i'm having this bunch of emotions. arhahar. today only. but mostly spurred on by daddy. the word, the spelling, i rarely do spell them out, with the exceptions if i'm referring to the Godly version of a daddy.

the emotion of a spur that i wanna write all my feelings down of him arhahar. or basically, it was the thought of wishing him a happy fathers' day, something in wish i never seemed to have been able to do arhahar. for the past 20 years, but cause lately, been listening on the radio and the talks on all the fathers' day thingy. it was like, i think i could do something.

harhar, so funny, i'm leaving for malaysia for from tml till the 20th, its short, but i don't know why i got the urge to leave messages behind arhahar. its very strange but oh whatever. arhahar, i have the urge to write to mommy, and him arhahar. i wrote to the later already, leaving the pen and paper till before i turn in and prolly scribble some note that says "happy fathers day". and leave it on the windscreen of his car. i wonder why the sudden thoughts of doing so, is it cause i won't be facing him for the next couple of days that i got the courage to do it, or is it cause i'm doing it purely cause i felt like doing it. arhahar. weird. i think internet mommy's gonna be proud of me if i did it arhahrar. "joyce, forgive your dad". uhmm, prolly its high time yar arhahar :)

enough of dad talk, i haven't been blogging much but have been writing quite a bit in my black book in which stores a more private thoughts arhahar. away from suspicious eyes. muahrhaar =)

anyway, for the YAya camp, i felt bad not turning up for the east coast to the last day, and i think and hope i haven't cause too much of an inconvenience. could be excused for that day i left for SIM, and was really tired out. i just felt like sleeping man. travelling, late nite the previous nites, the heat, the worries. arhahar, it continued till the final day of camp, i couldn't wake up in the morning. oops. :( ouh wells, shouldn't be an excuse either yar. sorry sorry :( and sorry to emo boy, i never meant to let you wait actually, some guilt factor, but never mind. i did made it up with a personal delivery i hope. that's to the extent i'll go when i mean i'm sorry and that i was really gonna head out to meet you for dinner.

anyways, i'm feeling emo now. arhahar reflecting on the ride i took home. that when i was crossing the road home, that it daunt onto me that one moment, i was left hanging w/o a place to go, and now that i'm heading to SIM to do marketing, i'm just thinking what's all gonna be installed for me. being rejected and not approved by the school in the things you love doing, doing what's next of best of what i love doing. arhahar, when i was sitting and listening to the introduction talk on marketing, i realised the love developed cause of arhahahar, miss pei lian always goes "wei, your favourite teacher" arhahar. yar, Mr Seow. i'll always remember him for his smile, his antics, his "graveyard hour", whar seh, him in class, i damn alert and sharp, arhahar. and on graduation how he keep shaking my hand, cause i keep walking past him and he goes "congratulations" with that teethy smile he always have. i think i have that adoreness of him, and that respect for him, (and Mr Lim Kok Yau + Mr Johannes Kuah) cause har, the additional factor is that they just seem to have that fatherly aura on them. hee hee. its evident in Mr Seow muahrahar. :) so nice and funny. the way he taught marketing, arhrahar, i wanna do it too. arhahar. cause somehow i think i wanna work in an events/ arts and media company hopefully one day. I dream of Oglivy and Mather. arhahra. i remembered when i saw that ad, of all the budding advertisers, marketers it was some arty farty ad poster, but i loved that ad. character, colour, position, fonts. whoo, made it look "WHOA" arhahar. and all the selected people standing, sitting, some with arms crossed but all with that confident look and their names, with the company they're working from arhahar. Oglivy and Mather i read, and i was like "whoa. brand brand!!" arhahar.

i think everything's suddenly falling too fast into place, i need time to breathe and think and accept them arhhaar. i remember being like in the pits arhahar, thinking of the 1000 what ifs. arhahar, but yes, i get to stay her in Sg. and trying to accept the fact that it is probably my last 1.5 years of school? and its full time, whoa, it kind of scares me in a way. harhaar, how ready am i for that world. whoo, one side of me says "come on its time to bring some money home". i dream of my house, beautifully furnished, one nice car, arhhaar. but hor is dream lar, i seriously wonder what it feels like owning a place on my own. *grins. i'm dreaming. move out away from suspicious eyes if the sister in law moves in. ew. *shudders* my own private space too. cause i'm sure i'm gonna be annoying her if i start turning up the volumes of my music, my tv, my radio, my guitar, my voice, my phone calls. wharhahar.

but the other side says "har, whoo wait a minute, money comes but it also comes with working with people nice and nasty" arhahar, i think i did have my fair bits of nasty people who are out to get you. but take comfort in being living saints people who just made work hell, rather heavenly. the 1000 and one things on my head. i'm feeling so apologetic for the "screw-ups" today, like "no joyce, you could do better than that"

but arhar, i think its the thoughts in my head, future screwing my mind up. but its ok, i'm just glad i have a faith to lean on on times like that, and just hang in there as though you're hanging for your dear life, and let all the waves sweep and curl and calm down at the end. :)

and i know, i wanna drive badly. know why? i'm so turned on by what "healing hands 3" did. or rather the initial parts to the series too, grab the car, just drive it up to a nice, quiet, place. not to do anything fishy, but enjoy the great wind, blowing at your face as you stand by the doors of your parked car, with your arms folded. whoa. being quiet, still, not moving and feel the breeze, makes me feel alive definitely. be great if there'll be great view to view, like above kent ridge park. that's all i've seen for now. till i find a better and greater place. with height. remains my dream still for sometime, and it still is.

arhhaar. joyce is dreaming once again. always. :) i'm such a dreamer. but yar, some dreams make you wanna work for it, some dreams help you keep up with reality, draw that line, that some things are good that it remains just dreams, while some are worth fighting for. :) like watching teevee and just smile at the cute guys on it, arhahar, but that's all, laugh at their funny antics, they're just tv stuffs. arhhar. look at them laugh it off and smile. like when tony leung give that cute smile, i'll smile along arhahar, but that's it ahrhaar, smile and face another day :) you have to. otherwise, life's so boring. muarhhaar, find your entertainment please. (now where's Da Tou?) and did i say, i've packed Sparky into the bag, cause its the only one that's handy and soft.

at camp i realised i'm quite a kid. arhhar, i need to listen to music to lullaby myself to bed, and if that's not all, i do realise that i do miss Da Tou when i came back arhahar and hugged it all over. whoa, JOY! arhahar. the simple pleasures in life. and that i took the hot shower for granted, and my bed. i'm getting to old for floor, my body still aches. arhhar, and i can't run that active ar, someone repair that knee+ankle for me pleasE? arhahar, i learnt my lesson and i wanna bring the brown cheena medicine along. arhahar, and my roommates shall have to bear with me! the smell muarharar, but it works good.

anyways, its getting late, i better slp. leave the worries for another day. and say your nitey prayers. ouh and to winnie, CT and ronald, k boxing with you all are one of the best. we belt out our bests and we seriously sing our hearts out. Winnie's my great partner arhahar. singing partner! CT and Ronald are your buds to get high over singing songs like "chu lu" and that dong li huo chi song and that "mo na li sa, ta shi shui.." arhhaar, always rememeber them. halloe come come, next time? arhhar :) take care peeps.