its been a long time since i last blogged. like ever since skool started I haven't really been blogging cause arharharar. apparently nothing has been of interesting enough for me to be blogging. arhharhar. whoops.

Well, yes, I do wanna load some pictures up of Jarrett. He's sooo cute. and adorable. arharhar. let me rattle on on how cute he is. he never fails to listen to whatever you are saying and arharhar. i like the way he asks, "Yee Yee going to Julia Gabriel with Jarrett?" arhahar. you can never refuse saying no to a child. hee. been spending my saturdays with my sayang nephew except from last week for being down with a high fever. arhharhar. he's sooo cute. but he looked great in yesterday night's wedding dinner. will post pictures again. cause its such a hassle attaching wires to the USB port and waiting to open and then wait for the slow host of blogger to work. maybe i should try loading it to nettiez's "cyworld". arhahar. haven't been in there cause it looks "bare". can't do edits cause you gotta pay in order to do more edits!

Well, its coming 3am but thank God has blessed me with good Mondays cause lessons starts at 1 and ends at 4 in the afternoon. and apparently i'm still up today cause arharhar. somehow I'm getting used to having Brother back at home. More or less, I've been leaving alone on this "level" of my house and yes. used to living with just me and parents. lassie and lilik. but that's bout it. arharhar. not suprising someone's getting the "star" treatment. first. I gotta tune down the volume of my music and arhahar. i'm getting used to that. oh well. let me brag it out here. from young me and my bro do have difficulties coming along cause we bicker a hell lot. never got along as well as i got well with my sister =) and we've grown up but I wish at times he'll be more sensible with his remarks. honestly, cause i'm always been gracious to him. not to pick on him alrite. but oh well. he always does pick on me. soOo aigo. let him say till he's fine with it. and i'll be thinking of just one word or some short replies to keep him mum. arhrhaar. lol. some things never changes.

And oh yeah. I had a really good chat wif Kim Yee and .... wharhar. Her mom! yes yes. sharing about the "happenings" in the house. Both humans and the non existants. arhahar. bout u know spirits. arharhar. yes. and touched on growing up. how i grew up. to be honest i can remember quite a bit of what happened to me when i was young. for now.. cause for one thing, Brother was coming back and erm. its the usual thing. Parents going the extra mile trying to pick him back and when somethings don't work, like the teletext not showing the details of bro's arrival, you get it in some not so nice manner. that's the sad part man i feel. feeling like i'm like needed as and when and dumped when not required. arharhar. how "sexist" my family runs. no one can deny that. but arhhar. thank God I got used to it. something which just you have to make yourself understand.

Talking to Kim Yee's mom, whose a close sister of my mom. Telling her the changes in mom, happenings at home. she shared bout herself when she was younger, the experiences and on the part whereby when i was young. cause me and my bro fought alot. i remembered how if me and my brother were to go to the parents office, when my mom went over to Kim Yee's mom place, she wouldn't ever bring me along. she'll drop me off back home and she and bro headed off to aunt's place. i remembered how hurt i was, thrown off like a toy, cause of all disputes, that i was put in punishment for everything bad that happens. Its amazing how my brother could be given a treatment and i left off to be "punish". As if all disputes were to be started off by me. but i can say. Till today. I never ever find fault with my bro unless provoked. it still happens today. Comments like "Dunnoe whether you're a girl or not?" Gee. u have to choose to ignore. i never got along wif him cause i never understood his point of view and seriously, to me. he's never a sensitive boy wif his words.

oh well. anyways, Aunt told me mom shouldn't be doing that cause its not fair to me. cause first. however does disuputes not occur between brother and sister? and cause she worked from monday to saturday, i rarely actually interacted with my parents and she did that to me. I heard that, ahrhar. somehow, some part of me just felt some pain, self pity for myself. the hurts just seem to arise. i felt a little wet in my eyes.

Aunt believed in mom bringing me over to her place to interact wif her other kids. somehow she believed in me in being understanding kid. arharhar. cute aunt. cause there was her daughter, Kim Yee, and yes. its only one of the other cousins that i'm close in terms of age wise. never did they know the 2 of us will become really close cousins till today. One thing I just had to thank God for blessing me with a lovely aunt like Kim Yee's mom. If without her, I will not be conversing in chinese [cause when i chat wif her, its in chinese, wif a wee bit of english there]. Not knowing more about my mom and most importantly, not having to taste her lovely meals and gotten to get along and knowing both my cousins, Kim Yee and Caroline. =) we 3 grew up together. arharhar. ones which made my sundays a tad different from the rest of the days.

I look back at my days, times I wanna cry for myself in a way, it sounds pathetic but times if i were to think in a pathetic way. I feel pathetic. But nar. I look back standing amazed at how God has looked after me, blessing with me with wonderful "maids" [i call them aunties], which were the "moms". I remembered how each one doted on me, celebrated my birthday, brought me out. and most importantly was to comfort a kid who was just trying to be. me. All da aunties always sided with me, whenever there was a quarrel wif me and my brother. He always made me cry! arhahar. i remembered one time whereby bro deliberately spite me, flung my toys all over the floor. and i picked up the pieces one by one cause they were my "livelihood". my aunt really got mad at him and threw a piece of chopstick at my bro. She got a real scolding from my mom cause mom had to be called in but yeah. i always remembered how my aunts stood for me =) and dote on me, arhahar. and my elder sister tOo =)

So as i got older, i realised alot of things. a respect and love grew for my mom as i got older. for one thing. Somehow, i never held anything against mommy. somehow. arhahar. but something still holds against my dad at times. marriage takes a back seat on my mind sometimes, cause in a way, i never want my child to be going through what i did till today. how much to wonder what is a human's father's way of loving a child. in a family i see in a church, which i'll doubt to see it happening on me. but simply the importance it is to be having similiar beliefs and running towards a kind of goal both mom and dad can share.

I just in the midst just wanted to write it out. write my entire life story out not to gain sympathy from readers but simply for kids. youths facing in similiar or somewhat same situation will feel they're not alone. to inspire kids to live life with that constant joy and happiness they can feel in their lives and be a blessing to the ppl around them. somehow i thought how amazing i went through all these things, cause every single time i remembered how hurt i was. i cried out to God under my sheets to sleep. Praying it'll be better day tomorrow. i felt heard and to see how God brought me up. I marvel at how much this Father's love for his children. The fact He never wants you to go through some things, but if you have to. He's with you. And i still never fail to marvel at how much this Father loves us. He still constantly watches over me i believe. and helps me hold on. =) *fighting ah joy* and i hope this joy of mine will continually live in me today. tomorrow and for the many tomorrows. you're never alone =) *tears* (=^^,)v