I don't know what on earth I am feeling. This sense of helplessness, nothing-you-can-do, and nothing i can do to make me feel better kind of thing. That your phone had to die, and when we were supposed to meet, i waited 4 hours for you. Its ok if you tell me say you can't make it. No answers no nothing, i was left hanging. (No this is not my boy). Its also someone dear to me, Bak Tuti.

I can't say anything, i can't blame anything. I just went on with the day. I packed my feelings and emotions up, i was praying to God, please don't let me see you at my place. (Till mom called me "Wei, where are you? Tut's down here") I was like "ok." I was so afraid because I would be too upset to face you, I'll splurt hurtful things out. Thank God I didn't. But when I saw your shoes. It tore me up. "What do i have to say, and what is reasonable to behave in front of you". I only splurted "wah, kamu masih di sini yah." you went "tunguh kamu" i went "buat apa". It made no sense to me at all already. Mom got my message "Wah, why like that. To chit chat lah". Of course it was obvious but no thanks, not after all that is happened.

I saved space in my tummy for lunch together like how we always do. We planned this together cause its been months since we met. You're always busy, ok i understand. So how about this week? I wished you said "no" to me earlier to spare me from my agony now. I could wait. and wait again. Its ok, afterall I've been waiting. I'm not new to the idea that you can't make it.

Then i went up for the shower, to least bring me to the 4 walls and think and logicalise my feelings. Why am I feeling the way I do if I say i'm not angry at her, if i wasn't going to meet her, its not her fault, its the phone that died. I blamed NO ONE. I blamed myself. For being sooo silly and crazy to have waited there. I was with people, least it helped made the wait easier, but my heart wasn't there. My heart was with the phone, redialing to your number, if the meeting was still on. I can take rejections. I can take "sorry, i can't make it". I'm not new to that, its ok to get turned down.

What irks me alot alot of times, is being left hanging in mid air. Oh God. To me its the most senseless things that can happen. Its like taking no decency for the person waiting for you. I just thank God Mummy called, so thankful. It ended my endless wait. When the kids had to go home after jamming, it was like "that's it man joyce, head home". I've been asked my chass again and again "joyce, wanna leave?" I just wouldn't leave. Sam: "Joyce, you coming?". I would have said yes to everything else. But here's everything. I'll wait till the cows come home for people to turn up, if it takes for me to wait. Ok, wait. If you're that special someone, it means waiting till kingdom comes, i'll still be there waiting.

If anyone wants to put me through this test, try. Just don't like it when tests of devotion or loyalty comes into play. I'm glad I didn't let myself down. I'm glad I waited. Though the result was something else. I have nothing to say, no one to blame. No anger thrown on anyone. I just want to be alone, suck this entire thing up. Crying doesn't help me get better. I cry, cause its my form of release. Could be the disappointment, could be just "how could you leave me there waiting?". Leave me there dangling in mid air - watch me there. Thank God mom realeased me. I just felt released when mom called. Thank God she called, and thank you mummy. The call meant alot to me.

I've got no answers. no one to throw the blame on or at. I lock myself up in the room, alone. And just have it all to myself. Its shiok. releasing, but it gets my nose blocked up real bad. Hard to breathe but i'll get this out. When you repeatedly say sorry. I wish you could say more to sorry. But there really isn't anything else I guess you could say. and "the phone died". As facts often has it, it hurts. And i'm facing the reality of it. Walla Walla. Once again it has proved my theory right. "man fails, that's why we all need a God". I really don't know how am i suppose to react "rightly". And i still haven't found an explaination to my profound cry babyness today. I think of you, the tears well up. You sent an sms across to say sorry, i type my reply, the tears seem to well up again at my eyes. WHAT AM I SO UPSET ABOUT! ITS JUST SO RIDICULOUS. I don't know man. Maybe its just disappointment and kids that just go back to their rooms and be on their own. Give them time they'll be fine as per normal again, and be all hah heh hoo.

Thank God for Gan-paps. I didn't even know I was not sounding like my normal self ahhaa. No wonder i asked the question a good 4-5 times. "is the thumbdrive with you?". I thought it was you not being specific. Waiting for the train home, i realised its me. Me not getting the point "yes your thumbdrive is still with me". -With you = its with you at your side now.

I was on "dumbfounded mode". Nothing goes unto her. I really didn't realise I probably didn't make sense. I still probably won't be making sense till for a while now. But thank God, God's been good. Glo-bus, results really is not bad. He's provided, and thank God for lovely group mates for the game. Thank you thank you. God get me through this.

A big fat finally, to at least see the church directory coming to terms, its funny receiving comments like from Elizabeth saying how active/involved I am in church. Then Joan was asking "Wah, bring laptop, doing projects ah?" I was like "No, not projects leh". And she went "ouh, church huh." Jiatlat. Ahaha, for that moment I had flashback of Lavonne, back at IBM, she's always working on her church stuff, and i always go "church stuff ah? Wah very involved at church ah". To see it come the other way round, really is deja vu and pretty much I also don't know.

For certain, its just like suddenly i'm popping up or something. Ahahaa, I laugh and wonder why did it take me so long to get to where I am today, got no idea. But all I can say, I believe I'm no longer held back by the doubts of "wah, what will people think" or the feelings of being constantly watched when you're in the vision of many people. I've always loved to be low profile, after being high profile at school for far too long, I've taken a break ahaha, a LONG break. Slack, watch and observe. Know how constantly one can just passingly pass comments as to the way things currently work, but no one really wants to get out there, step up and do a better job.

Yah, now i'm up and running, lately, its been the church directory. Not starting it from scratch so its all not that a big effort, but mere editing (: Its almost done, but I think I really enjoyed the entire process totally, cause of the time spent in the church office, I get to mingle with like the entire pastoral staff. And really, what my intentions of who they seem to be and who they really are, are entirely different!

Aunty Lee Fong is like the coolest dudette, I call her "darling" and she shudders, but is gradually accepting it. Abel calls her my slave driver. LOL. Then there's Pastor Edwin who I love to just poke my head and disturb him, cause he'll be doing some cool stuff, surfing cool websites, watching arty christian videos that WOWs me. Pastor Enouch is there to tell COLD CHINESE JOKES. OMG. ahaha, its really fun when the entire things just gel up, Abel is the english cold lame jokes fella. Pastor Sunil smiles around, politely. Gan-paps treats me to milo peng (i think the entire world soon knows what my favourite drink is), have lovely chit chats and giggles. Ahahha. OH! And there's the amazing Pastor Keith. I've never really talked to him cause he had the label "SENIOR PASTOR". I scared leh the kind of authority, but really he's so lovely! Working with him is one smooth operating journey, taking a video of him, he's cool! How professional he really is, and how warm and attentive he is to details. I've never stepped into his room for more than 10 seconds, but yeah, lately, I just keep going to his room, disturbing him, with his toys, playing with his toys all sitted around his room. He loves kids!!! I'm really am amazed by this entire team and just being there, of course, i'm the chah si nang fella that goes around poking my nose into everyone, smile smile, say hi =) And lame around. hee hee.

The journey up of doing this directory has taught me stuff man, and it really is discipline. Take photos, editing the photos, to do with joy =) I never knew my photoshop quite not bad one, as in speed wise. AHAHA, i'll always link back to the time i'm so into my korean actors, Janggie, Kim Min Jong, Jung Woo Sung, that my boy before dating me, labelled me once "idol chaser".

I see it all come to past. For the belief I've held on that I really wasn't just chasing them, but looking at the way the koreans go about their magazines shoot, fashion, culture. Learn from the magazines, and at the same time, try to imitate their simple, yet elegant non sophisticated feel. I think that's where all my designs actually come in. The photoshopping I picked up entirely from forums of soompi, their wallpaper designing. To think I started off from powerpointing. And all the encouragements, from Minjong.com/forums, i got my most practice there. Hah, see it all come together, is amazing. I'm still going to give back to the forums still =) The start of everything. I just have been busy with everything else, I haven't got time to manipulate and play around with the new photoshoot pictures of the many beloved actors. I will start it back, get school over and done with, then got more time to sulk and enjoy my dramas. My MKW, Min Jongie, poor thing. Coming coming! I need uninterrupted, total concentration.

Thank you for the encouragement of the directory, definitely encouraging to see people accepting the entire ideas with open arms. i just hope people will flip the directory more often, find someone they wanna pray for. Or keep in touch with. I'm gonna do up another wallpaper again, i just saw a totally cool picture again while surfing for pictures for the directory. The noob designer at work ahaha. And try to get my PEST on Vietnam done, gundo me, went to do a swot. (I never knew the work I was ever gonna do apart from my leisure circle, at my free time, is gonna be for other purposes and its God's purposes. Seeing it come to light now, wows me.)

Somethings that is blatantly famous to all those who's ever seen me act with them, play with them, make voices with them. Yes, i've a soft spot for soft toys, but not just anyone, the ones that I seemingly feel I can make some connections to.

This is Grebit. This IS NOT mine, but my boyfriend's. Heh heh, its from me, given some time back, he brought it over from his room. AHAHAH, quite funny, (Its not the first time) ahaha that Grebit travels in his HUGE bag, or sleeps in my porter bag while we watch ZHI BI, with Tony Leung. Its here to visit me again, cause he's away. This toy is rather amusing, it just makes you laugh when it moves, thanks to its long hands and ears. Should see the grebit dance. AHAHAH, of course, coordinated by me lah. Just destressing after some time of crunching numbers. I guess next time if i'm away, i'll let him sleep with Da Tou. ahaha.

So here I am, just adding up another entry, to show G R E B I T' S face. Switch on the comp and listen to K-love, while I do another round of short revision or something. Work's coming *crinch* not the best and the most enjoyable, but gotta get around this.

Last entire week has been such a blast. Activity running up one, after another. School, then the 2 usual free days, I just wanted to finish up the directory stuff (there's still more pictures coming in) so least I could clear up my work and free myself this week to least study, for my finance paper coming next week. Then burning bush from friday, equipping sessions on saturday, sunday service. whoaaaa.... Ahaha, I think I've spent more time at church this week than anywhere else.

Thank God He provided for everything else and my encounter on Sunday night. Freaky but good stuff.

Also, finish up on my work, there's the research to be done on the China market, glo bus quiz. Can finally feel the heat of school and to whack my butt to start moving now. It starts now. Gonna try to clear the quiz now.

Driving lessons to get into action, to prep up for the test too again. I hope I'll be able to make it this time. Wah, never felt so busy wor. ahaha =)

Had a GREAATTT time out with the buddies yesterday. Oh Janna, we're evil people. ahaha, and I think I'm becoming more auntish. Jin Hui! Its so fun to hang out with you, i think you me same same leh. AHAHHA. Ling Li is the full fella. Poor Vanessa at home, get well soon!

I'm honestly supposed to be working on the church directory, than working on my own personal wallpaper. I was bored, trying to find inspiration while i tried to do up the cover of it. So I ended up surfing and tadah, this picture sitting on the front page of Nike's webpage just caught my eye. After using my Hugh Laurie wallpaper for some time, I do welcome a good change.

And honestly, for the first time, this is the first one of my own works being more christian theme (How horrible). Come to think of it, I never thought of it, or doing anything being more christ like. AHAHAH. BUT being the all american basketball olympics team of 2008 that brought back the Gold medal to their country, I can't help but feel at the end of it all when they got it, as the players placed their hands together, they went (apart from being No. 1) - Thank You Lord. its all over the place especially by the Americans, the African Blacks had the habit of looking up to the skies, kiss their cross and will probably go "Oh father, bless me, or please pray for me" or something of that sort. I can't help it but how many winning atheletes actually dedictated their wins to God before and after a race/match.

I should do it too huh. Seriously, I'm really just seeking some ideas. I've got something with the African Blacks and especially with their God. It is the same God we do believe in, their outright thankfulness attitude, dictating their wins, "I thank my God in heaven" is always their opening line. I grew up listening to their music, boys 2 men. Muahaha. The soul and r and b music which influences the muchly talked about K-pop music. Think about it, think Rain, Se7en, Brown Eyes, Tim and Brian or Fly to The Sky. Guess got their influences here. Its pretty amazing.

Ok before I start rattling on, class 95's having some good old classic songs. So old school. Yummy. (Better finish up my work I planned on doing man)! And I really wanna watch wall.e. I HOPE IT BEATS STAR WARS AT THE BOX OFFICE. Why? OH COME ON, move over star wars, enough of it. Say hi to pixar, get some fun into your animations thanks.

*and the theme is edited once again, done much faster than the previous time. All because I got annoyed of the colour scheme that was before, the red words couldn't be seen, visibility is really horrid. The power of white. Its kind of nice still no doubt. Rotating between white and black, I can't get any boring =)

i just realised i've got two comments. ahahaha, and i'm thinking is it that funny, uncle. who doesn't love to be called uncle. *squints squints* HELLO YOU.

ahaha, but in any cases, yes sales comm. is finally over, now that i can finally breathe alittle. i've been catching up on a book called "The 5 Love Languages of God". Its is really an awesome book, gonna intend to bless some people i can think of. hee hee.

the globus game is staring at my face, a couple of hard decisions this time round lah. but we're learning.

bag's homework undone. got a meeting for the globus later on. having dinner with the cousins later i believe.

just got my driving test date again. 10/10. ahaha i was laughing at the date but it brings back alittle uneasiness in me. i hope 10/10 shall bring me 10 demerit points only. ahaahaha. circuit's haunting me sia. jialat. "oh give me style and give me grace" - Coldplay: God Put A Smile Upon Your Face.

*hugs my teddy bears* screams + jumps around. no one hears me. i'll just stuff my mouth with cai dao kuey black style. my brunch and slurp tao ni zui. my favourite especially when its warm!

i miss my buddies, i miss the pooh bear. i miss my siao char bohs cousins. i miss bak tuti! haiyah!

blogger's apparently has got a new interface. just going through blogs, looking at each other's writing style. i put myself in shame ahaha. cause it shows how disorganised my trains of thoughts are, or either how terrible that i can't articulate myself.

either i love rambling on and on, that no one can have a clue about or what so ever. i think i'm just tired.

and i think i'll be tempted to quit blogging long entries, or does it depend on my mood. i'm too much a random and mood based person from time to time.

time has been tight, trying to not get stressed (I know, alot of people will NEVER believe I'll ever be stress) ok, lets use the word pressured. it is a pressure cooker of late, getting to handle the commitments i agreed to do, and being the typical me, is to do everything well. now that in a few days time, my sales comm individual assignment is almost due, i'm midway through i can say, i hope i'll be able to deliver.

so i've been feeling tired or larthegic of late. either i'm telling my brains i need more rest, or to recuperate, or simply just give myself an excuse to slack and not think about the million things to do. to feel free. then again, quit dreaming, wake up. ahaha time to work. i gotta get by these couple of weeks. go go, and God bless.

ahah. was taking self shots of myself this morning. for the picture, and. i'm gonna learn the ropes to the property market. God knows how's things gonna go. but i suppose its no harm learning more. since it is sales and marketing. now i'm starting to wonder if this is soo crazy. ahah. hope i'm gonna have fun lah. i'm so gonna paste my big fat face up here. i like this shot ahaha.

and yah i think i finally got a picture of myself for the church directory ^. i like the angle. whahahahaa. and school's starting to set in, and busy busy ness is so gonna find me soon. can't wait to get this over. and hello, business finance is sooo. not easy. but least the lecturer is trying to make it manageable. *gasps.

and i failed by first driving test. ahaha. NOOB. for being a noob to actually crank up the curb front wheel. man i'm quite sore that i should have just reversed. so now its waiting again for another test date. grr. but thank God for the failure, given me faith that I can do it =) i couldn't convince myself to do it (after receiving tons of thrashing from my teacher), so much less convince the instructor that i can be ok on my own. just gonna try harder next time round. but i think it was a decent attempt! =) hee hee, and i'm proud of that.

july is a month of birthdays (there's glenda, alvin, ling li, raqqie) - happy birthdays ya all =) all 21. muahaha, we're aging rapidly, so yah you're not alone. (i'm starting to feel olddd)

i'm thinking what am i gonna do on this saturday. there's lessons at 2-5pm. then there's rusty russell in the morning. 9-12am. thing's that i'm thinking bout cg. and its the last cg. go on friday, then my steamboat dinner with the whole bunch jialat. i wanna be at both T-T huu huu. school's coming soon AGAIN. grr.

hellos bloggie. shifting to this new site, and layout ahaah, i realised nowadays i blog much less. ahaha i just keep it in my brains and live another day. or maybe i just got lazier by the days and my blog entries are actually getting shorter (or maybe it depends). and i start to wonder what on earth do i do nowadays. i'm a much quieter person! or rather its spent on the tele, books (read, papers lah, books lah, mags lah), spending time with my music (listening and on the guitar), sleep.

i actually stopped surfing much on my minjong and dong gun oppa somehow. things just stop on the forums and ppl on mjnet does wonder where on earth am i. i wonder wad on earth am i doing. i just don't surf that much anymore actually. so funny, then what do i do ah? ahaha. chit chatting online too. i think i'm just aging rapidly it is. i used to do more, like do everything that i stated above and add on to the forums reading and catching up. i guess i'm sleeping earlier nowadays... oh ohs.

anyways, this week has been rough. when relationships face the test of time, it is the ultimate test of each other's character. and no like i asked mom "guess who's making me worried and bothered this week?". she went "the one standing in front of you lah. (which was darius apparently)." he went " *hands raised up* no no no aunty, that was 2 weeks ago" ahaha it's really funny. i went "he's right, its not him. its the other 2."

like what hwee boon said to me today, it was like a revelations of my situation with jinyi. till today sui yi talked to me, like how our relationship between the both of us shouldn't be affected cause of 1 guy. i was silent ahaha "uh." response, listening.

1. i think both our relationship was already different from the moment you went into full time work. we were different. you wouldn't share your deepest anymore. ok that's fine with me =)

2. and the most important and basic basis of all fundamentals: it isn't bout the one guy, but its about your attitude that i see it in you doing it to me, and it seems to be reflected to him. the way you treat me, just feels you don't trust me anymore. or maybe we shared different ideals already, i will never seem to understand you today as of NOW. you're all grown up, and i'm still a full time student. by all means. i don't argue when i don't see a point in it.

3. now that we go your way, work to your ways. you share as and when you feel like, giggle and laugh as and when you like, i don't ever mind. do whatever you're happy now, i won't budge or give you advices to seem like i'm nitty gritty-ing bout everything. i respect you now, and you do what makes you happy, as long as you're happy.

4. things seems to be a big problem now. but lets face reality, it was already a problem i saw long long time ago. it wasn't a problem for you last time, now that it has become. i tried to do what i can still, but then again, if only i recognise a problem, isn't that making me a bitch of being a problem maker? ahaha. things can go for a change now maybe, now that you see there's a problem.

5. i'll clarify for the last time again. whatever i've done this week was purely on the basis cause i cared. and that i had no and zero agenda on trying to tear anyone up, cause confusion or anything. a listening ear to anyone in need even if it means going out of the way, applies to practically everyone. check my records, it really is for most ppl who knows me.

6. i'm glad both of you are out of the rut and things are going a-okay. keep that going, cause this way, both of you really are happy this way. when both of you are not okay, you both really are not happy at all.

through all this time, i'm thankful i've a great guy sitting beside me, (after the $2.80 incident) ahaha, it's amazing how the week after, we spent time talking and just realising and acknowledging one point. there's really no one that understands each other, than the both of us. that the days of late has been amazing in a sense, the kind of level of trust and belief in each other went up a notch. its amazing and i'm glad and happy and just really enjoying the passage of time and life with each other. funny how things got this far, like soul mates feeling. like best friends but like the bestest of friends ahahah!

he's been amazing today too. he led worship today, "i was really trying not to laugh". ahahah, like the long pauses we had, and how the rest of the young adults just took it in the stride, have some laughs, he tried teaching a new song today. ahahaha. not bad lah, and i was his back up guitarist. he takes 80% credits lah. 20% mine, to the little guiding lessons on sat night wor and the day itself, ahaha. i was trying very very hard to like "joyce, darius is leading' ahaha. i think i'm too jia lat, i lead too much by feel liao. he goes by "ok this way, this way" ahaha. i do remember there was 1 part we contradicted, but in the end somehow things just went his way for once and mine at the end or sort of. for being lost in a new song and finding the way round it. glad it was still nonetheless good. bringing the point across, that he wanted something "NEW" and "Fresh".

jacob went "dont scold him ah" i was like "no lah how to scold, he boss today." ahahah. but more than that i realised why (being the usual typical perfectionist me too) was fine today. i've seen his efforts and his struggles up to the day today. i'm very very proud of him =) cause for my case, it took years, he took months. and it was lovely spending time listening to christian songs sitting together, as i shared the songs i listen to when i'm bent on my knees praying for him (and of course when life gets hard) before he became a christian. how i used to break, and keep questioning my desires. it was just great, being able to have a partner to share God together, talk God. Love God and serve God together. is my greatest joy and the prayers of my life. course thank yous God but also to the darling. he's been a darling =)

and apart from the darling, there's jacob and glenda, JJ today, for being such encouragements. it was like a total booster of joy. so worn thrown insults. i'm glad i was given grace to take it with a smile, not cry, not break and still have manners switched on. to take insults at my face with grace, move on. cry not. is me. Shaun antics adds smiles to your face. Pastor Keith, for remembering our little sharing on missions. i tell you, this God is amazing.

taking photos for the directory teaches me to quit wallowing in my little worries. ahaha and do it and encourage ppl to smile! its fun, taking photos especially for the elderly. how appreciative they are, just touches me.

be running circuit tomorrow again, and my teacher's attitude is a test of my character as much as it is of his. lets try this again. oh god give me style and give me grace. - Coldplay: god put a smile on your face. he needs it man. ahaha.

and thank yous winnie, you're really really amazing. what will i do without you? God bless you, lovely.

and i tell you my current favourite pastime, is to sit in the hall. with the speakers at me, listening to my pod. man it is life and watching house on 42" hdtv. such life of pleasures to me, (its funnier when there's the darling beside me? he's all tense and like "ssshhh!!" and i try to blab with 100000 commments to distract him hahahah) sharing same loves, ahahaha. and how he provides me with my pleasures, of house. GOD. i'm blesssed really.

too beat to say anything, or write anything out. as for today, i'm totally zombed. partially because of the things i had to do today, photo taking can get physically draining. then the early mornings talk, totally trying to explain $2.80 to darius took literally the living daylights out of me (plays muse - time is running out) "you will be the death of me..." really really tiring, and it doesn't help in itself when i'm actually focusing my thoughts onto other matters.

explain, and today morning, trying to get into the problem definition phase. i was really wondering what was going on, why he was behaving the way he did (if that is called understanding). theory is, its easy to just get discouraged and sit back and moan and say and feel and think as though you're the only one on earth feeling the way you do. as much as i try to talk him out into "don't give up", "put in your best", "try again", "its ok". only could do so much, i'm limited in my means for i myself am trying to figure out and think on certain matters.

i came to a conclusion that in alot of times, as for myself as a learning lesson, sometimes and alot of times, things ain't going to what we perceive it to be, doesn't equate that things are not working. if only we learn to open up and see more options, maybe we'll get to understand things more, see things better, deal with them more effectively.

somehow i had this sense of just letting everything go, ahaha. stop pursuing, stop trying to get him out of his little rut hole all over again. let him do what he wants if he's comfortable in being in the rut then so be it. i'm like really zombed coping with my own things, ahaha. for the tough couple of weeks ago, at home with mom. now that things are better-ing up, like a source of her release of anger, she feels better. i'm patching myself up in a sense of rethinking everything i'm believing in on, working on, and putting it out onto actions. the entire process of things, what have been done right and what not.

seek comfort that i tried my best, and even if i fell flat on my face and failed, i know i always tried my best. =) like what my darling winnie said, feeling so drained and tired today, of the sum of the physical and emotional toil going through. I'm fine =) just totally in need of sleep NOW ahaha. rest rest rest.

with everyone saying i went down again, i'm like oh no. did i? ahha, i've been eating! hard to explain no matter how much i say, i believe ppl are thinking i'm suffering some eating disorders. ahaha NO!. i love food, but its just i haven't got that love as much as i used to, and i'm totally fussy over food these days. (want bread - find the right sandwich) - and i wonder ahaha how much of nutrients im eating and getting into my system!

anyways, today's been an amazing encounter with God. with what JJ said, worship during YA, and the slow walk to my cousin's place where it rained, and turned to a drizzle. amazing. spending time being quiet, taking the pictures and looking at the youths getting around their retreat program was definitely therapeutic, that it makes me focus on the things i can do than to the things i can't do a thing about =) fun and makes me feel soo old, hanging out with carol lim siang joo. she's insanity defined all packed into one. have to sleep, my eyes are gone. =.= to equal signs.

alright, finally with the new posting and a new look. after trying it out on the yaggers blog, i thought i should do it on my own blog. its sexy, feels wordpress, pretty much the same. After debating for some time, i'm just staying onto blogspot for old time's sake. its 4 in the morning and yes, gotten to everything i want, the looks, the feel. pretty much, only thing that is lost is the pictures on the side, but for a change to all those faces of my favourite stars, ahaha, its new widgets on the side.

yes i've been away for a godly long time, too many things happening, can't have time to narrate each and everyone thing that has happened. but on the overalls, june first two weeks, has been caught up at church camp at malacca, then to hong kong. i will by all means claim malacca was a more fruitful trip, spiritual wise, getting to know more people well and God was there, and most of all, experiencing the presence of God. Worship was one of the best of my life, being able to play for God is 1, and secondly, the entire atmosphere, no kidding.

Hong Kong was a mere scenic trip, apart from the peak and madam tusseud which i enjoyed, the hotel room, tv, making my daily observations, food. that was pretty much it, yes shopping shopping shopping but mainly, was high end stuff. as they say, too much of a good thing becomes boring. the only brand i love. starts with the a. agnes b, that's bout it. ahaha, i bothered. too upmarket, no clothes to match, no look. pass baby.

end may would be busy with the preparations with the church camp booklet. after coming back from hong kong, was driving, meeting up with friends and the usual. its quick my holidays are coming to an end, and to a real different beat, i didn't work this time round, part time wise. which is unbelievable.

gotten myself a new baby. =) my new cort guitar. its been around for weeks but i just feel too many things to blog, don't know where to start, can't be bothered. and the stacks of things to blog is in my head, but no efforts in writing them out. pictures, alot. abundance. but no way man, uploading on blogger one by one is a real killer. facebook's got great photo uploading capabilities, one of the smartest i've seen so far =) will see, if i'm in the mood. it takes me aeons of years to upload pictures.

been up to singapore flyer, took some great shots all with mom's compact camera. gotta get it from her, prolly later today, cause its 4.15am. The boy just messaged, cute boy. woke up to just message me he fell asleep after dinner, but hey hey, i'm cool. tired just rest, ahaha, i'll still be around isn't it? =) sleep tite you.

so that's all i've got there, for this week's been busy with all things guitar. after having a hard and painful time with my baby - the guitar. (i gotta name it man, but i haven't got a clue). cause of the action of the saddle being to high, it needed adjustments. so thank God for a professional you can count on, who works from home, did my guitar, its all the way at hougang. so a day, delivering it down there. another day down to pick it up, had dinner with jayson (his treat) - being i'm totally broke this week, on splurging on this baby. so he paid, how sweet. hee hee, and me, thick skin lah.

then was another treat last night, by Agnes. Jojo omma went to Japan to meet MJ! what on earth, some hell of an experience. and mj.net ppl asking for me, yes i've been dead. honestly, not that i've lost interest, but time online to surf and read and be updated, hasn't been on the list. where i'll spend it watching more dramas, read more stuff (i'm into political stuff of late, especially all things obama and the presidential election between the republicans and the democrats) nifty stuff no doubt, and great english. then there's my guitar to attend to, and my boy to attend to, and church. sounds busy huh, but i seem to be able to fit all things in, then there'll be time for school, school work, church, and friends and what have you. forums haven't been on my head (apart if i'm gonna buy/sell barang barang).

and before i leave, i must share how sweet this friend of my brothers, (how not close i am to him, we barely talk) and how well i talk with his friend. HE IS SO AMUSING. Name's michael (seems like a common pinoy name) he's half pinoy and dutch! chit chatting with him this morning, he's saying how my ascent is amusing, speaking english but with some chinese ascent. DO I? eeeee. but yeah, a guy who hangs around with alot of girls, and loves shopping and window shopping and is a guy who looks after his skin alright. i think its the mixes, cause he says he mixes with korean and japs in australia! (keke, and reads a japanese NWV, its the new world version, yes he's a Jehovah Witness) -only realised it today morning after chatting today. ahaha, oops. i just chanced upon it. he's on a stopover and flying off to japan soon. what a life. sigh, i'm really really envious of him.

and yes i must say, go australia and make a living. part time there earns at least $15 an hour in a kitchen (which is the lowest paying jobs). WHAT ON EARTH?!!! thanks man. i earn half of that over here per hour, and say hi. to the pathetic pay we have over here. he's strange, he eats spicy. LOL. NOT AUSSIE. man i wanna go aussieland and japan tooo. but first of, korea!!!! dang. he says i can if i save up. i think not on my life, now? LOL. maybe its a thing when you grow older? whatevers. its raining! tucking in like. NOW! niteys people. (and to Jin Hui, Vanessa, Ling LI, Janna - Stop quoting "Its been an amazing week!" its no longer anymore muahaha) - and sorry i couldn't be there today, i really would have, but the guitar restringing and cleaning was really tiring. yes, its the classical, i learnt from scratch, and clean some good 3-4 years of dust on it, its my second round, cleaning it. sigh. what a day and week man.

ps. the posts are bit messy but some of you may see why. its linked to the other pages along this blog. so ignore them =) it'll be fine with a couple more posts and edits. i love this new page.

I'm not a mom, (quite obviously) but this is my favourite kid amongst all. The way she smiles and the way she goes around doing her own stuff, amuses me. The way she talks, I love spending time or just sitting in a corner watching her. Keryn Wong aka Ah Bi!

She sits on my wallpaper too, I just love this picture soo much. It really tells you what being a kid is, being a child is. The joy, the happiness. To me, she is really quite my joy and my therapy when I just need a mind to just be quiet, enjoy the fun, simple time when i spend with her.

Kids are really contented simply, the joy she shows when her daddy bought her a new pair of shoes. Aahaahaha, i was just watching her. =) Or maybe she reminds me of my small self, I should put my pic of my own self up. hmm. You dian xiang leh. ahahaha!

She came around and sat on the beanbag with me, i was praying, seeking prayer prompters i'm supposed to be praying for someone who needs some joy in their life, i was about to end my prayers and this little girl came over and landed herself a spot beside me, and smiled. Course I smiled back at her. Its amazing! No other confirmation hor. Heh, ahhh, missing her already. When she goes "come stay our house lah", or tucks my hands and holds my hands or just lying on the floor staring at the celling or pointing at each other's noses. She really is a joy.
I'm always intrigued by cats lately (Yes, partially from the people who have taught me to love them) Bak Tuti and yes, the boy. =) Its a cat that has grown heaps and bounds, I first spotted it pouncing away from me, to take cover in the drain when I was walking home. Its soo cute!

Check out how well it camouflages with the tree. AMAZING!
Don't know how many of you are amused by skies, but i'm amazed by it. The softness and swirls of it, and how big the skies, makes me feel how small i am. I loove feeling small, cause really, you really aren't that big seriously. Looking closely, looks like a stickman from above =)
this is a golden retriever, (at the peak, at hong kong again) i was desperately trying to get a shot of the doggy with me. Its trained so well, that even if you release the leash, it isn't gonna budge an inch! Taking a photo with it likewise, it would move away from the lens of my camera mobile. (for your information I do not own a compact camera) - all you lucky people who do own one, count your blessings! i've got my trusty 2.0mp camera of my SE phone ahhahar. but i do own a larger camera =X just not handy to bring it around lah.

i should put a picture of both of us. its taken a long long time ago, i was debating to put or not. (like a 10000 reasons why i should?) - I found a good one today, should be thankful i have a lovely (majority of the time), funny, pretty much caring boyfriend lah. without glasses! of our favourite pass-time of sitting together, just chit chatting away like girly girlfriends. I'll see him again for another session soon i think. =)

Fool around with your mind. I'm gonna mess with it. AGAIN. taken with my mobile. Take a guess if this is a 3D computer enhanced graphic, or a mere, natural, real shot taken of a building. Obviously took this for a reason. I'm very intrigued at how visual it looked while I sat at the open area just outside this place, known as the viewing gallery (if my mind doesn't fail me) ^^ its darn cool, as usual, always intrigued by cool architectures, and white panes and windows gets me amused. its real darlings.

This is another shot taken by my mobile, in hong kong's peak again. Its unbelievable how i feel what defines heaven+earth. seperated by a mere sky, so high it seems, but seems to be real close to us in this angle. amazing shadows. awes me.


There's gonna be a page set aside, just for my pictures. For someone told me, i'm a messy person, lumping all pictures and blog together. So alright, might as well dedicate a page to my pictures and talk bout it. =)

The view from the peak, all pictures here for now are by my mobile phone. pretty amazing =)

ling li

vanessa

janna

jin hui

vin

Deepashini

kim yee

winner

yang

peilian

lavonne

martin.lo

justin

lydia

cheyrl.tean

clarence

clement

ehndrew

jessica

lijin

rachel

peilian

sing ngee

jayson

weezhun

siewting

emily

elmo

its been an amazing week. a totally different one being totally immersed in one after another church stuff. pretty madness, but i'm glad somehow all things have all falled into place. now that i'm finally done with the church video, i can be freed once again and to do more stuffs in time again.

thank God for making all just fall into place despite hiccups here and there but i suppose it happens with the glitches. i get pek chek but thank God that i'm brought through today =) being able to enjoy some rest, after having a great time yesterday's wee hours with macdonalds and the company with shaun, chas and sammie. this week is sammie's week, i love the sharing sessions with the girls on how much to give thanksgiving for the week, and certainly to give all thanks to. for having a great buddy to work with, to share and listen. and of course kirstie, ah bee and uncle henry + aunty carol for their place, food and all. its been amazing and definitely new, being through the prayer wall. if its a green light sent, it shall be it. i'm just hoping all to fall into place and take and behold everything that He's planned. Its my heartbeat and my dream and wish since young. that of late i could see more and more of these visions and pictures. i really totally hope i'll be able to carry it out of course, with God's provision. i can't believe how anyone could see these rough sketches i got for myself but the speaker did and that's what i think its due to be called divine intervention. i can't believe it myself.

but alright, i'm heading to bed man. its 319am and i really need time to sleep. though i'm itching for house. 4th of june's coming right up and i really don't know what's gonna happen man. all i'm hoping all's really gonna go well. God bless your oncoming weekends. have fun!

if i was a guy. trust me. this entire blog will be flamed with hokkien vulgarities. i don't use them. don't see a need to use them. never resort to using them but today is seriously. "BO TAI BO JI TIO SHOOT". and i was thinking to myself, forget it, it doesn't pay to be good.

as i'm feeling bad enough over the laptop thingy i'm supposed to be shopping for someone a second hand laptop. who's been bugging me since my exams started. OKAY~! Now got time, i finally managed to source a deal, made contact everything's all going well. people's last sms went "negotiate 550". and that was it. i've sent 3 more smses "still want anot?" - NO REPLY. OK. Today dealing. STILL NO REPLY. calls* "i very busy now leh. no want the comp lah."

i just thank God for Him providing me with the source everytime i wanna get something ahaha (cheap cheap) Think He knows I poor. Then the seller usually all very nice one ahaha. This time also no exceptions, seller was nice. Thought he'll get angry (He has every right to) but not. I just honestly. honestly in my whole entire life say this and say this again (and i believe Darius has been saying it. week in and out) - IT DOESN'T PAY TO BE KIND.yeah i hear him telling me alot bout it. and i ask him "so how? still want to be nice anot?" he says "ya lah then? You can't just because of these idiots then become unnice right? What to do?" yah i nod my head in agreement. today, i kena. Do i practice what i preach? YES. sadly so i'm consuming my own anger, gonna dissipate it out in the court later with my darling BBALL. HI!! (ya dub2's favourite line and i giggle hearing myself say it omg. what's wrong with me) grrr.

anyways, bottomline no matter how much annoyance people have been to me when i'm trying to be nice and provide people with some service, i like it or not, its still continually getting out there and serve even if it means people are thankful or not because good gestures doesn't mean it gets reciprocated into a heart of thanksgiving by the other fella. (not everyone is like winnie. she's so thankfull. so cute so funny. i love) i gladly lugged my first sem's notes down for her. (didn't expect to be that much, i got study so much meh? ahhaha) went for driving, kena suan "eh ppl normally one session can learn parking leh. (its parallel parking) you so ji ling, how come cannot understand". OK LOR. TIO SUAN AGAIN. hor lah. gimme chance i ang moh kia. whahaha learn lesson in chinese, should soon get it. i hope lah whahaha.

anyways, thank God for winnie, for yesterday madness 3 hours K. so cheap $8 + 1 utterly syrup drink and yah sing all your songs. at least they've got Tim's songs ok. so impressed cause of that =X ahaha. and we 2 singing all the emo songs, and yar sing ah mei's songs. voice can literally crack whahaa. but otherwise fun. she's the women man. and ya next time "lady in red" again ok! think we're gonna make this weekly man. it is so shiok. go home 1115pm bus 30, on the ecp is shiok. bus is smooth, just at the right speed to enjoy the city lights, with the singapore flyer and the cbd buildings lights. so nice! and of course zhang ah you singing in my ears. piang. my hero lah.

and for kim yee. also listening to my nonsense i'm so calm ahaha. =) gonna play with my cj07 whahaha. :) its so lovable and cute. i'm itching to play basketball lor.

i have to leave these thoughts somewhere. my brains and hands are tired so maybe it takes less effort to actually hold a pen and write to concentrate on holding the pen and writing on a straight line and just reach for the keyboard and just type. it is a luxury with a personal computer to do what you want, when you want and at the comfort of my lavender room.

i'm sneezing and wheezing like nuts since 10pm. and its coming back to haunt me. but whatevers. life still goes on, the notes will still have to be read and the readings have to be continued to be read and i will have to continue to study.

i just wanna say that many a times, maybe we see this thing to be something we really like. and we really want it. so alright, we work really hard and try all our means to get that thing that we really like (in this scenario literally it was a bag). i wanted this particular model of bag. course there's a reason behind it, i believe in having that bag suit me, and not the other way round. means i will require my wardrobe, and ensure i have the clothes to suit that bag, so i'll feel safe having and owning and carrying a bag that will meet my everyday casuals.

i voiced out my likes to my darling mom. since God knows when, and the people around me might have heard me nagging. i really love that agnes b voyage bag and it has to be that classic series. ahaha. i fell in love with it at first sight since i was in hong kong. and still love it till i returned and still love it =) apparently somehow, despite showing the pictures to my mom, she got a different model of the bag.

she told me first. honestly in all my days, i yearned for it for some 5 months. well not that i was certain i'll be having one. (who in the world's gonna provide me with the money?) ahahah. and most of the time i was considering on my own to get it lah, (like why bother people, go get it yourself) ahaha. mom volunteered to get it for me somehow so i really was like feeling like some elated 5 year old kid approaching my birthday, mom's gonna get it for me. GET THAT THING FOR ME ahaha.

felt my heart broke when she said she bought another model. (it still does now, but not as much, i'm living with it). cause 1. apparently she said she changed it once so no more changing of bags. 2. she utterly dissed the model that i soo loved. she's paying for it. 3. just take it. well not that i don't like the model she eventually got, but its a wee bit too over for me, being wee bit formal and it needs me to adjust to the baggie. (it works the other way round not this way. and I HATE IT. ahahaa) Fashions always that way hey, the clothes suit me not the other please. and this is my way and attitude and style, hard to conceive but it took me 30 mins to quieten down after my mom broke the news to me. i was silent. sad. thinking.

course she did offer "you like the other one so much get it lo. i use this one" and i felt she don't really like agnus b. (mean why would she ahahaa its not her range and style, she's more up market k thanks. when she have so many other BETTER alternatives in her closet). i said "no there's no need". and there you go this marketing student who's been reading her notes trying to basically explain product differentiation to my mom. like how the product differed and why i chose Agnus B. LOL. cause it's me kekee. but i think after going one whole round she prolly doesn't get much. but anyways i just wanted her to know and get it off my chest.

"i upgrade you mah" she went. yeah k thanks, i was asking myself "yeah with the extra monies paid, why am i still sulking" ahahaa. i just have to get past the factor of. "hi joyce, your beloved Agnus B is sitting there. and i can't use it." 1. my outfit is just to lah sup to go with that baggie. 2. i'm seriously not used to a slightly formalised bag. 3. maybe you could just wait till i work full time (Like WHATTTT? NOWWW!!) ahahaa.

in all i just got over it. and live with it. (though i may still be learning). i just wanna say maybe at times things may ain't to be what you want, to go to what exactly you want. and an alternative might be shown to you to see things and accept things from another way, it could be a better way in a sense if nothing much is lost.

i mean if i were to look at it in a better sense (definitely not self consolation), i got the big idea of getting that Agnus B bag (if i profess to love the brand) ahahaa. then it shouldn't be a problem anymore. ahaha. (think long term -> formal attire -> SO IDEAL FOR WORK -> Smile.) yeah i try to think of it that way maybe it really isn't that bad. ahaha. get over it joyce! i think i did its just a damn bag. aaha.

so it all depends which side you wanna look from it. if it pleases my mom. ok! it pleases myself (hi. i'm an Agnus B bag). so everyone's happy. and i should be. so its still thank you mummy. ahahha! and thank God for the provision and the so whatevers that took place in the shop it was embarrassing ahaha.

its been a long long time since i'm so full of thanksgiving but to feel this feeling. i'm very thankful. thanks to this little girl. called ah bi.

looking at her sit around, hold my hand with her tiny hands, she pulls me around ahaha. and asks such sweet questions that warms your heart "joyce jie jie, you coming to our home?" i don't know how to tell her i initially wasn't going to her place, but thank God for her parents ahaha aunty carol + uncle henry. she's really the only kid i have 100% pure fun, i laugh and giggle and get amused at her every single time, i bother to get pushed around by her. one i bother to go distances of bothering to explain things, talk in her lingo, ahahaa. bend and listen to what's she's gotta say. cause every thing bout her amuses the life out of me ahhaha.

see her play with duplo reminds me of myself, we played together, ahaha explaining to her, that her toy has this mouth on the wheel, ahaha cause its bob the builder edition i had such fun looking at her stash of treasures to what kirstie said. she's so proud of it, a sparky lover and a barney lover, and her green smelly toy and her banana ahaha. grrr. miss her cute antics. she's known as the polka dotted pyjamas princess. she just loves princesses. ahaha, her smile, her giggles, i'm giggling on my own ahaha and finding joy in her as i carry on doing my mundane process of mugging soon.

i was sooo tired today. zombiefied. but i thank God. Bak Tut came down i can't tell u how much i miss her. i miss her presence, our sweet lovings ahaha her mentoring. after some 1 year, yes i finally meet her after all the talkings on the phone. she got me my birthday presence, and cooked my favourite soup. it made me very very happy, just sitting down hugging her ahaha. =) so thankful of today.

chitter chatter and she realises that my house haven't changed any one bits since she left 5 years ago, and yeap, ahaha and she reminds me "don't get easily angered ah" and i'm remembered bout myself. reaffirming each other i'm cooler now, she takes things much easier now. times do change a person i guess =)

chatting with darius after that, the first time he accepted a theory example that well. maybe he'll find new courage to face the struggles he face and find a way to accept criticism from this harsh world he is in. if you don't even bother to attempt to try, you will never know. criticism is a spur for self improvement, not a mere outlet for ppl to push you around. and i always believe criticism brings out a fella's character. it breeds character.

oh oh i have to write this. anyone knows how happy i am playing the armani range of guitar. the taylors. thanks to uncle henry's stash of toys. playing alongside with him leading, and the team, consuming fire has to be the highlight, where joyce foo, me, clare and ruel goes "lets play the bridge" it has to be either one of us wanting to feel this God high, and the first time the desire to try new stuff. its great man. i really had one of a high high worship. and uncle henry's right, we ended right HAHAHAHA, a big laugh for my bloop ahaha. =) thank you thank you to the team and to uncle henry and to all who made it all possible, to our God we all so love. great sunday, great weekend, i'm high and rolling over with christian radio. ahhaa and i found another love. "once again" - matt redman ahaha. yummy =D

and some lovable pictures of ah bi! courtesy of jessica.ho. heh =D i love every single piece of these shots. i have more but just some of them. =D


i love this pic lots and lots and i feel so xing fu ahahah. i'm mad =D

ok march's over. april is in. and soon it'll be mid april in this ever so crazy mad world. that is spinning one day and a day just slips you by, and just what have you done. all i'm glad and i can give all the thanksgiving in my life for, working with people especially older guys can be such a frigging chore it wastes and takes the living daylights out of you. its over. thank God. almost over, and come thursday when service quality's presentation is over, its time to wind down the curtains and raise up the flags to tell the whole world you're at war with the books. and come 8th may, everything's over again. this life is such a mundane chore. and a cycle that the only thing that can be happening that is lovely and nice, is watching the simplistic things that are happening. like take for today, the little kids running around the playground at true way pres kindergarden's playground, the tots in their yellow outfits, i used to be like them!

play time was on bicycles on 4 wheels, holding a bucket, filling it up with water, and we'll run to the pillars and paint it over with a brush dipped in water, to see the gloss and as kids, you get the entire thrill of it. police and teeth on the playground. to think back on my entire growing up years, i'm the person who don't fit in groups, or rather i take a long time to fit into 1 group, cause i'm a personal person. and i'll leave school with that handful of friends. ahaha. and talk bout the same ppl over and over again.

social misfit probably, can live with it. bo chup bout the world, but chup everything on this bunch ppl who have made me know that i am warm on the inside. i never believed in it, ahhaa till yes in secondary school. the bunch and this bunch and a list of names into it. that's why i do develop quite funny relationships with some from time to time, ahahaa and especially if its of a person of an opposite sex. too shou can become a topic but its just realliy, similar.

to whatever it is, i'm always thankful for this bunch of people. i totally agree with what dear winnie says. ppl come and go. people do change with time, but to take heed in the times that was once shared amongst the people, is always good enough. it goes it goes, it doesn't last, i guess somehow some other things might happen and you find another piece of gold along the way.

i think this walk of life is tiring alot of people i love around me. don't worry, you're normal. its the same over here with me too. and you and to the many out there. cause it can't get any mundane as we are and maybe its the stupid cycle of march-april. that 1/4 of the world is passing by and urgency might start hitting our goon heads, and we start realising the stupid cycle. and the obstacles facing us seems so hard to get by. seems impossible. but have i told u i prefer adidas to nike. cause the tagline works better. impossible is nothing. exams are coming up, another semester to an end.

as i was walking home today from a change of environment and cycle of my room and laptop (i love to break them) ahaha. i was at my cousins. giggling doing my crazee antics of my stuff toy animating, voice overs, rolling around with their 3 mattresses rolled into one, i reminiscence the times when we're young, and i get it at their house ahaha. less laptop, more cable. (i lost touch with tv God knows when), i still love them, and i'm dying to finish my air city. dramas makes u feel, have emotions and feel and think for the character that least helps you understand and feel some situation and feel for others better. cry if its a release of this world's stress, dream and fantasize for a moment of the sweetest thing that can happen. we're afterall humans, well i think dramas beats gaming, with the real emotional factor in it. or maybe its a girls thing, but guys should find a drama they like. content vultures or emotional vultures (*winks. yes dub2. i hear ye *giggles. we can be sooo similar from time to time yet so different ahaha).

i'm dying to get my butt into gramaphone, to get MUSE's HAARP album. ITS SMASHING. i'm in love with them, i mean their hits are all over the place in their discography. heh, its all brought into one in an album, in this crazy world, music just becomes a necessity, and it means good music. i heart muse. they're alternative, strange. spacey. but i like. i can't wait to get my hands on it, and the joy of bringing a cd home is back, ahaha 1 month 1? kekeke. one republic was last months'. ahh. hold on people. missing the people around. :) tuck in and hugs my mario + da tou. and the room i love. its nice. hee hee. oh and i have to say. i got complimented. ahahha. haven't received soo many compliments in 2 days, take it and makes me smile. thank you.

its been a long while, keeping to meet datelines, school, people, life. swarmed by hecticness. ahaha the purity of it gets quite maddening. so as i laid in bed today purely resting, (I rarely spend my sundays resting) cause its off to church, but i think i just cannot make it today. since last night as been this entirely annoying and new experience of this nausea feeling. no i'm not pregnant for the living daylights of me ahahah. its so random, it just came on after i left edwin + sharon's place and it just hit me. then met darius the silly boy ahahah and i was just sooo dead. had fun with fifa on the xbox at edwin's place + cutting cute looking clouds, brought some kind of joy and i have no idea what hit me after i left. like some kind of bug or something, i just felt i wanted to puke. but no nothing came out. and its that constant damned feeling.

could be some kind of wind in the tummy but urh i had mummy's pill to treat it, i don't know if its working or anything, feels better with a bit more rest in till this afternoon. trying to figure what in the world is wrong with me ahaha. not eating well, sleeping's fine and i can never get enough of sleeping AHAHAHA. apparently the joy of eating has dissipated into thin air lah. pretty sad, and i think again, after digging for more information on the web over my retarded condition ahaha (yes it feels retarded) could be some stomach flu or buggie, or just the usual case of stress related stuff but oh yes, maybe it is some stomach buggie, since that day. AHAHAH. that day of preparing the barbecued food and tried it, it could still be around, cause it just felt like that other time, just not so acute in comparisons of pain.

oh my oh my. when's me gonna find back the joy of eating ahaha. and apparently eating to me is a happy affair, and i think the best time i ate was last week when i was with the 2 xiao char bohs. carol + jinyi. ahaha maybe they're my best medicine to ki siao and then just eat. ahaha i kept complaining i was hungry (yes you can rarely hear me saying that) and eating. OMG. this week i'm having this strange bug. ggrrr. wassup man. i wanna meet that bug in my tummy and tell him off. "hey, pick on someone your own size you know" - cause you're so unbelievably annoying. this niggling feeling in my tummy, grrr. that i probably have to go around hugging a pillow. feels better no doubt but the stinking feeling still remains, that wanna puke feeling ahaha. not that strong anymore. but still some remnants of it. hello mr? what's happening ah. ahaha.

anyways so much so, i thought of Pei Lian today. on my bed as i was resting thinking. yes when i rest i will have my bunch of random thoughts before i drift off to another round of eyes closed sessions. i thought about what she said and she always tells me this when we met for dinner just on thursday night. this line floats and keeps occuring in my mind. "joyce ah, stop thinking too much and worrying about others" in a sense of the dilemma to the dates of my 21st birthday party. and that pure line again, as i look at my condition of my state HAHAH in some bits of shambles. please please tell me which fella in this world doesn't enjoy eating ahaha. it got misplaced that i need to find mr eating again. (i think its a mister cause technically guys stomachs and appetites are like bottomless pits). maybe i've been running abit hard lately ahaha, its time to relax, roll around and be crazy again. somehow lah huh. *stares at my toys* maybe i haven't been playing with them of late and talking and sherading with them with my crazy antics. maybe i'm sucked up in this whole cycle of life thingy, ahaha that i'm now staring at it. ahaha sitting in a lovely corner just wondering and thinking and watching the world go by. its much funner observing things than being a part of this madness from time to time, but it makes you learn and get sensible ahaha. the irony. oh wells. i hope all of you are doing well =) sending out my loves. on a lazy afternoon and work stares at me and i fall flat at my face thinking about going about doing it. hwaiting. ah joy. =)

and the picture with Pei Lian edits. i just kopped from the girl =) i had fun girl! thanks for the kai tong. ahaha ^^ and the good old days. if i could tug her in my bag and bring her around at school and work together once again. the best team! ahahaa. and my side thoughts to winnie aka pooh bear. whahaha. ajah!

actually i got nothing to blog about. (hmm i like this arial font) though this reminds me of report writing but arial gets pretty comfortable and pleasant on the eyes to me.

but i read winnie's blog. i bth. too gan dong u know? i wanna blog about it one moment, but also wanna write it to her. ahaha, so what am i supposed to do 2 things simultaneously. ahaha keyboard on my right hand and pen on my left writing on a piece of paper.

all i wanna say to winnie here before i end my last few conversations. i thank God for today. that God made lovely people. Thank God for today's flea market, i think it was pretty much a success. that inadvertently i could be there at the thrift corner to help get bags for the ladies who brought the things home. oh thank God, that me and aunty carol needn't be packing up and racking our brains on which to keep and not. thank God for uncle henry who came and helped lugged the things up. for amanda =) silas for his silly antics like OMG. ahaha. and liyang for being so funny he's so easily tickled. and ah bi. her runnings around and rumblings just really touch me in a way, there's really so much for her to look forward to and shouldn't i be doing the same?

yes for the dozens of lovely people around screaming at the other end selling food lah drinks from the cooking to the places everything =) its an experience.

starting out again, coming back to be more regular in attendance in sitting and sapping in the sermons, more regular qts and sessions with the one who made all possible today, Him above =)

winnie is what i always say, she's god-sent. likewise, she is the person who's always there to say its ok and its normal. her letters i hold so dear to. and i'm gonna reply, she makes me smile. feel all warm and fuzzy in there and when we're together, it totally feels like we met somewhere before and we just need a place to sit down and just go on for hours. talk bout anything. windon is so cute. winner is so sweet. love, life, men, work. cute guys never escape the both of us. our life. loves and lovings. it'll never end and like she said. may we do this till we're 60. life's finest moments like this, are priceless.

thank you lijin (tu-di) lol. =) for the time on the phone we could both always share ahah, bout our currents and we share our dreams its so funny. he'll make it big one day. mr hong. name spills all over the place i believe ahaha. get well soon.

jayson, i'm not not replying you. its like wad u always say. bwg ahaha. yeah. i do read your sms-es. what do you expect me to do when it appears in my phone, cause i read. all i do, keeping you in my prayers. =)

dub dub - throw your oscar away then you know. we're both like running individuals ahaha. pushing each other to run down or out, grab each others arms and pull each other up, keep running. tired rest. sick, recover. go get your rest lah. saf makes them into real time oinks i tell u. but its ok i'm turning into one soon too =)

thank God for the many loves. and i need my buddies love. i miss my buddiez. janna, vanessa, jin hui, lingli. and to the many others. come come meet when we ever can. life is mundae without lovings. bless you all with a great week.