In times when you're being tested in terms of your character, how will you ever react? I was so close to least retaliating through the raising of my voice, but all that ever came out, was a firm voice that stood my opinions, ideas, and feelings.

Today would have been a lovely day, one whereby I give my thanks and head to sleep smiling, suffice for me to just enjoy whatever the day has taken me to. Only to be greeted with a bunch of totally uncalled for remarks and maligns and labels and words used that really wasn't the nicest to describe things.

Pulling someone I call i love into the picture was not needed, as if there were any plans in me going for my further studies, wouldn't be any other areas for now, unless probably theological. My mind is empty for all that it is for now, and he was throwing home his point, with his voice raised, "you should never stop your studies.." Going on and on and blaming every distraction that seemed to be.

I think i've been insulted today to a sense, that I'm wondering which part of me ever look like I switch and change my partners as frequently as I change my underwears. For this entire ridiculous conversation, it didn't make any bit of sense, cause it was clear nothing that I ever was gonna say, was ever gonna be heard.

And hence, I'm not feeling any sense of sadness or bitterness but more of which i'm trying to make sense of what in the world has just happened, which has caught me totally off guarded. I merely just left my door open, and THIS happened. You wonder if you ever made the right choice of leaving it open.

Flabbergasted, and left totally clueless. So much so to my lovely quiet nights of just wanting to get on with the devotions part. Just great. Neither am I sure which way I should be feeling right now, cause I'm totally left hanging in mid air. How very amusing is this.

Time to sleep real soon, and get changed into my PJs is all I can ever do for myself.

Ouh, and meeting CLEMENT SEE on facebook, after all these years is a pleasant suprise! Thank you God =D Let me see, its been some good 8-9 years, and we only met once, and the next time is like, NOW. AHAHA =) Time to sleep joyce. Nites.

Its the new year and since last year i guess, new year has pretty much COMPLETELY lost its meaning and as I grow even older, the only thing I look forward to is cause of my mom's awesome and fabulous cooking.

its quite sad that festivities loses its meaning after a while, and i've come to realise that the Chinese New Year is pretty much a custom and tradition done in respect of our elders and seniors and relatives around us. It gives people a reason to make time and gather, and as the years go by, I realise truth sheds a light onto the hearts and intents of people's.

If the family is one whose hearts are as one, pretty much, even with the dismiss or the passing of the elders, they will meet up together, (sort of in memory of them) or simply, as a real get together time.

Its disheartening when new year regular meet ups that was done as a child, no longer has much traditions and meanings like it used to be. But I can only take heart, and be thankful that in Christ, there's this bunch of SIAO KIAS, ahaha who meet as and whenevers, and enjoy the time just hanging out together and never wanna say goodbye, and just look forward to the next day where we could all be together kind of thing?

Not saying my other friends aren't fun to be with, but most of them I know are into the regular vistings and having funs. Maybe I should be malay and it would be more fun, cause they visit their friends houses too!

Oh wells just a thought or two, and yes, sitting on Tushan's car, makes me wanna drive (WHEN AM I GONNA PASS!!! LEMME PASS!). And he has just tempted me to look into getting an Omega. He makes it look young, and not so old. And Martin is just ever so fun and Commando always is so tired and quiet!

Thank God for all these people lah. Everyone of you, meanwhile, have an awesome new year, even though mine isn't that awesome, doesn't mean I can't wish you to have one! God bless!

Whahaha, HOPE FLOATS, HOPE NEVER FAILS. Oh I'm just so excited to see what is gonna happen. Gotta make a post on this isn't it, and yes PRINT SCREENS. I could only took these few screen shots before the facebook buffering on CNN went haywire. Gah, thank God for the Channel News Asia coverage and also for PRINT SCREENS function. Tee hee, people should do and vote for the cutest or most charming president. Barack definitely comes up tops, but the India's prime minister guy, also quite charming, cause his ang moh, mixed indian. Sigh.


and a wallpaper to commerate it. Sigh.

I sink into Coldplay mode, and get lost in the melodies that they produce that leaves me hanging, drifting or afloat in this space they create. With Chris Martin's voice and probably Will's in the background as backup vocals from time to time, and the piano thumping, with the bass and drums and guitars, it creates this spacey feel or a far more acoustic and full of emotions full load of songs, gets your emotions and thoughts running, makes you feel, Alive.

"The Scientist" never fails to intrigue me and continue to give me a new perspective to the song every time when I'm moody or down, when it goes

I have to put him up before I head to bed. Sigh. Heh, yes i was just done on my new wallpaper. I can't resist this defiant picture, full of attitude, with spunk, despite the mundane colours. Picture was plain, added in the fonts to spice things up. He cheered me up too, looking at him talk to things, in Chungkin Express. I wanna watch the show!! Gonna make a request. Heh heh.

Meanwhile, its listening to Min Jong oppa's "Beautiful Pain". Oops. =) Some things just doesn't change in me lah, and my loves. Super shiok on the Audio Technics. Faints* Time to sleep, and another new day awaits.

Yes, its Tony Leung fever for now.

After the super emotional post, here's one for the better (not that it is way better), but i guess for a sort of update, and to post my thoughts for a moment.

Life of late since the new year started has been busy rampaging through jobcentral in search of landing myself a permanent job. It isn't something that is super encouraging on a note of late with what the Straits Times posting, the economy, and with people telling it in your face, it isn't gonna be easy, yes it isn't easy, companies ain't hiring and all. Yes, i've heard.

To hit the icing on the cake, (not to deter any of you SIM people studying out there) - "I'm sorry but i have to be frank, your degree isn't as recognised as your diploma." AHAHA. You should have seen my giggling look on my face, OK when the recruit agent was telling me the news. Take it in a positive light, shrug it off and see what's next on the list. Which will mean so much so for my 1.5 years so far, ahaha by label I'm a university graduate but on the outside, i'm probably earning a diploma's pay.

Supposedly went down for 2 interviews on Monday, but i pressume as of now, I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to still be looking for more places to land my resume into the Human Resource Department's Inbox. I should have guessed when they go "I'll give you a call again" - You smile and say thank you, and make your graceful exit.

The endless search, every morning when I wake up, to remind myself (Oh dear me, get a job), the entire cycle repeats itself. With a daily twists of quiet time, Bill Johnson speaking to me, time singing on my guitar, coming up with more midi sounding soundtracks (I must have been playing too much of RPG when i'm a kid, i love those sounds!), texting the Dubby who's always so supportive daily, "you'll land yourself a job soon!", "how's the wait?", like my superior. Ahahaa, checking if I've done my work, no worries, I'm pretty much responsible!

Oh yes, and getting derailed in my search, I'll go dig out more information on some stars, and I've learnt a thing today, Donnie Yen can play the piano, and not just some random pop keyboard, he can play classical pieces like Chopin. POW! Respect for the man who's a jack of all trades, action choreographer, actor, pianist, daddy, husband, dancer, what have you. Its cool, always learning :)

Looking unto Tony Leung as usual after watching Red Cliff 2, sigh. He's so boyishly cute. Yes Jia Wei and Keith will laugh at me all day long for liking a near old man they call, but i don't care! How cute, can't stand that quiet smile and demeanor of his!

With the only consolation daily will be music, on the headphones that helps eases things alittle bit in this phase of mundaneness, i can't wait to get out. I never knew it was this hard! But yes, keep trying I guess, keep knocking your head against the wall, one day. Just one day, it'll break and the wall comes crumbling down and you'll be able to move on and make your way again. Life seriously, can be a cycle from time to time I feel. Holding on, hmmm. The second week of this job hunting life, I'll count till I land myself this job and wonder, WHAT ON EARTH TOOK YOU SO LONG. Ahaha, but till then, i'm still me ^^ Thank God for TIM! TIMOTHY HWANG, hee hee, love his smoothing and calming voice though I don't know a word he's singing (He's korean!)

I might just start running to get out of this mundane, sick, boring, repetitions I'm doing everyday. I need to be entertained. AHAHA. Sigh, enjoy and rejoice you students studying, it is a joy come to think of it now. (getting whiney).


and so a gazillion things to do to cheer my little self up,


1. Take self-shots =D

Heh heh, i actually just had a hair cut not too long, (don't worry, its not as short as the haircut i did when i was 14, it just looks shorter here LOL) - Some say nice, some say look like boy. So any case it is, you see for yourself lah. The hair will grow back! HAHAHA. Fresh look all over again, how fun!


2. Keep drawing smiley faces EVERYWHERE! AHAHAA. I did this when I was a kid, and i still do it till now, its so fun. Its called pouring light soya sauce into a bowl of plain porridge, and i giggle everytime I do it till today. It just looks so happy! Brightens up my day definitely ^^ (Maybe I should eat porridge daily?)

Time for my run now i guess. Boring!

i will make this point known cause my blood is boiling and i'm fuming mad. I WAS having a great time enjoying my day's of break and things like these ALWAYS happens, (just when i thought everything was soo gonna be perfect).

and the mom will forever and ever be counting the dozens things i do outside and everywhere else, and make this claim that i treat and get myself more involved in everything else and treat the people out there better.

funny how i'm feeling this entire situation being reversed, when i was young i used to think the way she does NOW. i got tired of serving or trying to be that awesome person at home doing this and that for people and hence, took a change of environment and decided to serve school.

funny how many years of at least 7 years of service in my schools, you never said one thing, nor one comment, nor anything when i rose up to be called a prefect, or to a DHP. You never said a thing, and come by of the past 2-3 years, you point the finger back at me and say things like that of claiming me i'm treating the people out there better.

at times like that, i don't know what to say. i don't know how i can ever be said to be treating the other people better than i treating you. all i can say, i hear you, but i don't think you ever do really hear me.

at times like that, it gets discouraging. you never understand why i'm more insistant about the points i make - when you can easily make an appointment at your own pace and time and schdules, rather than me making it for you.

like Jessie said, impatient. Yes i think that's you, just impatient to listen. I was listening to you make your points, i made my points, we could have come to an agreement soon enough, but you decided to think you lost, and just left storming out right the door. Making some last comments that really wasn't needed.

Well i guess, if you really wanted me to help you then say the magic word "please". God, how you taught me that, but you never used it. How strange. Your please comes in the form of voice raised and storming out of the door.

Yeah you could go on "i will never need to beg people for help" but please isn't really begging, its just really making the point "please, i will love if you could do it".

Maybe i'm abit tired, i really didn't register in my head of "doing me a favour". Could help with the please. I could have gotten it i guess.

Ends up both getting upset, you getting angry as though i treated everyone better. I can't say a thing cause it feels i'm either defending myself or wanting my right of way, which i shall choose to just say, please leave the others out of this. It is not fair to them, deem anything you like i guess. If it makes you happy.

I dunnoe how come my personalised sketch of telunas and written card wasn't enough treatment that i treated you better. pffts.

i think you think i don't "argue" with them, but i do say my points before i go down to work. I guess you do have the perception error on me already, nothing i say is ever gonna work.

the point before you deviate, to everything i do, do not point it on anyone, i'm just doing my services back to God.

i think my services to you will be to let you do whatever you want, however you want it, whenever you want it to you, whether i like it or not, hard or soft.

that's how i derieve hard vs hard approach will never work. hard and soft works best, one will have to give in eventually. One will give the punch and the other will have to take the punch. Funny how she can't see that, when at the end of the day it doesn't matter what i do, she still has her way at the end of the day and still wins.

But she wouldn't claim it a victory unless its done all in her style and her way. She's a tough one. I give up and i'm heading to bed. So tired of these nonsense, how you can rant and scold all you ever want cause you see too much of me. And when you don't, you start missing, and when i come back to give you all those love and care and attention, you act cool. I give in to your coolness, i've tried, you don't want it, okay. And now this. Man, you need a man to cool you i think. God, do something? LOL. I'm off this case for now, taking a breather. You're just not easy and tiring. But again, what is love, if its painless.

Thank God for Charissa, Jessie, and the Dubby, the words of advices, i appreciate tons. And andrew, your santa song is hilarious, more please!