That is what happens and a call I make to myself whenever I feel overwhelmed, by situations, emotions, situations, happenings - get up. Everyone has their moments and in those moments, I do take moments to hide away from the world and indulge in my own little make beliefs world (of drama watching) for they help me to take edge off the mindless doings that has the greatest ability to take away your passions and make you feel like a mere robot of going through the motions and leaves you questioning and doubtful of why you are doing the things that you are doing. 

When death gets closer to home, it always hits home a recheck button on your checklist to take another look at your life and give it another thought. The most recent departure that left me thinking, was a departure of a friend, not one of a human, but one of a furry, four legged friend, buddy and companion of 14 years.

Heaven and Earth
Dark and light
Freewill and responsibility
Grace and guilt
Purity and lust

Both realms must always exist, cause one cannot exist without the other, for both realms tell the story of the greatness of one overcoming the other.

One that superscedes the other and in all aspects, is great, mighty and powerful. Here is one, who was able to think and cause the two ends to come into life and being, that we can see the glory and splendor of His works, when He formed and made things.

The two ends are a signature that speaks of who He is that is written in the works of His creation. The two worlds that came into existence, that we may begin to understand the fullness of our purpose and destiny that He created the entire human race for.

In the midst of the darkest night will come the prevailing light that will piece through the darkest of dark, to transmit the message and the notion of the possibility of what it may be like, of pulling a higher Kingdom down to earth and creation being able to enjoy this Union with Him, that Heaven is here and now and we don't have to wait till all eternity, for us to experience the fullness of Him.

The invitation has always been, His heart yearning and His hand waiting to be clasped by yours. The bridge that He has made Himself to be, transcending into the darkest and deepest to redeem our souls, that we might be saved from an eternity of separation from Him. The journey with Him is promised to have many ups and downs but He is all knowing, who knew all.

It is never about us, what we think or feel we are or have, but what He thinks that transforms us to see a realm of what glory and Heaven is like.

It is Your kindness that leads us to repentance and it is that same love that is as strong as the grave that overcame death to find my soul that I am set free, forever.

As we see more of You, one cannot be ever the same again and as they are changed from one glory to another, He that started the good work in You, will finish the good work.

I don't even remember when was the last time blogged but with so many transitions that were taking place, I swapped for a more private journal place.

I kept 2 places to store my thoughts and now realise it is fun having 2 places to place my thoughts on the go when a pen is too much of a hassle.

Just finished watching Jobs and what amazed me which I believe is the many reason why many people loved their products, is how they have made complicated things so simple and accesible to all and yet still remain state of the art with its technology and design. Steve was given such an ability to dream and envision and see things to completion with utmost devotion and passion.

Revolutionist or world changers are defined by not mere redefinition of a defiance to be different from the norms for the sake of it but one who was made to dream and dreamt and pulled what was defined as meant for tomorrow bd the future and place it into the time frame and present.

With all things being the same and time, everyone should be able to achieve some parts of their dream but few dare to achieve the full completion or fullness of their dream because of various decisions we make, things like responsibilities and outlook of life, failure or disappointments.

Steve reminded me of the famous line that many big legends have said and they will always say world changers belong to those who dream.

I suppose that is our starting point and how we end it depends on how we view the term of endings. Some thinks that dreams are only for a period of time or seasons of our lives that is appicable and easy to upkeep.

Some due to hardships and dispppontments gave up. Some poured and made it a point that their kids carry on where they left off.

After watching Jobs, was just a self reflection to ask if I still have dreams. I woudnt say I have it all figured but I am glad to say how the past years upon graduating from school has been such formative years in the discovery of myself, understanding myself and making mistakes, taking risks and learning from them.

I suppose it may seem as a crazy idea to many, a retard in process or some wonders what the heck am I doing with my life, I made an accidental discovery that I'm now enjoying.

Of course there are risks and costs to be made but being a firm believer of 'poor but happy' works for me. Im not the rishest person around but I have enough to work with.

Discovered I do have a knack and joy in teaching and imparting that was one of my joys and dreams and were finding platforms to hone it.

Thought it would have been with the youths that it will have been that way but God allowed me to work with kids.

It was a love that grew and manifested that I know why I love working with kids so much. They practically are like a clean sheet of paper and you are the painter. They tend to be so pure and innocent and child like who are so truthful, liberating and carefree.

So sometimes, do expect the unexpected and do not be so conformed to what the norms are. Take risks and at times,you may just coincidentally or accidentally discover a new love.

Keep living, loving and dreaming. Starts and beginnings can begin from anywhere and what will matter is how you end this.

I have been having a lot of time to myself, initially was just getting myself used to routines again, adjusting my body clock and my every being to handle people all over again. Work being work is a series of tasks that may seem challenging but in actual fact, it is the actual working with people and the relationships at work that brings the whole challenge of work to another scale.

It started as honestly as just sleeping or resting - not doing much, till finally, I managed to do a nice journal entry today!

The notion whereby your entire mind is emptied, not because you psyched yourself up, but it is just to take myself away from the motions, the worries, the thoughts and to make way for the One, where I can just position myself for Him, as cliche as it is, to just really feel or hear His presence and then I heard this:

"Romans 8:24"

It was kind of fun as I flipped my bible to wonder what He wanted to tell me,

24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?
25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Ya right on the dot and just what I needed, I do lament daily - ahhh just how difficult it is, you wished for an easier route yet knowing if I settled for
anything else, I will not be as fulfilled as I will love to be.

So I suppose I must be this silly muse, as contradicting as it may sound, it is the voices of my heart and mind going through their daily conversations when they don't seem to be in agreement.

My logical mind enjoys saying just how difficult and crazy the things that I am doing or about to do, are.

Given time, another convincing voice of my heart will settle the voices of the brain, saying this, "joyce, there is nowhere else you will love to be or want to be. This is it", and my brain gradually understands and gets what my heart already long understood ages ago and is trying to get Mr Mind to go along with Mr Heart, teaching him the language of my heart and how to see with my heart (since Mr Brain thinks he knows it all), the things that convicts and moves Mr Heart, he wants Mr Brain to understand, be convinced and gradually be convicted about it!

So what I think is this (this is SY's favorite phrase to think of it), that the voice of my heart is actually perhaps and probably what the spirit is saying and doing or thinks. Of course it is a process of getting our heart and His aligned but takes a continual effort to stay in line and online with Him.

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

Quiet time should be redefined, that if we have just ruled it to just merely either one or the other, then I think we may have forgotten that we actually do have an honestly, very brilliant God who is also one who is really playful if you like it that way, or the common term they use is, creativity.

Lol, it is all about perspective I suppose, what do you want to see and would like to see?

Quiet time could be a myriad of different things put together, (i wanted to have someone read me Romans 8 on demand, I do have the audio bible but i was a chore to switch on the comp and go through the folders!) that I think the importance wouldn't be focused upon the medium but the whole heart an notion of just emptying ourselves or freeing our every part of our mind, space, time, worries, angst, tiredness, emotions and just laying it aside to just be still and to hear or listen to what comes next or just be fully attentive to the silence that comes thereafter (that can be at times intimidating or scary) but that often will be an immediate reply what our heart is already longing for and feeling, or wants to say or in that sense, is already "praying" to Him while our brains continues to be baffled by our time wasting habits.

I ain't no lunatic who carries 2 voices but just wondering and thinking about just how we were made or wired - perhaps at times we just need to give ourselves more time to better understand ourselves and treat ourselves better :) Being alone needs to be remarketed, or perhaps, not have a tag that it is only for the losers but I believe at times, they are the hidden treasures because they often have perhaps threaded and pondered upon very interesting things that what you think your mind has seen it or know it all, "how cool can this person be?", have your mind blown when you start having common topics with these introverts and see how they unfold and realize we really all have something very interesting up in our brains and within our hearts.

oh and what I realized is that there is something to discover inside of us and I believe more and more convincingly that really, perhaps the answers we want and desire to seek for, lies within the depths in each one of us, if we would listen harder to the voices of our hearts and have it aligned to His.

When it is both aligned, to me it is like some form of perfect symmetry or an orchestra of music going on, beautiful and all magical, and suddenly the beauty of this life becomes clearer, because our paradigm, values, attitudes and mindsets just got blasted and you just discovered what you do want to do, with your days on earth and your life has a whole new focus. So brilliant la.

I have been wanting to write for some time, or rather in weeks, but apparently haven't got down to writing in on journal form and since that is the case, why not do it the keyboard style. Getting down to write often takes quite a lot only because it takes time to gather up your thoughts and for me to take another look at what my thoughts contains.

Perhaps the greatest part of my thoughts often thinks about the feasibility of walking down this path that I have chosen, without much bearings but with one certainty of a promised word and here I am. Processing and journeying again, isn't one easy to do task but I do my best to journey through this. Then again to come to the realization that humans are intriguing creatures only because we tend to always find the grass greener on the other side, regardless of where we are, or if that is a sign of our weak minds that we never seem to be quite contented at where we are huh.

Through the nights of thoughts and emotions that ranges from frustrations to helplessness to an entire sense of despondence that perhaps you should just forget this entire thing and just be another off the mill - where it is easier, get through life the way it should be.

As conflicted as it may sound, however I may feel, I know a part of me refuses to allow my emotions to tell me what to do but I make my stand to persist, and see this through. I do regardless of how I feel, hoping at times the motions will sink in and help you better but I know with assurance that His grace is always sufficient for me daily and I am tiding through and making it through with Him.

I thank God daily for these kids that I meet, to ruffle their hair and to guide them along, hug them whenever they come towards you and whenever they call your name or my favorite part of holding their hands and just walking wherever they feel like, just watching them, reminds me constantly that trust and obedience is honestly all you ever need, as you look into the eyes of a child, who is constantly in awe and in wonder of all things, I know why He takes such an attraction for these little ones, who really are "small but mighty".

Always reminded to stop for the one and many a times, right now at the kindergarten, brings so much memories of the time in Timor, a portion that reminds me to not forget the lessons learnt and taught but yet at the same time, the value of these little ones and how they hold so much in each of them. It is my favorite age where I connect to, these 5 years old that brings me back to a lot of my memories that I can remember so fondly, of myself when I was 5. Kids these days are honestly so brilliant :)