am i not human in your eyes? Can't I fall for someone? Think of it man? Didn't Jie Jie met Kenneth during this age. Haven't your son fell for someone at an age like that? am i sinning in falling for someone? God no. If you only knew the pain of falling for someone but you know you can't be with. DO you know for God's sake. Heavens. no. you don't. When the only pillar in the house and that is holding this family in tact is you. When I turn to you, for you are the only one i can relate to. You told me those words. Why thank you. But its not working.

I freaking cried. I broke down. I couldn't take it anymore, when what i saw in the guy that i wanted to be with was standing right in front of me. hmm. he's ok looking. arhahar. he had his hair styled today. he's soOo full of learning points. when we always go. "hey u look different today with short hair" he told me. when he takes note of small details and remembers things when you say once. hmm. for being soOo ever thoughtful. we went out for lunch at coffee club. its got yummy iced latte i tell you. he drank that. i follow lor =) when he arranged the meeting at a time and place he picked. i followed. when i woke up at 12am and found his sms that i was to meet him at 1pm at orchard. arhhar. when i told him i'll be late and yes i was darn late for overshooting the train first at dhoby ghaut and missing another train again from dhoby ghaut to orchard. when he said. "take ur time don't need rush abit". when the last time he did was to bring about an empty plate when we had seafood spagettheti. we talked and talked as usual. he likes astrology. and HEALING crystals making me laugh it loud and he went. I noe you strong christian. arhahar. lol. walk walk until in kinokuniya whreby we flipped books about everything. he talks about repainting his toilet to baby green which i thought light light green was an awesome color for the calming effect it had. where we looked out of the window and it was dark. i went. "hey its going to rain. ouh oh". He went. "aiyo. its night already. its 730pm" arhahar. when i realised. omigosh. i was shocked how much time had flied with him. that i actually wanted to be home for dinner with mummy. and made my way home but grabbing tako pachi for mama cause she said she wanted. i asked if he was dining in or out for dinner he said dunno as usual. but at the end grabbed this sausage prata. arhhar. with 5 mini sausages. asked me what i wanted. i said i no plans to eat but could company him to eat. he don't want. arhhar. then guess what he did. he took actually 2 toothpicks for the mini sausages. he offered me. "nah. come come eat". Me said. "I don't want.. full lar". He went "But I took 2 toothpicks you know for you" arhahar. I couldn't say no anymore lar. soOo thoughtful soOo i say thank you and "ok lar. i eat 1 u eat 4!" arhhar. soOo funny. but when parting and saying goodbye. I can't help not realising how attentive this guy is. when my mp3 player played James Blunt's You're Beautiful. "life is beautiful" was the first line. the last line goes. "but its time to face the truth. i will never be with you" i just teaared. then teared more while i crossed the road and walk that path home. then went to sent the tako pachi and just broke down in my room. i haven't realised that i had feelings for him. arhahar. worst is to realise that i actually do like him. maybe its love. most slightly it is the latter.

He had what i wanted. Many issues i held we shared. we discussed, there was nothing we couldn't have agreed more upon. talking them out makes sense. when we encouraged each other on during exams. which he did when i wasn't really keen on starting. i pushed when i doubted my own ability in completing the subjects when the odds seems to be stacking on me i felt. when my course grade for your information was mostly a mere C. I wasn't in the least of right mood to put in any more effort for your information but i had to get on with it. cause i feel in your eyes. a degree is what the least you want out of me. I wanted to give it all up and just scape past this semester. but i just did my best. I scream to God every single time before I start my revision. every single time i start my paper. I say a little prayer for everyone who's doing the same thing as i am. preparing to flip the paper and uncap your blue / black pen and start writing. whatever you studied. to perform and write all of them out on that piece of paper within that 1-2 hour. God was gracious enough cause i got a B for most of them. It was never my own effort. I couldn't have done it on my own. If not for the God i'm holding on to so ever hardly, i tell you.

I wouldn't be standing today where I am. I wouldn't have got so far. I would have been one of those brats you see out in those streets smoking my ass off. Running as far as i could away from home. doing the things that would have been deemed as exciting. i would have been into stealing. i would have become a thorn in your flesh. someone who none of you could have imagine me in. somone you wished you didn't bore. who could have understood the difficulties i was facing most of the time by myself before Indri came into my life. I almost went that way. I saw myself almost heading that way but God reminded me.

But God was gracious. He always put someone in my life along the way that kept me sane. Have you ever wondered why was i never home once schools ended. whether it is in primary school or in secondary school? I tell you why. I never wanted to be home which constantly kept me remembered of what it is at home. the pressure it is for me to keep up with my studies which i had little interest in. Nothing motivated me in school seriously, not studies. not the competition in class to be in the top 10-20 in class. not the fame that it would have been but when i was young. all i wanted was to simply please your expectations. i hated maths. cause you always wanted me to do things your way. ever wondered why i always did maths the exact opposite. i never wanted to understand the question. i never wanted to do them cause i never liked things that were supposed to be the way they were. i never studied chinese cause i never feel i wanted to learn in cause there was no one out there at home which i could have conversed in. i never wanted to do anything cause i like defying you many a times cause you never understood me i guess. i always love to be understood by ppl.

God placed my primary school mentor teacher miss bala in my life. its for her that i think she saw through me. she groomed me, i loved hanging around in school after school, hoping that she had something to be done and she would have to get help from the students which i was always the first one to raise my hands up and help. primary 5-6 i guess was when i started to become the person i am today. helping around in school till there was nothing left to do, then i went home. have dinner with you. do my homework as any student did. wash up. watch some teevee. head to bed. life was like that thoughout my whole 10 years in school. i did my homework cause i knew you hated failure and i didn't like to be in the bottom of the class. i studied so as not to be in the last in class.

Miss Bala taught some life lessons and some lessons which touches me most of the time. One who love encouraging students and i guess that was why i loved her lots. i studied cause she aroused me to work hard. she bothered why i could always do well in everything except chinese and maths which i had little faith. but she always told me "i believe in you" that was why in the final PSLE there was an A in the chinese and a B in my maths. I knew how to be sensible for everything you liked was what i pressumed as right. everything that you didn't like was pressumed to be wrong. i guess i wanted to please you soOo much soOo just to get your attention. Wondered what it was for you to hug me when i did well or something. The only reason why I became prefect in primary school was because the school principal liked me. Mr Fong. He saw me since primary one. You walked me to school only on tests dates and after that. it was all on my own. Till primary 3, when it was the nomination of school prefects, i think my name wasn't on the list [cause my form teacher was a maths teacher and i did badly in it]. Mr Chan the discipline master went around reading the names and saw the students outside class to tell them of the class, i wasn't in that batch to head out. Mr Fong came by and i don't know. I guess he told Mr Chan to add my name to the list. If my observation wasn't wrong. I knew i couldn't have make it onto that list cause my studies wasn't the best and as prefects, your grades had to be of some standard.

somehow i made it. i told myself constantly that i had to pass every subject. so as not to let Mr Fong down for his belief in me. Remembered how you went watching this movie about goose flying and i didn't want to. You gave me some money to hang around in the arcade. God knows, i spent them all and was really bored. i waited outside the arcade as i was told. Mr Fong came by, suprised to see me there of course. Asked me what was i doing outside the arcade and offered me money to play more games. i said no cause i know its not nice. he told me to be good and wait for you at the same place. Around primary 4, Mr Fong had somehow had a fall and had to move around in clutches and he wasn't the cheerful man i remembered but most of the time, he would stand outside the school gate, and ensured every single student went home after the flag lowering ceremony.

I rose up to the ranks i suppose, for doing my duties as a prefect dilligently and for doing so-so in my studies. but Miss Bala maximised my potential. constantly seeking the best for the students and wanting the best out of every student. she scolded me when i shirked responsibility in carrying out some simple duties like collecting excursion forms / money for assessment exercises cause i got tired of this pleasing everyone game. but she pushed me. continue volunteering all the time. do well in the things. she taught me responsiblity. taught me how to lead. how to make people follow you and in turn earn the respect from your peers. taught us how important it was to have a ECA. which i liked music somehow back then. actually what miss bala taught was more than enough to prepare me for my next face of life. which was secondary school. how miss bala showed her appreciation when you did well or when you helped out in school events [i was almost down for every single event every year since primary 3] she rewarded when one did well and i followed on and learnt what she taught.

I was close to turning bad cause i was hanging out with guys most of the time. and at that time happened to hang out with one person who actually stole something from a shop. it was a police report case and miss bala was involved. miss bala wanted to know who was actually hanging out with that bunch so cleverly asked "did anyone saw abel stealing.." i waited till after school to approach her and then told her i did. which makes sense that i was mixing with that bunch and abel's friends. i was freaked cause i didn't want to get involved [after an incident in school about some borrowing money incident that earned me a slap outside class from you] i never wanted to had any trouble in school after that slap i earned. she told me to stay away and ever since then. watched who i was hanging out with.

Practiced the same theory in secondary school, wasn't the most keen on being a councellor once again but i think it was cause of my record in my primary school as a deputy head, i rose up again in secondary 2. just trying to do my best in school. every year i walk by. every single year i thank God how He just placed 1-2 people at a significant part of my life while i grew up to ensure i grew up in the right way. Indri [my previous maid] grew me in my faith. asking me if i prayed to a God, but just told me to keep praying and give thanks to God. asked me if I did quiet time. and asked me if i start going to church. she encouraged me to. that if i miss one sunday, it would have been an "otang". She taught me many lessons in life once again. helped me in my secondary 1-2 maths. which i never like. but arhahar. somehow did well cause i was taught by a great teacher. i grew close to her cause you were never home on saturdays. she taught me how to cook. how to least fend off for myself if it is that i stayed alone that i don't get hungry.

that's how i came about my faith which stands today cause every single year i pass in my life, i look back and piece together the pieces at how much i was looked after and cared by an unknown being which existed in my life ever since i was young. for i loved talking to myself. and times just talked. i called out to that someone to pass my exams to get me through so that i did not need to face the beatings or the cold treatment i got from you if i failed my maths or my chinese. it worked that's why i continued talking to this unknown being. till later when i related it to Indri when she told me and revealed who this person was a God that i was seeking to. That you got indonesian maid after a certain period of time before indri came was that for me to learn the language of indonesian. to communicate with Indri. see how every single thing seems to fall into place?

That if you were to see it, that indonesia seems to be struck with quite a lot of turmoils that when tsunami came. i was strucked to see what happened. compassioned and in turn wanted to head over as a volunteer to help out as i can. for i believe that in times when you are in the lowest point of your life, when there seems to be no one out there who can least lend a comforting hand to you. when it seems that life has no more reasons of living. [i thought of suicide or running away from home really often when i was young to escape the beatings i expect to get when my grades wasn't of your expectactions]. I believe God could least do something in people's life. For God did just that onto me. When I had no one to turn to before indri came. that when i seemed to be like no one's child. as though no one bothered my existence. i was always brought to sense by people like Miss Bala who made me like school and give me a reason for a tomorrow. Never did i know i learn how to take initative, a lesson that was an awesome one till today. she always praised like "see how initative Joyce is" and i'll feel good deep down to know what it is doing good.

Its not till God granted me to head to Cebu for the mission trip do i see how actually the world is. yes, i've heard of the poor seen of the poor but have you felt and seen with your heart and eyes what it is. it compelled me to do missions which has been somehow been in my head ever since cause by God i believed He made you say yes when just before i was preparing for the trip to cebu, lassie's leg was fractured. and you had to have a hole in your pocket paying $600 bucks for the surgery. [Dogs cannot come to any harm in the house. cause you'll be blamed terribly. i was somehow responsible for the loss of the 1st lassie at home and was ostracised constantly by every member in the family cause its just human nature to blame the next related person. but aiyo. i was just a kid, and me too loved dogs ok. it was just that i trusted auntie to much i let go off my doggie when she said it'll be fine leaving lassie at a corner] You was soOo distraught about Lassie the second's leg fracture, i think you were going to say no to be leaving for Cebu. cause of the money you're gonna be coming out for both the trip and lassie.

Thank God He provided. that i managed to find a job and work for some time to pay some of the majority of the trip. That i still owe you $600 bucks till today which i'm working now at the expo to pay it off. and the rest from my coming attachment. somehow it all seems to fall into place i think. i think i might head off for another mission trip but don't know where to. is it back to cebu or is it to indonesia or is it to korea. korea's on the list not cause i like korean stars and want to head there. but i doubt it is by chance that i have an interest for things cause why wouldn't i have an interest in the taiwan / hollywood / japan entertainment media. i don't know arhahar. but what ever it is, i believe time will reveal everything.

I don't just do the things i do, and make the choice of standing so firm in the things that i believe in for your information. when it makes sense to just follow the world when the wrong seems right and the right seems wrong. it would have been so much easier wouldn't it have been? but this thing inside of me will always prompt me "joyce. do it". or "joyce! NO!" that it'll teach me how to cry. how to cry when i'm sad. how to cry when i sing praise or worship songs when some lyrics unknowningly touches my heart and i am brought down to tears. how it is to be sobbing, crying so hard but with thanks to God for everything He has done in my life.

If it has to be any confessions to be done in my life, God was all along with me and watching me and helping me up when i fell. to grant me the strength to move on when the odds just seem overpowering. to believe in myself little by little. to comprehend that getting your attention wasn't everything in the world. that living for God was what it is keeping me to live every single day. that i hope that people will one day feel and see the light with their eyes and heart. the joy of loving this God and the joy He brings to you. The hope among the disappointment and trials He place. In difficulties or tears, do you learn what is the meaning of what it is to believe. to hope. to live out what you believe in. i wasn't made sensible from day 1 of my life for i was the most stubborn kid and you can agree to it. i was the most defiant kid anyone could get for i was the ultimate when it comes to disagreeing or argueing with you or answering you back when i was young to earn me that slap or some ranting from you.

if only you could sit back and look back at how much you change since back then. reflect on how much you changed. no one can deny how much you have changed since 10 yrs back from now. How much your temper has subsided. how much your pursues in life have changed. that riches and money don't seem to have a hold in your life now. think bout your spending habits. think about the wants that you wanted in your life but not any longer now. piece together how your life has brought you till today's state. why some people are placed in your life and why they are no longer with you anymore. is to hopefully make you realise the lessons that that person has brought you to learn or has taught you but you have refused to acknowledge or credit that person till that person is gone. think why you have grown more regular and faithful in your faith and hopefully do you realise how much you used to object me heading to church to my baptism in becoming a christian. i hope one day you get to understand and see all these things. for they have all happened and everything happens for a reason.

if you would reason every single reason out. and see me. hopefully as a living testimony to you. that brokeness can be restored in a family. place your faith in God and see Him work cause i've seen Him worked and when you have doubts that why somethings miraclously get healed. it isn't from the chinese mediums you have gone to but your little faith in at thinking maybe prayer works. if you would have more faith. the impossible does come true. God's doing is beyond what a complex human mind can comprehend. that's why this faith is all not about going to church and been there. its about God doing things in your life that you have a living relationship with this God. to grant you the joys of living every single day. that you will live each day to the fullest and to what has been laid out in front of you. as much as trials and storms and obstacles come upon you. i think i'll hopefully get past this one as much as it pains me. for loving someone that i know i shouldn't. cause i know it will be a much greater pain next time that i chose to let go of it now. and i don't want to be breaking his close knitted family up. my family's pretty messed up but its alrite. i didn't turned out messed up as i thought i would. as i take comfort in this higher being up there. That all my hopes and joys and energry comes from Him. if only i could tell this to you which i never could face to face. i hope someone relay my deepest thoughts to you. i love you mummy. =) and if you're wondering who's placed in my life now to shower me with love and senses in life since indri left this home [we still catch up!]. It is. arhhaar. You, my beloved internet mummy. and to you. my other omma. Jojo omma. lurve you all.

alritey. i've been wanting to blog for the longest period of time since the holidays started like approximately 2 - 3 weeks ago and apparently haven't done so. for various reasons but arhahar. probably watching long long movies and ended up just bouncing off to bed that i haven't had time to sit down and check myself arhahar. yes.

i'm not feeling the best of myself now cause erm. arhahar. i think i'm gonna fall ill soon. arhhar. its just the feeling that i'm gonna fall into some high fever again. awesome huh. for what reasons? i dunnoe why cause i haven't been caught in any rain or neither have i been having late nites. its just whole feeling of weirdness today when i got home. arhahar. maybe i am sick already. arhhar. *hicks. cause i felt like puking. [signs of pregnancy? arhharar. choy. no lar. kidding] but just pure larthegic-ness or something. arhhar. in case you all are wondering what's joyce's up to. i'm just woe-rking [arhahar. working = woessss] arhhar. over at the book fair whereby its apparently supposed to be working a 12 hr shift but have been working for bout a mere 8 -8.5 hours these 2 days. arhhar. there's overstaff at the booth cause there ain't enough crowd or either my manager must be seeing me having this words spelt on my head in CAPS that goes. [I"M TIRED] arhahar. yes. she's been releasing me and choon teck early [my colleague. who's in the same polytechnic as me and age] ahahar. i'm just wondering when before the 19th comes and my manager goes. "ok xiao peng you men [fellow small friends] -literal translation from chinese. as that's what she calls us. she's really funny] i'm overstaffed. arhahar. which means i might need to release some of you all early before the 19th [the fair ends then] " cause honestly the fair only started picking up today but even so. its pretty little. cause its a book fair and a comp accessories stuck there is alittle bit awkward. arhahrar. i seem to be always working in an overstaffed environment. arhhar. second time. other time was at CPF board. which left the last surviving 5 people with me included. but i got "eliminated" in the end. arhhrar. oh well. so much so for the working part.

school's out and the semester results came out. arhahar. its the usual. thank you to all who have been sending their prayers cause i was blessed. i got through even when the times i think i was soOo dead. arhahar. but yes i got through org. behaviour despite Linnet's initial "i don't like JOyce" attitude. arhhar. but well, actually i thank her for she taught me the meaning of what it is to get over my other bad habit of lateness. honestly i've been rather punctual nowadays. and i think i need her to teach me the lessons on trying to be really still and quiet and just listen totally. i tend to "this is not right. try my opinions / alternatives" arhahar. ends up being too strong on my side which i think i might have to decrease that habit. lol.

and before i leave for my bed. cause arhahar. i think i am concussed. i wanna say. and i come back to the same point. as i ask myself. "is it wrong to care that extra bit for someone" or "maybe it isn't good to have good intentions" at all. arhhaar. i dunnoe. cause half of the time i either send out the "wrong signal" and get myself fixed up. arhhar. and it always ends up the way it is. good friends today and goodbye in the days ahead. that things don't appear the way they were. arhahar. i guess it could be simply me. that after all. i could just be the very hard to understand person. =) that's y i fall straight for the smart. determined. serious guys. its just the way it is. i haven't met one yet. but something i realise i cannot do. is to maintain a best of friends with a close guy huh. arhahar. =) [feeling bit wasteful but i dunnoe. watch what my mouth says i suppose the next time.]

its the coming last paper and i'm itching. arhahar. erh. itching to get it over and done with. not the most motivated paper cause upon seeing my SAND coursegrade. it just puts me off. it is disapponting in a way cause i thought a B would be more justified. simply because I did the reflection but somehow. it ain't in. and well, but i think Grace Yap has got a thousand reasons why i should deserve that grade. maybe i didn't do too well for that after quiz. maybe my individual part wasn't good enough. maybe this maybe that. i just ain't motivated to get a high grade for this subject ever since but nonetheless. put in whatever i can to at least get me through. eEks. just somehow don't feel like performing miracles like i did in EBM. oh well. GOD!! Discipline me will ya.. I was granted rest. but erm. God, can i have concentration and some confidence in this please?. arhahar. i'm soOo cute. He hears me. arharhar. ok *concentration received* just screaming it out. arhahar. makes it all better.

Alrite. GO go jia you. Go for it and just go~~ arhahar. oh i got a nice comment from Jacob that I have interesting songs on my blog. arhahar. Lol. thankie you. interesting is a nice word. i like =) anyways. listening to Glenda bout the "happenings". Wanna say dunch bother bout what's going on and just go for it!! As long as happiness stays and its God will, ain't anyone. should be talking too much around. I find places quite scary at times. eeEeks. freaks me at times thinking bout it. but it'll be good. =) Stay happy wor =)

come on JOYCE. motivate urself. arharhar. I am Powerpuff gurl. as what Ronnie used to call me. Ronnie my first boss. arhahar. yes. Aku si POwerpuff gurl. arhahar. Huff + Puff + Away and its back to my books. Hope all gets seemed in like a tissue on water and squeeze every single drop of da knowledge out tonite. All da bestie!! *fighting* and yes. Da Jang Geum. I'm coming. arhahar. can't wait or stand the thought of being able to be in front of the teevee just googling at it whole day. soOo exciting. arhhar. i got soOo many things i wanna do. go learn more "stuns" on dat guitar + driving. arhahar. wanna sign up and get that license u know why? Cause I can't stand my brother flaunting his car license if he comes back from Australia. Always showing off. *bleah!! arhhaar. Its in preparation before he starts his flaunt show. Get that card and ease my mind. arhahar. even if it is that i do not get to drive that 4 wheel around. Bleah. arhhaar. Jia You u BIT peeps. bunch of clever ppl all around. arharhar. see ya all around then. tataaata. God bless.

Oh and my personality tests. did it in a jiffy whilst taking a break with my dinner at 930pm. nice. and Auntie Lilek said. "joice. kamu suda kurus loh." arhahar. i was laughing it off again at how many says I've put on weight and she says that. I get soOo encouraged. She meant I've slimmed down lar. oh well. i oso dunnoe. all i know was that i think I put on weight during the CNY period. indulging. and after that was all stress and hence. I slimmed down. arhahar. but she's cute. and if u all wanna do that personal test here's da link.

I got it from Cheryl's Tean Blog. that farnie gurl. makes me smile lor she. =)

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx"

arhhaar. its pretty true for me. i give an 7.5-8 out of a 10. arhahar. here's my results. (-^^,)V

Get to know yourself better
Your view on yourself:You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on educationYou may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

ok. its been a long time since i last blogged but arharhar. i was tired and skool had my hands too tied up and i was tired. [rhymes?] arhahar. yeah. so i'm back to rant a little before i head back to books and head back to start. yes. start my revision for monday's sand paper. which will mean it will be the last of my papers this semester. and yes. little thing to look forward to is to meet Ate Sally!! arhahar. yes. [its ate as in auntie sally in cebuano]. we'll all go out for a meeting soon eh. i think ever since we came back from the trip, its been never ending work and tiedups in school for it was very much a crazy semester. spun so fast i probably didn't had time to look back on the days that have passed me by. But yes. sharing this from my private black book i just wrote.

Know what the big word of Aging means? I think I know how it feels now after having a reality check with Jie Jie. Yes, I just feel that mama+papa are ageing and i'm probably feeling the gap widdening or rather. me feeling older definitely as the years goes by. Thinking that I might start working earlier as much as I expected it. arhahar. it shouldn't be a problem i guess. since both of them has been working for a long ime already.

But I guess the doubt lies in seeing my parents turning grey that as the years goes by, seems like life seems to seem out of you. [could be different maybe.] and arhahar. the crazy thought of losing them one day gets freaky. But I think it all lies on the fact that has been on my mind since young of the insecurity that I have on when God says "You and your household will be saved". i don't mean to doubt God but it comes upon me.

the urgency seems iminent as all I see before me. Are people heading into a state of self-seeking, materialistic gain/wants of this world at such an alarming rate, I see people losing themselves to worshipping some factual things called money. becoming slaves drivers to their work just to have what they really want, that it seems that times people want more of themselves that tehy don't really bother on the fact of establishing/maintaining the current relationships. It draws onto me on the fact that once people have found their other half, the world seemingly seems to revolve around each other? That it seems all the world needs seems like a you + me thingy. But i think that equation seems wrong. arhahar. Find a God + You = much greater things. I am not trying to say tha tone should turn into a God-loving manifesto. But am saying that you should base a relationship with also the people around you and also to the one up there.

It seems that people busy in their midst, lost what it is to be living eh? Poeple feeling out of their minds eh? I don't know. Probably I am confiding with myself, probably it is to make myself better or to make a stronger stand in what I'm believing in. But my gut feeling tells me this world seems to be waking up on the wrong side of their beds that the things around us are moving much faster that you can imagine. You probably got sucked into this incoming "tornado". You lose your footing and you most slightly have a life revolving around to what you see. Thinking that what you see is what you get. But i think seeing is believing. I hope I don't get sucked into this worldly thingy life man. it freaks me. It gets harder to hold on as the years gets by but nonetheless, if it is to fall, it is to rise every single time one fall. I wanna finish walking this path of mine tha thas been set out for me whether its a long one or a short one.

I don't know bout all these but my only hope is to press on and to continue walking no matter how hard it is gonna get by. I'll get along with this physical + spiritual tiredness but I'll hold on. arharhar. Make it a good, fought race as said in Timothy. I can't remember what's that whole verse but you get the gist. Cause it seems at times I get sucked into the wants or demands of this world. But only to be reminded of the blessings that I've been blessed with Cebu constantly remaining in the back of my head. I wanna head back sometime soon and rejuvenate that restless spirit of mine as it sometimes seems that i am the only one among the majority to be sparring alone. God bless and open the eyes of your hearts always. Lurve ya all.

Hmm. it is a long time since i last blogged. or probably it is a long time since i last rant on this free given space. arharhar. been toOo tired or practically to tired up trying to sit down and reflect on the days that have passed me by soOo fast. it literally seemed like the week just passed me by like a couple of days ago. rushing for org. behaviour. then it was a frantic rush to get your otbs eshopping cart up, and sand done. and marketing all in the same week. arharhar. thank God things have started looking up for the workload which always seemed like it was never ending. thank God for the awesome team mates i've been blessed with and for keeping me in a good state. arharhar. though after suffering from some running bloody nose for the couple of weeks. i guess and hope all's well for now. i just prefer the slower pace of life whereby you could sit down and just reflect and admire the things around you. the beautiful skies. arharhar. yes. and more time and energy to enjoy the scenic view along the ECP. which always rocks, but haven't had sufficient energy to keep my eyes open cause either when i'm heading to school or returning from school, by the time the bus got there, i'm already dozed off. arharhar. it's a hell of a week i say, and its a hell of a semester this time round. because as soon as your project weeks are done, it'll be heading back to school for revision week and then your study break and then its your semester exams again and its off from school for a month before you head off to another 4 months off with your attachment. darn its fast.

i have plans to work on the webspaces that i've created but haven't had the time to sit down and do the updates on them. play around and create more wallpaper and get my photoshop skills off somewhere. arhahar. just laze around at home more please. sit down in front of my laptop. enjoy some good dramas or korean movies. puarharhar. i'm the happiest woman on earth. just enjoying time to myself doing the things i want. fly me off to cebu once again and i'm flying!! arharhar. the happiest woman on this planet i tell you. arhhararh.

but thank you to Raymond + Martin + Wee Zhun + Jayson + Lavonne + Pei Lian for the fun day out. arharhar. definitely sweet time we all had over at the nooch bar. and lavonne. arharhar. i did bring that one more bar of battery out. just erm. didnt ransack my bag hard enough. oops. arhrahar. but definitely fun eating out with the whole bunch. from working groups to wharhar. gathering together getting to know more of each other and not who i thought who you all are. wharhhaar. =) shall upload the pictures hogging on to some comp in the house that has SD card reader. arharhr. my lappy doesn't have! duh. oh wells.

So its the chinese new year. and i'm still feeling not much of the excitement as compared to the previous year. I guess heading for a countdown at least to chinatown does at least bring up the atmosphere up a tad bit. but i guess everyone's busy with their work and school soOo neverminds. maybe i get to feel more excitement tomorrow? arharhar. first days are boring. but yeah. arhahrar. mummy's steamboat rocks! always love that soup base she has. sweet and yummy. and been having this sense of bloated-ness after days of skipping meals arhahar. from working and working in the labs. whaharhar, i can afford the mum-ing of food now i suppose. arhahar. sure put on weight again. duh. arharhar. anyways. may tomorrow be a better day and it will be arhhar. and happie 19th burfdae to Lyn. =) and to all. Have a blessed doggie year ahead ar. =) Eat more and be merry and think bout losing the pounds you all. we all grow rounder together mar? arhahar. then we all frantic lose weight together mar. ahrahah. =) And to martin + raymond and to all working on their projects during this new year. play hard oso lar. work work work. will mad one leh. arhahar. =) Chill ppl~~ *peace

arharhar. i saw da "cho seung woo" lookalike in skool again =)

alrighty. arharhar. just to blog. i'm really r e a l l y t i r e d. arharhar. yes. after a day of heading out to shop with my 2 cousins. really really fun cause i just felt we 3 had a "reunion". cause i think the 3 of us have never been this close b4 yet. arhahar. probably cause we talk bout basically everything down the sun now and it is fun. arhahar as me and carol tag up and pull off some funny jokes on kim yee. puhar. and she goes around beating our heads as the 2 of us tries to dodge. yes. its public. arhahrar. while walking she tries hitting both of our heads? arhhar. funny gurl. she looks ultra demure on the outside. arharhar. but i think anyone seeing her do that, they'll probably change their perception of that gurl. duh. arhahar. but it was fun walking around to grab our new years clothes cause i dun wanna squeeze with the crowd as new year draws closer and town gets really packed. plus its really gonna be rush rush of projects. to do the seemingly impossible. arhhaar. [kidding!] it is possible arharhar. but is really walking each step and watching each step. puhar. praying for strength + guidance bout everyday to keep me going. it gets tiring. arharhr. anyways. keep praying. *crosses fingers*

hmm. results wise for the mid term test have soOo far been ok. its like arhhar. round what i kind of expected. arharhar. round the Bs and an only A. arhahar, for marketing [cause Mr Siow teaches really well :D] but you now what? Apparently the hmm. [do i get sued for slander/libel] cause my Org. Behaviour teacher doesn't like me the very least. and honestly i dunnoe wad i did cause from the first lesson, i could F E E L and S E E that detestment she had in her eyes for me. which was pretty obvious i think maybe i stepped onto her tail or something but erm. i dunnoe. i didn't do anything!! that's a really a mere pass. puhar. aiyo. i better hope i get by this subject. somehow. arharar.

but anyways. today's shopping got me 2 new tops. yeah. new life in my wardrobe. b r e a t h e. cause its new. arhhaar. new lease of life? arhahar. yes. i get bored easily and i'll always say my tops are not enough while the cupboard seems to be filling up. arhahar. got an Astro Boy baggie. arhahr. yeah. new bag. wharhar. fulfills what i wanna get. enough. arhahar. get the new year over and done with all the deadlines coming up for the projects. its the number 3. the lucky number 3 cause there'll be 3-4 subjects needing to hand it in soOn in no time. i hope i'll manage. and harhar. and look forward to a good reward of yummy food with reunion dinner i think after all those hard work. yummy steamboat with omma's yummy chilli. arhahar. but yes. i nid to work out soon. run? skip? basketball? exercise!! my tummy's getting bigger and seeing that bluge blopping out as i tried on the new clothes puts me off! big time. arhaar. but its kind of expected at the rate i've been eating since christmas. all the chocolates. arhahar. oh dear. work baby!! ahrahrar.

anyways. i wanna thank God and Uncle Henry yesterday for allowing me to play last night during bible study at his place for worship. its a small crowd but i really never expected myself to play. i always felt i wasn't ready honestly to play for God, till like now. no confidence somehow. arhahar. till he put on dat stap, passed the spectrum to my hand and placed that guitar over my head. aiyo. i still kept going "uncle henry, you play, you play..." arhahar. never ready enough i think me. and he went into his room to get another guitar "dun worry. i open another one". feels better that way. he had 5 guitars at home. and they're all really chic stuff. clear + distinct sound and light and compact. its fun. wharhar. and we had 3 guitarist last nite. a pianist. gladly things went ok with the presence of a real greenhorn. [i always played alone in my room] arhahar. playing for God's coOL. but it was a real experience for me. thank you for the experience =) to all.

alritey alrighty. i'll sign off here. my eyes are really closing and hey. i heard Min Jong oppa's "You're My Life" over the radio at 12++ am on DOngLI 88.3 just now. its cOoL cause i seldom hear korean songs played over the airwaves nowadays and its Min Jong oppa's voice and my favourite song. ended up playing his album again. arhahar. he rocks. and went to have some luxury of heading to the forums board and hang around for some time posting. [its has been a real long time hanging out on the boards] never really have that luxury nowadays. so its nice. and pleasantly, had a smile on my face as i saw Dong Gun oppa's smile. those pics of the nkino photo take. aiyo. soOo cute. i place one pic here ok. ultra cute. makes me smile. arhahar. wif Min Jong oppa's voice heard. pleasant nite and sweet dreamy.

i edited it to this size just to see the big smiles on the face. i like the comfort of the 2 guys being close but yet comfortable. arhahar. real man pic. eEee. his soOo cute!! Dong Gun oppa's ultra cute in this pic. arhahar. *squalls*

Just came home from Chinatown to walk around the rows of open air shops selling well, mostly food and more glorious F O O D. arharhar. yes. this years "in" thing is that Taiwan Muah Chee. Well, its just that its pre-packed into bite sized pieces and comes in thousands of flavours and i lurve the red bean and sesame flavoured ones. heh. but was pretty pissed somehow. during dinner cause mummy and me ordered chicken porridge for me and it came to my table as fish porridge [its the last thing ever on my mind to eat!! soOo fishy!] i ate a mouth only to find out that it was fish and was helpless at the end of it cause you have eaten it! *sigh* but the comforting dish on the table was my favorite steamed beancurd with this light sauce i think topped with yummy spring onions and also fried onions. heh.

Today was somehow a unlucky day for both mummy and me i think. cause she got wet by the canvas covers over our heads, it was raining and yes. it stored rain water on top of it and somehow, a small puddle drench the side of mummy. poor mummy. as for me. its the porridge accident, somehow i think i am not a very fish-y person, unless one person can get rid of that fish-y taste out of it. har. FRY it. arharhar. or least u top it off with loads of ginger, tomato, pepper and sauce!! arharhar. oh well.

Somehow, probably it is still early from the coming new year that there isn't any atmosphere, arharhar. i don't know. something is lacking somewhere? i wonder. can't find the reason, just companying mummy walking around the streets. arhahar. i still feel like a little girl whenever i walk out with her.

- on the bus. whenever you board the bus, mummy never fails to look out for a seat for herself and for me. arharhar. but i normally stand when there's just too many people. but prefer the backend seats in private or in secrecy. away from the crowd. arhahar. please =)

- when you are about to alight from the bus, mummy looks for you and arharhar. asks you to get down too.

- she tends to be on the lookout for cars and she holds my hands which has grown from that smaller size of her palms to almost identical sizes of her palms 18 years down the road. its fun walking around with mummy looking at her smile at my silly comments or jokes. arhahrar.

- she bought yummy food, arhahar. like pork floss, [i came out with the recipe to butter the toasted bread and place that floss on top of it. bet it is gonna taste close to that pork floss crackers from Thailand!] arhahar. i get crazy ideas once i tasted that floss.

anyways for now i'm still filled up to the brim. kept munching all the small thingies along the way, making myself sure that i am assured of putting on a couple of pounds or probably kilos since christmas. with the chocolates, yummy ham, turkey. aiyo. the parties of food. i'm fat! arharhar. and now its new year again. and yes. feed and fill to the brim yo. let's be hearty and decide to slim down after all these events end shall we. arhahar. =)

surface matters done. let's talk about what has been "eating" me since last night. I wasn't home cause i was over at my cousin's place once again. cause her other aunt needed to take down the christmas tree, and the team of 3 [consisting of my cousin, her mum and me] went down to dismantle the tree. i've been reflecting about it. its something bout me and my cousin. yes. to face it, there's some issues being swept under the carpet. arharhar. apparently, i do not need to talk about it, but i can see it on her face. its apparent but i guess i didn't bothered to talk about it with her.

Yes, i guess cause of some of these issues that somehow, the relationship between me and her younger sister, we got closer cause basically we shared more just relating to each other and she's there to company me when she was away. its fun with her younger sister cause she reminds me so much of what it is just lets say, 3 years ago. its like looking at the younger version of myself at times but somehow, a tad different. harhar.

just before bedtime for the 3 of us last nite, i don't know but i just went. "maybe we're aren't that close anymore". yes, on the surface it looks like. but if it means sharing like what we used to, no. its just something that needs to be addressed before the close cousin-ship we had would have turned to a mere "hi-bye" kind of friendship. i went on and on as i usually did, telling everything i felt. and yeap. most of what i said were true. harhar. its just something you don't have to tell me, but the looks on your face on the eyes of a person is enough to tell me the gist of what is going on. i believe in one thing till now that what is on your eyes, never lies. and till now, yes. that is the window to what i think of the person. say what you want but the look in your eyes tells me you do want to share with me somethings but something was holding her back.

"its because i see you like very close to my mom.." yes, gut feeling told me that probably i talked too much. i meddled too much into matters of people's. they stopped telling you anymore. but honestly, i never gave anything away, because i was merely asked of my opinions. that is it. but its ok. i think my opnions never mattered anymore. whatever reasons it is, i take my part of the blame for things to have happened. i just feel things probably are going to be different now. i don't know. i think. that's about it. *sigh*

this same thing has happened before. way back when we were like 12-13 year olds. we stopped talking with each other cause of some misundertandings but somehow got back closer than anything when we were 14. arhahar. i guess its time for me to realise time again, all good things come to an end. and an end does not necessarily means a bad end. endings does come in happy endings i guess.

i did quite a bit of self reflection on myself. my own doings. the words i say. the things i do. i don't know in times of this, but apparently i think i must have protrayed myself as a person of confidence to people who looks at me from the exterior. because. apparently during yesterday's YA's group sharings, that word used to descibe me came out a number of times which came of as a surpise. always trying to keep a low profile but i guess my low profile not enough. it could be this that my way of thinking differs from hers, and probably the confidence people feel and sees in me has led to a growing distance. which i believe was likely the likelihood that added on to things. maybe the sense of direction in my life has been clear at times, the purpose of my life laid clear in front of me, the strong faith in God that she sees in me, but erm. i think bout this one, i have lost my sense of direction in the way how things should go along with us.

Somehow, i feel weird when things just apparently play the way like it apparently is but it is not exactly what it should be. i will choose to just let things mellow, not meet up maybe or?? but just a regular touch with each other through distant means like the phone or the sms service. i dunnoe. maybe i just want to be alone. quit meddling in matters of other people already. since it seems that i've created quite a mess. =) maybe i'll learn on my own to mind my own business. but i think i can't do it at times, for placing people's interest first then mine has always been my style. i don't know seriously.

i know for one thing is for sure. i'll be crying out for guidance on this one. there's a tinch of sadness somehow in me. can't find a reason why. being misunderstood? things just going for a bout of change? it amazes me cause the thing i'll be praying really hard since the start of the new year seems to be strength every day and now. is guidance. yes. finally. the homing missle has suddenly lost its way! arharhar. in one of the many things. guess its time to come down and sit beside God's feet and just listen what He has got to say. cause He just did something again. arharhar. Money in the wallet apparently seem to be tight, arhahrar. cause the compensation money from Silkair was used first and i was saving to get it paid back =) after the arharhar. season of giving. I wasn't that worried lar, just that you got to watch what you spent, arharhar. An aunt just gave me a good sum of money that arharhar. which was amazing that i thought back. Must have been God lar. arhhaar. such wonderful timing! heh. Thank You and you seriously know what it is to shout out. Amen.

Perhaps times have changed.
Perhaps we have grown.
Perhaps the thinking in us have differed.
Perhaps i lost my senses.

Time passes by,
Seasons change
And so do us.. people.
Maybe its nature taking its course.

All i know, most of the earthly things undergoes changes.
But for one thing that never change.
It is your unfailing love.
Your unchaging love that no matter how many times we turn our backs on you, you never lost hope in any one of us.
In your hopes that all of us will come and realise.
That You were standing behind each and everyone of us.
Never missing or leaving anyone of You behind as much as You felt you were alone.
How many times you teared. cried out to the someone out there that you hope hears you.
You were heard. for He cried too with you that when you cried yourself to bed. you never felt so comforted. you felt heard. That comfort that a being such as Him is able to transcend upon you. The peace in your heart that embraces you and fills you up with a new sense of hope and strength after the entire process of crying. For you to stand up on your own 2 feet again and carry on walking.
I hope You. yes you. your paths will one day cross the path of His.
Get to meet this person and know this person more.
That is the love of the Father.
Watching you as you are.
An unexplainable feeling.
A heavenly touch. that makes you feel so touched. so whole.

Watch me will you? Take my hands, like a child. To be felt what it was like to be a child all over. Walk with me will you? Be with me and guide me please as to how to walk this way. for i know i was never alone. that you were there.. all along. thank you. for being ever so awe-some.

its back to skool today again and its like. whoot. projects deadlines are coming. arhhar. times you feel its bugging you quite a tad bit. but i suppose i'll just have to take a little step at a time. one thing at a time and i guess eventually it'll all round up well, and this semester will be another semester. thinking bout what's coming up can be pretty freaky at all these projects but arhhaar. burn ur weekends! arhahar. more like saturdays. but arh. i just remembered uncle stevens "worship practice" arharhar. ok. =)

the thought of sOo many things to do at such a little time. arharhar. times i feel like to give it all up. arhrahar. but nar, dat's soOo unlike Joyce. Sitting back and "observing" all the "what ifs"? arhhaar. i'm lame. but yeah, that's what I did for a tad while. I somehow got this voice that struck me, someone telling me "hmm. is there anyways I can help you?.. I help you do ... or i help you do that lar.. then like that easier for you right.." arharhar. i dunnoe! it just rang out of my head. arhahar. and then i tried to identify who said that to me. ahrhar. its him again. awWw. arhahar. I still can remember that time. in times of this, isn't it nice to hear someone willing to share your load and lessen some load off your shoulders? Sweet talk and "psycho" you, give you the confidence and faith to do to the things that you do. times i feel i lost the old me sometimes. aharhar. the "iron will" to go do the things i set out to do. arhhar. it somehow. i think depleted? or just maybe i've changed. arhahar. sounds seemingly a tad different from the time i was. arharhar. [somethings wrong with me!] arharhar. oh well. its just hmm. thoughts!

arhahrar. gotta start kicking things off and immersing myself in work! Now you know what it means to go against time. arhhar. staring at this piggy soft toy that Jojo omma bought for me. its staring at me with those cute dovey looks. arharhar. sitting on top of the speakers beside my comp. [**psst. its watching you!!*] arhahar. told her that at least there's something looking at me I'll get motivated to go do the things i'm supposed to do, and she giggled it off. arhrahar. and she got me a toy. cause i was sharing her bout Pooh bear sitting in front of me when I mug my papers. [he's great to sleep on] arharhar.

Alritey, go get some work done. and figure out some diagrams. like SAND is all about "GO FIGURE" arhahar. wonder what Grace is teaching and try to make sense out of it all and do something. its the hardeest project to do. arharhar. You've never been that lost, it beats EBM. arhahar. it just keeps getting better eh? And spent some time with God. He made this great beautiful morning sky in the morning while I was travelling on the bus on the ECP. Whoot. rocks. and the sun beaming down its rays into the bus or at my face. arharhar. [basking in the sun?] arhhar. it was great to see the clouds and everything the cars. the roads. the lampposts. arhharar. after missing a week out of action away from school from the holidays. heh. may tomorrow be a better day! [it should be since its a lecture day]

Ouh yeah. i gotta tell this FREAK Indian guy. its the funniest thing to have happened to me on the bus. I didn't know when the time he sat next to me cause i was fast asleep on my way home on the bus. he sits and reads the papers and i opened my eyes to find this guy seated beside me? reading his Tamil Murasu papers. The weirdest part is that the entire bus is pretty empty, there were plenty of seats around like, why can't you sit any other place, why beside my place? it got me pretty freaky, cause shorty he went to sleep and i was wide awake like o_0? i saw this uncle alighting and i guess uncle was thinking what i was thinking. he gave those suspicious glance at that weirdo and i was like "quick. now!!" said excuse me and got down and like, thank God he "allowed you to pass". arhahar. I got down at harborfront with the uncle and smiled at him, pretty thankful, arharhar. someone realised something! arhahar. actually all what that weirdo wanted was that very seat, on the left side, right at the back of the bus, where I was seatin. cause the moment i left, he sprawled all over on the seat and slept there. guess it's got sentimental value to him or something. thanks for freaking me out a tad bit.

Got mummy a blue bear!! arhahar. its a mobile accessory cause i was given one yesterday and she went "wei, since you got so many of these [mobile thingies] can you give me one?" arharhar. i was like "i don't have many you know", I didn't know what made her think the way but i felt bad, cause i got this new thingy to hang, soOo I got her one, since she wanted to have one. Stood super duper long at the store thinking what to get for her, and when i gave it to her, thank God she said "so cute." arhhar. soOo yeap. Mission accomplished as she kept telling me to "can you please hang it on my phone". arhahar. she's soOo cute. never seen mom getting cute over some BEAR. yeap, i lurve asking her for opinions on the bears i have and she went. "you every christmas also got alot of gifts hor". arharhar. actually also its not that many. arhahar. she's cute! anyways, i like to see her getting smiley over that blue bear. aharhar. actually getting that blue bear was "inspired" by Jojo omma once again. cause her son gave her this similar bear i got for mom for her and she liked it really much. arhhaar. figured mom might like that bear toOo. and true enough!! arhahar. maybe bears has got some magic with moms. its got to be that type! ahahar. signing off here. time to use my brains and think. arhaarh. its a nice nite. chill~!!! nitey.

arharhar. i just had the feel. arhhaar. to write i mean. hmm. how do i describe wad i am feeling now huh. cause the wind was blowing at my face. hmm. i get that. arhahar. reminiscing feel! yeap. thought i should "capture" this moment down eh. somehow when i got up from bed and took my shower today. arharhar. i was just thinking. how december passed me by. thinking a week ago. 2 weeks and just how fast this month passed me by. arhrhaar. X the no of times to 12. dat's probably how fast last year passed me by? arharhar. no lar not really.

I think its soOo gonna rain. arharhar. or maybe. i just have a liking for cloudy rainy days. =) maybe cause somehow you take time off to just take a little time off from what you are doing and just look out and ponder bout the rain. its even more fun if its on the bus though. arhhraar. or in some sheltered vehicle. car or something. then you see droplets and the droplets of rain just rolling down from the side of the window. arh. its beautiful =) and looking through how everything looks from the wet window. everything kind of muffled and see the lights kind of go into one thin red line as the bus pass things by. its pretty funny. arharhar. *laughs out at what i am thinking*

arhrahar. alrite-y. maybe i'm probably just a little bored now but its real fun how this one week of break from skool has been. arharhar. somehow its coming to an end. arhahar. lazing my butt off. spending a couple of days by being a pure couch potato and just lookin at da 2 handsomes. whoot. arharhar. i screamed again? arharhra. when i saw Dong Gun oppa on teevee. arharhar. thinking bout the day that he came. arhahar. i couldn't help it =p arhharar. he's freaking gorgeous. *bites. arhahar. thinking bout skool starting tomorrow and arharhar. everything's gonna be on turbo mode. arharhar. rush rush for the projects again. arharar. duh. fun eh?

30th was Jin Hui's birthday! arharhar. and yeap. she got a cake and arhharar. we sang and took photos and arhahar. they were at k-box and after that. my 2 cousins joined and we went to play pool together. which was pretty whooping-ly expensive on fridays i think. arhahar. but heck. just have fun eh? soOo yeah. they never played much pool soOo aiya. i turned a part time teacher. arhahar. not that i'm that good but well. for the entire fun cause i'm still learning how to slice my ball properly! getting the angles rite. arharhar. pretty fun. then they both stayed over lar. then the new year's eve was once again spent over at that Aunt's place. well. it gets kind of bored when all u do is watch cable. arhahar. and play lots and lots of rounds of "big 2". that again was taught by me. arharhar. to their cousins [cause i'm not related to my cousins - cousins] its the daddie's side. arhahar. and i'm connected to this 2 cousins by me mom! so yeap. but its good to see the bunch of them getting together. cause my first time there. they were all scattered into their small groups and dat 2 cousins were watching teevee wif me? arharhar. soOo break the ice and yeah. they all came together. they're nice ppl lar. cause they're mostly in secondary school soOo arhahar. they're younger. but still connectable. arhahar. good to see a family sitting around like dat =)

anyways. gonna pass today wif me and my laptop. arhahrar. i like the feeling of just sitting in front of it =) chao and happy new year to all of u! blessed 2006 =p *huggiezZz**

its been a long time since i last blogged. arhahar. really long time. just felt toOo tired to blog. being immersed in work. arhaar. sucks the life out of me. cause even on the 14th this month, when Mr Jang came down to Singapore, arharhar. I didn't even came down here to blog. all i can say, december has passed me by like a passing wind. arhahar. before i know it, december is already coming to an end. from the time he came, or afew weeks before he came, it was all packed up. arhahar. with projects. after coming back from cebu, or should i say from the preparations of the cebu trip till skool reopened and till now. time has seriously passed me by.

Some habits has already been a change. arhahar. for one thing. i'm not hanging out on the forum boards as i used to. somehow work has been the factor. after Dong Gun oppa came, it was revision week already and then the term tests and then it ended. and now here i am having my one week of term break. i bet its just gonna get more packed. and my resolutions arharhar. after the term break comes is to wake myself up. big time.

actually nothing much in particular just will be worried about fridays, darn bout fridays when skool opens cause someone is bearing a grudge against me. pretty helpless about it. it was then i realised dat ahrahrar. seriously i've been having good teachers who were really nice. arharhar. now i appreciated them. [since mr kok yeow. my database info. sys. cher] arhahar. he's one teacher that i respect tons. hee. he's like a "daddie" to everyone. arhahar. very anything. but you really appreciated him towards the end of the semester. but anyways. its one of my resolutions. i'm soOo not gonna let her pick on me anymore. argh. *bites*

i'm like still trying to play catch up with time and arhahar. i know i haven't been blogging much cause i think last time when i last blogged. i wasn't able to hit the keys as fast as i do now. arhhar. times has changed. tad of me still remains and tad of me has changed. arhhar. all i know i feel a sense of change in me since da trip. arhahar. could be the focus has kind of changed significantly. arharhar. learnt alot of things. see alot of things. realised alot of things.

The desires in the wants and needs in life suddenly arhahar. seem not that important but some hopes to do more one day has come upon me. arhrahar. hope to be back in cebu if i can. then the question will pop in my head. [oei. singapore kids dun wanna help ar. only help overseas kids?] arharhar. maybe dream of going to east timor. or somewhere indonesia. arharhar. go feel what is it like to be there and being immersed in their lives. their culture. and speak more indon! arharhar. fun.

Things i wanted becomes a aiya. have then ok. dun have forget it. arharhar. but for all i noe. in everything i have. are blessings from the one up there. To not forget to give thanks to God for the blessings he have blessed me with. and most importantly as i reflect on the year that has passed me by, is to thank God for the strength that He has instilled in me. as much as anything is nearer. God is much nearer if u just want to reach out ur hands and voice to him. His continual touch in my life makes Him soOo real. i cannot deny Him, in His works, that He is in my life. i stray, i walk. but never too far from Him. That drawing power He has. I still stand amazed at Him. For one great thing i learnt, was to finally understand what it was to really break down with prayers for that one person you have in mind. feel the atmosphere which touches you. You're being heard was the comforting thing.

so many things i want to say. but arharhar. fatigueness when the time of the day has come. i feel like just heading to bed and sleep. arharhar. somehow this has been the feeling when there's no agenda to do, is to snuggle in my bed and just sleep. but i still must say this. arhahar. as i reflect. on top of the spiritual side of me. what about the personal side. the human side of me. arhahar.

basically no time to think much as to what that has been occupied on my mind lets say months and months before. arharhar. it suddenly became not soOo important. though the only person or should i say memories remain in me. ahahar. he has become a mere memory. when you finally learnt the meaning of. "letting go" arhahar. yes. it was one of the best things that has happened cause in order for new things to come, old things have to go lar. but arhahar. i opened up my eyes. aharhar. How jerks-y some guys can be. i thought i lost hope in them. arharhar. i thought only girls went for guys riches. arharhar. i was soOo soOo wrong. arhahar. but you noe wad's the best part. i ain't that rich either. arhhar. puaharhar. there's more than meets the eye. thankful it was an end before things got much worse. arharhar. for a moment. I THOUGHT there appeared. Phew. arhrhar. chill. arharhar. no rush rush!

Just then i thought that was it. I'll just wait for him. arhahar. apparently that "he" did appear. but argh. arhahar. fate has it that we met. our paths crossed but that was as far as that. arharhar. i always had that facsination of him whenever he talks. i like standing from afar and watch him work. that serious look. arhahrar. the knowledge and the things that he taught me with. arhahar. cannot forget. [folding properly clothes + pants] arhahar. i still have those skills with me. and i continually to fold shirts the way i did. i'll still smile. hmm. arhahrar. whenever the shirt sits folded nicely. he's coOL cause of his manners. as wad Dong Gun oppa says. "the beauty of a man lies in his manners". arhrahar. yeah yeah. think of everything. yes. it is his beauty. [and erm. its Dong Gun + Min Jong oppa's beauty on top of their killer looks + smiles] but yes. there stands the charisma that when a guy has their manners or what nots. somethings are there and there. you just can't miss. you just can't hide!

Anyways, enough bout the HIMs. arhhar. i see tons of guys. where some ppl might be thinking i must be obssessed. arharhar. just thankful for the moments and times we had working together. arhahar. and *erm hmm* meal times. Whoot. i thought that was quite a cruel joke for a moment that fate has played on me. but take it in your stride. hey. it ain't that bad. arharh. =) least u got impressed and fascinated by someone. arhahar. =p

as for now. arhahar. not much time left for me to allow my mind to wander. but with occassional dreams arharhar. spent on the 2 favourites. arhahar. nephew. God. mom. here and there. skool has taken up my entire mind. arhhar. half of this sem can be really tiring. but hey. arhhar. its during this time when we built on stronger friendships and bonds. one solid beloved i found. arhahar. was ashley. arharhar. i just think how similar at times the "experiences" we can share. and to really believe that "every family has their own stories". as we shared and bunked on each other to get thru trying killing semesters. arhahar. bring on your work experiences with your group mates. add both of our grp experiences. arharhar. from pleasant working ppl to "leechers" arhahar. funny. poly life hasn't been that happening eh. arhahar. *winks** its been a hell of a ride. arharhar. it happens only once! =p its been nevertheless another great year that i've been blessed with.

i feel old. arhahar. as i see the big 20 coming. arhhra. eeEee. i noe i'm gonna be 19 but arhhar. 21 is coming. and life is gonna pass you by at the wink of the eye. that's one of the pre-belief i have in my head. arharhar. looking at past experiences like seein how fast Mr Jang + Kim has groown. erm. its really fast. if you look at their young videos to their current ones. it all really seems yesterday. which kind of makes it scary. boys to men. arharhar. yes. and when everyone in their coming 30s tell you it is fast. you can't help not imaging its not that fast. the fact comes staring that every year that past you by brings u one step closer to. arhahrar. the dreadful working world. you know how contridicting that is. arhahar. when you study you feel working life is better. [but deep inside you just believe that studying life is better] and when they give you the working life. you think that studying life is better. arhhar. i take studying life can? arhahar. but how long can you go on studying. arhahar.

you can't stop time from passing you by. but you can somehow stop some of it by keeping the little joy and laughter in myself. makes you sane in at times what i call this crazy world. and keeps you one happy dude as the years goes by. arhahar. i pray that i'll continue to contain that joy in me. arhahar. it seems real cause somehow arharhar. I seem to harhar less! as i get older. erm. yes. i do harhar. but yes. it is lesser arhahar. its alarming but arhahrar. i believe whatever you set your heart in doing so, my name joyce shall be joy. aharhar. eh. its another year =) cheerios ppl. *fighting** i am soOo gonna find God tonite. soOo many things to tell Him. arhahar.

-[signing off from a somewhat satisfied ah joy- arhahr. (=^^,)v - maybe my appetite will come back? arhahar. weirdly. i dun feel like eating these past few days. arhhar. eating purely cause its meal time. arharhar. weird. ] -

its been a long time since i last blogged. like ever since skool started I haven't really been blogging cause arharharar. apparently nothing has been of interesting enough for me to be blogging. arhharhar. whoops.

Well, yes, I do wanna load some pictures up of Jarrett. He's sooo cute. and adorable. arharhar. let me rattle on on how cute he is. he never fails to listen to whatever you are saying and arharhar. i like the way he asks, "Yee Yee going to Julia Gabriel with Jarrett?" arhahar. you can never refuse saying no to a child. hee. been spending my saturdays with my sayang nephew except from last week for being down with a high fever. arhharhar. he's sooo cute. but he looked great in yesterday night's wedding dinner. will post pictures again. cause its such a hassle attaching wires to the USB port and waiting to open and then wait for the slow host of blogger to work. maybe i should try loading it to nettiez's "cyworld". arhahar. haven't been in there cause it looks "bare". can't do edits cause you gotta pay in order to do more edits!

Well, its coming 3am but thank God has blessed me with good Mondays cause lessons starts at 1 and ends at 4 in the afternoon. and apparently i'm still up today cause arharhar. somehow I'm getting used to having Brother back at home. More or less, I've been leaving alone on this "level" of my house and yes. used to living with just me and parents. lassie and lilik. but that's bout it. arharhar. not suprising someone's getting the "star" treatment. first. I gotta tune down the volume of my music and arhahar. i'm getting used to that. oh well. let me brag it out here. from young me and my bro do have difficulties coming along cause we bicker a hell lot. never got along as well as i got well with my sister =) and we've grown up but I wish at times he'll be more sensible with his remarks. honestly, cause i'm always been gracious to him. not to pick on him alrite. but oh well. he always does pick on me. soOo aigo. let him say till he's fine with it. and i'll be thinking of just one word or some short replies to keep him mum. arhrhaar. lol. some things never changes.

And oh yeah. I had a really good chat wif Kim Yee and .... wharhar. Her mom! yes yes. sharing about the "happenings" in the house. Both humans and the non existants. arhahar. bout u know spirits. arharhar. yes. and touched on growing up. how i grew up. to be honest i can remember quite a bit of what happened to me when i was young. for now.. cause for one thing, Brother was coming back and erm. its the usual thing. Parents going the extra mile trying to pick him back and when somethings don't work, like the teletext not showing the details of bro's arrival, you get it in some not so nice manner. that's the sad part man i feel. feeling like i'm like needed as and when and dumped when not required. arharhar. how "sexist" my family runs. no one can deny that. but arhhar. thank God I got used to it. something which just you have to make yourself understand.

Talking to Kim Yee's mom, whose a close sister of my mom. Telling her the changes in mom, happenings at home. she shared bout herself when she was younger, the experiences and on the part whereby when i was young. cause me and my bro fought alot. i remembered how if me and my brother were to go to the parents office, when my mom went over to Kim Yee's mom place, she wouldn't ever bring me along. she'll drop me off back home and she and bro headed off to aunt's place. i remembered how hurt i was, thrown off like a toy, cause of all disputes, that i was put in punishment for everything bad that happens. Its amazing how my brother could be given a treatment and i left off to be "punish". As if all disputes were to be started off by me. but i can say. Till today. I never ever find fault with my bro unless provoked. it still happens today. Comments like "Dunnoe whether you're a girl or not?" Gee. u have to choose to ignore. i never got along wif him cause i never understood his point of view and seriously, to me. he's never a sensitive boy wif his words.

oh well. anyways, Aunt told me mom shouldn't be doing that cause its not fair to me. cause first. however does disuputes not occur between brother and sister? and cause she worked from monday to saturday, i rarely actually interacted with my parents and she did that to me. I heard that, ahrhar. somehow, some part of me just felt some pain, self pity for myself. the hurts just seem to arise. i felt a little wet in my eyes.

Aunt believed in mom bringing me over to her place to interact wif her other kids. somehow she believed in me in being understanding kid. arharhar. cute aunt. cause there was her daughter, Kim Yee, and yes. its only one of the other cousins that i'm close in terms of age wise. never did they know the 2 of us will become really close cousins till today. One thing I just had to thank God for blessing me with a lovely aunt like Kim Yee's mom. If without her, I will not be conversing in chinese [cause when i chat wif her, its in chinese, wif a wee bit of english there]. Not knowing more about my mom and most importantly, not having to taste her lovely meals and gotten to get along and knowing both my cousins, Kim Yee and Caroline. =) we 3 grew up together. arharhar. ones which made my sundays a tad different from the rest of the days.

I look back at my days, times I wanna cry for myself in a way, it sounds pathetic but times if i were to think in a pathetic way. I feel pathetic. But nar. I look back standing amazed at how God has looked after me, blessing with me with wonderful "maids" [i call them aunties], which were the "moms". I remembered how each one doted on me, celebrated my birthday, brought me out. and most importantly was to comfort a kid who was just trying to be. me. All da aunties always sided with me, whenever there was a quarrel wif me and my brother. He always made me cry! arhahar. i remembered one time whereby bro deliberately spite me, flung my toys all over the floor. and i picked up the pieces one by one cause they were my "livelihood". my aunt really got mad at him and threw a piece of chopstick at my bro. She got a real scolding from my mom cause mom had to be called in but yeah. i always remembered how my aunts stood for me =) and dote on me, arhahar. and my elder sister tOo =)

So as i got older, i realised alot of things. a respect and love grew for my mom as i got older. for one thing. Somehow, i never held anything against mommy. somehow. arhahar. but something still holds against my dad at times. marriage takes a back seat on my mind sometimes, cause in a way, i never want my child to be going through what i did till today. how much to wonder what is a human's father's way of loving a child. in a family i see in a church, which i'll doubt to see it happening on me. but simply the importance it is to be having similiar beliefs and running towards a kind of goal both mom and dad can share.

I just in the midst just wanted to write it out. write my entire life story out not to gain sympathy from readers but simply for kids. youths facing in similiar or somewhat same situation will feel they're not alone. to inspire kids to live life with that constant joy and happiness they can feel in their lives and be a blessing to the ppl around them. somehow i thought how amazing i went through all these things, cause every single time i remembered how hurt i was. i cried out to God under my sheets to sleep. Praying it'll be better day tomorrow. i felt heard and to see how God brought me up. I marvel at how much this Father's love for his children. The fact He never wants you to go through some things, but if you have to. He's with you. And i still never fail to marvel at how much this Father loves us. He still constantly watches over me i believe. and helps me hold on. =) *fighting ah joy* and i hope this joy of mine will continually live in me today. tomorrow and for the many tomorrows. you're never alone =) *tears* (=^^,)v

hmm. *aaaah* testing. testing. arhhar. kidding. just laming out here. leaving a note here before i leave off to finish off my unfinished work. of thinking questions of tml's interview for SAND. erm. its not the sand in the sand and sea. it means. System Analst and Development. some lOoong. and "chim" word but anyways, urh. its new to me. and that means.. more read ups and listening? teacher [mrs Y**] is a good experienced worker in the industry but erh. she can't really teach for peanuts. [i dun mean to bash]. but its hard to understand her lingo. she can tell u the entire problem scenario. but u still dun get a thing. cause its in her lingo. hard to understand the subject enough and it adds on trying to understand what she's saying. well. i guess i need to tune into her frequency. cause she looks like she's speaking greek to me. she likes. chop chop. snappy answers. dun let her wait. she'll bites. she's the one which u call. career woman. she's one example. trying to learn from her. though hard. arhahrarhar.

Alright. anyway. I served God today for 2 entire services. arhrahar. clicking and clicking and clicking. whoa. endurance. but Pastor Keith made it all bearable. sOo funny lar. it came out wif the LOTR video in the presentation. it ended and i clicked which in powerpoint method supposed to proceed to the next slide but it replayed the video i had to search for the "page down" button to exit cause of the sound. he went "she's alittle excited over the video. maybe we'll watch the video after the service". he's funny.

alright. thank God that I'm fine. whahar. and alive now. thou shall wonder how high 40 degrees is. double the things i was feeling. arhahr. anyways. big CHOY. but erh. it mades 2 points known to me. That Thou shalt have to watch what i'm eating. and Thou shalt have to sleep early and wake up early. its a habit i'm still trying to switch. sleeping around 12? oh dear. i only do it when im sick lar. but anyways. since i made a promise to "mummy". it shalt be it. arhhar. and to omma who always asks me to "sleep early ar". its her "chant". soOo yeah. gonna do work. and head to bed already. drowsy medicine taking its effect. but its not as effective as Dr Han's medicine. My family doc's medicine is a killer. knocks u out within few minutes.arhhra. explains the difference between a private doc and a public one and yes. i waited around 2 hours for the entire procedure of seeing the doc and taking my medicine. compared to a 45 mins in a private doc. arhahar. oh well. workey time.

Duh. school has started. first day of school today after 2 months of holidays. and ok. i'm gonna write this down.

- The first "rude shock" i got back to school first thing after setting into the school compound. arharhar. Was a rude awakening cause i haven't got used to the fact of seeing such a large number of people all dressed really well. The in trends. the latest and the vibrancy. That's Temasek Poly but yeah. arhahar. I think I was just used to seeing simplicity casual dressing. After coming back from Cebu, I'm still getting settled in terms of the people around me. arhhaar. can't help it. =)

- Second shock. well. arhahar. difficulty level of the work in school has gotten much harder. its becoming soOo industrial base. I feel like i am undergoing job training in school. arhharhar. big time. but you know what. Supposedly the prospects of the IT world is RICH. big time. Was doing my assignment of searching what a System Analyst does. Whooping very tech-y but but. the pay was like 120 pounds per hour? [there ain't a pound sign on my keyboard] but whoot. just look at that. anyways. I'm just feeling the heat of school cause honestly the subjects this semesters as compared to last semester is less. but the difficulty level has risen to quite a bit. arhahar. time to UPgrade. pleah. the thoughts of projects. eEe. arhhar. coffee and ur dear computer. sounds like you're working already. i get bored thinking about what will happen to me in a mere 10 years time. working. full-time. erh. arhahar. sounds lifeless. i just hope i land myself a job i love. arhhar. then u won't feel you're working a day in your life. ahrhaar.

Cause reading an article in the papers was sharing opinions of actually not rushing into finding a job as soon as you graduate. and also another one was that. hmm. bout ouh. influx of graduates into the industries that there isn't enough the market to accomodate to the graduates. that businesses gets to choose the cream of the crop, graduates from distinctive universities but the less known universities gets a harder time getting a job locally. arhhar. move abroad? yeah. part of me tells me i wanna go abroad and work. another part tells me of my omma. and the food. and the friends. arh. arhahar. =( anyways. that's later anyways.

Okay. Know what's the part about the new timetable. arhharar. I start school 3 days a week at 9am. and which means how early i gotta wake up? huu huu. some 6 plus. just like my dear secondary school days. Omma was laughing at me. "well. just think of it as you're going to school back in your secondary school". I was like "thanks mummy.." arhahar. soOo funny. And she keeps telling me to. "Go sleep early ar..." She's soOo cute. arhahar. that's my mummy. and yeah. I ate a fish bone for dinner which left me coughing like mad. but it didn't come out. see. i shall be developing a phobia for fish? but nar. ahrhar. i like ikan goreng!! I feel dumb and careless sometimes. like soOo careless. anyways. i feel "dumb" don't like to talk cause I dun like the jutting feeling at the side of your throat. arharhar.

OKie. enough of whining over here and close my eyes and head to bed. tuesdays are seriously long days. oh my gosh. and the CHINESE radio station UFM 1003 is playing real oldies. It goes. "whoever hears this. I love you". I heard that song before in some karaoke songs my mom used to play and sing some long years ago. but its not that bad to suit the nite. quiet moods. oh. and i wanted to say. God made lovely blue evening skies out at my place today. I love walking back from the bus stop to my house everyday. crossing this big roads. with the over head flyer building works going on. and the deep blue skies and the clouds. and the wind just blowing at your face occassionally and 2 sides of the road with cars and vehicles passing you by at quite a speed. i like raising my arms a little bit out. to feel the gush of the wind passing you by. its awesome. that's called. Just another day out. =) in school. Gotta sleep before i can't wake up tomorrow! God bless.

*screams* time has seriously pass me real fast. to be exact. today later in the afternoon at 1pm will be a school day. New time table states for monday. I start lessons at 1 and ends at 4pm. arhahar. One thing I think I've been blessed this semester is a shorter time table as compared to last semester which was hell of a hectic one. =)

Holidays has been a fruitful one this 2 months basically cause of the Cebu trip which has been marvellous for me. In a sense of rejuvenating myself. More of God over there and to see the world in my eyes. it has certainly changed me. In a sense. I have become a person to seriously be contented with what I have. suddenly things that i have wanted. seem sooo unimportant. things that i used to chased for in a sense, the things that i used to call "precious" or "important" in my sight has changed their significance. and suddenly all dun seem the way they were before. its like what has been said. Lay down your all. ur possessions. everything. ur life. suddenly made sense to me. amazing revelation.

Anyways, soOo much soOo for that. But apparently I've been feeling a little sleepy and larthegic somehow. ain't got a clue as to why that is soOo cause i realised that i do get the sleepy feeling whenever i get home. arhhar. nothing to do or unoccupied? i dunnoe but all i hope i get my energy level on a high. kind of looking forwards to school rather than bumping around at home. but one thing is that. i dread about the deadly projects week and the exams but arhharhar. dat's life of a student. u get fun + alot of time to yourself but one thing is that there is the stess and pressures of what it is to live a life of one student. arhaharhar. but ain't much to fear. one step at a time. its amazing how time flies honestly. cause today i realised almost 2 years since i last took my o'levels. and Jessica is now taking her exams tomorrow. wif keith. they're cooOL. arharhar. that they still head to church though tomorrow's their big papers. prayers and bless them. I feel old suddenly . arhahar. and the big 20+ years old is gonna reach soon. and no time 30s? EeeeEks. one thing is sure. I'm aging. *shrudders*

Pretty groused out today over the guest's speakers topic and GRAPHIC pictures that he showed. topic was on abortion. and yeah. it is a good thing in a way to show and introduce to the youths what it is to choose the path of abortion. It was really. Oh mi gosh. it was bloody. gore-y. and seriously. puking feeling in a sense. it showed all sorts of foetuses getting aborted at the various stages of pregnancy. Speaker could be funny at any one time with his jokes and sound effects to lighten up the mood but the pictures sent a very strong message down to the crowd. that whether it is in religion's point of view or in a person's point of view that it is really wrong. talk about baby abnormalities. and whether you'll abort the baby upon knowing the fact that the baby was going to grow up not the normal babies "way". its pretty scary i feel. cause i know that babies are cute but the responsibilities and the entire process of the pregnancy does scare me off abit. and today's abortion pics were. eEew. big time.

In early stages or later stages of abortions. u could see the forms already of the foetuses. grown. alive. living. breathing being fed wif saline solution [i asked Jessica wad was dat. salt stuff =O] burning the foetus all into black stuff. and then. take the forceps and twist the legs first. so now that the foetus is turned. it kind of breaks the legs. then the forceps is inserted to its neck. piereced. twisted to break the back of the foetuses and if that is not all. the forceps is used to remove the brains of the foetuses and the head of the foetus will hang loosely. totally dead. God. and it is removed by an expulsion movement. and if that's not worse enough. if a mom decides to abort the baby at 36 weeks [whole entire pregnancy perioid is 40 weeks] soOo the "doctors" no. they're called murderers or abortionists. basically breaks every parts of the baby and remove the foetus out of the womb. cant imagine the excruciating pain that one young baby. have to go through. *sigh* why did someone or anyone invented with the process of abortion? suppose its the same as getting the baby out of the womb when baby is delivered. =( i just crinch and as i visualise in my head what it was like. i'm totally freakee.d. anyways. the bottomline here was that. no freaking pre-maritial sex. that was the tagline if u wanna ever get the risk of abortion way out of the way. and the only solution. its a life at stake. darn it.

Okie. i just found a song i wanna leave the lyrics here. Its an Irish singer. Damien Rice - Blower's Daughter. Actually I found this song off Chui Kang Hui's ["seperation"s lead actress.] Cyworld. =) and i thought it was real nice. found the song. here's the URL.

http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/closer/site/The%20Blower's%20Daughter.mp3">Damien Rice's Blower's Daughter

Damien Rice - Blower's Daughter

The blower’s daughter and so it is just like you said it would be life goes easy on me most of the time and so it is the shorter story no love no glory no hero in her skies I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you and so it is just like you said it should be we’ll both forget the breeze most of the time and so it is the colder water the blower’s daughter the pupil in denial I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes off of you I can’t take my eyes…….. Did I say that I loathe you? Did I say that I want to leave it all behind? I can’t take my mind off you I can’t take my mind off you I can’t take my mind off you I can’t take my mind off you I can’t take my mind off you I can’t take my mind, my mind, my mind ‘til I find somebody new

If you want more downloads from Damien Rice. Try this website. Search engines are nice =) arhhaar. he's good. with a unique voice. I like that grainy voice.

The site

And now. I'm gonna tuck myself into bed now. Its 2am and its time to sleep. I'm tired honestly. =) Nitey.

and for more Cebu pictures. Try this place.
My nettiezZz

- Look under albums =)